CTJT web editing course student, Patricia Waters, has produced an outstanding piece of coursework. In this assignment, Patricia was asked to edit 4 pieces of copy to make them more suitable for the web.

1. Patricia Waters: web editing course - assignment 4b
ASSIGNMENT
1. Edit these pieces of text, bearing in mind the points 1-4 above and the other
things you have learned in this Module.
a) A leading industry expert, Mr Bob Jones, head of the Small Business Bureau,
claimed today the Government’s proposal to introduce minimum working week
legislation will require wider public consultation to be undertaken. If the
government follows this advice, interested parties will be given an opportunity to
understand and raise their concerns prior to the legislation being enacted by
Parliament. “Industry, trade bodies and unions need to study the draft bill before
the Government introduces this new law,” said Mr Jones.
A leading industry chief, Bob Jones, claims more public discussions are needed before the
government introduces legislation on a minimum working week.
Mr Jones, also head of the Small Business Bureau, says interested parties must have a
chance to study the draft bill and raise concerns, before it becomes law.
b) The Staff Booking Database
The main purpose of the Staff Booking Database (SBD) is for the recording of staff booking
requests which in turn provides the total recurring audit cost for each client. As a result of
the recent merger that has taken place and hence the increase in the numbers of staff and
clients, it is important that each business unit (BU) be used in such a way as to track and
collate all staff movements. The use of the SBD allows managers in each BU to rethink on an
annual basis, the way the audit was performed and make any necessary amendments to the
amount of staff and the mix of skills required for the following year. Implementing a formal
process and system will not only make sure that all staff are receiving the right type of
experience and exposure as they progress, but it should also be of assistance in
guaranteeing our clients are receiving the most suitable mix of staff.
Departments must record all staff movements on the staff booking database. This is used
to work out costs per client and is needed to make an accurate annual assessment of skills
and performance. This ensures staff will receive the right experience and clients get the
right mix of staff.
c) Your enquiry about the use of the entrance area at the library for the purpose of
displaying posters and leaflets about Welfare and Supplementary Benefit rights,
gives rise to the question of the provenance and authoritativeness of the material to
be displayed. Posters and leaflets issued by the Central Office of Information, the
Department of Health and Social Security and other authoritative bodies are usually

2. displayed in libraries, but items of a disputatious or polemic kind, whilst not
necessarily excluded, are considered individually.
Re: your enquiry about displaying material in the library about benefit rights. We do
display information from government departments, but other items, particularly those of
a controversial nature, are considered individually. The source and authority of your
material therefore needs be verified first.
2. Find one different pieces of web copy – preferably written by someone else. It
will probably be something you handle during the course of your job. Use the
tips above to edit it into fluent English.
Taken from: http://wcx.sagepub.com/content/18/4/549.short
Bringing in the Reader
Addressee Features in Academic Articles
Much of the literature concerning participant relationships in academic writing has
discussed features that project the stance, identity, or credibility of the writer, rather than
examining how writers engage with readers. In contrast, this article focuses on strategies
that presuppose the active role of addressees, examining six key ways that writers seek
explicitly to establish the presence of their readers in the discourse. Based on an analysis of
240 published research articles from eight disciplines and insider informant interviews, the
author examines the dialogic nature of persuasion in research writing through the ways
writers (a) address readers directly using inclusive or second person pronouns and
interjections and (b) position them with questions, directives, and references to shared
knowledge. The analysis underlines the importance of audience engagement in academic
argument and provides insights into how the discoursal preferences of disciplinary
communities rhetorically construct readers.
Academic Writing: bringing in the reader.
Most critiques on academic writing tend to focus on the status of the writers and their
collaborators, instead of how well they connect with their readers. This article gives six
key tips on how academics can write with the reader in mind.
It is based on an analysis of 240 published research articles covering eight disciplines, plus
interviews with writing experts. It looks at how you can use language to persuade and
engage the reader and encourage further debate. It highlights the importance of your
audience and the role it plays in academic circles.
Patricia Waters: web editing course - assignment 4b