2. We are going to cover
Who I am and how I have built social circles in the past
Internal and External validation
Why social lives change and deteriorate
Why London is different than other places for social circles
The difference between passive, reactive and proactive
social lives
3. Even more stuff
We are going to work out what situation and how to move
forward
Mind traps and staying stuck
Taking responsibility
Becoming the hub
Meeting new people
Finally, Matt’s big super special ending which is fabulous
4. Excuses Excuses Excuses
People get married off/having kids
Too tired
London is too big
Not good at organising yourself
Don't get invited to things
Don't really like your friends you go out with (lonely in
a crowd)
Want to try something new but no one will do it with
you.
5. Fatherly Advice
Be nice to everyone. Be useful. Join teams and groups
with an aim or purpose. Give without needing to gain.
6. My advice
"The world doesn't owe you anything”
“No one is coming to rescue you”
Also, no one cares about your life as much as you do.
9. London
Arrived on 1st April 2009
All I had was 2 bags of clothes and a laptop
The only person I knew was my sister
I slept on a small sofa for 3 months
10. My Position Now
I have a very healthy social life
I spend time with people who I want to spend time with
I am very organised with what I do
I have small focused groups of friends
I run Interesting Talks, which has over 22k members
I put myself in positions where I am meeting new people
all the time
11. Taking Responsibility
Where you are in life right now might not be your
fault.
However, your social life and happiness is your
responsibility!
12. How to Be Liked
The more you do, the more you enjoy your life, the
more you interact with people, the more people will
want to be around you
Be fun, positive and interesting
Be the one who puts the effort in
13. External Validation
Those who seek external validation from others will rarely
be happy.
They are likely to be submissive
Put off their own happiness for others
Tend to with have a reactive lifestyle
Ultimately not make the other person/people happy either.
14. Internal Validation
More organised and motivated
Will take more challenges
Do things they want to do
Put their own happiness first
Be more outgoing
Be better company
Overall happier
17. London Living
Living in London is hard.
People work all week, not go out much after work and
if so only for drinks.
Then a big session on Friday, feel crap all Saturday
Drinking again on Saturday night
Housework and hangover on Sunday
18. London Living
In London people have a very insular life.
When you houseshare in Manchester, that is a large
part of your social life.
In London, you might have 4 people in a house but
everyone has their own lives.
19. London Living
To escape loneliness people turn to other things.
In London these tend to be drinking, drugs, box sets
and social media.
We spend more time on social media, then we do with
people.
We also go back and try and reconnect with old friends
rather than going out to make new ones.
20. So what does this mean?
Ultimately your social life has a direct impact on your
self esteem and quality of life.
As a therapist I have worked with hundreds of people
with low self esteem and confidence issues.
So many people are on medication or mask the issues
by self medicating.
21. So what does this mean?
When I work with clients they are always trying to go back
to how things were.
This happens a lot when you come out of a relationship.
You want to revert back to old ways. However your friends
have moved on and settled down.
By not having current or new friends, our social life in our
present, really suffers.
22. So what does this mean?
As soon as you hit your 30's, it can almost seem that
our social lives, outside of work, revolves around
birthday's, weddings and christenings.
23. Truth Bomb 1
Trying to get people to do things they don’t want to do!
25. Truth Bomb 3
Investment traps! We keep investing time into people
and groups, although we don’t get what we want in
return.
26. So What Can we Do?
Doing things in large groups is HARD in London.
Instead focus on doing things in small groups of
people who want to be there!
Make sure you schedule things in your diary
36. Let’s get started
Before we can start to plan a social life, we need to
know where we are.
37. Exercise 1: Last 3 Social Activities
What you did Who Organised it 0/10 fun
Theatre trip Sarah 6/10
Camden Market Me 8/10
Comedy Night Mark 3/10
38. Exercise 2: Things you love
What is it? How much time per
month
Yoga 4 hours
Swimming 0 hours
Arts and Crafts 2 hours
39. Exercise 3: Average Week
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
Work Work Work Work Work Sleep Sleep
Work Work Work Work Work Sleep Sleep
Work Work Work Work Work Shopping Netflix
Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Drinking Dinner Netflix
TV TV TV TV Drinking Cinema Sleep
44. Life Style Types
Passive – Doesn’t really go out. Makes excuses for not
attending things. Will often flake if they arrange to do
anything.
Reactive – Their social life is dependant on other
people organising things. If they don’t get invited out,
they stay in!
Proactive – Plans and does the things they want to do.
Invites others along onto their adventures.
49. Exercise
Come up with a list of activities, groups, experiences
you want to do that fall into the three categories
Think about increasing your low scores on your value
wheel and what activities will increase them
50. Come up with examples for each
Giving
Back
CreativePhysical
51. Joining Clubs and Teams
People bond over time and shared experiences.
When there is a common goal, people bond even more
What teams or clubs can you get into?
Keep it local, check out shop windows, Gumtree and
Facebook groups
What value can you bring?
53. Being a Hub
1. A clear goal
2. A strong leader who is able to make decisions and
get things done
3. A solid platform
4. Consistency
5. Solid formats and variety.
54. What do you want to create?
1. What is the aim of meeting?
2. What platform will you use? Facebook group,
Whatsapp, email, text, Meetup etc
3. When and where will this happen?
4. What format can you use?
55. Matt’s Big Finish
What is one thing you want to do, learn or set up?
You have 30 seconds to write ONE thing down!
What is your name
What is your one thing?
56. Now Network With People
You have the rest of the night to meet with other
people and plan stuff
Get on with it!
Thank you and good night
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