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PRINCESS OF DESIRE
ANDREW PHILIP COLLINS
The story contained in this book is the fruit of its author's imagination. Any
similarity with reality will be mere coincidence.
Book prohibited for people under 18 years of age.
Dedication
To love.
Because he is the most important good and mystery of this life and there is
only life because there is Love.
Happy are those who loved and were loved.
Andrew Philip Collins
PRINCESS OF DESIRE
Account of the life of a young Brazilian woman.
Prologue
The story reported below is about Love and the lives of young people that we can all
know. It addresses the search of human beings to find their destiny, in their individual
search for happiness, although they are often not even aware of this fact. I wanted to tell
a story that tried to talk about love, but it happened in a somewhat crude or backwards
way, I might say. So, forgive me in advance for everything I wrote. Not that I wanted to
be this way or did it on purpose, but because real life is otherwise: many times the
antithesis of fairy tales - there are no enchanted princes or princesses, and on many
occasions there doesn't seem to be such a happy ending. No book, on the other hand,
can tell the entire life of a person, but it has the ability to reveal something important
about the trajectory of a human being and show his legacy. Yes, we all leave a legacy of
life about our behaviors and the attitudes we had. I hope this book makes us reflect on
our lives and the relationships between people.
São Luís, Maranhão, Brazil, spring 2023.
Part I
She was born in Vila Brasil, in São Luís do Maranhão, in December, right after
Christmas. Her parents gave her the name Andreza. Light brunette, with black hair and
dark brown eyes. The neighborhood is simple, the houses are cramped and the people
are mostly workers. The residents' lifestyle is simple and neighbors know each other
well. Small houses house entire families, and many people spend the day and night,
live and sleep in shelters that are often cramped, with a loss of privacy, but several
generations share the same house. The people are religious and the customs are
generally traditional. They work in ordinary jobs, most of them with modest salaries,
but they are generally happy, having accepted the simple life they have. Vila Brasil is a
portrait of many of Brazil's outskirts: the inhabitants are mostly friendly, cordial and
passionate, guided more by emotions than by rationality. In general, people seek their
space in the world and their social ascension through honest means, although this is
often difficult. Some then look for unconventional and even illicit ways to move up in
life, acquiring a better economic and social status. It was in this environment that she
was born and spent her childhood, as well as her early adolescence. His family was
large and his parents were of modest means.
When she was born, her father José picked her up and said: “My first
daughter. What a joy, my love! You are a gift from God to me and your mother.”
Looking at his wife Ester, he said: “As she is dark-skinned, it seems like she just takes
after her mother. I'll call you my black one. You will be daddy's pride. Jesus bless your
life.”
She showed herself to be a somewhat quiet child as she grew up, often
introverted and very attached to her parents, the kind that clings to her mother's skirt
when she sees a stranger for the first time.
Her mother already had a first daughter, Marcela, aged 5, from a relationship
at the age of 18, when she was still single. Two years after Andreza was born, she
gained a third sister, who was named Melina.
They grew up like almost all children do, very sickly until around the age of 7,
but then with more resistance and like almost all siblings, with those disagreements
and fights typical of childhood. His family was Protestant Christian and they always
attended the neighborhood's Assembly of God, where his first friendships were born,
in addition to neighbors and friends from school. Andreza, however, was not very
friendly with all of her neighbors; She was even more interested in adults, but her
parents didn't want her to have affection with adults, except for family members who
lived on her street. In fact, he had affinity with few children, but he was a good friend
of Ana Carla, who also lived close to his house.
One day, when she was still living with her parents, Andreza found Carla at
the door of the house and they were alone for a few moments. She then asked:
- Carla, I saw something very strange. I woke up last night scared and went to
my father's room. Mom and Dad were doing some weird things. She was on top of
him, almost jumping and she moaned softly. I didn't understand. I was even more
scared and preferred to go back to my bed. But what they did seemed to be good.
What was that?
- I'll try to see if my mother does the same with my father - said her friend.
“I’ll try to look at her when she’s sleeping with my dad.”
- I'll ask mom what she was doing. I was curious. I have to find out. I like
discovering things. I always liked it.
In fact, Andreza spoke to her mother and she disagreed. “Could it be that you
were dreaming, darling? I don’t know what you’re talking about?”Ester replied.
- Mom, I don't think I was dreaming.
Her mother found no other way to dissuade her. Andreza was only 8 years
old, she was curious and at that age it's difficult to talk about sex with a child. It was
careless to let their daughter see them in intimate moments and the parents didn't
realize they were caught having sex.
Andreza talked to Carla other times, but she couldn't find out anything.
- I can't see my parents sleeping - said Carla. - I spend the night in my room
with my older sister and they lock the door to their room. I don't hear anything coming
from their room either.
Andreza also didn't witness anything strange anymore. His parents became
more careful.
The worst would come later. A boy at school watched his parents having oral
sex and told Andreza. She was suspicious, without understanding, but that was where
the malice in her heart was born. It seemed like the age of innocence was ending.
However, he did not say anything to his parents about what his school friend
had reported.
Her mother, however, one day, couldn't bear it, made a decision, and turned
to Andreza, privately: “Dear daughter, I need to tell you something very serious. You
are a child, but you are becoming a young lady, and above all, you are a woman.
Women keep something very precious. And they are defenseless. You need to defend
yourself.”
- From what, mommy? – the girl asked immediately.
- From men – completed Ester. - If any man touches you, your private parts,
tell me; inform me immediately. Don't be afraid to talk to me. I will help you. And if
that's the case, if someone messes with you, scream, don't accept what they want to
do to you and run. Don't hide anything from me. I am your mother and I will always be
able to help you.
- It's okay, mom. And what do men do with women?
- They can hurt and take advantage of girls' innocence.
- And why are we innocent? What is innocence?
- Children don't know everything, they are fragile and defenseless. They need
their parents. Women, even more so. Men can do evil, hit, hurt and even drag a child
away. They can molest a woman, using force, as women are much less physically
strong.
More questions appeared in his mind, but he didn't want to ask too many
questions that day.
- Mom, you're scaring me. I'm getting scared.
- Why, my daughter? Sorry, but I needed to tell you these things.
- I didn't understand much, but I was scared. I promise I will tell you
everything that happens to me. Mom, one more thing: Dad is a man! Can he hurt me?
- Not my daughter. He's your daddy and he loves you. Don't forget this.
- Good, mom. I became calmer.
It had been difficult for her mother to establish this conversation with her
daughter, but she felt it was essential and the time was right, despite her daughter's
young age. I didn't exactly want to talk about sex, I couldn't find a way, but that
conversation was already an entry. He felt that his daughter was too young to hear
about sex.
Andreza was curious, even more so, but contained her doubts. His still very
childish mind couldn't quite understand that and wasn't imaginative or questioning
enough for that.
However, it happened that about two years later, her younger sister
discovered news at school, in fact information about sex, and told Andreza and that
was when the two began to better understand what a sexual relationship was.
- Andreza, my friends said that the man and his wife lie down in bed and have
sex. And I'll keep asking what that's like.
Everything helped Andreza revive her memories and put together the pieces
of the puzzle to truly understand what a sexual relationship is.
Some time later, however, Andreza would confess to a friend:
“After my mother told me a few things, I became very curious and started
touching parts of my body when I took a bath and when I lay in bed to sleep. I started
caressing my breasts and my cockatiel and it felt good. It was a different, pleasant
sensation that I hadn't felt before. I was wet and felt more relaxed. But I thought I
shouldn't be doing that, I thought it was wrong and I blamed myself. I was afraid to tell
my mother that. She was going to scold me. But, at the same time, because it was
prohibited, I thought it was even better and I wanted to do it again.”
Carla, who was a year older, discovered that this was masturbation and that
if done in excess it could be harmful.
- A girl at school said this is called siririca(*). And that some girls do to others
- said Andreza. - And he also said: “But I don’t want anyone to do it to me.”
- And have you already been doing this? Siririca...
- No, no, I never did - Andreza lied.
And he further asked:
- Carla, why is excessive touching and masturbating not good? I wonder...
- I don't know exactly, but I think it could be harmful, Andreza. You seem to
have been very curious about all this.
And Andreza didn't say anything else that day.
She thought, however, that her younger sister was also masturbating, as one
day at bedtime it seemed to her that she was touching her private parts and vocalizing
strange words or murmurs.
But she didn't want to question her mother initially. And Andreza stopped
masturbating when she went to sleep, for fear of being exposed.
In his mind, Andreza began to wonder why women and girls masturbated and
why did boys do it too? And how do men masturbate?
It happened after Carla's mother discovered the content of her conversations
with Andreza and told Ester.
- Imagine something like that. What are these girls talking about? Is this talk
for children? Did your daughter say anything to you? - Carla's mother complained.
____ (*) Brazilian colloquial term used to indicate a form of female masturbation.
- No, Margaret. She never said anything about this subject to me.
- Forgive me for asking, but: have you ever talked about sex topics with your
daughter? Because I think it's absurd for parents to talk about these topics at that age.
- No. I never discussed these topics with her - Ester lied, as it seemed that her
previous conversation with Andreza had opened her daughter's interest in topics
related to sex.
- Talk to her. But I don't even know how you're going to say it. Maybe it's
better to forget about it for now and just be more attentive. Be careful with your
daughter's company. Pay more attention! I think it's better for our daughters to not
talk to each other for a while, so they don't bring up these topics. Be sure to take her
to services twice a week. See if she pays attention to what the pastor preaches.
- I will take better care of my daughter. Until the other day - and said
goodbye.
- You can leave it, - said Ester, a little embarrassed. - This will never happen
again. I will be attentive. Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to Andreza.
Ester looked for her daughter. He explained the reason for the conversation
with Carla's mother. He reported the content of the conversation and the girl was
embarrassed. He said that Carla had brought up the subject and denied that the topic
had come from her. This did not mean that Ester was kind to her daughter and ordered
her not to talk to her friends about these topics anymore.
- Clear your doubts with me – asked Ester, urgently.
In fact, Ana Carla has since moved away from Andreza.
Andreza has always been a measured child. When he was 9 years old, his
father and mother gave him a bicycle, and despite all his father's care, the child had an
accident and was injured, and was not run over by a vehicle due to pure luck.
Her parents took her to a nearby health unit where she received care;
Nothing serious was found, the girl received bandages and was released. However, her
parents were concerned about what had happened to their daughter, they collected
her bicycle and were afraid that she could have an accident again, and worse, more
seriously. The bike had been a little damaged, with a lot of scratches, and they ended
up selling it. Andreza asked her parents if she would receive another bicycle, and they
lied and said yes, but in truth they did not have the courage to buy another bicycle for
Andreza. This episode had a lot of impact the girl's childhood and would have
consequences for her future behavior. The child began to behave more touchy and
withdrawn and his parents became more overprotective.
When the girl got sick it was another problem. She did not accept taking
medications well and was at odds with her parents, especially her mother, who ended
up being the only one who managed to make Andreza take the prescribed
medications, although often in an imposing way and on the basis of a lot of sacrifice.
All of this created discomfort between Andreza and her mother. Her father was more
passive and was of the opinion that they should not force his daughter to take the
medicines. Ester insisted, however, that the medications had been recommended by
the doctor out of necessity and it was not up to Andreza to decide whether to take
them or not, given that she was still a child and her health was the responsibility of her
parents. Her mother tried to explain all of this to her, but the young brunette was
rebellious about taking her medications. When she fell ill and needed to take
medication, her mother found herself in a lot of trouble and it was a stressful situation.
At the age of 9, a picturesque and unusual event occurred in Andreza's life.
She went out with her family to watch the party and the boi-bumbá dances and for a
moment the girl was away from her parents, being in the company of Marcela, who
was already 14 years old. Then a gypsy palm reader appeared out of nowhere, who
held Andreza's left hand, exposing the palm area and looking into the child's eyes,
began to say:
- Daughter, can I read your hand and talk about you?
- She, innocently, answered yes. Marcela was curious and said at that
moment:
- Madam, I don't have money to pay for your service!
- I won't charge anything to two beautiful children like you – explained the
elderly woman. And the gypsy continued, looking into Andreza's eyes:
- My child, you often feel intimidated and challenged. Your mind is already
that of an almost adult person, you are serious and like much older friends.
- How do you know that? - asked his sister.
- I know, because I read it in her hands and eyes – explained the elderly
woman. And he said more things:
“You are very reserved and need to be taken seriously, which can cause
suffering for you and make you feel uncomfortable in the role of a child; you will
always accept only what is very good. Girl, you were born for the adult world. You have
the skills to be practical and concrete. You will always be an extremely rational person.
Others will always need to ask your permission for everything they do to you. You are
very attached to your parents, but you will have to be freed. You believe in hierarchy
today, but you will soon break this rule. You will be ambitious and will always trust
your own efforts rather than those around you. You love peace and stillness. You're
shy, you like to be discreet, but you have a great sense of humor. Beware of the sense
of perfection, pride and fear of showing your feelings. You have a lot of patience to
concentrate on your work and achieve your goals. You will have to fight your whole
life. You will be very famous for your deeds, but not for your will or your effort, but for
the will and efforts of others. God be with you".
Andreza and Marcela were entranced. Here the youngest said:
- Madam, I understood very little of what you said. Is it all about me?
- Yes, child.
- How do you know so much about my life?
- Your hands told me. You understood little today, but as time passes you will
realize that I was right.
And the lady walked away from them, disappearing into the crowd.
Andreza's father and mother then appeared, distressed, as they had been
looking for their two daughters for 15 minutes and couldn't find them.
- What did you do, girls? - asked his mother.
- We were talking to a lady – said the older one.
- Who, my daughter? Any acquaintances? - asked his father, still worried.
- We don't know who she is and she didn't say her name either - Andreza
revealed.
- Don't talk to strangers - asked Ester.
- All I know is that the woman asked to see my sister's hands and started
saying a lot of things – Marcela confessed.
- It must have been a gypsy – concluded José. – I've seen some around here.
- Daughters, don’t notice anything she said – asked that mother. - Reading
palms is not God's thing. Don't believe anything she said. We are evangelicals and we
can only believe in what the Word of God reveals to us.
- It's okay, mommy – promised the two girls.
And the family preferred to leave that place.
______________________________________________________________________
At the age of 10, Andreza's parents were called at school because she had
pulled the hair of a classmate of the same age as her and had also given her a small
slap in the face due to small personal insults and insults exchanged between the girl.
and Andreza with her sister Melina. Ester had a few weeks ago instigated her
daughters to take satisfaction from a little girl who had a disagreement with Melina.
José, however, was not aware of this episode. When summoned by the school board,
Ester and her husband José, denied that their middle daughter was an aggressive child
and said they did not know that she had disagreements with colleagues at school or in
the neighborhood. She had previous good behavior, but despite this she received a 3-
day suspension and a note on her school report.
José did not understand his daughter's behavior and questioned her about
why she had committed such misconduct.
Melina added to the conversation, saying that a girl older than her had
pushed her and she, Melina, had gotten slightly injured as a result. Andreza, a few days
after all this happened, was then settling accounts with the girl and, therefore, just
defending Melina.
José did not accept his youngest daughter's allegations and Andreza simply
replied that she did not know why she had done that. When asked by her father if she
regretted her actions, she chose to remain silent. He further said:
- You did everything wrong! You don't resolve things like that. If a classmate
does something bad to you, tell the teachers and us, your parents, and don't try to
take revenge on your friends and fight with them even more. Do not increase conflicts.
Talk to us, and we will try to resolve it amicably, taking the right measures.
Understood?
Andreza and her sister nodded in agreement. At that moment they looked at
their mother completely silent and she pretended that she was not to blame for her
daughter's attitude.
Upon arriving at her house, Ester complained to Andreza about what she had
done, said she was ashamed of what she had said to her daughters a few weeks ago
and asked them to keep a secret regarding José. They promised that they would not
say anything and the story would get better. it ended there. After that day, Andreza
did not commit any further mistakes or reprehensible acts at her school.
At 11 years old, the brunette began to attract the attention of two cousins
close in age to hers, one of them living on her street. Ester noticed that the boys
started coming to her house more frequently and asking more about Andreza,
increasing their interest in her. Their invitations to accompany her to services and to
eat ice cream were frequent. She, however, in an antagonistic way, faced with the
advances of her cousins, preferred to move further away from them, avoiding any
approach. Her aunts and her mother Ester noticed this and found their niece a little
proud. She had ended up moving a little further away from the house of her aunts,
mothers of the aforementioned cousins, to escape their harassment. Ester's sisters
then spoke to her and expressed their opinion, saying that they thought Andreza's
reaction was exaggerated and asked her not to stay away from them for such a futile
reason, claiming that flirtations between cousins are frequent and generally
temporary, being typical of the adolescence. Ester then claimed that her daughter was
still very young and had not considered dating until then, and her behavior and ideas
were still very childish.
Ester still sought out her daughter for a dialogue. And he addressed her with
these words:
- Daughter, why are you moving so far away from your aunts' house? They
are finding your behavior strange. And they are sad about it. They like you very much,
my daughters! They adore you, Andreza. Don't do that. Just because your cousins are
interested in you?!
- That's exactly why, mom. I don't know any other way to escape them.
- Daughter, just say no. Tell them that you only want friendship.
- They are insistent.
- This will pass soon, it's a phase... It's common for cousins to want to date
cousins, but it only happens if they both accept.
- I don't want to date cousins. I even think it can harm family relationships
and create enmity if the relationship doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
- And truth. You may be right, but it's also not a reason to walk away from
your own family. Boys may even feel rejected...
- And what's wrong?
- You don't do that even with strangers; imagine with cousins. Pay attention
to them, but say straight away that you don't want to date; say that you want their
friendship, that of cousins.
- Could it be. I'll try to be clear with them.
- But don't be prejudiced against your cousins. And try to speak politely,
without being rude.
- I'm not prejudiced, mother – replied Andreza, somewhat irritated. - And
above all, I still have to speak nicely?! They are the ones who come to bother me and
pick on me and I'm the one who will need a way to respond to them. It was just what I
was missing!
- Andreza, don't talk like that! Don't be proud or arrogant.
The young woman, however, continued in an elated tone:
- Yeah, mom, I'm not thinking about dating yet. I am very young. But when I
start, I don't want to date just anyone, I don't want to date family members, I want the
best for myself, I want to grow, to improve my life.
- Andreza, be careful what you say. I agree with you, but don't treat your
family badly. I ask you.
- It's okay, mom.
- Daughter, I really want you to be an important person. That's why your
father and I chose such a beautiful name for you.
And the girl went to lunch, thus ending that day's debate with her mother.
_____________________________________________________________________
Some time later at school, a boy took a magazine with explicit sexual content
and Andreza was able to see the magazine, being shocked, as her reaction was one of
astonishment. Pornographic sex impressed her, and she was very scared by it all.
- Take this magazine away from me, it only contains ugly things - Andreza
pleaded, in reaction to her school friend.
However, he did not want to comment on what happened to his parents.
They also had not yet determined a communication channel with her to talk about sex
and relationships or dating.
Later, at his school, he began taking classes on Human Anatomy,
Reproduction and Sexuality. He was already 12 years old and a lot had opened up in
his mind.
She even saw other magazines with sexual content and even acquired a
magazine hidden from her parents, with money from the snacks she saved, in behavior
that was not very usual for girls her age.
At the age of 11, she became interested in a friend from church and then
another from school, but they didn't agree with her and nothing happened.
It was at the age of 12, however, that a thing happened at her church's
temple, exactly a performance with music and after the event a friend who
sympathized with her gave her a kiss on the way out, on the mouth. A very innocent
kiss, and they separated, each going to their own home.
He arrived at his home and told his mother about the kiss. She responded this
way:
- But, my daughter, haven't you told me about this boy yet? And how did you
kiss a boy without me or your father knowing. Or had you told your father about him?
What is his name, who are his parents? How did you become interested in it?
Andreza was a little surprised by her mother's reaction; There were so many
questions and she even felt a little upset, but in the end she partially agreed with her
and answered:
- Sorry, mom. He's a good boy. I didn't tell my father about him either. We
talked from time to time, quickly. I always thought he exchanged glances with me. His
kiss surprised me too. It all happened very quickly and we separated. We didn't say
anything else.
- And who are his parents?
- Luís Cláudio and Elisangela, it seems to me.
- My daughter, don't you know the names of the boy's parents? Careful. Do
not do that again.
- Sorry, mom. But I was just unsure about his mother's name... But I know
them both well by sight. His father and mother.
- And you never spoke to them in person?
- Mom, I'm not dating him. He's just my colleague from the Church.
- But you need to know the parents before wanting to date a boy.
- What about his parents? All good...? The girl questioned, trying to get
feedback from her mother.
- I'm going to talk to your father, Andreza. I don't know them very well. This
boy's parents. I'll talk to your father.
- Mom, I'm not dating him. It was just a kiss. I don't even know if he'll look for
me later.
Andreza found everything too complicated and difficult to start a relationship
and deep down she didn't completely agree with her mother.
In fact, after that day the boy no longer looked for the young woman and
sometimes waved to her with just a hello, even moving away from conversations. She
didn't understand, she wanted to look for him to talk, but she decided against it. There
were doubts in her head as to why Eduardo didn't speak to her anymore, and she
quickly forgot about him. Her mother also did not look for her to give the results of the
conversation with her father about the boy.
Andreza was a little upset at first, wondering if it was interference from her
parents or his parents, and that they wouldn't accept the relationship and even talked
to her mother.
- It was good, my daughter, that he didn't look for you anymore. Andreza,
you're still too young to date. There will be time. Study first. The priority is studies.
Dating comes later.
Andreza was a little disappointed by her mother's allegations.
- I know I'm very young, but a silly date doesn't hurt anyone. I know two
friends at school who are my age and are already dating. I wanted to have a boyfriend.
- Patience, my daughter. Your time will come. You're cute. Guys will be
interested in you. The things of God have their right time and purpose.
- Do you think I'm just cute? And how much longer will I wait?
- You are beautiful, my daughter. Many boys will be interested in you. And
your age for dating will come, take it easy. Everything in its own time. I only started
dating when I was 16.
- You, mother. I am not you. I want to date before... At 18 you were already a
mother...
Andreza had never responded to her mother like that, in a questioning tone.
- Andreza, respect me. And God forbid you become a mother at 18. Too
young. Go study first, graduate.
- I don't want to have a child at 18. I have a lot of things to accomplish in my life
before I have children. You got me wrong.
- Very well - concluded Ester. - Sorry.
When Andreza was born, she lived with her parents and maternal
grandparents, as well as two aunts, her mother's sisters. Another aunt of his lived on
the same street, but in a nearby house. Some time later, the family would move to a
house in the neighboring neighborhood of São Cristóvão, where one of José's sisters
lived, who would move to Brasília-DF with her children, leaving her house for José to
live with his family.
In that house where Andreza was born in Vila Brasil, many people lived and it
was uncomfortable. The granddaughter was 12 years old and asked her grandmother
once:
- Grandma, how many children did you have? Because four people live on our
street alone: Mom and three others.
- My granddaughter, I had eight children: 6 women and 2 men. -And her
grandmother repeated the names of her eight children, as well as their ages.
- Grandma, you dated too much! – Andreza joked.
- Dear, - continued Maria Augusta – in your grandmother's time it was
difficult to get pills to avoid getting pregnant.
- Grandma, I already studied something about this at school.
- Children today are very knowledgeable, Andreza. They discover many things
too soon. Information that in my upbringing I only came to learn when I was almost 18
years old.
- And grandpa was also very naughty. Eight children. He's such a son,
grandma.
- My granddaughter, your great-grandmother had thirteen children!!!
- Grandma Augustinha, didn't you have a television in her time? Did you only
think about dating?
- Girl, don't say something like that – scolded her maternal grandmother. – Of
course there was no television during your great-great-grandfather’s time. But it was
good to have many children to take care of the house and the farm.
- Oh! Got it, grandma.
- And there was no pill to avoid catching a boy; and making a connection with
the doctor, that's what was difficult for women to do.
- Grandma, I like to know things: what is connection?
- Oh my God, I'm talking too much. This girl is very curious! Bonding is a
surgery, daughter, that women undergo to avoid having any more children.
- Oh! I understand, grandma. But what do you really care about? Do you
know?
- Your grandmother is not very studied, daughter. I don't know much. But
they say the doctor ties the woman's tubes, close to the uterus.
- Well, grandma, you know a lot. And did you make a call?
- No, but I had to have surgery and remove everything.
- Why?
- Bleeding, my daughter and fallen uterus(*). I had eight children, have you
forgotten? And all by natural birth. I was also afraid of that disease, cancer. Thank God
it didn't.
- Grandma Augustinha, today I'm not going to ask anything else so as not to
upset you.
- It's okay, daughter. You mentioned television. Today's children and young
people learn too much from television and that's why they want to date too early. TV
teaches good things, but bad things too.
- Grandma, can someone who undergoes surgery that removes everything
still date? - Andreza asked, forgetting that she had promised not to ask her
grandmother anything else that day.
(*) uterine prolapse
- Damn girl, you want to know too much! You are very knowledgeable! I'm
not going to answer you anything else today! And I'm going to tell your mother that
you're very curious...
- Don’t tell me, grandma – asked Andreza. – You don't need to answer
anymore.
And the two ended their conversation that day. Her grandmother offered her
a pumpkin sweet with grated coconut that she had prepared herself and a glass of
water and her granddaughter went to try it.
_____________________________________________________________________
From the age of 12, Andreza began to be interested in the male universe. He
went to watch football training on a field near his house. She later confessed why she
started this habit: “I loved seeing those sweaty boys running after that ball. They look
like fools; but their bodies are beautiful. They have thick, toned legs and thighs and
many of them have toned, flat stomachs. I like that. That's why I like going to watch
them play. I think I'm a bit of a freak about that and it makes me horny. I adore".
Her father really liked football and found it curious that his daughter was
interested in football too, as in his opinion it still seemed to be a very masculine sport.
But he also didn't think his daughter liked football because she had any homosexual
tendencies. He saw his daughter as a completely feminine girl with normal behavior.
To please her father even more, she declared herself a fan of the same team as him,
and he was very proud. He didn't have a son, but he had a daughter who supported his
favorite club with him. All of this made him very happy. He repeated:
- Daughter of the heart, only you can do this for your father. I love you lots.
When Andreza was 12 years old, her mother decided to take a Nursing course
to get a better job. Ester then looked for her husband and talked to him about her
intention.
- José, my husband, I thought about going to college.
- Which one, my dear? – asked her husband.
- Nursing. I know it will be difficult to work, take care of my family and study
at the same time, but I need to get a better job and I know that this profession has
good job opportunities in our city. And I identify with the health sector.
- That's good, Esther. I only worry about our daughters and I know that your
life will be very busy while you are studying.
- I know José that I will go through trials and I will have to donate even more,
but I feel that I need to get a job to earn better and I thought about Nursing. You can
work in health centers, hospitals, and others.
- Yes it is true.
- Do you support me?
José responded promptly:
- Of course, my wife. I also wish the best for you and for the good of our
family.
- God will bless me in my choice!
- Will you talk to our daughters about your decision?
- Yes, I'll talk as soon as possible.
- When will the Nursing exams be?
- I'm going to do two tests. In 6 months. I will first attend a preparatory
course. I've been studying at home, I need some reinforcement. This course will take
place at night from 6 pm to 10 pm, Monday to Friday for four months. It will interfere
with my attendance at services, but I will make this sacrifice.
- Happy studying then, my love. May God enlighten you and you pass on the
first try!
- Yes, it will work.
The next day, at night, Ester gathered her daughters and her husband after
dinner and broke the news to them.
- Daughters, - began the mother - I need to tell you about a very important
decision that I made in agreement with your father.
- What happened, mom? - asked the oldest, Marcela, a little scared.
- It's not bad at all - said Ester, trying to calm them down.
- And what is it then, mother? - asked Andreza in turn.
- It's good news, but I'll need your understanding. Mom needs to get a better
job and for that I decided to take a Nursing course.
- Really, mom? - asked the youngest, apparently happy.
- Yes, my daughters. I know it will be difficult for me and I will go through a
very turbulent, very difficult period, but I need to look for improvements for us and to
help your father with our household expenses. I started working in commerce, but I
earn little and I need to get a better job. I decided on Nursing because I like this area
and there are good job opportunities in this sector in our city.
- Congratulations, mom, on your choice – declared Marcela.
Andreza, however, stated to everyone:
- Mom, Dad, I think it's good for you to work, but I'm just worried about the
fact that you're going to spend less time with us because you'll be busier. You're going
to pay us less attention and we need you.
- Oh, my dear, it's true. But it will be for a temporary time and for a noble
cause.
- What if you are going to work at night? - asked Andreza. - He's going to
leave us alone with Dad on duty days. I know nurses can work at night too.
- I promise I will do everything I can to not work at night when I graduate and
get a job. I will look for jobs that are only during the day.
- But, mom, during your Nursing course, will you have to work night shifts? -
asked the oldest.
- Yes, daughters, but only during internship periods, which should last around
1 and a half years.
- Ah, mom, I was happy but I was also sad at the same time – said the middle
daughter. – Don’t abandon us. Dad, what do you think of all this?
- Daughter, I'm here to support and encourage your mother. It was a decision
that came from her, and she has the right to study and work, and I am convinced that
she seeks the best for our family. I ask that you also support your mother in the
decision we have made.
- I'll try - revealed Andreza.
- I hope this period passes soon – Melina wished.
- And when will you take the first tests, mom? - asked the eldest daughter.
- In 6 months. I need to study before the tests, my daughter. If everything
goes well, I will start the Nursing course next year.
- Let's root for you, mommy – continued Marcela. – You are a warrior and
deserve it.
- God bless our family - asked that father. – Ester, my dear, may you realize
your dreams and be successful in the career you are aiming for.
- Thank you, José. Our God will always be with me. Pray for me, daughters.
Ask for your mother in your prayers.
- Yes, mom, we will ask - concluded Andreza. – And the others agreed with a
nod.
Andreza, however, left that room for her room a little sad. She believed that
from then on her mother would no longer be able to give her as much attention as
before and the two would gradually become more distant from each other. Andreza
started to have this fear. In fact, within nine months, Ester started the Nursing course,
as she was successful in the entrance exam.
Andreza and her mother's relationship worsened over time. Ester didn't let
Andreza go out alone with her friends and no was the most frequent response to her
daughter's requests. Practically, she could only go out with her older sister, or with her
parents to the evangelical temple or some other place. They limited themselves to
visiting family on weekends, going to shopping malls, restaurants or the beach, but not
every weekend did they leave the house for lunch or dinner out. Only evangelical
services were the mandatory program.
Andreza became interested in other boys, but due to her mother's previous
reactions, generally creating obstacles for Andreza to date, she preferred to disconnect
a little from these advances, and decided to remain without a boyfriend. A kind of
feeling of fear of emotional relationships was born in her. It seemed to be taboo.
Ester began to be afraid that her daughter was very angry and started to
watch her. The fear was that Andreza would do wrong things, become very flirtatious,
start having sexual relations as a teenager, contract illnesses, get pregnant and
become poorly spoken of in the neighborhood and in the Church. All the fears of an
overprotective mother and memories of similar cases she had already witnessed.
Ester even became a little neurotic and began to think that all men, young
and old, single and married, looked at her daughter too much, with looks of desire. His
daughter wasn't beautiful in his opinion, but she was pretty, and no more than a
teenager. Those attacks against her daughter confronted and threatened her and she
didn't know how to act. This made Esther vulnerable. Her husband, however, didn't
care much. He didn't seem to notice anything wrong or strange. Ester also didn't know
how to approach all of this with her husband and they were delicate topics for her. She
even felt relieved to think that her husband didn't notice that her middle daughter was
already desired by men. Esther, however, began to notice that there was something
different about her daughter, and that she attracted the attention of men and that
disturbed her. Andreza seemed to awaken men's desire for a female. When I thought
then that Andreza might be noticing those seductive looks, it was when she became
more distressed. She didn't want her daughter at that age to feel desired and even
harassed by older men.
It then seemed to Andreza that she was the daughter of whom her mother
was most jealous and who was the most controlled. He began to feel his life restricted,
full of limitations and prisons. Their freedom and their wills were threatened. He didn't
quite understand why his mother acted like this, but he didn't have the courage to talk
seriously about all these dilemmas. Everything was affecting his relationship with his
mother for the worse. As her father was apparently oblivious to all these questions
and was sometimes more benevolent towards Andreza, she became fond of her father
and became closer. Andreza then felt that she liked her father more than her mother.
Ester even urgently asked her eldest daughter to help guide Andreza and
also help her monitor her behavior. The relationship between the two sisters became
closer from then on; however, Andreza noticed that the intention was to snoop around
and control her life and on many occasions she was at odds with her older sister
Marcela and they had small arguments. The closeness of the two, however, made
Andreza learn more about romantic relationships, as her sister was 5 years older and
already had a boyfriend.
However, a turning point happened in the family. Marcela, unfortunately,
committed an action that caused disgust for her parents and was a bad example for
her sisters. Marcela got careless and got pregnant by her boyfriend. She became a
mother at 19 years old.
Ester was having many relationship problems with her daughter Andreza,
who was going through puberty. Disagreements were frequent and that's why she
decided to have a conversation with a psychologist with experience in adolescent
behavior, who was recommended by a colleague of hers who worked at the hospital.
He hoped to find tips and solutions to try to improve his relationship with his middle
daughter, who had already turned 14 years old. The task of keeping the relationship
between mother and daughter healthy is not easy and Ester was discovering this fact
in the worst possible way. Andreza was a rebellious teenager and had distanced
herself from her mother's friendship, to whom she was no longer confiding in her
secrets and the details of her life.
Ester made an appointment with the psychologist without Andreza knowing;
only José knew. Arriving at the office, she introduced herself to the attendant and was
instructed to wait for her turn. When the moment arrived, she was taken to the
psychologist's room and addressed the professional:
- Good morning, doctor. My name is Ester and you were recommended by a
friend of mine.
- Good morning, yours Dr Priscila Andrade. What is your friend's name?
- Tatiana Dutra. She brought her teenage son, Felipe, here. Do you
remember? About three months ago, she told me.
- Is he a handsome blonde and she is a light brunette with long hair and a soft
voice?
- Yes, it's them.
- I do remember. But tell me, Ester, what brought you to my office?
- These are problems relating to my 14-year-old daughter, my middle
daughter. I also have a 19-year-old daughter who recently had a baby and a 12-year-
old daughter, but this one isn't causing me any difficulties yet. Doctor, are
disagreements common between mothers and teenage daughters? I never thought
that my daughter Andreza (that's her name) would be like this, hard working. She was
such a calm, well-behaved child and has changed so much.
- Yes, Esther. Perhaps the topic is strange, but nevertheless, the subject is
recurrent in psychology offices and in conversations between friends in the same
condition as you. In fact, the relationship between mother and daughter presents
subjective challenges and can, in some cases, be marked by severity - reported Priscila.
“Although much is expected and demanded from a relationship between
mother and daughter, we do not always see the expected complicity. There are also
many mothers and daughters who report difficulties in their relationship. The
relationship between the two is not limited to unconditional support and
understanding. Mothers and daughters are human and as such, they face dilemmas
and paradigms. What would that be? I'll explain: The relationship between mother and
daughter can face harmful feelings, even if they remain at an unconscious level.
Judgment, guilt, competition, denial, anger can permeate this relationship.
“Freedom, youth, discoveries bring a feeling of lack of control to the mother,
who is remembered for her role as matriarch. So start telling me, Esther,
what is happening between you.
- Doctor, here's the thing: After entering adolescence, as expected, Andreza
changed her behavior and attitudes. But I don't know how to deal with her. She
doesn't take my advice about boyfriends, she doesn't tell me about them. She wants
things like a cell phone and if she asks me for it and I can't give it to her, I feel like she
gets upset. If I give an order she runs to her father and he sometimes gives in and so
she disrespects my order. She doesn't talk to me much, it seems like she doesn't trust
me anymore. If I have a small, even healthy argument with her father, she then
becomes weird with me or seems to defend her father more. She almost doesn't want
to help around the house anymore. He fights too much with his sisters. It involves too
much, especially with the youngest, since the oldest is no longer living with us. She is
not affectionate with me, I try to be with her; He sometimes treats me rudely. I don't
really know who her friends are at school; She doesn't tell me about them.
- Ester, – continued Dr Priscila - her daughter's growth brings the constant
reminder that time has passed. This means that the daughter is gaining autonomy and
maturity, and is trying to show this to her mother, who is not there to make her
dreams come true, nor to live what was dreamed of for her.
“In this conflict between love and hate, they will fight each other until they
find their new roles. Even if this results in partial or permanent removals.
“But it is possible to take advantage of this behavior, if we know how to act
correctly.
- How is her relationship with her father?
- It's good, but he's a little out of touch with some issues. He, for example,
doesn't talk to her much about what's going on in Andreza's life and he also doesn't
debate with me about our daughter's life, only if I get into the subject. I am the one
who most often proposes discussions about our daughter. He generally agrees with
me, but he is more likely to give in to her whims and wishes.
- Then talk to him more; You must be on the same page, in complete
alignment about what you think is best for your daughter, but you must always try to
reach a consensus on each subject to avoid sending ambiguous or conflicting messages
to her. Remember that her mind is in formation, in a transition between childhood and
adulthood.
- I believe that the mother's role is, in addition to taking care of their health
and nutrition, to transmit information that will guide their children's behavior for the
rest of their lives. – declared the mother. This information will include the mother's
values that may or may not be accepted by her children. But I confess that this really
creates a lot of conflicts.
- Exactly, Ester - continued the psychologist. - The better the mother's
relationship with her children, the more they will absorb the information you give
them and will have their mother as a reference.
“When the relationship is with daughters (women), the maternal figure is
usually even stronger and her role as a model to be followed is more notable.
- Doctor Priscila, what can I do then? How should I start to improve my
interaction with my daughter and for her to trust me more and open up to me, as I am
her mother?
- First of all: Get to know your personality and that of your daughter. You
should know if you have more similarities or differences with your daughter, in terms
of their personalities. Knowing yourself is fundamental to making decisions and lucidly
observing how we relate to each other.
“Notice your reactions and the standards we assume to get what we want.
When you identify, change what generates conflicts.
- Will my daughter ever be my friend and I will be her confidant? I always
imagined this for her...
- And it was like that with your eldest daughter?
- It was, approximately, yes. We had and maintain a good relationship of
coexistence and complicity. We talked a lot. But despite this, she got pregnant early, at
18, and I preferred that she finish her studies first.
The psychologist continued her speech:
- It is not because they are mother and daughter that everything should be
said in their conversations. There is a certain limit between mother and daughter,
especially because you are not just “friends”. Ester, in the relationship between a
mother and her daughter, no matter how much you two may trust each other, there is
always a certain judgment and criticism behind a mother's words.
- I understand.
- Therefore, mother, respect certain limits imposed by the relationship,
generations and age difference; You will have to learn these limits, for your sake and
that of your daughter.
- Yeah, we're not having a good dialogue at the moment.
- The mother-daughter relationship tends to fluctuate - said the psychologist -
This is to be expected. The daughter often represents a “second chance” for her
mother to do things that were not possible for her when she was young and thus
unrealistic expectations can arise in this mother. Don't expect your daughter to be
what you wanted to be but couldn't.
- I will try to demand less from my daughter.
- Great – approved Priscila, and continued: - Other times, it is the daughters
who need to feel more autonomy and try to free themselves from their mothers' care
– something that can “drive crazy” a mother – especially if she does not consider her
daughter ready to explore the world. world alone.
- I hadn't thought of such a situation...
- The stage where the most friction usually arises is during adolescence, as
the daughter begins to understand that she has some right to do things her way, but
the mother often does not agree with her daughter's view.
- And how will I be able to do that, doctor?
- Try to overcome yourself, mother. It doesn't matter if you are a mother or a
daughter, we can always be better at something. We can travel more, read more,
study something new, learn to dance. By taking care of yourself, the opinions of others
will not easily destabilize us.
- And how will my daughter value me and want to follow me in what I do?
- When we are sure of what we like and want, it is easier to be admired and
respected. In the relationship between mother and daughter, this is fundamental so
that each person has autonomy in their own lives. Do some leisure activity together; in
short, anything that brings pleasure to your relationship. Build affective memories.
- Doctor, I don't have much free time and our household budget is tight.
- But analyze and try. Respect each other's space: know how to identify space
and understand where each other's freedom begins. Understand the personal
preferences and opinions of others. It is obedience to differences that promotes good
coexistence. You will only be able to convince her to change her opinion a few times if
you do it this way: trying to understand her first and respecting her ideas.
- What else, for example, doctor?
- Improve communication between you: you do not share the same
vocabulary or the same culture. They are different generations and the same will
happen with their children.
- I will analyze all your proposals, doctor, and I will try to put into practice
what I can. I'm not going to bring her in for a chat with you just yet.
- Okay. I respect your position.
- Good luck with her. Send me news.
- Have a good day and a great work week.
And they said goodbye with a cordial handshake.
When Ester arrived at her house, she found her husband José and talked
about the conversation she had with psychologist Priscila.
José asked her:
- How was your appointment with the psychologist, Ester?
- It was very good, José. She clarified many things for me and gave me
several guidelines. You should also talk to her later; it will be very good.
- What did she think of our daughter's case? Did she agree that your concerns
were well founded?
- Yes, I believe so. She told me that disagreements between mothers and
daughters are frequent during adolescence and parents must be well guided and
prepared to deal with their children at this stage.
- Ester, are you sure you're not exaggerating? I think our daughter is a great
girl.
- José, our daughter is great, but she is moving away from me a lot and I'm
worried. I don't want to lose my daughter to the world.
- But our children are created for the world, and not just for us, Ester,
unfortunately. We know this to be true.
- But a daughter can't stop loving her mother and only care about the outside
world just because she's becoming an adult. Either we act now, or I lose my daughter.
- Good God. That's not going to happen, Ester. With God's grace, we won't let
it happen.
- The doctor said that we need to talk more about our daughter and her
problems and we need to get closer to her to try to be more active in her life. But she
warned me that we need to learn the language of teenagers, have a lot of patience
and try to put ourselves in their shoes to understand their desires.
- I know how difficult this is.
- Me too. I have felt this on my skin. I try to get closer to her, but it's difficult.
It seems that Andreza doesn't trust me anymore. I need to regain our daughter's trust,
José. For my sake and for the sake of our family. The doctor told me that I need to try
to do some things with her so that we can create bonds and be able to have mutual
affinity. Help me: think of some ideas. I need to get closer to Andreza.
- I'll try to help. And the psychologist wants to talk to Andreza?
- I asked not to take our daughter yet. José, I also worry about not having the
financial means to pay for many psychotherapy sessions. The sessions are expensive
and I only got them privately.
- Let's find a way. Have faith. We will be able to pay for the sessions that are
necessary.
- Thank you my love.
- I will do this for you and for our daughter.
And they ended the conversation for that day.
Ester then started trying to get closer to her most problematic daughter. In
the following days, her mother invited Andreza to take a cooking course and a couples
course at the Church.
Ester arrived home and spoke to her daughter Andreza.
- Honey, I'm going to take a cooking course. Do you want to accompany me? I
can sign you up. Teenagers aged 14 and over are allowed to participate in the course,
accompanied by a guardian. Do you want to come with me, daughter?
- Mom, I'm not very interested in cooking.
- Daughter, it's a fancy course. It will teach you how to make different food
dishes, how to present meals and go over various cooking techniques. Everyone is
dressed in those chef and apprentice outfits. It's pretty cool!
- Mom, it must be an expensive course. You don't have to pay me to do it.
- Andreza, I insist – insisted his mother. - Come follow me. I invited Marcela
and she didn't want to come – Ester lied, as she hadn't invited her eldest daughter. –
Let’s both participate!
- Ah, so you're only inviting me because Marcela rejected your proposal –
replied the middle daughter, disdainfully.
- No, daughter, that's not it. I would like the three of us to participate, but she
won't be able to go. I was definitely going to invite you, anyway – the mother
explained. - I see it will be a very good course for both of us.
- Okay, mom, sign me up and I'll participate with you – promised the
brunette.
- Agreed, my daughter.
And that's how the conversation ended that day.
Two weeks later the course was held.
And the two went to the cooking course, which lasted four days; Ester loved
the training and learned many tips for the kitchen and delicious recipes, having
received a notebook with tips and recipes at the end of it all. Andreza, however, was
very clumsy and clumsy in the kitchen, and ruined the materials for a recipe, leaving
the ingredients to burn in the fire; There was also a recipe in which she forgot to add
salt and another in which she added too much pepper. Andreza was reprimanded by
the course instructor, who was very strict, and by her mother, and left the course a
little upset and disappointed, due to the inconvenience she caused. Her mother even
later regretted the way she spoke to her daughter.
Ester returned to the psychologist's office after around 30 days to give
feedback about her relationship with Andreza and to request further guidance. After
greeting each other, Ester turned to the professional in these terms:
- Doctor, I've been trying to put your guidelines into practice, but I confess
that it's not been easy.
- HENCE THE IMPORTANCE OF MOTHER AND DAUGHTER HAVING A GOOD
RELATIONSHIP, ESTER - SAID PSYCHOLOGIST PRISCILA ANDRADE. - WOMEN LIKE TO
SHARE FEELINGS AND EXPERIENCES AND END UP TALKING TOO MUCH. MAYBE THAT'S
WHY YOUR DAUGHTER DOESN'T WANT TO OPEN UP TO YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.
- But I need to know about my daughter, doctor. She might need me. I feel
that.- said the mother. – How will my relationship with her be like this?
- This relationship can often have problems. Because a mother is a mother,
not a friend. Great disturbances can arise when a mother considers her daughter to be
her confidant, or worse, when she thinks that her daughter could be her mother's
confidant.
- Really, doctor?
- Yes. The daughter will have many friends in her life and they are the ones
who must fulfill this role. The mother must be a figure that her daughter can count on
for support throughout her life, who will fight for good things to happen to her, but
who will not agree with all of her daughter's ideas, as this is the role of a mother.
- Priscila, on this point I will not agree with you. I wanted my daughter to be
intimate with me and let me know about her life.
- This won't always be possible, mom. Ester, you should rethink a lot of
things. Adolescence is just a phase. It will pass. Andreza at the moment may wish not
to be confidant of her life with you, not of all her secrets. Unfortunately. Accept this.
It's fleeting.
- DOCTOR, WHAT COULD BE THE WORST MISTAKES MADE BY MOTHERS AND
DAUGHTERS IN THEIR CONVERSATIONS? - QUESTIONED ESTER.
Priscilla replied:
- Mom, there is no definitive answer. Perhaps it is a mistake for the daughter
to consider that her mother is a superwoman, who never makes mistakes and who will
always be complete and perfect. Accepting the mother as a person who must be
listened to, but also questioned when there is information that does not seem correct
or ideal for the moment, can often be convenient and the mother figure has to learn to
accept this fact.
“A mother's mistake, in turn, could be believing that her daughter is 100%
her 'product'. The daughter is neither property nor the total result of everything her
mother offered in education. The daughter has her own personality.
- Doctor, I'm a little disappointed now - replied Ester.
Ester left the psychologist's office upset and thought about not returning.
However, she asked the psychologist to also see José, separately, and try to provide
guidance on raising Andreza for that father.
Ester arranged a meeting between her husband José and psychologist
Priscila Andrade.
After introducing themselves, the psychologist asked José:
- Father, your wife is very concerned about Andreza's education and
psychological training. She expects a lot from you to help raise and shape her daughter
Andreza's character. How do you see your daughter? What do you think about her
person and her behavior as a teenager? I would like to hear all this from you. Could
you tell me?
- Yes, doctor, no problem. My daughter is a good girl, but I noticed that as she
entered adolescence she became a bit rebellious and more difficult to get along with
and she clashes a lot with my wife.
- I know, I understand. Continue, please.
- We are evangelicals – José continued – and we would like our daughter to
be educated according to Christian precepts and our religion, as we also were, but I
realize that today's youth have other demands and young people are more
questioning.
- It's true, dad. You are right. Proceed.
- On the other hand, my daughter Andreza is a somewhat closed person,
difficult to open up to, even to her sisters. In this way, I often try to respect her way of
being and try not to act in a too invasive way, or provoke a conflict because she
doesn't want to reveal everything that is going on in her life.
- And even? Good insight, congratulations.
- Like any father, I don't agree 100% of the time with Andreza nor with her
mother, my wife, but we try not to disagree in front of our daughter. HOW CAN WE DO
TO IMPROVE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR DAUGHTER, THEN? - asked José.
Priscila shared her opinions:
- José, first of all, assume that you will not always be able to get close to your
daughter. She will often be busy with the computer, phone, books, friends, colleagues
at church or school, schoolwork. When you try to talk, she doesn't hear you or simply
leaves you talking alone, you or your wife; don't get upset. Your daughter may find you
inconvenient at this time. Understand. And you, in turn, may feel helpless. But don't be
like that, sad.
- I've noticed this a few times, Dr Priscila, but the one who resents these
perceptions the most is my wife.
- I understood. You may also be too busy with your work, other part of the
family, money, individual problems and many other things. Do any of these situations
sound familiar? If the answer is yes, you need to improve your father-daughter
relationship and strengthen the bond.
- How will I do that? What do you suggest, please?
- It may seem complex at first, but after a while, you parents will realize that
it is not as difficult as you thought. After all, she is your daughter. If you still don't know
how to have fun with her and find common interests, don't worry. I'll go over some
steps that may be useful.
- He can talk.
- Make time to spend with her. Try to find time in your routine to do activities
with your daughter, you or your wife, together or separately. It's best if it's always on
the same day and time so that you remember the special moment of being together
and have no commitments. Holidays and vacations are a great time to enjoy, but not
just these dates.
- I work a lot, doctor. I have a small meat packing plant, so I work for myself,
the profits are small, and I can't afford to take a long vacation. Maximum one week per
semester.
- No problem. If you're still working these days, try to make time on the
weekend to spend with her. Give yourself small breaks, closing the store an hour early
at least twice a month, for example, if you can, to go out with her. Try to spend at least
an hour or two a day together. Choose a time when she is free too.
- In general, it is not possible to reconcile the times when she is free with the
times when I am off.
- Still, ask her: "Do you want to do something with me and your mother?",
and tell her the day, or ask what the best shift is on the weekend." However, in the
middle of the week, your daughter will probably be very busy with school work, just
like you without your business. Respect this and find another time to be together.
- I'll talk about this with Ester, but we already do some things together, like
going to the beach sometimes and every Saturday and Wednesday night we
participate in worship in our congregation.
- Know your daughter's tastes. Knowing what types of activities your
daughter likes will help a lot when you're together, because you'll already know what
to do and where to go. Observe your daughter and take a closer look at what she is
doing to get more clues about what she likes. You'll get a better idea of her tastes.
Your daughter's interests may be very different from yours, but don't try to change
them.
- I'll always invite her to accompany me to the supermarket now.
- Or go to a shopping mall when you need to buy clothes or shoes. You can
also ask her to help you choose your clothes. Your daughter will love being your
"fashion consultant", especially if she is interested in the subject. And when she
chooses what to wear, let her create her own style. When you go to buy something for
Andreza, especially now that she is a teenager, let her select what she likes. Your
daughter will simply be expressing herself and being herself because she is authentic.
But always be clear with her about your purchasing power. She will learn to
understand this issue.
- My daughter is already aware of this; She is very down to earth when it
comes to her consumer desires.
- Good, then. Go for a walk more often if you can. There don't need to be laps
to spend. A walk in the center, in the parks or on the beach makes perfect sense. If you
don't want to shop, there are still plenty of options. As said before, choose a place that
she would be interested in. Take your football fan to a match for her team.
- That's a good idea: I've only taken her to the stadium twice to date to watch
Sampaio Correa's games. I'll call her to see if she'll come with me. She likes football...
- Another important factor is the climate. Check the weather forecast details
on the internet, on television or in the newspaper. Leave outdoor activities, such as
parks and pool clubs, for sunny days. If it's the rainy season, go to a cafe for hot
chocolate or coffee. Does she like coffee?
- Yes, she likes it a lot.
- Excellent. Go to a cinema, restaurant, indoor pool club, library, museum or
any other closed place, according to your possibilities. Try to make her aware of the
culture and history of our city. I bet she'll love it. She is thirsty to learn new things.
- Yes, doctor, definitely. She is a very curious and connected girl.
- Watch a good old movie at home. This is a great activity if it's raining.
Watching movies together can also bring you closer together. Look at your options and
choose one that you both want to watch. Select an age-appropriate movie! Family
comedy movies are good for all ages and will always make you laugh.
- I don't really like watching movies, but I'm going to make an effort to do
that with her. I will look for films that have a good message.
- Yes, it's worth it. Also help her with her school work. As a parent, it is
important that you support and contribute to your daughter's education. Always try to
help her with her homework if she asks. Don't give the answer, help her. If she has
been focusing on her homework for a long time, tell her that if she needs any help, she
can always ask. Do the same if she gets a low grade on a test.
- I try to teach her some subjects, but there are subjects I no longer know.
Teaching is very advanced. I always call a girl, Vanessa, to help with tutoring.
And the psychologist continued with her suggestions:
- Play. Another way to interact with your daughter is a cool game. Have a
regular game night or simply ask her if she'd like to play something. There are good
family games you can try.
- I like snooker, but I think it's too young to play yet.
- And truth; if you understand that a type of game is not suitable for her age, I
agree with you; It's another tip from me. If you don't like cooking, pass this task on to
your wife. It's another way for you to strengthen your bond. It's also a good way to
start teaching her how to learn responsibility. Grab some cookbooks and flip through
them with your daughter to see what to do.
“Remember you are cooking together. Let your daughter do a few things,
such as breaking the eggs, helping to beat the dough, adding the liquids and
decorating. Don't expect things to be perfect – that's how teenagers learn. However,
supervise and monitor everything she does in the kitchen.
- My wife told me that the two of them recently took a cooking course
together.
- Good idea. Show her that you love her. Demonstrate this! Even if spending
time playing games or watching TV keeps you together, is it really a special time? You
may not know how to do it very well, but it's the little things that matter. When your
daughter is having a bad day, cheer her up with a hug and words of comfort. Does she
play any sports?
– Not yet at the moment.
- So they're already thinking about a sporting activity for her to practice. Don't
forget to praise her efforts, above all, because it is important that she learns that it is
through trying and insisting, including learning to deal with failures, that she will be
successful in life. With your support she will continue with a positive attitude. Have fun
with her.
And Priscila continued:
- Talk to your daughter. It's important for her to know that she can always
count on you if she needs something. When you talk to your daughter, look her in the
eye and make her talk back. Tell her, "I need you to listen to me.", but in a calm,
friendly tone. Try to be brief and sweet or she will become bored, inattentive and think
she is in trouble or being lectured. When the two of you talk, it doesn't necessarily
have to be a serious conversation.
- Really, I need to start talking to Andreza about plans for the future, but I
know she's just a teenager and needs to have fun. Our conversations have to be
pleasant...
- Know how to listen; teenagers expect this from us. You and your daughter
need to learn to listen to each other. If you don't do this, she will think that it doesn't
make any difference to pay attention to people. To listen, stop what you are doing to
look at your daughter. Make eye contact while listening to show that you are paying
attention.
- I thought these tips you gave me were great, doctor.
- Be present in your daughter's life, José. This is the most important thing of
all. If there is a sporting, musical, school, or other important event that she would
prefer you to go to, really see if you can go. If not, here's why. There are many other
ways to be present in her life. Offer help.
- I've already offered to teach her how to play the guitar, but she told me she
doesn't intend to do that now. I'm not going to force her and do something she doesn't
like. I try to motivate her. I am very positive and encouraging; I'm aware of that.
- So, congratulations. Improve your skills in praising and encouraging your
daughters. Also celebrate your daughter’s talents. This is another form of motivation,
and it will make your daughter very happy to recognize her talents. And the
psychologist spoke her final words:
- Trust your daughter. It may be difficult to do this, but you need to put trust
in her. The reason you might not trust your daughter is that she often lies. And that
might be because you do the same. She'll think it's okay to lie if you lie too, so it's time
to start being a good role model for her (and everyone else). Be honest; keep and do
not break your promises, as far as possible; and if the opposite happens, try to justify
yourself with it; communication is everything.
- Thank you, Doctor Priscila for all these recommendations – said that father.
- I will try to put some of them into practice. I believe we will still have other
conversations. See you another day. Good job.
- Good morning, Mr. José. I hope you have a productive week.
And they said goodbye at that moment; however, contrary to José's
statement, they would not schedule other sessions and would not take Andreza to the
psychologist, as soon Ester and her husband would separate and the man would leave
São Luís to live with his middle daughter in another city for a certain amount of time.
period of time.
After these meetings with psychologist Priscila, José asked Ester if she would
continue the psychotherapy sessions and if she would take Andreza to the office of the
professional who had attended them. That mother, however, was a little disappointed
with the psychologist's words and statements and gave up continuing with the
sessions.
Every week it seemed that Andreza and her mother's relationship worsened
and this would later affect Ester and José's marriage. The evangelical lady invited her
middle daughter to accompany her to church services and meetings, but the young
woman was already He refused most of his mother's offers. Ester also announced that
there would be a training course for young people. She said to her daughter:
- Andreza, dear, there will be an event for young people in our Church that I
would like you to participate in. A missionary will come from the United States and he
will be very good.
- Really, mom? And what will be the theme of the event?
- It will be a romantic relationship between young people, dating, etc.
- Oh, mom, I don't want to participate.
- Why, daughter? I think it would be very good for you, who are a teenager.
- I don't even have a boyfriend...
- But the course and lectures are open to all young people, whether they are
already dating or not. Aren't you the one who is “crazy” about dating?
- But I don't want to take this course. Sorry, it's fine. Leave it for next time.
- It's okay, little girl. If you change your mind let me know.
And in fact Andreza would not participate in that meeting for young people
chaired by the North American preacher. Esther became quite resentful of her middle
daughter for this reason.
In addition to the difficulties faced in raising their daughters, other problems
appeared in that couple's marital life and the relationship between Ester and José
gradually deteriorated and fell into a routine. The arguments became more frequent
and the two gradually moved away. They no longer had a marital life and after a few
months Ester asked her husband for separation.
Esther then said to her husband shortly:
“I needed emotional validation in my relationship. Things that my partner
had to sincerely say like “You’re smart”, “I’m proud of you”, “You’re a fighter”, “I
admire that about you”, “I like your presence”, “Congratulations! You are very honest”,
“I am pleased to be by your side”, “I trust you”. “You have great potential.” These are
some of the compliments I would like to have heard from my husband, as they would
demonstrate my importance to you and the meaning I have for him. I realized that the
flame of love between us was extinguished, even prematurely, in my opinion. I only
feel sorry for our daughters, but I prefer that everyone go their own way. Let's give
ourselves some time away from each other so we can make a definitive decision.
“I miss a look, a silence in the form of a hug, a touch and even a smile, to
validate me emotionally, in an empathetic and welcoming way. The partner needs to
train social skills that allow them to praise, give positive feedback, ask for changes in
behavior with affection and empathy. Sorry, but I don't get that from you, José.
- I'm sorry, Ester, if I didn't know how to love you. Only we are left with
separation. But I propose that we remain friends for the sake of our daughters. But I
would like to be with one of them, because I have no one else, and my life would be
lonely. You understand me?
- There may still be a chance, but we need time alone to think about what is
best for each other and for our daughters. I am appalled at having to separate our girls.
But, if there is no other way to resolve it, then invite Andreza or Melina to live with
you. But I think my youngest is too young to move away from her mother.
- Well, I'll stay with Andreza. I'll talk to her - José replied, with a certain joy,
despite everything. – Thank you, Ester, for your understanding. It will be
heartbreaking, but I have to accept it, for myself. I can't be alone. I don't think I could
handle it. And I'm not being dramatic.
- I understand your side – the woman reiterated. - José, you need to listen
carefully to our daughter and develop empathy with her, that is, the real ability to put
yourself in her shoes, considering all the circumstances and life story. Listen carefully,
give space to what she wants to demonstrate, use words of affirmation; These are all
situations that will give her an idea that you are in fact attentive, open, and that you
know how to feel what she expresses.
Two days later José found Melina and Andreza and had a conversation with
them both
- Daughters, daddy has to talk about a delicate subject with you two.
- What happened, dad? - asked his middle daughter. – Any complaints at
school against both of us?
- No, dear ones, fortunately not. It's a more serious problem, between me
and your mother.
- What happened, daddy? – Melina wanted to know.
- Speak quickly, father. You're making me anxious.
José didn't know how to approach such a delicate subject as a separation
with his daughters at such a young age.
- I'll talk to you first and then your mother will also have a conversation.
- So Dad is something serious; I’m scared – Andreza said.
- Daughters, I don't even know how to say it. First I need to say that we think
a lot about the three of you. Your mother is now talking to Marcela. Our priority is you.
Know that you come first in our lives and we will always do everything for you. But
unfortunately, dear things, things don't always evolve as we planned; There are
setbacks on our journey.
- Explain better, dad. I don't understand - asked the youngest daughter.
- Daughters, mom and dad have been going through a crisis in our
relationship for a year now; We had disagreements a few times and we moved away
from each other.
- What do you mean by that? – asked Andreza.
- Your father and mother need some time for both of us to reflect on whether
we are going to stay together or not. Your mother asked me for this time to rethink her
life and make a decision. We can separate, daughters.
Andreza understood everything and started crying; her sister remained silent,
astonished, her eyes watering.
- Are you going to leave the house? Are you going to leave us alone with
Mom? – asked the brunette.
- Not exactly. I explained to you that it is not a definitive decision. There may
be a reversal. But I told your mother that I can't be alone. I could not stand it. She told
me that it would be better if Melina stayed with her because she is her youngest and
she doesn't want to be without her and I asked her that Andreza come live with me.
Do you accept this proposal initially?
- Daddy, do you want to separate us? - asked his middle daughter.
- Dear ones, it is a difficult decision, but we need to make it. Try to see each
other's side. We don't want to be alone. Neither me nor your mother. She is being
good and selfless in letting me talk to you to see if you accept my proposal. I didn't
want to lose you two. I hope that your mother misses me and that we come back as a
couple, but now she has asked me for this time. So, what do you think? Sorry for so
much suffering.
Andreza was still crying and one or two drops of tears overflowed Melina's
eyelids.
- Dad, I didn't like this story at all, but if there's no other way, let's try -
declared Andreza. - I accept, Dad, the proposal to stay with you; but I also want to hear
from our mother.
- Dad, I'm very sad – Melina revealed. - You took us by surprise. I do not even
know what to say. I would not like to be separated from you and my sister.
José was dejected, said nothing more and held back crying.
The next day, Ester talked to her daughters.
- Dear ones, as your father already told you, we are going to take a break.
- Why, mom, the separation between you two? – asked the oldest.
- It's not working anymore, daughter. Your father thinks a lot of different
things than I do. We need time for both of us to reflect on our lives.
- Does daddy have another wife? - asked Andreza.
- No, daughter, that's not it.
- Mom, do you have a chance to come back? - the youngest wanted to know.
- Let's see, darling. God knows!
- Mom, how are you? How will you have the head to study? – asked Andreza.
- Worse than that, I need to have a head to finish my college education.
- And how are you going to support yourself? – asked the eldest daughter.
- I turn around. My brothers and sisters will help me; I've even talked to
them. And I will do some odd jobs, some small jobs to support myself. As soon as I
complete my course, I hope to get a job straight away.
- God bless you, mamis – wished the middle daughter.
- Mom, I want to live with you – Melina asked.
- I imagined, dear, that you would choose to stay with me.
- And as for me, didn't you think the same way? - asked Andreza.
- Of course, my dear, I thought of all of you, and I preferred to continue with
all of you, but your father asked not to be alone; he said he couldn’t bear the
loneliness and being apart from the three of you at the same time.
- I understand – said the brunette.
- Mom, are we going to live alone? I am scared. I feel safer when my father is
at home - confessed the youngest daughter.
- Our Lord will protect us, daughter, and he will always be with us, guarding
our home and protecting us. On a day when we are worried, I ask one of my brothers
or nephews to come sleep here with us.
- Dona Ester, my father said I would stay with him – said Andreza. – Did he or
you make the choice for me to live with my father after the separation?
- It's gone from him, darling. But I agreed. Melina is still very young, only 12
years old; She still needs me very much. And I notice that José is more attached to you;
I believe that's why he suggested you move in with him.
- Okay. But I'm going to be very sad to move away from my sisters.
- But I ask you: remain friends with each other. Don't turn away from the
truth. You will be sisters for life, and don't forget that. It's not because they go to live
in distant houses that the friendship of sisters will be lost. Cultivate companionship
among yourselves.
- Mom, I now feel a little discredited by my father – Melina complained.
- Daughter, he loves you three equally. Even Marcela, who is only his
daughter in his heart; is a stepdaughter. He has always treated you like he does with
you two: with love and care. Your father doesn't make distinctions in treatment.
- But there are moments when that doesn't seem like what happens - Melina
continued.
- Yes, if there is no other alternative, let's face reality – said Marcela.
And the four women went to lunch. José would not have a meal at home
that day.
One day, before Andreza left with her father, the two younger sisters were in
her room, when the youngest went to the other and said:
- Andreza, I really want to have sex – Melina confessed.
- With whom, Mel? – asked Andreza. – You're just a teenager. You don't even
know what sexual intercourse is.
- I wanted to have sex soon... It could be with a friend from school.
- Sister, you can't. Get it out of your head. Sex, only after marriage.
- I don't think I'll wait that long.
- You don't even have a boyfriend yet.
- But I have my eye on a boy. He is a year older than me.
- What is his name?
- Andrew. He already plays guitar and lives in a neighborhood nearby, Vila
Cascavel.
- I don't think I know him.
- But I believe you will meet him in a while.
- All good; When you can, introduce me to him.
- Deal, sister.
- But don't let mom know anything for now. She doesn't want us to date
anytime soon.
- You can leave it, Andreza. I'm connected. Thanks for letting me know.
And they went to get dressed because they would attend the evangelical service that
day.
When Andreza was about to turn 15, her parents separated. A priori, in a
friendly way. She actually preferred to stay with her father, as he requested it, and her
sisters remained with their mother. The family thus fell apart and the sisters moved
away a little, especially because Andreza and her father went to live for a while in a
nearby city.
Andreza asked her father about the reasons for the separation and he did not
give details, but attributed Ester the largest share in the decision for divorce. This fact
also contributed to Andreza becoming more unhappy with her mother and made
Andreza more saddened because her mother was responsible for most of the decision
to separate the couple. Although their relationship was not so good and was even a
little shaken, Andreza preferred her family to stay together. It was a blow for her, but
after about 6 months she accepted it. At that point, Andreza was already José's
favorite daughter and her relationship with her other daughters (one by blood and the
other by her stepdaughter) cooled down and they grew apart a little. José, having had
only one daughter, became very jealous of her and became very possessive and
overprotective, but because he was very attentive to his daughter and sometimes gave
in to her requests, she seemed to tolerate and deal well with her feelings of your
father. When that young woman spoke to her father it was always in a bashful way and
she would carry these mannerisms until she was in her early twenties, perhaps making
that man imagine that his daughter would always be that same bashful little girl who
liked to flatter her father.
Andreza and her father spent three years living in another city, but they came
to visit the family almost every month. In this other city Andreza made several friends,
like Nádia and Trícia.
Nádia was a very happy girl who loved parties. Her parents let her attend
parties from the age of 15, as her father had a music group. She invited Andreza and
her father, but she said she could not accept because she was evangelical and her
father did not attend these events, in addition to not consuming alcoholic beverages
and thinking that these environments would not be suitable for his daughter to attend.
Nádia was from the same hometown as José, Andreza’s father. She was a
friendly and very communicative girl, knowing almost everyone at her school and in
her neighborhood, but at the moment she didn't have a boyfriend. She was Andreza's
first great friend, and the ties between the two persisted until São Luís do Maranhão,
where the two would later move, and where, however, they fell out and moved a little
away from each other. At school, they sat close together, were confidants of each
other and visited each other's homes, although Andreza went to her friend's house less
often.
At the temple of the Evangelical Church that she attended in her new city,
Andreza met Trícia, who was a calm and good-natured girl, in addition to being very
faithful to the precepts of her religion. She also knew Nádia and they were friends.
Trícia had a boyfriend called Rafael Gaia and she also frequented the brunette's house.
Her friends' plans were to visit ice cream parlors and pizzerias in that city and that was
when Andreza's first nickname was born, and she began to be affectionately called
Nádia de Bruna, due to the fact that she was dark-skinned, in contrast to her
colleagues, who had the lighter skin.
Andreza asked her father on a Saturday if she could go to Nádia's house in
the afternoon.
- Daughter, you can go. But we have the evangelical service at 8pm. Do not
forget! I have to pick you up an hour early so that there is time for us to get ready and
not be late at the temple.
- You can leave it, daddy. I will not forget.
- Daughter, what are you going to do in the afternoon at Nádia’s parents’
house?
- Let's watch a romantic movie and then we'll play games.
- What games? – his father wanted to know, with great curiosity.
- Card games, decks.
- Daughter, do you want to learn how to play cards? And who else will you
play with? – asked José, with concern.
- I never played cards. I will learn. Her brother and father also like to play.
- And can you tell me if her father likes to gamble.
- No, dad. As far as I know, he only plays at home and with his family.
- True? Won't there be other men there playing?
- I already questioned this to my friend. She assured me that it will just be us.
- And will there be drinking? Does her father drink alcohol?
- No. And he can't. He takes some medication, so she told me. And I've heard
Nádia comment that her father never drank alcoholic drinks.
- Daughter, you're not deceiving me, are you? Please don't lie to your father.
- I swear, my father, that I told the truth. At least that's what I know.
- Anyway, I'll drop you there personally and I'll stay for about 15 to 30
minutes observing everything. If I notice that there will be alcoholic drinks or that
there are other men there besides family members, I will bring you back. I swear as I
bring. Understood?
- Right, daddy. I understand your side. But I believe it will be peaceful there. It
will just be a family game. Her mother is going to prepare stew for us to eat
- And even? I love stew with farofa and a little pepper.
- Well, I'm going to ask you for some.
- No, I'm ashamed of you asking.
- What is this, dad. I'm almost inside their house. And everyone there is nice
people. Her mother, Dona Conceição, will love to send some of her stew for you to eat.
I'm already seeing. Leave it to me.
- Don't worry about me, daughter. Just order me some stew if there's any left
over.
- For sure. It can leave. She usually makes a lot of food. Their house is very
lively.
- Don't get used to partying, Suellen.
- It's okay, dad; I won't get used to it.
- I'm going out now, daughter, and in a little while I'll pick you up and drop
you off at Nádia's house. What time did you agree to go, more or less?
- Between 12:30 and 1 pm.
- Combined.
- Thank you Dad.
And his father left.
As agreed, her father took her to Nádia's house and Andreza and her hosts
spent the afternoon there. Nádia and her family taught Andreza how to play poker and
pool that day. The brunette had never done that.
The two girls, after this meeting, started to love card games and it became a
form of fun for them on the weekends, as the city was very quiet on Saturday and
Sunday.
Nádia and Andreza met at school the next day and spoke again:
- I loved playing poker at your house, friend, last Saturday – confessed the
brunette. - Your father and brother play very well. When you book again, call me,
okay!?
- Yes, I will, Bruna. And what did you think of my brother?
- Like this? Explain better.
- Did you find it fun or did you find it boring? Did you think he was handsome
or not? Did you like my brother's conversation?
- I found him very spontaneous and his brother is friendly and has a nice
conversation.
- You don't want to date him?
- He's single? And did he say anything about me after that day? Does he
think I hit on him?
- No, it wasn't that. He asked about you after that day, but he didn't say
anything more to me. He enjoyed meeting you, but he asked about you more out of
politeness.
- Oh, I know. And your father, what did he say?
- My parents like you very much. That's why I ask if you would date my
brother.
- I could date; your brother is a handsome boy and seems like a good person;
He also has a bright future ahead of him, but I don't want to start an arranged
relationship and I prefer not to date my friends' brothers, especially one of my best
friends. I don't want to run the risk of losing your friendship in the future as a result of
an unsuccessful relationship with your brother.
- What a shame, Bruna, that you think like that and I don't like playing the
procuress with my brother. I would love to have you as a sister-in-law. I value you so
much.
- Thanks. But changing the subject: Nádia, what are you thinking about
majoring in? What profession do you want to pursue? Are you already thinking about
your professional future?
- Friend, I think a lot about doing Accounting. My father and mother say that
it is a very good course and that it would help in managing the family business.
Nádia's father had a supermarket and a building materials store.
- It's true, friend. You have assets and businesses to take care of in your
family – agreed the brunette.
- But I need to confess something to you, Bruna.
- What, Nadi? – asked Suellen, affectionately. She called her that.
- I don't feel like working. If I graduate one day, it will just be to get a degree,
I think. I wanted to live off my father's income.
- I understood. But, sorry to intrude, and when your parents are gone, I hope
it takes a long time, who will take care of the businesses?
- I and my brother; but I'm going to hire someone to manage the building materials
store or the supermarket in my place. This dad business is very stressful; he and his
mother have almost no social life or leisure. I don't want this life for myself. I want to
enjoy life more.
- Know. And your brother, does he like commerce?
- Yes, he is three years older and is a born merchant. Franklin also wants to start
business school next year. He believes it will help in the management of our parents'
businesses.
- Good, then, friend. And why don't you think about going to a college that
suits you?
- I'm 16 years old and I haven't made up my mind yet. I am undecided.
- You have time. Choose calmly.
- But it's difficult and so far I don't have an affinity with any area.
- Take a vocational test.
- What is that?
- A test that analyzes your personality, your skills and your interests. It helps
in the future decision of which profession to pursue.
- I don't think I want to take this test. I'm going to study Accounting Sciences.
My parents want it and that's enough. I need to please them and I'll be fine. Whatever
comes next, I face it. If I can help my father a little with the company's accounting after
I graduate, I believe he will be satisfied with me. But he already has his accountant,
and he is very competent. I don't want to replace it; It would be arrogant on my part.
- Why, Nadi?
- Oh my friend, taxes and bills are a very serious matter. I'm afraid of making
mistakes and harming my father's companies. I'm insecure in this sense. And I think
family businesses don't work out very well. Thank God, mom and dad don't fight over
money and control of the stores because they built this heritage together with their
work, without the help of either of their father-in-law or mother-in-law. She works at
the construction store and he works at the supermarket and it has worked out really
well.
- That's cool, Nadia. And your parents are so young and so successful.
Congratulations!
- Yes, they got married when they were 18 each. And they were always very
hardworking. Andreza, do you think about being an entrepreneur in the future?
- You say you own my own business?
- Yes.
- No, I never thought about that. But you just made me awaken this subject in
my consciousness. From now on I will think yes, even though I, poor thing, don't have a
family with the financial means to sponsor me.
- Bruna, model yourself on my father’s example. He is a reference for me. In
fact, he and Mom. They started, so to speak, from scratch. One day I will tell their story
in detail.
- I'm going to get ready to hear this story. Congratulations on your family
being so enterprising, friend.
- Thanks. I need to help my brother continue the family business to honor our
father and mother, and so that they feel proud of their children.
- I believe you will make it.
And they ended the conversation on this subject.
About a week later Andreza went to São Luís.
Affectionately, everyone called the brunette by the code name Suh, as her
name was Andreza Suellen; this nickname was given by the youngest to her middle
sister. Her name was chosen by her mother, since her first daughter was Marcela
Muallen, who had been born in São Paulo, and Ester preferred that her daughter with
José had a more complex name, as she would like her child to attract attention
wherever she went. to attend, because that name seemed beautiful and attractive.
She did not want her first daughter with her current husband to receive a simple
name, as she had received it, and as her current husband might consider.
Andreza went to spend a weekend at her mother's house and met her
younger sister. The two talked. Melina began teaching Andreza how to kiss a boy for
the first time:
- Suh, at a party where you have a crush on a boy, you will proceed as
follows: from the beginning, sit next to him, – recommended the teacher - and always
have your body facing more in the direction in which he is and get closer as the
conversation flows.
“Choose light and relaxed topics for you to chat; something interesting for
both of them. Something that makes him admire you in some way, or catches the
boy’s attention.
“His look will predict a lot of things; Make eye contact with the suitor first. If
he looks away because he's embarrassed, it might even be a good sign. But if he only
looks at your face, but never your eyes... either he doesn't want anything, or he's a fool
and a jerk.
“Make clean movements and go slowly; Start looking at his mouth every now
and then and go back to looking at his eyes. If you feel like he's still comfortable with
you doing this, go for it.
“Place your arm beside the two of you, expanding the space you share, but
nothing major for now. Place your hand on his chin if there's a gap and give him a
compliment like, "Wow! How beautiful you are!"
- This boy will find me very desperate and offered, Mel – said Andreza.
- But you don't want to kiss? Forget this talk about desperate and offered
girls! Continuing: Let him smile about it. If he says something like "I think you're cute
too...". Get closer and take a chance, "Can I kiss you?" Then kiss.
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PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL
PRINCESS OF DESIRE:  MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL

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PRINCESS OF DESIRE: MISADVENTURES OF A YOUNG GIRL

  • 1.
  • 2. PRINCESS OF DESIRE ANDREW PHILIP COLLINS
  • 3. The story contained in this book is the fruit of its author's imagination. Any similarity with reality will be mere coincidence. Book prohibited for people under 18 years of age. Dedication To love. Because he is the most important good and mystery of this life and there is only life because there is Love. Happy are those who loved and were loved.
  • 4. Andrew Philip Collins PRINCESS OF DESIRE Account of the life of a young Brazilian woman.
  • 5. Prologue The story reported below is about Love and the lives of young people that we can all know. It addresses the search of human beings to find their destiny, in their individual search for happiness, although they are often not even aware of this fact. I wanted to tell a story that tried to talk about love, but it happened in a somewhat crude or backwards way, I might say. So, forgive me in advance for everything I wrote. Not that I wanted to be this way or did it on purpose, but because real life is otherwise: many times the antithesis of fairy tales - there are no enchanted princes or princesses, and on many occasions there doesn't seem to be such a happy ending. No book, on the other hand, can tell the entire life of a person, but it has the ability to reveal something important about the trajectory of a human being and show his legacy. Yes, we all leave a legacy of life about our behaviors and the attitudes we had. I hope this book makes us reflect on our lives and the relationships between people. São Luís, Maranhão, Brazil, spring 2023.
  • 6. Part I She was born in Vila Brasil, in São Luís do Maranhão, in December, right after Christmas. Her parents gave her the name Andreza. Light brunette, with black hair and dark brown eyes. The neighborhood is simple, the houses are cramped and the people are mostly workers. The residents' lifestyle is simple and neighbors know each other well. Small houses house entire families, and many people spend the day and night, live and sleep in shelters that are often cramped, with a loss of privacy, but several generations share the same house. The people are religious and the customs are generally traditional. They work in ordinary jobs, most of them with modest salaries, but they are generally happy, having accepted the simple life they have. Vila Brasil is a portrait of many of Brazil's outskirts: the inhabitants are mostly friendly, cordial and passionate, guided more by emotions than by rationality. In general, people seek their space in the world and their social ascension through honest means, although this is often difficult. Some then look for unconventional and even illicit ways to move up in life, acquiring a better economic and social status. It was in this environment that she was born and spent her childhood, as well as her early adolescence. His family was large and his parents were of modest means.
  • 7. When she was born, her father José picked her up and said: “My first daughter. What a joy, my love! You are a gift from God to me and your mother.” Looking at his wife Ester, he said: “As she is dark-skinned, it seems like she just takes after her mother. I'll call you my black one. You will be daddy's pride. Jesus bless your life.” She showed herself to be a somewhat quiet child as she grew up, often introverted and very attached to her parents, the kind that clings to her mother's skirt when she sees a stranger for the first time. Her mother already had a first daughter, Marcela, aged 5, from a relationship at the age of 18, when she was still single. Two years after Andreza was born, she gained a third sister, who was named Melina. They grew up like almost all children do, very sickly until around the age of 7, but then with more resistance and like almost all siblings, with those disagreements and fights typical of childhood. His family was Protestant Christian and they always attended the neighborhood's Assembly of God, where his first friendships were born, in addition to neighbors and friends from school. Andreza, however, was not very friendly with all of her neighbors; She was even more interested in adults, but her parents didn't want her to have affection with adults, except for family members who lived on her street. In fact, he had affinity with few children, but he was a good friend of Ana Carla, who also lived close to his house. One day, when she was still living with her parents, Andreza found Carla at the door of the house and they were alone for a few moments. She then asked: - Carla, I saw something very strange. I woke up last night scared and went to my father's room. Mom and Dad were doing some weird things. She was on top of him, almost jumping and she moaned softly. I didn't understand. I was even more
  • 8. scared and preferred to go back to my bed. But what they did seemed to be good. What was that? - I'll try to see if my mother does the same with my father - said her friend. “I’ll try to look at her when she’s sleeping with my dad.” - I'll ask mom what she was doing. I was curious. I have to find out. I like discovering things. I always liked it. In fact, Andreza spoke to her mother and she disagreed. “Could it be that you were dreaming, darling? I don’t know what you’re talking about?”Ester replied. - Mom, I don't think I was dreaming. Her mother found no other way to dissuade her. Andreza was only 8 years old, she was curious and at that age it's difficult to talk about sex with a child. It was careless to let their daughter see them in intimate moments and the parents didn't realize they were caught having sex. Andreza talked to Carla other times, but she couldn't find out anything. - I can't see my parents sleeping - said Carla. - I spend the night in my room with my older sister and they lock the door to their room. I don't hear anything coming from their room either. Andreza also didn't witness anything strange anymore. His parents became more careful. The worst would come later. A boy at school watched his parents having oral sex and told Andreza. She was suspicious, without understanding, but that was where the malice in her heart was born. It seemed like the age of innocence was ending. However, he did not say anything to his parents about what his school friend had reported.
  • 9. Her mother, however, one day, couldn't bear it, made a decision, and turned to Andreza, privately: “Dear daughter, I need to tell you something very serious. You are a child, but you are becoming a young lady, and above all, you are a woman. Women keep something very precious. And they are defenseless. You need to defend yourself.” - From what, mommy? – the girl asked immediately. - From men – completed Ester. - If any man touches you, your private parts, tell me; inform me immediately. Don't be afraid to talk to me. I will help you. And if that's the case, if someone messes with you, scream, don't accept what they want to do to you and run. Don't hide anything from me. I am your mother and I will always be able to help you. - It's okay, mom. And what do men do with women? - They can hurt and take advantage of girls' innocence. - And why are we innocent? What is innocence? - Children don't know everything, they are fragile and defenseless. They need their parents. Women, even more so. Men can do evil, hit, hurt and even drag a child away. They can molest a woman, using force, as women are much less physically strong. More questions appeared in his mind, but he didn't want to ask too many questions that day. - Mom, you're scaring me. I'm getting scared. - Why, my daughter? Sorry, but I needed to tell you these things. - I didn't understand much, but I was scared. I promise I will tell you everything that happens to me. Mom, one more thing: Dad is a man! Can he hurt me? - Not my daughter. He's your daddy and he loves you. Don't forget this.
  • 10. - Good, mom. I became calmer. It had been difficult for her mother to establish this conversation with her daughter, but she felt it was essential and the time was right, despite her daughter's young age. I didn't exactly want to talk about sex, I couldn't find a way, but that conversation was already an entry. He felt that his daughter was too young to hear about sex. Andreza was curious, even more so, but contained her doubts. His still very childish mind couldn't quite understand that and wasn't imaginative or questioning enough for that. However, it happened that about two years later, her younger sister discovered news at school, in fact information about sex, and told Andreza and that was when the two began to better understand what a sexual relationship was. - Andreza, my friends said that the man and his wife lie down in bed and have sex. And I'll keep asking what that's like. Everything helped Andreza revive her memories and put together the pieces of the puzzle to truly understand what a sexual relationship is. Some time later, however, Andreza would confess to a friend: “After my mother told me a few things, I became very curious and started touching parts of my body when I took a bath and when I lay in bed to sleep. I started caressing my breasts and my cockatiel and it felt good. It was a different, pleasant sensation that I hadn't felt before. I was wet and felt more relaxed. But I thought I shouldn't be doing that, I thought it was wrong and I blamed myself. I was afraid to tell my mother that. She was going to scold me. But, at the same time, because it was prohibited, I thought it was even better and I wanted to do it again.”
  • 11. Carla, who was a year older, discovered that this was masturbation and that if done in excess it could be harmful. - A girl at school said this is called siririca(*). And that some girls do to others - said Andreza. - And he also said: “But I don’t want anyone to do it to me.” - And have you already been doing this? Siririca... - No, no, I never did - Andreza lied. And he further asked: - Carla, why is excessive touching and masturbating not good? I wonder... - I don't know exactly, but I think it could be harmful, Andreza. You seem to have been very curious about all this. And Andreza didn't say anything else that day. She thought, however, that her younger sister was also masturbating, as one day at bedtime it seemed to her that she was touching her private parts and vocalizing strange words or murmurs. But she didn't want to question her mother initially. And Andreza stopped masturbating when she went to sleep, for fear of being exposed. In his mind, Andreza began to wonder why women and girls masturbated and why did boys do it too? And how do men masturbate? It happened after Carla's mother discovered the content of her conversations with Andreza and told Ester. - Imagine something like that. What are these girls talking about? Is this talk for children? Did your daughter say anything to you? - Carla's mother complained. ____ (*) Brazilian colloquial term used to indicate a form of female masturbation.
  • 12. - No, Margaret. She never said anything about this subject to me. - Forgive me for asking, but: have you ever talked about sex topics with your daughter? Because I think it's absurd for parents to talk about these topics at that age. - No. I never discussed these topics with her - Ester lied, as it seemed that her previous conversation with Andreza had opened her daughter's interest in topics related to sex. - Talk to her. But I don't even know how you're going to say it. Maybe it's better to forget about it for now and just be more attentive. Be careful with your daughter's company. Pay more attention! I think it's better for our daughters to not talk to each other for a while, so they don't bring up these topics. Be sure to take her to services twice a week. See if she pays attention to what the pastor preaches. - I will take better care of my daughter. Until the other day - and said goodbye. - You can leave it, - said Ester, a little embarrassed. - This will never happen again. I will be attentive. Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to Andreza. Ester looked for her daughter. He explained the reason for the conversation with Carla's mother. He reported the content of the conversation and the girl was embarrassed. He said that Carla had brought up the subject and denied that the topic had come from her. This did not mean that Ester was kind to her daughter and ordered her not to talk to her friends about these topics anymore. - Clear your doubts with me – asked Ester, urgently. In fact, Ana Carla has since moved away from Andreza.
  • 13. Andreza has always been a measured child. When he was 9 years old, his father and mother gave him a bicycle, and despite all his father's care, the child had an accident and was injured, and was not run over by a vehicle due to pure luck. Her parents took her to a nearby health unit where she received care; Nothing serious was found, the girl received bandages and was released. However, her parents were concerned about what had happened to their daughter, they collected her bicycle and were afraid that she could have an accident again, and worse, more seriously. The bike had been a little damaged, with a lot of scratches, and they ended up selling it. Andreza asked her parents if she would receive another bicycle, and they lied and said yes, but in truth they did not have the courage to buy another bicycle for Andreza. This episode had a lot of impact the girl's childhood and would have consequences for her future behavior. The child began to behave more touchy and withdrawn and his parents became more overprotective. When the girl got sick it was another problem. She did not accept taking medications well and was at odds with her parents, especially her mother, who ended up being the only one who managed to make Andreza take the prescribed medications, although often in an imposing way and on the basis of a lot of sacrifice. All of this created discomfort between Andreza and her mother. Her father was more passive and was of the opinion that they should not force his daughter to take the medicines. Ester insisted, however, that the medications had been recommended by the doctor out of necessity and it was not up to Andreza to decide whether to take them or not, given that she was still a child and her health was the responsibility of her parents. Her mother tried to explain all of this to her, but the young brunette was rebellious about taking her medications. When she fell ill and needed to take medication, her mother found herself in a lot of trouble and it was a stressful situation.
  • 14. At the age of 9, a picturesque and unusual event occurred in Andreza's life. She went out with her family to watch the party and the boi-bumbá dances and for a moment the girl was away from her parents, being in the company of Marcela, who was already 14 years old. Then a gypsy palm reader appeared out of nowhere, who held Andreza's left hand, exposing the palm area and looking into the child's eyes, began to say: - Daughter, can I read your hand and talk about you? - She, innocently, answered yes. Marcela was curious and said at that moment: - Madam, I don't have money to pay for your service! - I won't charge anything to two beautiful children like you – explained the elderly woman. And the gypsy continued, looking into Andreza's eyes: - My child, you often feel intimidated and challenged. Your mind is already that of an almost adult person, you are serious and like much older friends. - How do you know that? - asked his sister. - I know, because I read it in her hands and eyes – explained the elderly woman. And he said more things: “You are very reserved and need to be taken seriously, which can cause suffering for you and make you feel uncomfortable in the role of a child; you will always accept only what is very good. Girl, you were born for the adult world. You have the skills to be practical and concrete. You will always be an extremely rational person. Others will always need to ask your permission for everything they do to you. You are very attached to your parents, but you will have to be freed. You believe in hierarchy today, but you will soon break this rule. You will be ambitious and will always trust your own efforts rather than those around you. You love peace and stillness. You're
  • 15. shy, you like to be discreet, but you have a great sense of humor. Beware of the sense of perfection, pride and fear of showing your feelings. You have a lot of patience to concentrate on your work and achieve your goals. You will have to fight your whole life. You will be very famous for your deeds, but not for your will or your effort, but for the will and efforts of others. God be with you". Andreza and Marcela were entranced. Here the youngest said: - Madam, I understood very little of what you said. Is it all about me? - Yes, child. - How do you know so much about my life? - Your hands told me. You understood little today, but as time passes you will realize that I was right. And the lady walked away from them, disappearing into the crowd. Andreza's father and mother then appeared, distressed, as they had been looking for their two daughters for 15 minutes and couldn't find them. - What did you do, girls? - asked his mother. - We were talking to a lady – said the older one. - Who, my daughter? Any acquaintances? - asked his father, still worried. - We don't know who she is and she didn't say her name either - Andreza revealed. - Don't talk to strangers - asked Ester. - All I know is that the woman asked to see my sister's hands and started saying a lot of things – Marcela confessed. - It must have been a gypsy – concluded José. – I've seen some around here.
  • 16. - Daughters, don’t notice anything she said – asked that mother. - Reading palms is not God's thing. Don't believe anything she said. We are evangelicals and we can only believe in what the Word of God reveals to us. - It's okay, mommy – promised the two girls. And the family preferred to leave that place. ______________________________________________________________________ At the age of 10, Andreza's parents were called at school because she had pulled the hair of a classmate of the same age as her and had also given her a small slap in the face due to small personal insults and insults exchanged between the girl. and Andreza with her sister Melina. Ester had a few weeks ago instigated her daughters to take satisfaction from a little girl who had a disagreement with Melina. José, however, was not aware of this episode. When summoned by the school board, Ester and her husband José, denied that their middle daughter was an aggressive child and said they did not know that she had disagreements with colleagues at school or in the neighborhood. She had previous good behavior, but despite this she received a 3- day suspension and a note on her school report. José did not understand his daughter's behavior and questioned her about why she had committed such misconduct. Melina added to the conversation, saying that a girl older than her had pushed her and she, Melina, had gotten slightly injured as a result. Andreza, a few days after all this happened, was then settling accounts with the girl and, therefore, just defending Melina. José did not accept his youngest daughter's allegations and Andreza simply replied that she did not know why she had done that. When asked by her father if she regretted her actions, she chose to remain silent. He further said:
  • 17. - You did everything wrong! You don't resolve things like that. If a classmate does something bad to you, tell the teachers and us, your parents, and don't try to take revenge on your friends and fight with them even more. Do not increase conflicts. Talk to us, and we will try to resolve it amicably, taking the right measures. Understood? Andreza and her sister nodded in agreement. At that moment they looked at their mother completely silent and she pretended that she was not to blame for her daughter's attitude. Upon arriving at her house, Ester complained to Andreza about what she had done, said she was ashamed of what she had said to her daughters a few weeks ago and asked them to keep a secret regarding José. They promised that they would not say anything and the story would get better. it ended there. After that day, Andreza did not commit any further mistakes or reprehensible acts at her school. At 11 years old, the brunette began to attract the attention of two cousins close in age to hers, one of them living on her street. Ester noticed that the boys started coming to her house more frequently and asking more about Andreza, increasing their interest in her. Their invitations to accompany her to services and to eat ice cream were frequent. She, however, in an antagonistic way, faced with the advances of her cousins, preferred to move further away from them, avoiding any approach. Her aunts and her mother Ester noticed this and found their niece a little proud. She had ended up moving a little further away from the house of her aunts, mothers of the aforementioned cousins, to escape their harassment. Ester's sisters then spoke to her and expressed their opinion, saying that they thought Andreza's reaction was exaggerated and asked her not to stay away from them for such a futile reason, claiming that flirtations between cousins are frequent and generally
  • 18. temporary, being typical of the adolescence. Ester then claimed that her daughter was still very young and had not considered dating until then, and her behavior and ideas were still very childish. Ester still sought out her daughter for a dialogue. And he addressed her with these words: - Daughter, why are you moving so far away from your aunts' house? They are finding your behavior strange. And they are sad about it. They like you very much, my daughters! They adore you, Andreza. Don't do that. Just because your cousins are interested in you?! - That's exactly why, mom. I don't know any other way to escape them. - Daughter, just say no. Tell them that you only want friendship. - They are insistent. - This will pass soon, it's a phase... It's common for cousins to want to date cousins, but it only happens if they both accept. - I don't want to date cousins. I even think it can harm family relationships and create enmity if the relationship doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. - And truth. You may be right, but it's also not a reason to walk away from your own family. Boys may even feel rejected... - And what's wrong? - You don't do that even with strangers; imagine with cousins. Pay attention to them, but say straight away that you don't want to date; say that you want their friendship, that of cousins. - Could it be. I'll try to be clear with them. - But don't be prejudiced against your cousins. And try to speak politely, without being rude.
  • 19. - I'm not prejudiced, mother – replied Andreza, somewhat irritated. - And above all, I still have to speak nicely?! They are the ones who come to bother me and pick on me and I'm the one who will need a way to respond to them. It was just what I was missing! - Andreza, don't talk like that! Don't be proud or arrogant. The young woman, however, continued in an elated tone: - Yeah, mom, I'm not thinking about dating yet. I am very young. But when I start, I don't want to date just anyone, I don't want to date family members, I want the best for myself, I want to grow, to improve my life. - Andreza, be careful what you say. I agree with you, but don't treat your family badly. I ask you. - It's okay, mom. - Daughter, I really want you to be an important person. That's why your father and I chose such a beautiful name for you. And the girl went to lunch, thus ending that day's debate with her mother. _____________________________________________________________________ Some time later at school, a boy took a magazine with explicit sexual content and Andreza was able to see the magazine, being shocked, as her reaction was one of astonishment. Pornographic sex impressed her, and she was very scared by it all. - Take this magazine away from me, it only contains ugly things - Andreza pleaded, in reaction to her school friend. However, he did not want to comment on what happened to his parents. They also had not yet determined a communication channel with her to talk about sex and relationships or dating.
  • 20. Later, at his school, he began taking classes on Human Anatomy, Reproduction and Sexuality. He was already 12 years old and a lot had opened up in his mind. She even saw other magazines with sexual content and even acquired a magazine hidden from her parents, with money from the snacks she saved, in behavior that was not very usual for girls her age. At the age of 11, she became interested in a friend from church and then another from school, but they didn't agree with her and nothing happened. It was at the age of 12, however, that a thing happened at her church's temple, exactly a performance with music and after the event a friend who sympathized with her gave her a kiss on the way out, on the mouth. A very innocent kiss, and they separated, each going to their own home. He arrived at his home and told his mother about the kiss. She responded this way: - But, my daughter, haven't you told me about this boy yet? And how did you kiss a boy without me or your father knowing. Or had you told your father about him? What is his name, who are his parents? How did you become interested in it? Andreza was a little surprised by her mother's reaction; There were so many questions and she even felt a little upset, but in the end she partially agreed with her and answered: - Sorry, mom. He's a good boy. I didn't tell my father about him either. We talked from time to time, quickly. I always thought he exchanged glances with me. His kiss surprised me too. It all happened very quickly and we separated. We didn't say anything else. - And who are his parents?
  • 21. - Luís Cláudio and Elisangela, it seems to me. - My daughter, don't you know the names of the boy's parents? Careful. Do not do that again. - Sorry, mom. But I was just unsure about his mother's name... But I know them both well by sight. His father and mother. - And you never spoke to them in person? - Mom, I'm not dating him. He's just my colleague from the Church. - But you need to know the parents before wanting to date a boy. - What about his parents? All good...? The girl questioned, trying to get feedback from her mother. - I'm going to talk to your father, Andreza. I don't know them very well. This boy's parents. I'll talk to your father. - Mom, I'm not dating him. It was just a kiss. I don't even know if he'll look for me later. Andreza found everything too complicated and difficult to start a relationship and deep down she didn't completely agree with her mother. In fact, after that day the boy no longer looked for the young woman and sometimes waved to her with just a hello, even moving away from conversations. She didn't understand, she wanted to look for him to talk, but she decided against it. There were doubts in her head as to why Eduardo didn't speak to her anymore, and she quickly forgot about him. Her mother also did not look for her to give the results of the conversation with her father about the boy. Andreza was a little upset at first, wondering if it was interference from her parents or his parents, and that they wouldn't accept the relationship and even talked to her mother.
  • 22. - It was good, my daughter, that he didn't look for you anymore. Andreza, you're still too young to date. There will be time. Study first. The priority is studies. Dating comes later. Andreza was a little disappointed by her mother's allegations. - I know I'm very young, but a silly date doesn't hurt anyone. I know two friends at school who are my age and are already dating. I wanted to have a boyfriend. - Patience, my daughter. Your time will come. You're cute. Guys will be interested in you. The things of God have their right time and purpose. - Do you think I'm just cute? And how much longer will I wait? - You are beautiful, my daughter. Many boys will be interested in you. And your age for dating will come, take it easy. Everything in its own time. I only started dating when I was 16. - You, mother. I am not you. I want to date before... At 18 you were already a mother... Andreza had never responded to her mother like that, in a questioning tone. - Andreza, respect me. And God forbid you become a mother at 18. Too young. Go study first, graduate. - I don't want to have a child at 18. I have a lot of things to accomplish in my life before I have children. You got me wrong. - Very well - concluded Ester. - Sorry. When Andreza was born, she lived with her parents and maternal grandparents, as well as two aunts, her mother's sisters. Another aunt of his lived on the same street, but in a nearby house. Some time later, the family would move to a house in the neighboring neighborhood of São Cristóvão, where one of José's sisters
  • 23. lived, who would move to Brasília-DF with her children, leaving her house for José to live with his family. In that house where Andreza was born in Vila Brasil, many people lived and it was uncomfortable. The granddaughter was 12 years old and asked her grandmother once: - Grandma, how many children did you have? Because four people live on our street alone: Mom and three others. - My granddaughter, I had eight children: 6 women and 2 men. -And her grandmother repeated the names of her eight children, as well as their ages. - Grandma, you dated too much! – Andreza joked. - Dear, - continued Maria Augusta – in your grandmother's time it was difficult to get pills to avoid getting pregnant. - Grandma, I already studied something about this at school. - Children today are very knowledgeable, Andreza. They discover many things too soon. Information that in my upbringing I only came to learn when I was almost 18 years old. - And grandpa was also very naughty. Eight children. He's such a son, grandma. - My granddaughter, your great-grandmother had thirteen children!!! - Grandma Augustinha, didn't you have a television in her time? Did you only think about dating? - Girl, don't say something like that – scolded her maternal grandmother. – Of course there was no television during your great-great-grandfather’s time. But it was good to have many children to take care of the house and the farm. - Oh! Got it, grandma.
  • 24. - And there was no pill to avoid catching a boy; and making a connection with the doctor, that's what was difficult for women to do. - Grandma, I like to know things: what is connection? - Oh my God, I'm talking too much. This girl is very curious! Bonding is a surgery, daughter, that women undergo to avoid having any more children. - Oh! I understand, grandma. But what do you really care about? Do you know? - Your grandmother is not very studied, daughter. I don't know much. But they say the doctor ties the woman's tubes, close to the uterus. - Well, grandma, you know a lot. And did you make a call? - No, but I had to have surgery and remove everything. - Why? - Bleeding, my daughter and fallen uterus(*). I had eight children, have you forgotten? And all by natural birth. I was also afraid of that disease, cancer. Thank God it didn't. - Grandma Augustinha, today I'm not going to ask anything else so as not to upset you. - It's okay, daughter. You mentioned television. Today's children and young people learn too much from television and that's why they want to date too early. TV teaches good things, but bad things too. - Grandma, can someone who undergoes surgery that removes everything still date? - Andreza asked, forgetting that she had promised not to ask her grandmother anything else that day. (*) uterine prolapse
  • 25. - Damn girl, you want to know too much! You are very knowledgeable! I'm not going to answer you anything else today! And I'm going to tell your mother that you're very curious... - Don’t tell me, grandma – asked Andreza. – You don't need to answer anymore. And the two ended their conversation that day. Her grandmother offered her a pumpkin sweet with grated coconut that she had prepared herself and a glass of water and her granddaughter went to try it. _____________________________________________________________________ From the age of 12, Andreza began to be interested in the male universe. He went to watch football training on a field near his house. She later confessed why she started this habit: “I loved seeing those sweaty boys running after that ball. They look like fools; but their bodies are beautiful. They have thick, toned legs and thighs and many of them have toned, flat stomachs. I like that. That's why I like going to watch them play. I think I'm a bit of a freak about that and it makes me horny. I adore". Her father really liked football and found it curious that his daughter was interested in football too, as in his opinion it still seemed to be a very masculine sport. But he also didn't think his daughter liked football because she had any homosexual tendencies. He saw his daughter as a completely feminine girl with normal behavior. To please her father even more, she declared herself a fan of the same team as him, and he was very proud. He didn't have a son, but he had a daughter who supported his favorite club with him. All of this made him very happy. He repeated: - Daughter of the heart, only you can do this for your father. I love you lots.
  • 26. When Andreza was 12 years old, her mother decided to take a Nursing course to get a better job. Ester then looked for her husband and talked to him about her intention. - José, my husband, I thought about going to college. - Which one, my dear? – asked her husband. - Nursing. I know it will be difficult to work, take care of my family and study at the same time, but I need to get a better job and I know that this profession has good job opportunities in our city. And I identify with the health sector. - That's good, Esther. I only worry about our daughters and I know that your life will be very busy while you are studying. - I know José that I will go through trials and I will have to donate even more, but I feel that I need to get a job to earn better and I thought about Nursing. You can work in health centers, hospitals, and others. - Yes it is true. - Do you support me? José responded promptly: - Of course, my wife. I also wish the best for you and for the good of our family. - God will bless me in my choice! - Will you talk to our daughters about your decision? - Yes, I'll talk as soon as possible. - When will the Nursing exams be? - I'm going to do two tests. In 6 months. I will first attend a preparatory course. I've been studying at home, I need some reinforcement. This course will take
  • 27. place at night from 6 pm to 10 pm, Monday to Friday for four months. It will interfere with my attendance at services, but I will make this sacrifice. - Happy studying then, my love. May God enlighten you and you pass on the first try! - Yes, it will work. The next day, at night, Ester gathered her daughters and her husband after dinner and broke the news to them. - Daughters, - began the mother - I need to tell you about a very important decision that I made in agreement with your father. - What happened, mom? - asked the oldest, Marcela, a little scared. - It's not bad at all - said Ester, trying to calm them down. - And what is it then, mother? - asked Andreza in turn. - It's good news, but I'll need your understanding. Mom needs to get a better job and for that I decided to take a Nursing course. - Really, mom? - asked the youngest, apparently happy. - Yes, my daughters. I know it will be difficult for me and I will go through a very turbulent, very difficult period, but I need to look for improvements for us and to help your father with our household expenses. I started working in commerce, but I earn little and I need to get a better job. I decided on Nursing because I like this area and there are good job opportunities in this sector in our city. - Congratulations, mom, on your choice – declared Marcela. Andreza, however, stated to everyone: - Mom, Dad, I think it's good for you to work, but I'm just worried about the fact that you're going to spend less time with us because you'll be busier. You're going to pay us less attention and we need you.
  • 28. - Oh, my dear, it's true. But it will be for a temporary time and for a noble cause. - What if you are going to work at night? - asked Andreza. - He's going to leave us alone with Dad on duty days. I know nurses can work at night too. - I promise I will do everything I can to not work at night when I graduate and get a job. I will look for jobs that are only during the day. - But, mom, during your Nursing course, will you have to work night shifts? - asked the oldest. - Yes, daughters, but only during internship periods, which should last around 1 and a half years. - Ah, mom, I was happy but I was also sad at the same time – said the middle daughter. – Don’t abandon us. Dad, what do you think of all this? - Daughter, I'm here to support and encourage your mother. It was a decision that came from her, and she has the right to study and work, and I am convinced that she seeks the best for our family. I ask that you also support your mother in the decision we have made. - I'll try - revealed Andreza. - I hope this period passes soon – Melina wished. - And when will you take the first tests, mom? - asked the eldest daughter. - In 6 months. I need to study before the tests, my daughter. If everything goes well, I will start the Nursing course next year. - Let's root for you, mommy – continued Marcela. – You are a warrior and deserve it. - God bless our family - asked that father. – Ester, my dear, may you realize your dreams and be successful in the career you are aiming for.
  • 29. - Thank you, José. Our God will always be with me. Pray for me, daughters. Ask for your mother in your prayers. - Yes, mom, we will ask - concluded Andreza. – And the others agreed with a nod. Andreza, however, left that room for her room a little sad. She believed that from then on her mother would no longer be able to give her as much attention as before and the two would gradually become more distant from each other. Andreza started to have this fear. In fact, within nine months, Ester started the Nursing course, as she was successful in the entrance exam. Andreza and her mother's relationship worsened over time. Ester didn't let Andreza go out alone with her friends and no was the most frequent response to her daughter's requests. Practically, she could only go out with her older sister, or with her parents to the evangelical temple or some other place. They limited themselves to visiting family on weekends, going to shopping malls, restaurants or the beach, but not every weekend did they leave the house for lunch or dinner out. Only evangelical services were the mandatory program. Andreza became interested in other boys, but due to her mother's previous reactions, generally creating obstacles for Andreza to date, she preferred to disconnect a little from these advances, and decided to remain without a boyfriend. A kind of feeling of fear of emotional relationships was born in her. It seemed to be taboo. Ester began to be afraid that her daughter was very angry and started to watch her. The fear was that Andreza would do wrong things, become very flirtatious, start having sexual relations as a teenager, contract illnesses, get pregnant and become poorly spoken of in the neighborhood and in the Church. All the fears of an overprotective mother and memories of similar cases she had already witnessed.
  • 30. Ester even became a little neurotic and began to think that all men, young and old, single and married, looked at her daughter too much, with looks of desire. His daughter wasn't beautiful in his opinion, but she was pretty, and no more than a teenager. Those attacks against her daughter confronted and threatened her and she didn't know how to act. This made Esther vulnerable. Her husband, however, didn't care much. He didn't seem to notice anything wrong or strange. Ester also didn't know how to approach all of this with her husband and they were delicate topics for her. She even felt relieved to think that her husband didn't notice that her middle daughter was already desired by men. Esther, however, began to notice that there was something different about her daughter, and that she attracted the attention of men and that disturbed her. Andreza seemed to awaken men's desire for a female. When I thought then that Andreza might be noticing those seductive looks, it was when she became more distressed. She didn't want her daughter at that age to feel desired and even harassed by older men. It then seemed to Andreza that she was the daughter of whom her mother was most jealous and who was the most controlled. He began to feel his life restricted, full of limitations and prisons. Their freedom and their wills were threatened. He didn't quite understand why his mother acted like this, but he didn't have the courage to talk seriously about all these dilemmas. Everything was affecting his relationship with his mother for the worse. As her father was apparently oblivious to all these questions and was sometimes more benevolent towards Andreza, she became fond of her father and became closer. Andreza then felt that she liked her father more than her mother. Ester even urgently asked her eldest daughter to help guide Andreza and also help her monitor her behavior. The relationship between the two sisters became closer from then on; however, Andreza noticed that the intention was to snoop around
  • 31. and control her life and on many occasions she was at odds with her older sister Marcela and they had small arguments. The closeness of the two, however, made Andreza learn more about romantic relationships, as her sister was 5 years older and already had a boyfriend. However, a turning point happened in the family. Marcela, unfortunately, committed an action that caused disgust for her parents and was a bad example for her sisters. Marcela got careless and got pregnant by her boyfriend. She became a mother at 19 years old. Ester was having many relationship problems with her daughter Andreza, who was going through puberty. Disagreements were frequent and that's why she decided to have a conversation with a psychologist with experience in adolescent behavior, who was recommended by a colleague of hers who worked at the hospital. He hoped to find tips and solutions to try to improve his relationship with his middle daughter, who had already turned 14 years old. The task of keeping the relationship between mother and daughter healthy is not easy and Ester was discovering this fact in the worst possible way. Andreza was a rebellious teenager and had distanced herself from her mother's friendship, to whom she was no longer confiding in her secrets and the details of her life. Ester made an appointment with the psychologist without Andreza knowing; only José knew. Arriving at the office, she introduced herself to the attendant and was instructed to wait for her turn. When the moment arrived, she was taken to the psychologist's room and addressed the professional: - Good morning, doctor. My name is Ester and you were recommended by a friend of mine. - Good morning, yours Dr Priscila Andrade. What is your friend's name?
  • 32. - Tatiana Dutra. She brought her teenage son, Felipe, here. Do you remember? About three months ago, she told me. - Is he a handsome blonde and she is a light brunette with long hair and a soft voice? - Yes, it's them. - I do remember. But tell me, Ester, what brought you to my office? - These are problems relating to my 14-year-old daughter, my middle daughter. I also have a 19-year-old daughter who recently had a baby and a 12-year- old daughter, but this one isn't causing me any difficulties yet. Doctor, are disagreements common between mothers and teenage daughters? I never thought that my daughter Andreza (that's her name) would be like this, hard working. She was such a calm, well-behaved child and has changed so much. - Yes, Esther. Perhaps the topic is strange, but nevertheless, the subject is recurrent in psychology offices and in conversations between friends in the same condition as you. In fact, the relationship between mother and daughter presents subjective challenges and can, in some cases, be marked by severity - reported Priscila. “Although much is expected and demanded from a relationship between mother and daughter, we do not always see the expected complicity. There are also many mothers and daughters who report difficulties in their relationship. The relationship between the two is not limited to unconditional support and understanding. Mothers and daughters are human and as such, they face dilemmas and paradigms. What would that be? I'll explain: The relationship between mother and daughter can face harmful feelings, even if they remain at an unconscious level. Judgment, guilt, competition, denial, anger can permeate this relationship.
  • 33. “Freedom, youth, discoveries bring a feeling of lack of control to the mother, who is remembered for her role as matriarch. So start telling me, Esther, what is happening between you. - Doctor, here's the thing: After entering adolescence, as expected, Andreza changed her behavior and attitudes. But I don't know how to deal with her. She doesn't take my advice about boyfriends, she doesn't tell me about them. She wants things like a cell phone and if she asks me for it and I can't give it to her, I feel like she gets upset. If I give an order she runs to her father and he sometimes gives in and so she disrespects my order. She doesn't talk to me much, it seems like she doesn't trust me anymore. If I have a small, even healthy argument with her father, she then becomes weird with me or seems to defend her father more. She almost doesn't want to help around the house anymore. He fights too much with his sisters. It involves too much, especially with the youngest, since the oldest is no longer living with us. She is not affectionate with me, I try to be with her; He sometimes treats me rudely. I don't really know who her friends are at school; She doesn't tell me about them. - Ester, – continued Dr Priscila - her daughter's growth brings the constant reminder that time has passed. This means that the daughter is gaining autonomy and maturity, and is trying to show this to her mother, who is not there to make her dreams come true, nor to live what was dreamed of for her. “In this conflict between love and hate, they will fight each other until they find their new roles. Even if this results in partial or permanent removals. “But it is possible to take advantage of this behavior, if we know how to act correctly. - How is her relationship with her father?
  • 34. - It's good, but he's a little out of touch with some issues. He, for example, doesn't talk to her much about what's going on in Andreza's life and he also doesn't debate with me about our daughter's life, only if I get into the subject. I am the one who most often proposes discussions about our daughter. He generally agrees with me, but he is more likely to give in to her whims and wishes. - Then talk to him more; You must be on the same page, in complete alignment about what you think is best for your daughter, but you must always try to reach a consensus on each subject to avoid sending ambiguous or conflicting messages to her. Remember that her mind is in formation, in a transition between childhood and adulthood. - I believe that the mother's role is, in addition to taking care of their health and nutrition, to transmit information that will guide their children's behavior for the rest of their lives. – declared the mother. This information will include the mother's values that may or may not be accepted by her children. But I confess that this really creates a lot of conflicts. - Exactly, Ester - continued the psychologist. - The better the mother's relationship with her children, the more they will absorb the information you give them and will have their mother as a reference. “When the relationship is with daughters (women), the maternal figure is usually even stronger and her role as a model to be followed is more notable. - Doctor Priscila, what can I do then? How should I start to improve my interaction with my daughter and for her to trust me more and open up to me, as I am her mother? - First of all: Get to know your personality and that of your daughter. You should know if you have more similarities or differences with your daughter, in terms
  • 35. of their personalities. Knowing yourself is fundamental to making decisions and lucidly observing how we relate to each other. “Notice your reactions and the standards we assume to get what we want. When you identify, change what generates conflicts. - Will my daughter ever be my friend and I will be her confidant? I always imagined this for her... - And it was like that with your eldest daughter? - It was, approximately, yes. We had and maintain a good relationship of coexistence and complicity. We talked a lot. But despite this, she got pregnant early, at 18, and I preferred that she finish her studies first. The psychologist continued her speech: - It is not because they are mother and daughter that everything should be said in their conversations. There is a certain limit between mother and daughter, especially because you are not just “friends”. Ester, in the relationship between a mother and her daughter, no matter how much you two may trust each other, there is always a certain judgment and criticism behind a mother's words. - I understand. - Therefore, mother, respect certain limits imposed by the relationship, generations and age difference; You will have to learn these limits, for your sake and that of your daughter. - Yeah, we're not having a good dialogue at the moment. - The mother-daughter relationship tends to fluctuate - said the psychologist - This is to be expected. The daughter often represents a “second chance” for her mother to do things that were not possible for her when she was young and thus
  • 36. unrealistic expectations can arise in this mother. Don't expect your daughter to be what you wanted to be but couldn't. - I will try to demand less from my daughter. - Great – approved Priscila, and continued: - Other times, it is the daughters who need to feel more autonomy and try to free themselves from their mothers' care – something that can “drive crazy” a mother – especially if she does not consider her daughter ready to explore the world. world alone. - I hadn't thought of such a situation... - The stage where the most friction usually arises is during adolescence, as the daughter begins to understand that she has some right to do things her way, but the mother often does not agree with her daughter's view. - And how will I be able to do that, doctor? - Try to overcome yourself, mother. It doesn't matter if you are a mother or a daughter, we can always be better at something. We can travel more, read more, study something new, learn to dance. By taking care of yourself, the opinions of others will not easily destabilize us. - And how will my daughter value me and want to follow me in what I do? - When we are sure of what we like and want, it is easier to be admired and respected. In the relationship between mother and daughter, this is fundamental so that each person has autonomy in their own lives. Do some leisure activity together; in short, anything that brings pleasure to your relationship. Build affective memories. - Doctor, I don't have much free time and our household budget is tight. - But analyze and try. Respect each other's space: know how to identify space and understand where each other's freedom begins. Understand the personal preferences and opinions of others. It is obedience to differences that promotes good
  • 37. coexistence. You will only be able to convince her to change her opinion a few times if you do it this way: trying to understand her first and respecting her ideas. - What else, for example, doctor? - Improve communication between you: you do not share the same vocabulary or the same culture. They are different generations and the same will happen with their children. - I will analyze all your proposals, doctor, and I will try to put into practice what I can. I'm not going to bring her in for a chat with you just yet. - Okay. I respect your position. - Good luck with her. Send me news. - Have a good day and a great work week. And they said goodbye with a cordial handshake. When Ester arrived at her house, she found her husband José and talked about the conversation she had with psychologist Priscila. José asked her: - How was your appointment with the psychologist, Ester? - It was very good, José. She clarified many things for me and gave me several guidelines. You should also talk to her later; it will be very good. - What did she think of our daughter's case? Did she agree that your concerns were well founded? - Yes, I believe so. She told me that disagreements between mothers and daughters are frequent during adolescence and parents must be well guided and prepared to deal with their children at this stage. - Ester, are you sure you're not exaggerating? I think our daughter is a great girl.
  • 38. - José, our daughter is great, but she is moving away from me a lot and I'm worried. I don't want to lose my daughter to the world. - But our children are created for the world, and not just for us, Ester, unfortunately. We know this to be true. - But a daughter can't stop loving her mother and only care about the outside world just because she's becoming an adult. Either we act now, or I lose my daughter. - Good God. That's not going to happen, Ester. With God's grace, we won't let it happen. - The doctor said that we need to talk more about our daughter and her problems and we need to get closer to her to try to be more active in her life. But she warned me that we need to learn the language of teenagers, have a lot of patience and try to put ourselves in their shoes to understand their desires. - I know how difficult this is. - Me too. I have felt this on my skin. I try to get closer to her, but it's difficult. It seems that Andreza doesn't trust me anymore. I need to regain our daughter's trust, José. For my sake and for the sake of our family. The doctor told me that I need to try to do some things with her so that we can create bonds and be able to have mutual affinity. Help me: think of some ideas. I need to get closer to Andreza. - I'll try to help. And the psychologist wants to talk to Andreza? - I asked not to take our daughter yet. José, I also worry about not having the financial means to pay for many psychotherapy sessions. The sessions are expensive and I only got them privately. - Let's find a way. Have faith. We will be able to pay for the sessions that are necessary. - Thank you my love.
  • 39. - I will do this for you and for our daughter. And they ended the conversation for that day. Ester then started trying to get closer to her most problematic daughter. In the following days, her mother invited Andreza to take a cooking course and a couples course at the Church. Ester arrived home and spoke to her daughter Andreza. - Honey, I'm going to take a cooking course. Do you want to accompany me? I can sign you up. Teenagers aged 14 and over are allowed to participate in the course, accompanied by a guardian. Do you want to come with me, daughter? - Mom, I'm not very interested in cooking. - Daughter, it's a fancy course. It will teach you how to make different food dishes, how to present meals and go over various cooking techniques. Everyone is dressed in those chef and apprentice outfits. It's pretty cool! - Mom, it must be an expensive course. You don't have to pay me to do it. - Andreza, I insist – insisted his mother. - Come follow me. I invited Marcela and she didn't want to come – Ester lied, as she hadn't invited her eldest daughter. – Let’s both participate! - Ah, so you're only inviting me because Marcela rejected your proposal – replied the middle daughter, disdainfully. - No, daughter, that's not it. I would like the three of us to participate, but she won't be able to go. I was definitely going to invite you, anyway – the mother explained. - I see it will be a very good course for both of us. - Okay, mom, sign me up and I'll participate with you – promised the brunette. - Agreed, my daughter.
  • 40. And that's how the conversation ended that day. Two weeks later the course was held. And the two went to the cooking course, which lasted four days; Ester loved the training and learned many tips for the kitchen and delicious recipes, having received a notebook with tips and recipes at the end of it all. Andreza, however, was very clumsy and clumsy in the kitchen, and ruined the materials for a recipe, leaving the ingredients to burn in the fire; There was also a recipe in which she forgot to add salt and another in which she added too much pepper. Andreza was reprimanded by the course instructor, who was very strict, and by her mother, and left the course a little upset and disappointed, due to the inconvenience she caused. Her mother even later regretted the way she spoke to her daughter. Ester returned to the psychologist's office after around 30 days to give feedback about her relationship with Andreza and to request further guidance. After greeting each other, Ester turned to the professional in these terms: - Doctor, I've been trying to put your guidelines into practice, but I confess that it's not been easy. - HENCE THE IMPORTANCE OF MOTHER AND DAUGHTER HAVING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP, ESTER - SAID PSYCHOLOGIST PRISCILA ANDRADE. - WOMEN LIKE TO SHARE FEELINGS AND EXPERIENCES AND END UP TALKING TOO MUCH. MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOUR DAUGHTER DOESN'T WANT TO OPEN UP TO YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. - But I need to know about my daughter, doctor. She might need me. I feel that.- said the mother. – How will my relationship with her be like this? - This relationship can often have problems. Because a mother is a mother, not a friend. Great disturbances can arise when a mother considers her daughter to be
  • 41. her confidant, or worse, when she thinks that her daughter could be her mother's confidant. - Really, doctor? - Yes. The daughter will have many friends in her life and they are the ones who must fulfill this role. The mother must be a figure that her daughter can count on for support throughout her life, who will fight for good things to happen to her, but who will not agree with all of her daughter's ideas, as this is the role of a mother. - Priscila, on this point I will not agree with you. I wanted my daughter to be intimate with me and let me know about her life. - This won't always be possible, mom. Ester, you should rethink a lot of things. Adolescence is just a phase. It will pass. Andreza at the moment may wish not to be confidant of her life with you, not of all her secrets. Unfortunately. Accept this. It's fleeting. - DOCTOR, WHAT COULD BE THE WORST MISTAKES MADE BY MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS IN THEIR CONVERSATIONS? - QUESTIONED ESTER. Priscilla replied: - Mom, there is no definitive answer. Perhaps it is a mistake for the daughter to consider that her mother is a superwoman, who never makes mistakes and who will always be complete and perfect. Accepting the mother as a person who must be listened to, but also questioned when there is information that does not seem correct or ideal for the moment, can often be convenient and the mother figure has to learn to accept this fact. “A mother's mistake, in turn, could be believing that her daughter is 100% her 'product'. The daughter is neither property nor the total result of everything her mother offered in education. The daughter has her own personality.
  • 42. - Doctor, I'm a little disappointed now - replied Ester. Ester left the psychologist's office upset and thought about not returning. However, she asked the psychologist to also see José, separately, and try to provide guidance on raising Andreza for that father. Ester arranged a meeting between her husband José and psychologist Priscila Andrade. After introducing themselves, the psychologist asked José: - Father, your wife is very concerned about Andreza's education and psychological training. She expects a lot from you to help raise and shape her daughter Andreza's character. How do you see your daughter? What do you think about her person and her behavior as a teenager? I would like to hear all this from you. Could you tell me? - Yes, doctor, no problem. My daughter is a good girl, but I noticed that as she entered adolescence she became a bit rebellious and more difficult to get along with and she clashes a lot with my wife. - I know, I understand. Continue, please. - We are evangelicals – José continued – and we would like our daughter to be educated according to Christian precepts and our religion, as we also were, but I realize that today's youth have other demands and young people are more questioning. - It's true, dad. You are right. Proceed. - On the other hand, my daughter Andreza is a somewhat closed person, difficult to open up to, even to her sisters. In this way, I often try to respect her way of
  • 43. being and try not to act in a too invasive way, or provoke a conflict because she doesn't want to reveal everything that is going on in her life. - And even? Good insight, congratulations. - Like any father, I don't agree 100% of the time with Andreza nor with her mother, my wife, but we try not to disagree in front of our daughter. HOW CAN WE DO TO IMPROVE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR DAUGHTER, THEN? - asked José. Priscila shared her opinions: - José, first of all, assume that you will not always be able to get close to your daughter. She will often be busy with the computer, phone, books, friends, colleagues at church or school, schoolwork. When you try to talk, she doesn't hear you or simply leaves you talking alone, you or your wife; don't get upset. Your daughter may find you inconvenient at this time. Understand. And you, in turn, may feel helpless. But don't be like that, sad. - I've noticed this a few times, Dr Priscila, but the one who resents these perceptions the most is my wife. - I understood. You may also be too busy with your work, other part of the family, money, individual problems and many other things. Do any of these situations sound familiar? If the answer is yes, you need to improve your father-daughter relationship and strengthen the bond. - How will I do that? What do you suggest, please? - It may seem complex at first, but after a while, you parents will realize that it is not as difficult as you thought. After all, she is your daughter. If you still don't know how to have fun with her and find common interests, don't worry. I'll go over some steps that may be useful. - He can talk.
  • 44. - Make time to spend with her. Try to find time in your routine to do activities with your daughter, you or your wife, together or separately. It's best if it's always on the same day and time so that you remember the special moment of being together and have no commitments. Holidays and vacations are a great time to enjoy, but not just these dates. - I work a lot, doctor. I have a small meat packing plant, so I work for myself, the profits are small, and I can't afford to take a long vacation. Maximum one week per semester. - No problem. If you're still working these days, try to make time on the weekend to spend with her. Give yourself small breaks, closing the store an hour early at least twice a month, for example, if you can, to go out with her. Try to spend at least an hour or two a day together. Choose a time when she is free too. - In general, it is not possible to reconcile the times when she is free with the times when I am off. - Still, ask her: "Do you want to do something with me and your mother?", and tell her the day, or ask what the best shift is on the weekend." However, in the middle of the week, your daughter will probably be very busy with school work, just like you without your business. Respect this and find another time to be together. - I'll talk about this with Ester, but we already do some things together, like going to the beach sometimes and every Saturday and Wednesday night we participate in worship in our congregation. - Know your daughter's tastes. Knowing what types of activities your daughter likes will help a lot when you're together, because you'll already know what to do and where to go. Observe your daughter and take a closer look at what she is doing to get more clues about what she likes. You'll get a better idea of her tastes.
  • 45. Your daughter's interests may be very different from yours, but don't try to change them. - I'll always invite her to accompany me to the supermarket now. - Or go to a shopping mall when you need to buy clothes or shoes. You can also ask her to help you choose your clothes. Your daughter will love being your "fashion consultant", especially if she is interested in the subject. And when she chooses what to wear, let her create her own style. When you go to buy something for Andreza, especially now that she is a teenager, let her select what she likes. Your daughter will simply be expressing herself and being herself because she is authentic. But always be clear with her about your purchasing power. She will learn to understand this issue. - My daughter is already aware of this; She is very down to earth when it comes to her consumer desires. - Good, then. Go for a walk more often if you can. There don't need to be laps to spend. A walk in the center, in the parks or on the beach makes perfect sense. If you don't want to shop, there are still plenty of options. As said before, choose a place that she would be interested in. Take your football fan to a match for her team. - That's a good idea: I've only taken her to the stadium twice to date to watch Sampaio Correa's games. I'll call her to see if she'll come with me. She likes football... - Another important factor is the climate. Check the weather forecast details on the internet, on television or in the newspaper. Leave outdoor activities, such as parks and pool clubs, for sunny days. If it's the rainy season, go to a cafe for hot chocolate or coffee. Does she like coffee? - Yes, she likes it a lot.
  • 46. - Excellent. Go to a cinema, restaurant, indoor pool club, library, museum or any other closed place, according to your possibilities. Try to make her aware of the culture and history of our city. I bet she'll love it. She is thirsty to learn new things. - Yes, doctor, definitely. She is a very curious and connected girl. - Watch a good old movie at home. This is a great activity if it's raining. Watching movies together can also bring you closer together. Look at your options and choose one that you both want to watch. Select an age-appropriate movie! Family comedy movies are good for all ages and will always make you laugh. - I don't really like watching movies, but I'm going to make an effort to do that with her. I will look for films that have a good message. - Yes, it's worth it. Also help her with her school work. As a parent, it is important that you support and contribute to your daughter's education. Always try to help her with her homework if she asks. Don't give the answer, help her. If she has been focusing on her homework for a long time, tell her that if she needs any help, she can always ask. Do the same if she gets a low grade on a test. - I try to teach her some subjects, but there are subjects I no longer know. Teaching is very advanced. I always call a girl, Vanessa, to help with tutoring. And the psychologist continued with her suggestions: - Play. Another way to interact with your daughter is a cool game. Have a regular game night or simply ask her if she'd like to play something. There are good family games you can try. - I like snooker, but I think it's too young to play yet. - And truth; if you understand that a type of game is not suitable for her age, I agree with you; It's another tip from me. If you don't like cooking, pass this task on to your wife. It's another way for you to strengthen your bond. It's also a good way to
  • 47. start teaching her how to learn responsibility. Grab some cookbooks and flip through them with your daughter to see what to do. “Remember you are cooking together. Let your daughter do a few things, such as breaking the eggs, helping to beat the dough, adding the liquids and decorating. Don't expect things to be perfect – that's how teenagers learn. However, supervise and monitor everything she does in the kitchen. - My wife told me that the two of them recently took a cooking course together. - Good idea. Show her that you love her. Demonstrate this! Even if spending time playing games or watching TV keeps you together, is it really a special time? You may not know how to do it very well, but it's the little things that matter. When your daughter is having a bad day, cheer her up with a hug and words of comfort. Does she play any sports? – Not yet at the moment. - So they're already thinking about a sporting activity for her to practice. Don't forget to praise her efforts, above all, because it is important that she learns that it is through trying and insisting, including learning to deal with failures, that she will be successful in life. With your support she will continue with a positive attitude. Have fun with her. And Priscila continued: - Talk to your daughter. It's important for her to know that she can always count on you if she needs something. When you talk to your daughter, look her in the eye and make her talk back. Tell her, "I need you to listen to me.", but in a calm,
  • 48. friendly tone. Try to be brief and sweet or she will become bored, inattentive and think she is in trouble or being lectured. When the two of you talk, it doesn't necessarily have to be a serious conversation. - Really, I need to start talking to Andreza about plans for the future, but I know she's just a teenager and needs to have fun. Our conversations have to be pleasant... - Know how to listen; teenagers expect this from us. You and your daughter need to learn to listen to each other. If you don't do this, she will think that it doesn't make any difference to pay attention to people. To listen, stop what you are doing to look at your daughter. Make eye contact while listening to show that you are paying attention. - I thought these tips you gave me were great, doctor. - Be present in your daughter's life, José. This is the most important thing of all. If there is a sporting, musical, school, or other important event that she would prefer you to go to, really see if you can go. If not, here's why. There are many other ways to be present in her life. Offer help. - I've already offered to teach her how to play the guitar, but she told me she doesn't intend to do that now. I'm not going to force her and do something she doesn't like. I try to motivate her. I am very positive and encouraging; I'm aware of that. - So, congratulations. Improve your skills in praising and encouraging your daughters. Also celebrate your daughter’s talents. This is another form of motivation, and it will make your daughter very happy to recognize her talents. And the psychologist spoke her final words: - Trust your daughter. It may be difficult to do this, but you need to put trust in her. The reason you might not trust your daughter is that she often lies. And that
  • 49. might be because you do the same. She'll think it's okay to lie if you lie too, so it's time to start being a good role model for her (and everyone else). Be honest; keep and do not break your promises, as far as possible; and if the opposite happens, try to justify yourself with it; communication is everything. - Thank you, Doctor Priscila for all these recommendations – said that father. - I will try to put some of them into practice. I believe we will still have other conversations. See you another day. Good job. - Good morning, Mr. José. I hope you have a productive week. And they said goodbye at that moment; however, contrary to José's statement, they would not schedule other sessions and would not take Andreza to the psychologist, as soon Ester and her husband would separate and the man would leave São Luís to live with his middle daughter in another city for a certain amount of time. period of time. After these meetings with psychologist Priscila, José asked Ester if she would continue the psychotherapy sessions and if she would take Andreza to the office of the professional who had attended them. That mother, however, was a little disappointed with the psychologist's words and statements and gave up continuing with the sessions. Every week it seemed that Andreza and her mother's relationship worsened and this would later affect Ester and José's marriage. The evangelical lady invited her middle daughter to accompany her to church services and meetings, but the young woman was already He refused most of his mother's offers. Ester also announced that there would be a training course for young people. She said to her daughter:
  • 50. - Andreza, dear, there will be an event for young people in our Church that I would like you to participate in. A missionary will come from the United States and he will be very good. - Really, mom? And what will be the theme of the event? - It will be a romantic relationship between young people, dating, etc. - Oh, mom, I don't want to participate. - Why, daughter? I think it would be very good for you, who are a teenager. - I don't even have a boyfriend... - But the course and lectures are open to all young people, whether they are already dating or not. Aren't you the one who is “crazy” about dating? - But I don't want to take this course. Sorry, it's fine. Leave it for next time. - It's okay, little girl. If you change your mind let me know. And in fact Andreza would not participate in that meeting for young people chaired by the North American preacher. Esther became quite resentful of her middle daughter for this reason. In addition to the difficulties faced in raising their daughters, other problems appeared in that couple's marital life and the relationship between Ester and José gradually deteriorated and fell into a routine. The arguments became more frequent and the two gradually moved away. They no longer had a marital life and after a few months Ester asked her husband for separation. Esther then said to her husband shortly: “I needed emotional validation in my relationship. Things that my partner had to sincerely say like “You’re smart”, “I’m proud of you”, “You’re a fighter”, “I admire that about you”, “I like your presence”, “Congratulations! You are very honest”, “I am pleased to be by your side”, “I trust you”. “You have great potential.” These are
  • 51. some of the compliments I would like to have heard from my husband, as they would demonstrate my importance to you and the meaning I have for him. I realized that the flame of love between us was extinguished, even prematurely, in my opinion. I only feel sorry for our daughters, but I prefer that everyone go their own way. Let's give ourselves some time away from each other so we can make a definitive decision. “I miss a look, a silence in the form of a hug, a touch and even a smile, to validate me emotionally, in an empathetic and welcoming way. The partner needs to train social skills that allow them to praise, give positive feedback, ask for changes in behavior with affection and empathy. Sorry, but I don't get that from you, José. - I'm sorry, Ester, if I didn't know how to love you. Only we are left with separation. But I propose that we remain friends for the sake of our daughters. But I would like to be with one of them, because I have no one else, and my life would be lonely. You understand me? - There may still be a chance, but we need time alone to think about what is best for each other and for our daughters. I am appalled at having to separate our girls. But, if there is no other way to resolve it, then invite Andreza or Melina to live with you. But I think my youngest is too young to move away from her mother. - Well, I'll stay with Andreza. I'll talk to her - José replied, with a certain joy, despite everything. – Thank you, Ester, for your understanding. It will be heartbreaking, but I have to accept it, for myself. I can't be alone. I don't think I could handle it. And I'm not being dramatic. - I understand your side – the woman reiterated. - José, you need to listen carefully to our daughter and develop empathy with her, that is, the real ability to put yourself in her shoes, considering all the circumstances and life story. Listen carefully, give space to what she wants to demonstrate, use words of affirmation; These are all
  • 52. situations that will give her an idea that you are in fact attentive, open, and that you know how to feel what she expresses. Two days later José found Melina and Andreza and had a conversation with them both - Daughters, daddy has to talk about a delicate subject with you two. - What happened, dad? - asked his middle daughter. – Any complaints at school against both of us? - No, dear ones, fortunately not. It's a more serious problem, between me and your mother. - What happened, daddy? – Melina wanted to know. - Speak quickly, father. You're making me anxious. José didn't know how to approach such a delicate subject as a separation with his daughters at such a young age. - I'll talk to you first and then your mother will also have a conversation. - So Dad is something serious; I’m scared – Andreza said. - Daughters, I don't even know how to say it. First I need to say that we think a lot about the three of you. Your mother is now talking to Marcela. Our priority is you. Know that you come first in our lives and we will always do everything for you. But unfortunately, dear things, things don't always evolve as we planned; There are setbacks on our journey. - Explain better, dad. I don't understand - asked the youngest daughter. - Daughters, mom and dad have been going through a crisis in our relationship for a year now; We had disagreements a few times and we moved away from each other. - What do you mean by that? – asked Andreza.
  • 53. - Your father and mother need some time for both of us to reflect on whether we are going to stay together or not. Your mother asked me for this time to rethink her life and make a decision. We can separate, daughters. Andreza understood everything and started crying; her sister remained silent, astonished, her eyes watering. - Are you going to leave the house? Are you going to leave us alone with Mom? – asked the brunette. - Not exactly. I explained to you that it is not a definitive decision. There may be a reversal. But I told your mother that I can't be alone. I could not stand it. She told me that it would be better if Melina stayed with her because she is her youngest and she doesn't want to be without her and I asked her that Andreza come live with me. Do you accept this proposal initially? - Daddy, do you want to separate us? - asked his middle daughter. - Dear ones, it is a difficult decision, but we need to make it. Try to see each other's side. We don't want to be alone. Neither me nor your mother. She is being good and selfless in letting me talk to you to see if you accept my proposal. I didn't want to lose you two. I hope that your mother misses me and that we come back as a couple, but now she has asked me for this time. So, what do you think? Sorry for so much suffering. Andreza was still crying and one or two drops of tears overflowed Melina's eyelids. - Dad, I didn't like this story at all, but if there's no other way, let's try - declared Andreza. - I accept, Dad, the proposal to stay with you; but I also want to hear from our mother.
  • 54. - Dad, I'm very sad – Melina revealed. - You took us by surprise. I do not even know what to say. I would not like to be separated from you and my sister. José was dejected, said nothing more and held back crying. The next day, Ester talked to her daughters. - Dear ones, as your father already told you, we are going to take a break. - Why, mom, the separation between you two? – asked the oldest. - It's not working anymore, daughter. Your father thinks a lot of different things than I do. We need time for both of us to reflect on our lives. - Does daddy have another wife? - asked Andreza. - No, daughter, that's not it. - Mom, do you have a chance to come back? - the youngest wanted to know. - Let's see, darling. God knows! - Mom, how are you? How will you have the head to study? – asked Andreza. - Worse than that, I need to have a head to finish my college education. - And how are you going to support yourself? – asked the eldest daughter. - I turn around. My brothers and sisters will help me; I've even talked to them. And I will do some odd jobs, some small jobs to support myself. As soon as I complete my course, I hope to get a job straight away. - God bless you, mamis – wished the middle daughter. - Mom, I want to live with you – Melina asked. - I imagined, dear, that you would choose to stay with me. - And as for me, didn't you think the same way? - asked Andreza. - Of course, my dear, I thought of all of you, and I preferred to continue with all of you, but your father asked not to be alone; he said he couldn’t bear the loneliness and being apart from the three of you at the same time.
  • 55. - I understand – said the brunette. - Mom, are we going to live alone? I am scared. I feel safer when my father is at home - confessed the youngest daughter. - Our Lord will protect us, daughter, and he will always be with us, guarding our home and protecting us. On a day when we are worried, I ask one of my brothers or nephews to come sleep here with us. - Dona Ester, my father said I would stay with him – said Andreza. – Did he or you make the choice for me to live with my father after the separation? - It's gone from him, darling. But I agreed. Melina is still very young, only 12 years old; She still needs me very much. And I notice that José is more attached to you; I believe that's why he suggested you move in with him. - Okay. But I'm going to be very sad to move away from my sisters. - But I ask you: remain friends with each other. Don't turn away from the truth. You will be sisters for life, and don't forget that. It's not because they go to live in distant houses that the friendship of sisters will be lost. Cultivate companionship among yourselves. - Mom, I now feel a little discredited by my father – Melina complained. - Daughter, he loves you three equally. Even Marcela, who is only his daughter in his heart; is a stepdaughter. He has always treated you like he does with you two: with love and care. Your father doesn't make distinctions in treatment. - But there are moments when that doesn't seem like what happens - Melina continued. - Yes, if there is no other alternative, let's face reality – said Marcela. And the four women went to lunch. José would not have a meal at home that day.
  • 56. One day, before Andreza left with her father, the two younger sisters were in her room, when the youngest went to the other and said: - Andreza, I really want to have sex – Melina confessed. - With whom, Mel? – asked Andreza. – You're just a teenager. You don't even know what sexual intercourse is. - I wanted to have sex soon... It could be with a friend from school. - Sister, you can't. Get it out of your head. Sex, only after marriage. - I don't think I'll wait that long. - You don't even have a boyfriend yet. - But I have my eye on a boy. He is a year older than me. - What is his name? - Andrew. He already plays guitar and lives in a neighborhood nearby, Vila Cascavel. - I don't think I know him. - But I believe you will meet him in a while. - All good; When you can, introduce me to him. - Deal, sister. - But don't let mom know anything for now. She doesn't want us to date anytime soon. - You can leave it, Andreza. I'm connected. Thanks for letting me know. And they went to get dressed because they would attend the evangelical service that day. When Andreza was about to turn 15, her parents separated. A priori, in a friendly way. She actually preferred to stay with her father, as he requested it, and her sisters remained with their mother. The family thus fell apart and the sisters moved
  • 57. away a little, especially because Andreza and her father went to live for a while in a nearby city. Andreza asked her father about the reasons for the separation and he did not give details, but attributed Ester the largest share in the decision for divorce. This fact also contributed to Andreza becoming more unhappy with her mother and made Andreza more saddened because her mother was responsible for most of the decision to separate the couple. Although their relationship was not so good and was even a little shaken, Andreza preferred her family to stay together. It was a blow for her, but after about 6 months she accepted it. At that point, Andreza was already José's favorite daughter and her relationship with her other daughters (one by blood and the other by her stepdaughter) cooled down and they grew apart a little. José, having had only one daughter, became very jealous of her and became very possessive and overprotective, but because he was very attentive to his daughter and sometimes gave in to her requests, she seemed to tolerate and deal well with her feelings of your father. When that young woman spoke to her father it was always in a bashful way and she would carry these mannerisms until she was in her early twenties, perhaps making that man imagine that his daughter would always be that same bashful little girl who liked to flatter her father. Andreza and her father spent three years living in another city, but they came to visit the family almost every month. In this other city Andreza made several friends, like Nádia and Trícia. Nádia was a very happy girl who loved parties. Her parents let her attend parties from the age of 15, as her father had a music group. She invited Andreza and her father, but she said she could not accept because she was evangelical and her
  • 58. father did not attend these events, in addition to not consuming alcoholic beverages and thinking that these environments would not be suitable for his daughter to attend. Nádia was from the same hometown as José, Andreza’s father. She was a friendly and very communicative girl, knowing almost everyone at her school and in her neighborhood, but at the moment she didn't have a boyfriend. She was Andreza's first great friend, and the ties between the two persisted until São Luís do Maranhão, where the two would later move, and where, however, they fell out and moved a little away from each other. At school, they sat close together, were confidants of each other and visited each other's homes, although Andreza went to her friend's house less often. At the temple of the Evangelical Church that she attended in her new city, Andreza met Trícia, who was a calm and good-natured girl, in addition to being very faithful to the precepts of her religion. She also knew Nádia and they were friends. Trícia had a boyfriend called Rafael Gaia and she also frequented the brunette's house. Her friends' plans were to visit ice cream parlors and pizzerias in that city and that was when Andreza's first nickname was born, and she began to be affectionately called Nádia de Bruna, due to the fact that she was dark-skinned, in contrast to her colleagues, who had the lighter skin. Andreza asked her father on a Saturday if she could go to Nádia's house in the afternoon. - Daughter, you can go. But we have the evangelical service at 8pm. Do not forget! I have to pick you up an hour early so that there is time for us to get ready and not be late at the temple. - You can leave it, daddy. I will not forget.
  • 59. - Daughter, what are you going to do in the afternoon at Nádia’s parents’ house? - Let's watch a romantic movie and then we'll play games. - What games? – his father wanted to know, with great curiosity. - Card games, decks. - Daughter, do you want to learn how to play cards? And who else will you play with? – asked José, with concern. - I never played cards. I will learn. Her brother and father also like to play. - And can you tell me if her father likes to gamble. - No, dad. As far as I know, he only plays at home and with his family. - True? Won't there be other men there playing? - I already questioned this to my friend. She assured me that it will just be us. - And will there be drinking? Does her father drink alcohol? - No. And he can't. He takes some medication, so she told me. And I've heard Nádia comment that her father never drank alcoholic drinks. - Daughter, you're not deceiving me, are you? Please don't lie to your father. - I swear, my father, that I told the truth. At least that's what I know. - Anyway, I'll drop you there personally and I'll stay for about 15 to 30 minutes observing everything. If I notice that there will be alcoholic drinks or that there are other men there besides family members, I will bring you back. I swear as I bring. Understood? - Right, daddy. I understand your side. But I believe it will be peaceful there. It will just be a family game. Her mother is going to prepare stew for us to eat - And even? I love stew with farofa and a little pepper. - Well, I'm going to ask you for some.
  • 60. - No, I'm ashamed of you asking. - What is this, dad. I'm almost inside their house. And everyone there is nice people. Her mother, Dona Conceição, will love to send some of her stew for you to eat. I'm already seeing. Leave it to me. - Don't worry about me, daughter. Just order me some stew if there's any left over. - For sure. It can leave. She usually makes a lot of food. Their house is very lively. - Don't get used to partying, Suellen. - It's okay, dad; I won't get used to it. - I'm going out now, daughter, and in a little while I'll pick you up and drop you off at Nádia's house. What time did you agree to go, more or less? - Between 12:30 and 1 pm. - Combined. - Thank you Dad. And his father left. As agreed, her father took her to Nádia's house and Andreza and her hosts spent the afternoon there. Nádia and her family taught Andreza how to play poker and pool that day. The brunette had never done that. The two girls, after this meeting, started to love card games and it became a form of fun for them on the weekends, as the city was very quiet on Saturday and Sunday. Nádia and Andreza met at school the next day and spoke again:
  • 61. - I loved playing poker at your house, friend, last Saturday – confessed the brunette. - Your father and brother play very well. When you book again, call me, okay!? - Yes, I will, Bruna. And what did you think of my brother? - Like this? Explain better. - Did you find it fun or did you find it boring? Did you think he was handsome or not? Did you like my brother's conversation? - I found him very spontaneous and his brother is friendly and has a nice conversation. - You don't want to date him? - He's single? And did he say anything about me after that day? Does he think I hit on him? - No, it wasn't that. He asked about you after that day, but he didn't say anything more to me. He enjoyed meeting you, but he asked about you more out of politeness. - Oh, I know. And your father, what did he say? - My parents like you very much. That's why I ask if you would date my brother. - I could date; your brother is a handsome boy and seems like a good person; He also has a bright future ahead of him, but I don't want to start an arranged relationship and I prefer not to date my friends' brothers, especially one of my best friends. I don't want to run the risk of losing your friendship in the future as a result of an unsuccessful relationship with your brother.
  • 62. - What a shame, Bruna, that you think like that and I don't like playing the procuress with my brother. I would love to have you as a sister-in-law. I value you so much. - Thanks. But changing the subject: Nádia, what are you thinking about majoring in? What profession do you want to pursue? Are you already thinking about your professional future? - Friend, I think a lot about doing Accounting. My father and mother say that it is a very good course and that it would help in managing the family business. Nádia's father had a supermarket and a building materials store. - It's true, friend. You have assets and businesses to take care of in your family – agreed the brunette. - But I need to confess something to you, Bruna. - What, Nadi? – asked Suellen, affectionately. She called her that. - I don't feel like working. If I graduate one day, it will just be to get a degree, I think. I wanted to live off my father's income. - I understood. But, sorry to intrude, and when your parents are gone, I hope it takes a long time, who will take care of the businesses? - I and my brother; but I'm going to hire someone to manage the building materials store or the supermarket in my place. This dad business is very stressful; he and his mother have almost no social life or leisure. I don't want this life for myself. I want to enjoy life more. - Know. And your brother, does he like commerce? - Yes, he is three years older and is a born merchant. Franklin also wants to start business school next year. He believes it will help in the management of our parents' businesses.
  • 63. - Good, then, friend. And why don't you think about going to a college that suits you? - I'm 16 years old and I haven't made up my mind yet. I am undecided. - You have time. Choose calmly. - But it's difficult and so far I don't have an affinity with any area. - Take a vocational test. - What is that? - A test that analyzes your personality, your skills and your interests. It helps in the future decision of which profession to pursue. - I don't think I want to take this test. I'm going to study Accounting Sciences. My parents want it and that's enough. I need to please them and I'll be fine. Whatever comes next, I face it. If I can help my father a little with the company's accounting after I graduate, I believe he will be satisfied with me. But he already has his accountant, and he is very competent. I don't want to replace it; It would be arrogant on my part. - Why, Nadi? - Oh my friend, taxes and bills are a very serious matter. I'm afraid of making mistakes and harming my father's companies. I'm insecure in this sense. And I think family businesses don't work out very well. Thank God, mom and dad don't fight over money and control of the stores because they built this heritage together with their work, without the help of either of their father-in-law or mother-in-law. She works at the construction store and he works at the supermarket and it has worked out really well. - That's cool, Nadia. And your parents are so young and so successful. Congratulations!
  • 64. - Yes, they got married when they were 18 each. And they were always very hardworking. Andreza, do you think about being an entrepreneur in the future? - You say you own my own business? - Yes. - No, I never thought about that. But you just made me awaken this subject in my consciousness. From now on I will think yes, even though I, poor thing, don't have a family with the financial means to sponsor me. - Bruna, model yourself on my father’s example. He is a reference for me. In fact, he and Mom. They started, so to speak, from scratch. One day I will tell their story in detail. - I'm going to get ready to hear this story. Congratulations on your family being so enterprising, friend. - Thanks. I need to help my brother continue the family business to honor our father and mother, and so that they feel proud of their children. - I believe you will make it. And they ended the conversation on this subject. About a week later Andreza went to São Luís. Affectionately, everyone called the brunette by the code name Suh, as her name was Andreza Suellen; this nickname was given by the youngest to her middle sister. Her name was chosen by her mother, since her first daughter was Marcela Muallen, who had been born in São Paulo, and Ester preferred that her daughter with José had a more complex name, as she would like her child to attract attention wherever she went. to attend, because that name seemed beautiful and attractive. She did not want her first daughter with her current husband to receive a simple name, as she had received it, and as her current husband might consider.
  • 65. Andreza went to spend a weekend at her mother's house and met her younger sister. The two talked. Melina began teaching Andreza how to kiss a boy for the first time: - Suh, at a party where you have a crush on a boy, you will proceed as follows: from the beginning, sit next to him, – recommended the teacher - and always have your body facing more in the direction in which he is and get closer as the conversation flows. “Choose light and relaxed topics for you to chat; something interesting for both of them. Something that makes him admire you in some way, or catches the boy’s attention. “His look will predict a lot of things; Make eye contact with the suitor first. If he looks away because he's embarrassed, it might even be a good sign. But if he only looks at your face, but never your eyes... either he doesn't want anything, or he's a fool and a jerk. “Make clean movements and go slowly; Start looking at his mouth every now and then and go back to looking at his eyes. If you feel like he's still comfortable with you doing this, go for it. “Place your arm beside the two of you, expanding the space you share, but nothing major for now. Place your hand on his chin if there's a gap and give him a compliment like, "Wow! How beautiful you are!" - This boy will find me very desperate and offered, Mel – said Andreza. - But you don't want to kiss? Forget this talk about desperate and offered girls! Continuing: Let him smile about it. If he says something like "I think you're cute too...". Get closer and take a chance, "Can I kiss you?" Then kiss.