4. Consent
A voluntary, sober, imaginative, enthusiastic,
creative, wanted, informed, mutual, honest, and
verbal agreement
An active agreement: Consent cannot be forced
Never implied and cannot be assumed, even in the
context of a relationship
5. Action Steps
Be aware of comments and behaviors from others that would indicate they were intent
on having sexual intercourse even if the partner was unwilling
Notice if someone is getting ready to have sexual intercourse with a partner who is
incapacitated
Don’t pressure or encourage friends to drink or have sex as often or with as many people
as possible
Don’t joke about sexual assault; comments and jokes that are meant to “ease the tension”
or are “just kidding around” can trivialize the severity of the behavior
Know your level of comfort with conversations and talk about sexual behavior. If you
find groups or individuals who talk about sexual relationships that are not in sync with
how you feel, or the type of relationship you want, don’t be afraid to state your position
Many perpetrators are unaware that what they have done is a crime. (They may say,
“yeah, that was messed up, but it was fun.”) Let them know that what they did was not
right and was against the law.
6. If you become aware that a sexual assault has occurred or are
told of an assault occurring:
Believe the person
Tell the survivor it is not his or her fault
Encourage a report
Don’t pry or try to get information out of the
person
Don’t suggest any other form of retaliation
Know available resources
Listen
Be patient
8. Considerations/Warning Signs
Relationship Abuse/violence is often very hard to identify. It can often
follow learned behavior patterns that come from family, culture and media.
“That’s just how our (family or culture) acts,” is a common excuse for
perpetrators and survivors in relationship violence. Also, many people
never consider themselves abusive or abused, so they don’t recognize
“warning signs” for abuse as having anything to do with their relationship.
Talking about and identifying what a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP looks
like, helps in seeing the problems that may be in your own, or your group
members’ relationships.
3 key elements are:
Intimidation
Humiliation
Physical injury
9. What are some types of
relationship abuse?
Physical abuse
Verbal or emotional abuse
Sexual abuse
Stalking or cyber-stalking
Experts agree the internet is increasingly the “weapon” of choice. It is a tool to
exert power and fear and it’s more anonymous. The National Institute of Justice
estimate a million Americans fall victim to stalkers each year
Economic abuse or financial abuse
Spiritual abuse
Early warning signs include, jealousy, attempts at monitoring activities, not respecting
boundaries, possessiveness, threats of destruction of property, questioning beliefs and
choices, and putting the person down.
13. Action Steps
If someone you know is being cyber-stalked tell them:
Save all messages and call law-enforcement agencies
Block the user from your social networking page or from e-mailing
you
If the threats are on the stalker’s webpage, save the entire screen
including the URL and print. Bookmarking it is not enough
Don’t confront the stalker. The situation could escalate.
Contact the social networking page in question. The company can
take down the page and/or ban the stalker.
14. A bystander is….
A bystander is a person who is present at an event or
incident but does not take part
Bystanders are the largest group involved in violence!
15. When to intervene?
We want to encourage people to intervene at all
times that there is a potential sexual violence
situation or dangerous situation!
Remember that when intervening make sure that you
are not in harm’s way and proceed to intervene when
need be!
Noticing unordinary occurrences
16. Why intervene?
What are the pros/benefits of intervening?
What are the Cons/costs of intervening?
What happens if no one intervenes?
17. Bystander Effect
The greater number of people present, the less likely
people will do something to step in to intervene
18. What variables affect helping?
Individual- A person’s knowledge, skill set,
confidence, sense of social responsibility
Situational- severity of need; are there other people
around? What are the costs of helping?
Survivor- do you know the person? Do you think
they deserve help? Will they accept help?
19. The technique that we will be
using and encourage you to
use is the 3 D’s!
20. 3 D’s
Distract
Delegate
Direct
Once you have assessed that you can safely
intervene, you can try to distract, delegate or
direct. The following examples apply to a
potential situation of power-based personal
violence.
21. Distract
This technique involves causing some form of
distraction that will interrupt the flow of potential
violence. Once the bystander identities a high risk
situation he or she goes to work to distract either the
target or the one about to do the violence.
22. What are examples of distract?
Examples include:
Ask one of the people to help you find a lost item
Interrupt to ask for directions
Spill a drink
Start talking to the couple and don’t leave so isolation cannot happen
An easy technique women can use is to invite another woman to go to the
bathroom with her. Once she is away from the other person, check in and ask if
she is afraid or needs help
Silent stare- expressing disapproval without speaking
One male student noticed a woman was frowning and looking uncomfortable with
the attention she was receiving from another man. He went up and asked the other
man, “What are you doing with my girlfriend?” The woman played along and soon
the other male left.
23. Delegate
When a bystander doesn’t feel safe to approach the
situation alone, she or he can involve others.
24. What are some examples of
delegate?
Group intervention- there are power in numbers- if
you don’t feel comfortable going by yourself ask a
group to go with you
Say to one’s friends, “I am concerned for that
person. Can you find their friends and get them
to check on the situation, while I stay here and
watch.”
Ask a bouncer at a bar to look into the situation
Ask the host to intervene. For example, “I am
worried for that girl, who is so drunk. Could you
let that guy know that upstairs is off limits?”
25. Direct
When the direct approach you confront either the
potential target or the person who you think is about
to do violence.
26. What are some examples of
direct?
Say to the couple, “We are finding her friends and they will
take her home.”
Say to the woman, “I am not letting a stranger take you
home.”
Say to the man, “Hey, you can’t take her upstairs; it’s not going
to look good.”
“I” statements
Feelings
Name behavior
State what you want the person to do
“I feel _____when you_____. Please don’t do it again.”
27. Scenario
You’re at a party. During the past hour you notice your
friend Jessica has been talking to one of your
housemates Samm. They seem to be having a good time
but it is clear that Jessica has had too much to drink. A
few minutes later you see Samm put an arm around
Jessica and start to lead her upstairs.
What do you do?
28. Scenario
Your friend and their partner have been together for a
little over a year. All of their friends think they’re a nice
person with a bad temper. They notice every time this
individual gets mad they punch walls. Your friend tells
you that luckily you’re around because usually they’re the
wall.
What do you do?
29. Scenario
You meet a girl at a party on campus and she seems nice
and you want to get to know her so you give her your
number. You both text for a while and you realize that
she is a nice person but not your type. After you stop
responding to her texts you start to notice that she’s
hanging in all the buildings where your classes are. She
slips a note under your door and you never told her
where you were living.
What do you do?
30. Scenario
You and a friend live on the same wing in the dorms.
You walk by their room and hear them crying. In the
past, they shared with you that their boyfriend yells at
them, humiliates them, and always wants to know where
they are and who they’re with. Your friend also says he
won’t let them do things they want to do. It appears they
have some fresh bruises around their eye and on their
arms.
What do you do?
31. HOMEWORK!!!!
Create a poster displaying:
Sexual violence and bystander intervention
Due 1 week from today to facilitators for grading
Will be submitted to Student Affairs officials for
passive marketing campaign contest
Editor's Notes
Trigger Warning: The material within this workshop may be triggering, painful, or hard for some individuals who may be survivors of sexual violence or who know a survivor of sexual violence. If at anytime you feel that the material is too much for you, please feel free to step out of the room and re-enter when you are ready. If you feel like you need to speak to someone the Victim Advocate/Educator is available to you and is present at this workshop today
Ask the students what are examples of sexual violence?
Umbrella term for sexual assault, stalking, dating violence, and domestic violence
Sexual assault can be defined as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs by force or without consent of the recipient of the unwanted sexual activity. Falling under the definition of sexual assault is sexual activity such as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. It includes sexual acts against people who are unable to consent either due to age or lack of capacity.
Sexual assault and rape are crimes of violence and control, using sex acts as a weapon. Rape and sexual assault are not sexually motivated acts; rather, they stem from aggression, rage, sexism, and the determination to exercise power over someone else.
Rape is a legal term that is defined in Massachusetts by three elements: penetration of any orifice by any object; force or threat of force; and against the will of the victim/survivor or without consent. Consent is informed, freely and actively, given mutually understandable words or actions which indicate a willingness to participate in mutually agreed upon sexual activity. Consent may never be given by minors (in Massachusetts, those not yet 16 years of age), mentally disabled persons, and those who are incapacitated as a result of alcohol or other drug consumption (voluntary or involuntary) or those who are unconscious, unaware or otherwise physically helpless. Consent cannot be given in situations involving coercion, threats, intimidation, or physical force.
Sexual Assault is more broadly defined as any sexual activity that is forced or coerced or unwanted. Any unwanted sexual contact constitutes a sexual assault and is a violation of the University’s code of conduct and Massachusetts state law.
Sexual coercion lies on the continuum of sexual violence. For many individuals, understanding what is meant by sexual coercion is difficult and confusing. Sexual coercion involves the act of using psychological/emotional pressure, alcohol, drugs, or force to engage in sexual contact with a person against his or her will. It often involves persistent attempts to have sexual contact after the other person has already refused (post refusal persistence). Rather than through physical force, persuasion through psychological/emotional pressure is often the tactic of sexual coercion utilized by the person trying to make sexual contact with someone who is refusing that contact. Sexual coercion by design of the person seeking the sexual contact is often subtle, but it is highly manipulative, cunning and often directed at possible vulnerabilities of the intended victim/survivor. Many individuals erroneously interpret sexual coercion as “joking”, flirtation, or innocent behavior, but it is a type of sexual violence utilized to obtain sexual contact with a person who is not willing and does not give permission
Did you know?
You must have consent to engage in any and all sexual behaviors! Consent is hearing the word “yes.” It is not the absence of hearing “no.” It’s the LAW!
Up to 75% of the physical and sexual assaults that occur on college campuses involve the abuse of alcohol by assailants, victims or both.
According to the UCR (Uniform Crime Report), in a study surveying more than 6,000 students at 32 colleges and universities in the US:
More than 90% of sexual assaults are committed by people the victim knew (dating partner, boyfriend, friend, classmate, etc.)
Although the majority of sexual assaults are not reported to law enforcement, recent research indicates that report rates are increasing.
Less than 2% of report rates are considered false reports.
While men can be victims as well, the majority of sexual assaults cases involved male perpetrators and female victims.
Dating violence is Violence committed by a person who is or has been in a social relationship of a romantic or intimate nature with the victim/survivor is dating violence. The existence of such a relationship shall be determined based on a consideration of the following factors:
the length of the relationship
the type of relationship
the frequency of interaction between the persons involved in the relationship
Did you know?
Research suggests that stalking may be greater among college students than in the general population.
Many believe technology makes dating abuse more prevalent and more hidden.
Consider:
68% of teens say boyfriend/girlfriend sharing private or embarrassing pictures/videos on cell phone and computers is a serious problem
30% of teens say they are text messaged 10,20,30 times an hour by a partner inquiring where they are, what they’re doing or whom they’re with
25% of teens in a relationship say they have been called names, harassed or put down by their partner through cell phones and texting.(www.loveisnotabuse.com)
Look for patterns- The cycle of Abuse normally includes the following stages, which vary in time and intensity
Stage one- honeymoon phase
Stage two- normal phase
Stage three- tension building
Stage four- explosion
Do not automatically assume that the female is always the victim and the male is always the perpetrator.
Remember- “Checking up” on someone (control) is not the same thing as “checking in” (concern)
Explain power and control wheels
We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.
Stalking is a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.
Stalking can include:
Repeated, unwanted, intrusive, and frightening communications from the perpetrator by phone, mail, email and/or other electronic means.
Repeatedly leaving or sending victim/survivor unwanted items, presents, or flowers.
Following or lying in wait for the victim/survivor at places such as home, school, work, or recreation place.
Making direct or indirect threats to harm the victim/survivor, the victim/survivor's children, relatives, friends, or pets.
Damaging or threatening to damage the victim/survivor's property.
Harassing victim/survivor through the internet.
Posting information or spreading rumors about the victim/survivor on the internet, in a public place, or by word of mouth.
Obtaining personal information about the victim/survivor by accessing public records, using internet search services, hiring private investigators, going through the victim/survivor's garbage, following the victim/survivor, contacting victim/survivor's friends, family work, or neighbors, etc.
Be careful when adding names to e-mail lists, giving real names in public forums, leaving social networking pages unrestricted or sharing passwords.
Encourage any person in an abusive relationship to seek professional help.
Think about your own safety when you approach the situation. You might want to have a friend with you for backup help.
If the violence is/gets physical, call 9-1-1 right away.
Do not touch the individuals no matter how well you may know them.
Be aware of your tone of voice and volume. Stay calm
Calmly attempt to separate the individuals without putting yourself in danger.
Be respectful of both individuals and their viewpoints. Listen fully to the concerns.
Ask students to think of a time they saw a negative situation and did not intervene, then think of a time they have intervened.
Brief discussion of each question…Write pro/con list on board
Possibly provide Kitty Genovese example.
Ask which one they think is most important when determining whether or not someone will help?
Answer: Situational: Make sure when intervening that you are not going to be in harm’s way; make sure it is safe to intervene; go get help if you feel as though it is not safe
Direct: Go up to Sam; tell him that Jessica has had too much to drink and that this is not a good idea and pull Jessica away
Delegate: Approach the people that Jessica has come with, to tell them that their friend has had too much to drink and to grab Jessica
Distract: You can go up to Jessica, tell Jessica someone is looking for her, ask her if she wants to dance or leave the party
Direct: Go up the partner and address them about their temper and their actions
Delegate: You can have one a friend go up to the person to talk to them about their actions
Distract: Do not leave the couple alone, ask them questions keep the light off of the person
Direct: You can approach him directly to tell him to stop
Delegate: Either have a friend go up with you to talk to him, you can talk to one of his friends and have them talk to that person; you can contact a police officer (DPS, an RA, RD, Victim Advocate on campus, counseling center)
Direct: When walking by her door, knock on her door, ask if she is okay and talk to her what is bothering her
Delegate: Have another person go check on her
Distract: You can hang out with her often so that way she can do what she wants to do
