"I was like damaged used goods":
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Thematic Analysis of Disclosure of Child Sexual Abuse to Romantic Partners. Heather B. MacIntosh PhD. Kara Fletcher MSW Delphine Collin-Vezina PhD. Department of Social Work, McGill University, Canada
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"I was like damaged used goods":
- 1. “I was like damaged, used goods”: Thematic Analysis of Disclosures of Childhood Sexual abuse to Romantic Partners Heather B. MacIntosh Ph.D. Kara Fletcher MSW Delphine Collin-Vézina Ph.D. Department of Social Work, McGill University
- 2. Introduction • Impact of CSA on adult romantic relationships • Research on couple relationships and trauma • Disclosure research and couple relationships
- 3. Participants • 2ary analysis looking at disclosures to romantic partners • 27 Anglophones • Recruited from mental health agencies • 7 male, 20 female, mean age 47 • 26 of 27 abused by someone known to them
- 4. Method • Transcription of interviews • Thematic analysis, open coded 2 independent coders • Identified global themes and subthemes • Additional rater checked themes • 100% agreement between raters
- 5. Shame • 15 survivors, (78%) transcripts contained references to shame and embarrassment – “I was like damaged goods, used goods…I told my husband, I have to tell you something terrible” – “You shouldn’t be telling people that ya’ know, like it’s dirty or bad”
- 6. Reasons for Telling • 17 survivors (89%) disclosures motivated by factors other than intimacy and sharing • 3 subthemes – Compelled due to external factors – Compelled due to sexual difficulties – “should” disclose
- 7. Reasons for Telling • Compelled due to external factors – “I’ll say, 49 (age), I started disclosing when the provincial police phone me… she was wondering why the police were phoning so I finally told her” • Compelled due to sexual difficulties – “In sexual situations, it was hard to deny, the flashbacks were very vivid and they tend to happen mostly when you’re in, sexual situations… I would just scream so I, I couldn’t hide it”
- 8. Reasons for Telling • “should” disclose – “I told her because I didn’t think I should keep secrets from her…I didn’t want her to be misled, I didn’t want her to be confused about…what might happen in our relationship”
- 9. Impact of Responses • All 19 (100%) participants discussed the impact of the response of their romantic partner as an important aspect of this disclosure experience – Divided into Positive vs Negative
- 10. Impact of Responses • 12 survivors (63%), experience was a very positive one – “He didn’t call me a liar when I told him, he didn’t doubt my word, it took it where it was coming from and it was from my heart…it gave me the strength to face my abuser and do what I had to do”
- 11. Impact of Responses • 7 (36%) survivors disclosures to partners experience described as very negative – “It was really not a good experience because when I actually told her she said to me, as soon as I finished telling her, she said, I’m gonna tell the rest of your family, I’m gonna tell em what your family was like and they’ll know everything…I was so very sorry for telling her…to be honest with you…very, very sorry”.
- 12. Interconnection Between Themes • 3 distinct but interconnected themes – Shame & Reasons for Telling – Impact of Partner Responses & Shame • Shame- – deterrent & motivator • All themes tied back to Shame
- 13. Discussion: Theory of Disclosure in Romantic Relationships Shame Motivate disclosure Positive Responses by Romantic Partners Decreased Shame Increased Disclosure Increased Help Seeking Negative Responses by Romantic Partners Increased shame Decreased Disclosure Decreased help seeking Inhibit disclosure
Editor's Notes
- shame and embarrassment in their feelings about themselves in relation to their history of CSA and their current relationship. These survivors described feeling that they were “damaged goods” and this made it difficult for them to disclose:
- external forces at play, involuntary police investigations would result in the partner finding these survivors intended to never tell their partner about their abuse. In fact, one male survivor was in his late 40’s when the police started calling and his wife began to ask questions. For these survivors, disclosure was not intentional or planned. sex Flashbacks and sensory re-experiencing lead these survivors to experience avoidance, anxiety and compensatory behaviours in relation to their sexual relationship with their partner. challenges that they experienced with sex and that these difficulties were creating questions and tensions in the relationship such that they felt they must disclose.
- they “should,” disclose to their partner as this is something that their partner “should” know. not described as having been made out of desire to grow closer or to find deeper intimacy appeared to be tied in to shame and guilt such felt that they must tell their partners this dirty secret about themselves.
- surprised, confused and relieved that their partner was supportive, kind and accommodating resulted in greater safety and closeness in the relationship. greatest fears of being rejected and blamed was not realized, impact on feelings of guilt, shame, self-blame and defectiveness. positive experiences helped them to start to disclosure to others or to get the therapeutic help that they might have been avoiding.
- experiences that ranged from caustic to silent but uniformly negative. included being ignored, rejected and, in some cases, ridiculed and sworn at. feelings of shame, regret and anger as a result of these negative responses to their disclosures.\ disclosure appeared to negatively impact their sense of self and ability to disclose to others.
- Shame & Reasons for Telling Felt they should tell partners that they were with someone who was “damaged” right things to do, even though potentially losing the partner or changing how the partner felt about them. Shame was both a motivator and an inhibitor of disclosure Impact of Partner Responses & Shame partner responses impact on shame that survivors described experiencing both in relation to themselves and in relation to the disclosure. shame was both a deterrent to disclosing and a motivator to disclosing. both sides of this coin were marked by fear, guilt and certainty that their partners would no longer want to be with them. Reasons for Telling theme, prominent role of shame; shame as motivator and shame as inhibitor. double bind for the survivors-if I tell him/her, they may leave me as they will know how damaged I am versus, if I don’t tell him/her I am being dishonest as they should know how damaged I am. many survivors disclose due to external factors police investigations\shame continued survivors had had no intention of telling their partners about their abuse. Some had been in their relationships over 20 years before disclosing due to the involvement of the police. The third theme, Impact of the Response, back around to shame. For survivors \positive response from their partnersoverall tenor suggestive of decreased shame, increased possibilities of disclosing and increased help seeking. For negative response from their partners, increased shame; appearing to decrease possibilities of disclosing to others-something like “I’m never doing that again”, and decreased help seeking.