Raising children is a huge obligation. This presentation applies business models to the task. It suggests that parents should adopt the role of 'authentic leader' to give their children the best chance of making it in this hostile world.

2. Premise
Parents have an obligation
to do the best they can
for their kids
Coach / Prepare / Tools
so
They (& environment) can survive and prosper

3. What parents said…

6. Concept of an Authentic Leader
 Self-aware
 Value base, transparency, consistency, honesty, integrity
 Purpose, Vision and Mission
 Emotional Intelligence
 Social Intelligence
 Good communicator -- listens
 Develops others, shares success with team
 Learns from experience
 Recognises change is continuous and inevitable
 i.e. is TRANSFORMATIONAL

7. Objective today…
Using business models and a research
project…
Show parenting should= Authentic Leadership

8. Topics in book include:
 Look at global environment and its
implications for parenting
 Structure of Family Units
 Decision to be a parent
 Parent’s objectives
 Socio-economic status and
parenting
 Examine value formation
 Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs
 Learning families
 Concept of Authentic parenting
 Personality
 Home Influences
 Innovation
 Communication
 Food and Health
 Mental strength
Dr Murray Banks advises children to “make a very careful choice of parents”
And if you want to raise a family don’t you want to be one of the chosen?

9. "You must be the change you wish to see
in the world." ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Global status
 Nostradamus / HIV Aids
 Technology
 Pace of change
Authentic parents responsibilities:
 Prepare kids to deal with world
 Teach how to find information
 To be able to draw conclusions
 Take decisions without
procrastination
 Totally computer literate
 Internet gurus

10. Acknowledge the issues
and deal with them
 Climate change
 As authentic parents we need to ensure our children know about man’s destructive role and
responsibility in cleaning up our act; that they will accept sustainable methods of providing
energy for our economies voracious appetites.
 Deforestation
 Amazon forests are being decimated as trees are cleared in the name of industrialisation and
progress.
 Species extinction
 Habitat, animal trade, hunting
 Inequality
 Our global village is characterised by the “haves” and the “have-nots”.
Single handedly over the past three decades man has destroyed our planet. “33% of the natural
places have disappeared: over 10% of the forests, 30% of the ecosystems and 50% of the
freshwater ecosystems, due to increased agriculture and industry contamination as well as
increased water consumption.”

11. Implications for parenting
 if we want our children to learn to care for others and be capable of higher
thoughts, they need to both appreciate their responsibilities to the
environment and have sufficient of the basic necessities.
 Yes, use occasional deprivation as part of a learning experience, but it should
not be a constant part of a child’s life.
 Our legacy for our children rests with equipping them with the skills and
attitudes to deal with an increasingly hostile environment.
 Today’s workforce has come to realise that “lifelong employment” is no
longer a reality. Good people are sacrificed on the altar of higher profits,
regardless of the impact that the loss of experience and knowledge has on the
longer-term survival of the companies.

12. So parents need to be conscious of the
example they set… avoid Gandhi’s
spiritually perilous traits:
 Wealth without Work
 Pleasure without Conscience
 Science without Humanity
 Knowledge without Character
 Politics without Principle
 Commerce without Morality
 Worship without Sacrifice

13. Help kids develop
 Religious tolerance
 Aversion to corruption
 Resolve differences without using violence or going to war
Authentic parents will monitor exposure to the real world until child has ability
to understand cause and effect of behaviour and actions.
“The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you
are unemployed.” ~ Anonymous

14. Changing Family Structure
Good old days
 Mum, dad and kids
 Limited life expentancy
 Many kids to support old parents
 Birth control / abortion
 Divorce
 Acceptance of single mothers
 Working mothers
 Child as a parent
 Acceptance of LGBT family
 And then came the pill !!!
 “Contraceptives should be used on all
conceivable occasions.” ~ Spike Milligan
 So availability of parents an
issue !!!
 Remember, a single parent
can be an authentic parent

15. Authentic take-out…
 Starting right at the beginning, authentic parents are going to establish
whether in all fairness they should become parents at all. This is from an
attitudinal, physical and mental perspective. If, for whatever reason you
decide that you “do not want children”, then listen to the voice inside you.
 Do you have the..
 Stamina
 Will
 Capacity

16. “Give them ROOTS (values) to ground
them, as well as WINGS to fly so they can
reach their full potential.”

17. Erikson’s 8 stages of development…
1) Oral-sensory
 Learn trust via mother
2) Learns identity (18 mnth – 3 yrs)
 Positive discipline
3) Play age (3 – 5 yrs)
 Adventure and creativity,
Experimentation
4) School age
 Skills and social dependency
5) Adolescence
 Self control of development
 Control the people they ‘hang’ with
 Enough sleep
6) Young adult
 Experiments with relationships
7) Middle adulthood
 Creative/meaningful work & family
8) Later adulthood
 Retro-parenting
Adapt your actions to your child's life lessons. Align to their ability to advance...

18. Covey dimensions of leadership
 "Security represents our sense of worth, emotional anchorage, self-
esteem and personal strength.”
 "Guidance is the direction we receive in life. Much of it comes from
standards, principles, or criteria that govern our decision-making and
doing. This internal monitor serves as a conscience.
 "Wisdom suggests a sage perspective on life, a sense of balance, a
keen understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and
relate to each other. It embraces judgment, discernment, and
comprehension. It is a oneness, an integrated wholeness.
 "Power is the capacity to act -- the strength and courage to
accomplish something. It is the vital energy to make choices and
decisions. It also represents the capacity to overcome deeply
embedded habits and to cultivate higher and more effective habits.”
Key is security.
I am responsible
for me
and
I can choose

19. Power has only one duty – to secure the social
welfare of the People. --Benjamin Disraeli
 Biz power base
 Position / personal traits / expertise / mandate from organisation or colleagues/reward /
coercion / information / referent or aspire to be leader
 Parental power base -- need to make it legitimate
 Order
 Threat
 Economic sanctions or bribes
 Appeal to sense of love or duty
For parents the reality is undeniable that our children are getting smarter, quicker.
 From an authentic parenting point of view, we can deduce that by providing the
evidence or information for good decisions child and parent can take joint
decisions without the acrimony of a fight. Because you “like each other”,
resolution is easier and accepted within the framework of common values.

20. Maslow
Not necessarily
hierarchical
Provide the basics.
Then expand their
horizons.
Teach your child
to believe in
him/herself and be
innovative and creative

21. Critical reflection…
 What is / where am I?
 How did I get here?
 What are my assumptions?
 Where do I want to go (and why)?
 What are the options?
 What resources do I need to get there?
 What is the plan?
 How will I monitor progress?

22. Learning Families
 We now accept the fact that learning
is a lifelong process of keeping
abreast of change. And the most
pressing task is to teach people how
to learn. ~ Peter Drucker
A learning organisation is defined as
 an organisation that acquires
knowledge
 and innovates fast enough to
survive and thrive in a rapidly
changing environment.

23. Recognise
your child's
learning
style & use
it to help
them easily
learn.

24. Meyers
Briggs
Personality
types…
Extraversion /
Introversion
Sensing /
Intuition
Thinking /
Feeling
Judging /
Perceiving

25. Learning organisations:
 1. Create a culture that encourages and supports continuous employee
learning critical thinking, and risk taking with new ideas.
 2. Allow mistakes, and value employee contributions,
 3. Learn from experience and experiment, and
 4. Disseminate the new knowledge throughout the organisation for
incorporation
Conscious of environment
Encouraged to try new things
Learning will be fun
Spend time with parents / family
Deliberate and systematic
Set goals to fill gaps
Feedback on performance
Motivate child to have a passion for
seeking out the truth / learning
I How you
I
I can develop
I
I a love for
I
I learning in
I
I your child

26. Self and other awareness
A person with a high EQ is able to manage their own emotions or reactions to
situations and other people. It does not mean that a person lacks emotions, just
that they control them and through empathy can appreciate what other people are
feeling in the same situation.
Daniel Goleman identified the five 'domains' of EQ as:
 1. Knowing your emotions.
 2. Managing your own emotions.
 3. Motivating yourself.
 4. Recognising and understanding other people's emotions.
 5. Managing relationships, ie., managing the emotions of others.

27. Dealing with conflict…
 Adapt lessons to dealing with destructive behaviour within the family.
 Achieve a rational process for correction of behaviour,
 Not dealing with extremely young children, but those who can
articulate their feelings and frustrations.
 First and foremost, there has to be awareness by everyone that there
is a problem.
 Then the situation needs to be defused through truthful observations,
without emotion or blame.
 The process needs to work both ways, with parents saying how the
child’s behaviour affects people, and the child being free to express
what they find difficult or unreasonable about his/her parents’
methods / behaviour.

28. Blake & Mouton
Management style results in
Different cultures and behaviour.

29. Parent’s Leadership Style…
 A parent is both a leader and coach
for their children
 You are a reference point for their
learning and behaviour
 What is the family ‘purpose’ ?
 Guide children to be aware of their
purpose
 Collective vision
 So what is the mission … how will
you live your life as a family unit?
“Cheshire Puss,” asked Alice. “Would
you tell me, please, which way I ought
to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where
you want to go.” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where.” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way
you go.” said the Cat.
 Charles “Lewis Carroll” Dodgson
1865

30. Managerial style Possible causes
“Persecutor" who micromanages or
abuses others.
This person often grew up with abuse
or neglect.
"Denier" pretends problems don't exist; This person may have grown up in a
family where everyone feared facing
unpleasant emotions
Avoiders" are aware of problems but
won't talk about them.
In a tense situation, their mantra is,
"Gotta go!" "Avoiders" often grew up in
judgmental families with weak
emotional ties,
The "super-achiever" is driven to excel
at everything, breeding resentment by
walking over other people.
Often called on in childhood to make
up for family shame or tragedy.
The "martyr," does his or her work and
everybody else's too, but drives co-
workers away by complaining.
The "martyr" often had parents who
gave up their dreams for the child,
triggering a repeat of the pattern.
Dr Sylvia LaFair:

31. What is your parenting leadership style?
 Transactional Leadership
 Autocratic Leadership
 Bureaucratic Leadership
 Charismatic Leadership
 Democratic/Participative
Leadership
 Laissez-Faire Leadership
 Task-Oriented Leadership
 People-Oriented/Relations-
Oriented Leadership
 Servant Leadership
 Transformational Leadership
How will your
style affect
your family &
their relationship
with you?

32. “Brother as through this life you go,
whatever be your goal, keep your eye upon
the doughnut, and not upon the hole.”
 Having a goal is essential
 Real dreams and a plan to realise them

33. Values – the foundation for authenticity
 Unconditional love and positive support
 Not say accept everything a child does
 Reject the behaviour, not the child
 Encourages exploration and innovation
 Respect for oneself and others
 Take decisions that are “good” for one e.g. not smoking
 Value the environment and its resources

34. Values and implications for children…
a. Live up to your promises h. Punctuality
b. Open to new and different ideas and
Cultures
i. Live by the rules, but always feel
free to challenge them
c. Honesty j. Don’t sweat the small stuff
d. Integrity k. Live and let live
e. Do the best you can do l. Do no harm
f. Transparency / being above board m. Discipline when required
g. Fairness n. Letting go from time to time
Think how these
values impact
on your child.
What attitudes
and behaviour do
they learn as
being 'acceptable'?

35. Coaching’s contribution…
 Conscious of need for self-awareness
 Encourage self-discovery
 Active listening
 Affirmative exploration
 Finds direction
 Puts together a plan to achieve a goal

36. Final thoughts…
 The greatest thing you can do for your family is to give
each person (and the family unit) a sense of purpose and
the ability to deal with life from a foundation of values.
Happiness is then not even a step away.
 Encourage your child to dream, for surely if s/he does not
dream s/he cannot have a dream come true. Let them
have the courage to be themselves; to value and make
“me time”; and leave the real world to sometimes “smell
the roses”.
 Then your job as an authentic parent has been
worthwhile.

37. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on
your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy
who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr Seuss

38. A little test of your own authenticity…(In family,
at work and elsewhere…)
 What do you give thanks for / value most?
 What do you believe is your purpose?
 Where are you going? What is your goal?
 Do you have a plan to get there?
 Do you find it easy for form friendships and lasting
relationships?
 What is your role in making change happen? Initiator?
Willing participant? Go along kicking? Saboteur?