Triangulation is a form of manipulation, that describes a person's use of threats of exclusion or manipulation to divide and conquer involving the use of indirect communication, often behind someone's back ,  well known in unhealthy and toxic family dynamics. Triangulation is an approach used by many different people who share one thing in common: insecurity. As a result, they're willing to manipulate others in harmful ways to get what they want or feel a sense of security in a relationship.  It's a highly effective strategy to earn an advantage over noted rivals by manipulating them into conflicts between one another. Triangulation is a method used by selfish individuals to comfort and protect their egos.  Typically, there's limited to no communication between the two triangulated people except through the person doing the manipulating. It may appear in various ways, but all are about dividing and conquering or putting people against each other. 

1. by
Col Mukteshwar Prasad(Retd),
MTech(IITD),CE(I),FIE(I),FIETE,FISLE,FInstOD,AMCSI
Contact -9007224278, e-mail –muktesh_prasad@yahoo.co.in
for book ”Decoding Services Selection Board-A Career in Armed Foces
As An Officer” and SSB guidance and training at
Shivnandani Edu and Defence Academy
Triangulation a Case Study

2. Triangulation -Introduction
 Sign of Triangulation
 Triangulation is a form of manipulation, that describes a
person's use of threats of exclusion or manipulation to
divide and conquer involving the use of indirect
communication, often behind someone's back , well known
in unhealthy and toxic family dynamics.
 Triangulation is an approach used by many different people who
share one thing in common: insecurity.
 As a result, they're willing to manipulate others in harmful ways
to get what they want or feel a sense of security in a
relationship.
 It's a highly effective strategy to earn an advantage over noted
rivals by manipulating them into conflicts between one another.
 Triangulation is a method used by selfish individuals to
comfort and protect their egos.
 Typically, there's limited to no communication between the two
triangulated people except through the person doing the
manipulating.

3. Example of Triangulation
 If a parent refuses to acknowledge their children's personality
and individualism, and siblings are treated very differently and
discouraged from communicating with one another except
through the parent, it's triangulation.
 Similarly, if a partner or friend uses another person to create a
hostile environment, create drama, or pressure you into doing
things you wouldn't otherwise do, this is triangulation.
 Individuals also use triangulation to bring another person into a
relationship or friendship without confronting the person they
have an issue with directly.

4. Triangulation and Story of -Seema and Beema
 Seema ,daughter of Darogaji in Bihar was married early to a very handsome and only
son of a self made man(Owner of large area of land) on insistence of a close relative
. Unlike her husband she was comparatively fat and not fair . Her Father in law was
really angry on seeing the girl and even went to the extent of getting the boy
remarried . But the goodness of her mother in law ,though not very happy with her
Bahu and Boy himself she remained a part of family. Probably seed for revenge was
set in the climate itself. Slowly she started managing and manipulating her husband
since 1968.Unfortunately her mother in-law left for heaven and she had all the
freedom .Her two Nanads never liked her but both maintained sanctity and decorum
and outwardly did what was necessary as two good ladies keeping in view the family
tradition.
 Manipulation continued to the extent of laying allegation of illicit relation of her
younger Nanad, which was far from truth. As a conscientious lady younger Nanad
never told this to her father fearing unforeseen damage to family relation .She even
went to the extent of alleging relation of her mother in law with another relative. This
to a great Lady who stood by her in settling her after marriage in spite of all odds.
She happened to be demi God to most of the family members and to the villagers
.Whole village kept crying for her on her demise .Old still remember her goodness
and folk lore continues . Seema blamed relative for ills in the house including untimely
death of her Mother in law. The person concerned was regarded as mentor and
dependable uncle by her husband. She did plan to break this relation some how.

5. Triangulation and Story of -Seema and Beema...
 Slowly and smartly she first created rift between her Father in Law and her husband.
Father in law was dumped and she along with her children shifted to town on the
name of children education. Her husband believed her blindly. For years the Old man
lived alone in the village with little affection from his Son , Daughter in law and Grand
Children. Tension had its toll in the form of fight for property between Father and Son.
Father gave him 15 Bigha of land. Yes , there was a problem of money to Son .
 Relation between brother and elder Sister got sour primarily because of manipulation
of husband by Seema. But formal relation continued. This relation got worse when
Seema’s daughter laid probably a baseless allegation against her husband (God
knows the truth).
 In between Younger Nanad got married and it was one of the best marriage ceremony
ever held in the village and area around. Father being spend thrift did blame his son
for overspending.
 Now slowly ,on one pretext or another rift was created between brother and younger
sister .Still the relation continued almost one sided by his sister. In heart of heart both
brother and younger sister had great brother and sister relationship almost
unparallel.
 Thus slowly she manipulated her husband and children and broke relationship with
elder and younger Nanad. Both Sisters had immense love and relation with their elder
brother. Almost all relation with most of relatives got broken .
 Elder daughter of Seema was not as beautiful as daughter of her Elder Nanad who

6. Triangulation and Story of -Seema and Beema...
 Since the need for money grew She along with her Cousin Brother managed to use
injection to immobilise her Father in law and made her to stay with her in Town and
her husband became sole manager of all property .
 Beema, their daughter also followed Seema’s path and started taking revenge and
manipulating relation . Result was all close relation got distant. She had had many
tantrums as student of taking law in own hand and insulting many. Her mother
continued supporting her in such episodes and celebrated as being strong and
assertive. After her marriage with very fair ,smart, well behaved ,cultured budding
Scientist ,the trend continued. Seema and her husband continued supporting her in
misbehaviour which soured couple’s relation. It reached unbelievable level of getting
her husband arrested by Police and even spoiling the career of her husband by
levelling unacceptable and unbelievable accusation. Well the husband took it as fate
accompli and lived on in spite of many behind the scene torture. Their two children
got caught in melee and had their problem. God's grace both children hopefully are
on right path now. Relation in home has definite affect on psych of children. God
will look after two bright boys and son of a great human. She continues to be
rude and unpredictable. Beema continues to be accomplice with her mother in all
wrong adventure.
 After the marriage of Seema’s elder son ,drama to isolate elder Son and his wife
started and reached its Nadir. Ultimately they left the house. Still maintaining
workable relation with parents.

7. Triangulation and Story of -Seema and Beema...
 Now it was the turn of Seema to take revenge from her husband with connivance of
her daughter Beema and younger Son. She sowed seed of hatred in them by
accusing her husband for ill treatment, non provision of essential goods .She wiped
out her Sindoor and desired to have divorce. Dshe got him beaten by her younger
son,which he could not digest as it was greatest social insult ever faced by him. He
was one of respected person in small township. Ultimately her husband suffered heart
attack and died few years back.
 Seema started living with her younger son and created all possible problem for her
daughter in law. Intervention of Police and Office of younger Son and his wife brought
some sense.
 House now has Mother, daughter and younger son in one group and create problem
for her elder son and daughter in law. False baseless FIRs and court cases are going
on.
 Beema’s family is also on disary.She never respects her husband. Two bright
children are more inclined to their mother. Both of them very bright but have not met
their potential both academically and relationship. Husband is broken and working
hard to excel professionally as a diversion.
 Who knows where the story will end.

8. Analysis - Story of -Seema and Beema...
 1. Seema-
 Manipulated her husband to break relation using divide and conquer formula and
created toxic family dynamics with her
 Father in law
 Uncle and mentor of her husband
 Elder Nanad and her family
 Younger Nanad
 Her Elder Son
 Wife of younger Son
 Husband
 Her Son in law
 She manipulated others in harmful ways to get what they wanted
 Was it a case of
 Personal security or
 Revenge or
 Jealously or
 Feel a sense of security in a relationship.
 Psychopath and Personality disorder

9. Analysis - Story of -Seema and Beema...
 Beema
 Broke or manipulated or remained accomplice
 Breaking few close relation
 Breaking her own house
 Breaking her brother’s house
 Inculcating character and personality of her own children

10. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Bipolar Disorder
(BPD)
 Some people with under mentioned Cluster B personality disorders tend to view or
judge themselves in relation to their level of competition with others.
 Narcissistic personality disorder,
 Antisocial personality disorder,
 Histrionic personality disorder, and
 Borderline personality disorder
 This competitive or "win-lose" attitude can occasionally turn malicious.
 Ultimately, it can lead a person with a personality disorder to seek ways to
undermine or manipulate someone they view as a potential threat.
 Some people with narcissistic personality disorder may use triangulation to
 Increase their feelings of supremacy,
 Secure their self-esteem, and
 Devalue other people while keeping potential competitors off-balance.
 They are like kids who get involve with middle and high school status wars.
 People with borderline personality disorder focus on receiving reassurance that they
are loved to avoid feelings of abandonment.
 They may use triangulation to manipulate someone to feel jealous to prove
their love and commitment to them.

11. Triangulation in Relationships
 The Golden Child-Scapegoat Family Dynamic
 Within a dysfunctional family unit , Caregiver may be
 Unhealthy,
 Toxic
 Often selfish
 Inferior Self Image
 Split moral image
 They project these qualities on their kids as
 The golden child - Idealized who can do no wrong
 The scapegoat- Devalued and can only do wrong
 Projections may differ over time and change depending on how the caregiver
feels about the child at the time.

12. Triangulation in Romantic Partnerships
 The manipulator often bring another person into their intimate relationship to
create
 Friction,
 Confusion, and
 Jealousy.
 Individual they enjoy the attention, whether negative or positive
 They may even let the triangulated individuals know about one another so
that they can fight for attention.
 Sometimes, the triangulated individuals don't even know that they're being
used to manipulate others
 Worse a narcissistically inclined person may triangulate someone they are
no longer in contact with to control those they are in touch with.
 The new partner or friend is idealized as perfect, whereas the previous
person in is seen as entirely flawed.

13. Impact of Triangulation
 People may
 fear what other people think and feel
 Feel
 Humiliated,
 Concerned, and
 Self-protective.
 Trying to set record straight, or confront the such people may embolden
them more and allow them to win
 The expect other to lose control and act out in impulse and fear.
 It may temporarily alleviate the stress of the situation.
 But fraught with risk
 May result in dysfunctional patterns and cycles within the relationship,
 It may create a messy situation that will often lead to even more hurt
feelings or misunderstandings.

14. Coping With Triangulation
 Remember
 Only you have control over what you do, not the provoking or baiting
person.
 Nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission.
 Here are a few things you shouldn’t do:
 Don't respond quickly to surprising news.
 Take a step back and consider the facts.
 Try your best not to lose your temper or lose control of your feelings to
have power.
 Don't make promises, commitments, or contracts that'll only hurt your
relationship with people whom you trust and love

15. Coping With Triangulation
 Here are a few things you should do:
 Clarify anything you are told before acting on it.
 Stay in touch with loved and trusted ones In your life, and tell them about
any problems or issues that arise.
 Maintain a healthy balance between family, friends, work, and leisure time.
 Remove yourself from a conversation if you sense it turning into an
unhealthy or dysfunctional one.
 Maintain your self-control to avoid being manipulated
 Healthy communication requires openness and authenticity and working to
resolve conflicts rather than creating them.
 The most potent way of dealing with these situations is to take a step back,
accurately evaluate what is happening, and act accordingly.