Do you receive sales emails? I know I do. I used to delete them until I came up with the motivation to do something much more fun: start collecting and sharing them to help reduce the amount of bad emails, or at least help us all chuckle as we realize the ubiquity of our shared experiences. Blah blah. This slideshare has markup of several sales emails by a communications coach, @mcpeakisaiah.

1. 100+New Mails
100+New Mails

2. …That’s why I used to HATE bad
B2B sales emails.

3. Then I remembered a favorite comic strip…
Which made me think…

6. F
Action
Grade
People who get
things done don’t
“sync up” and “touch
base” about nothing.
If I make
“partnerships” (kiss of
death in sales) or am
going to try and sell
you back, then I
might do this.
I highly doubt
there is any way
out of discussing
what you’ll try to
sell me – this is
masked interest,
with a giant $ sign
in place of my
face.
Fake personal
touch: You can’t
“miss” 1 in 10,000
people. This is
trying to make too
much out of the one
thing we have in
common.

8. D
Action
Grade
On the plus side, I
legitimately laughed
at this. On the
minus, it was fun to
pass around the
office but not to
inspire the kind of
action desired.
Plus, typo.
Once again, the
most actionless
subject. People
with stuff to do don’t
“check in” about
stuff they’re not
doing yet.
The first two points
are presumptive
and presume that I
read every email
word for word. This
is a “last ditch” effort
that hurts, rather
than helps, a brand.

10. F
Action
Grade
Too long, I didn’t read it either.
On first glance, I am overwhelmed by the amount of information I’m expected
to consume, from the beginning. If you have a ton that you really need to say,
best to break it up by linking to content that seems “helpful” rather than
interruptive.
On second glance, after the opening two lines I am expectant that if it’s so
(companies don’t buy without pain), then somehow I am about to read about a
solution to one of my pains. Not so… the email rapidly turns ironic. Unless I’m
making a presentation like this, I don’t read on to find out what this is about…

12. As before, action oriented people don’t “sync up”
and “touch base” about projects they’re not doing—
and they don’t “get in touch” either.
I like my company. Misspelling its name either says you
don’t care or bought this off a list and don’t care about
me. It’s hard to “get in touch” with an automated email,
which this seems to be.
On the plus side: it’s short! I read the whole
thing. If this email is lucky enough to hit on my
exact pain of the day, I may actually respond.
But… I don’t like “speaking” with people I don’t
know.
C-
Action
Grade

14. I shouldn’t have, but I actually replied to this one…
it caught me on a day where I felt our content marketing
was going well. True story, this email solidified my resolve
to compose a slideshare.
D+
Action
Grade

16. After the forgettable subject and not-so-genuine how-ya-doin’, this email does get
to the point—I know what is being offered.
Simply deleting this paragraph would
improve it—it’s a call-to-action that’s
early, long, and “a conversation” that I
don’t particularly want to have.
Another clear thesis, with a
link to some info (that I
didn’t click… but would if
this had hit my pain).
B+
Action
Grade

18. D
Action
Grade
There are no questions, and three
paragraphs is not “quick.” I don’t like
being tricked.
Typos don’t inspire
confidence.
A previous unsolicited email
sent does not an established
relationship make.
You did look at my website first! This email would’ve been
great if it had simply been the quick question: “Hey, have
you hired the Software Engineer position yet?”
I dislike presumption

19. Alright, let’s think positive for a minute.

20. What’s missing? DISCIPLINE.
Proofread it!Align the entire email to
the ONE step
Have ONE action
step in mind
• Forward
• Download
• Reply
• Answer Question
• Fork over your SSN
Delete the rest.
Yes, all of it.
(You want a conversation)
::facepalm::
(Shouldn’t need saying)
Be reasonable. I’m not going to give my boss’ contact info to a
stranger. I will forward an interesting case study, though.

21. Isaiah,
Hey, have you hired the Software Engineer position yet?
-Adrian
Summary: It was a quick question, and I would answer this question right away.
Subject: Quick Question – software engineer position
LAST EMAIL IMPROVED

22. Isaiah,
Coyote Logistics and Dropbox, they achieved X by doing Y at our
suggestion. You can read more about it here.
If lead growth is relevant, would you give me 10 minutes to briefly
describe how we can do the same for you? Here are some
ingredients that we’ve found as most natural for our help to provide
max benefit:
• [now try your best to take a risk and describe my org… if
something rings true, I’ll probably talk… otherwise I won’t]
• [for example, “Is between an A and B round, growing as a SaaS
platform but struggling to ‘lock’ on the exact repeatable sale”]
Summary: The email shouldn’t be sent in the first place, but assuming you are
required to send such emails, let’s make it less of a long shot. Some will click the
“here” link. Be up-front about your intent, and give me signs we may be a fit before I’ll
ever consider “syncing up”.
FIRST EMAIL, let’s try…
Subject: Moar Leads, om nom nom

23. Want to add to the collection? Now soliciting
round 2 solicitous emails that failed.
1. Use a similar format
2. Feel free to add or not add your name,
twitter handle, and other personal
information
3. Send to isaiah@9lenses.com

24. 100+New Mails
100+New Mails