Suggestions on problems among SiblingsDocument Transcript
20 Suggestions How to Resolve Conflicts between Siblings? If you have more than one child, chances are they fight.Well-meaning parents sometimes do more to aggravate the situationrather than help the children come to a solution.Future friendsIt may hard to believe now, but your brother or sister may turn out tobe your best friend someday. Many brothers and sisters fight andcompete with each other while growing up but become very close
21when they get older. As you grow up, your friends might change, butyour family foreverDon’t loose coolSometimes when you’re jealous and frustrated, it’s easy to lose yourtempter.Try to follow these tips to avoid getting into a fighter with your brotheror sister: Take deep breath and think a bit. Try to figure out if you are angry with the person or just frustrated with the situation. Remind yourself that you have special talents. Your sister may have won an art contest, but you might be better at basket ball, math, or singing. Eight-year-old Marissa says her brother” always wins running races, but I always get gold stars for good homework grades and that makes me feel better”. Try to congratulate your on their happiness. If you do this for them, they’ll be more likely to do it for you.
22 Hopefully, these tips will work. But if the situation gets out of control and you and your brother or sister start fighting a lot, you may need to talk to someone. Mean words can lead to hitting and physical fighting. If this is going on with you and your sibling, talk to parent or another trusted adult. If you feel that your sibling is not fair towards you just close your eyes and think that moment in which your sibling helped you, on thinking that incident your temper and hate towards your sibling will go down. Don’t ignore any child speech try to spend your time equally on hearing your children version.What can the parent’s do?If you have to referee sibling conflicts on a regular basis (and mostparents of more than one child do), you should have a game plane. Don’t automatically dismiss your child’s anger. Instead, it is important that you recognize your child is upset, whether he has a legitimate right to be or not.
23Don’t promote guilt. You don’t want to force your child to act acertain way out of guilt .It is much better and more productive ifyou help them resolve any conflicts that may arise.Do give your children an opportunity to handle theirdisagreements without interference from you. Often, childrenbegin arguments and fights simply to get attentionFrom their parents. Step back and see if your children canresolve their conflicting issues. Don’t instantly jump into everyargument. If you can ignore them for a little while, they may settlethe problem without your help.Do look for ways to ward off confrontations. For example, if youknow your children are going to fight about who will get the firstpiece of cake, have a system in place. One suggestion might beto let each child take turns being first for a whole day.Initially, if the problem is small, allow your kids to resolve conflictson their own. Don’t try to interfere until the problem turns reallyserious.
24 Never discuss the problems when both of your children are in an aggressive state. Tell them to calm down first, but never behave aggressively to resolve their conflicts. Focus on the problem rather than who created the problem. Make your children focus on the solution for the problem instead of the source. Patiently listen to each child’s version and help them to understand each other in better way. This can help to avoid further conflicts between siblings later in their life. Try to restore their relationship and help them to realize the importance of relationships in life and also educate them to resolve conflicts in a better way. If nothing works, divert your children’s attention to other aspects. The very first problem is the sibling will not allow them to touch their things. This is mainly due to that the siblings fear that their things would be lost or their sis or brother would hold their things instead of returning it back Sibling Rivalry and How to HelpHow Common Is Sibling Rivalry?Most children adjust fairly quickly to a new brother or sister. Yet,even in the best sibling relationships sibling rivalry is common andunderstandable. When the new baby is born, an older child is likely tofeel "dethroned" or displaced. The parent must devote much of his orher attention to the new arrival. The new baby requires considerabletime and focus. The parents now divide their attention between two or
25more children. And the new baby frequently receives the bulk of it,due to the infants vulnerable and needy state.Parents have less time for their older children. Both the quality andquantity of their interactions with their older children may decrease.Older siblings are likely to notice the difference and feel displaced.The new baby becomes a rival for the parents attention. This can setthe foundation for sibling rivalry. Is Age a Factor in Sibling Fighting?Age is a factor. Sibling rivalry appears more intense among youngerchildren and spans the toddler, preschool and elementary schoolyears. As children move into their adolescent years and become moreindependent, sibling rivalry usually decreases. Young children are most likely to fight over possessions.Elementary school aged children frequently fight over which televisionprogram to watch. This can be a constant and ongoing battle.Preteens will also resent a younger sibling when they perceivethe parent favours the younger child: for example, when they
26believe the parent does more for the younger child and babieshim or her. Parents are more apt to baby and coddle their youngestchild. Older children often resent this. Similarly, older children alsoresent a younger child when they feel unfairly blamed for the conflictbetween them.Sibling conflict also appears most intense when children areclose in age-2 years or less. This is likely because similar agedchildren depend on similar amounts of attention and support from theirparents.As the age span between them increases, sibling rivalry seemsto decrease. Older children, for example, often take on a care-givingor protective role with a younger sibling. How to Help An Older Child Adjust To A NewSibling?1. Perhaps the most important thing parents can do is to involvethe older child before and after the birth. For example:
27 Before the birth of the new baby encourage the older children to be part of the event. Involve them in preparing for the arrival of the baby (preparing the baby clothes & the babys sleeping arrangements, looking at their baby pictures etc.) Read appropriate childrens books to the child about the arrival of a new brother or sister. After the baby is born continue to involve the older siblings. Ask them to help with the baby. Encourage them to become aware of the babys feelings and needs, and help comfort the baby when appropriate.2. Attend to the Older Childs Needs. Try not to ignore your older children as you care for the new baby. Remember the close times you shared with your older children before the baby was born. Continue to arrange special, close times. For example, set aside a special time for your older child and integrate this into your day.
28 Maintain the older childs routines as much as possible and continue to provide them with love and attention.3. Be on the Look Out for Signs of Jealously.Jealousy often lies at the root of sibling fighting. Signs of jealousy in achild who feels displaced by the new baby include:(a)Behavioural Concerns Changes in behaviour Difficult and demanding behaviour. Dependent, clinging or whining behaviours. Mood swings, temper tantrums or irritability Problems with eating, sleeping and toileting routines.(b) Difficult and Hurtful Behaviours Toward a Baby or YoungerSibling May taunt, tease or say unkind things about the baby. May be aggressive or hurt the baby (e.g. pinch, poke or hit their younger sibling). With older children signs of jealousy and rivalry between siblings might include teasing, name calling, shouting matches and the occasional kicks and punches. When Sibling Fighting is Out of ControlSibling fighting that crosses the line and is out of control maysignal more serious concerns. Not all sibling fighting is normal.Sibling fighting can be abusive and involve physical, emotional and/orsexual abuse of one sibling by another. Sibling abuse often goesunrecognized by parents and society.
29Yet, like any other form of abuse, sibling abuse represents aserious concern. It can have long lasting and detrimental effects onthe victim, such as depression, anxiety, low self- esteem and poorself-image.Parents who are concerned about sibling fighting may benefitfrom the support of a Child psychologistSibling fighting that includes extreme hostility and/or verbal,emotional or physical abuse is cause for concern. When onesibling repeatedly bullies and victimizes one or several of his siblingsintervention can help solve the problem and help you to help yourchildren.Children who bully and victimize their siblings may suffer frombehavioral and emotional concerns and might benefit fromprofessional support.If sibling fighting is out of control, keep the following in mind: The parents relationship with each other can influence how stormy or smooth the sibling relationship is. Sibling fighting is less pronounced when parents handle conflict appropriately in their own relationship, and during their interactions with each of their children. Sibling relationships are also friendlier and less conflictual when their parents respond warmly and sensitively to all their children and do not consistently favor one over the other.A reliance on these inappropriate behaviours can contribute tobehaviour and social problems in children, at school and in thecommunity.Common Mistakes Parents Make Ignoring extreme sibling rivalry and dismissing it as normal.
30Failing to teach children how to solve problems and conflicts withtheir siblings.Failing to model appropriate conflict resolution skills.Consistently favouring one child over another.Expecting too much of an older child, compared to a youngersibling.Blaming an older child for sibling fighting because he is older andshould know better.Unnecessarily pampering and coddling a younger child and/ordoing this far more than was the case for another child.Failing to maintain a consistently caring, supportive and attentiverelationship with their older children following the birth of the newbaby.Failure to teach children how to solve problems, manage angerand deal with their feelings.Consistently blaming one child for sibling problems withoutensuring whether this is warranted.