“Right you horrible lot; sit down and shut up.”
>Thunder of feet<
“Woohoo! Go Salvatore!”
“Go get ‘em tiger!”
Angel narrowed her eyes. “Tamara, is 22 your age or your IQ? Go sit down!”
Angel turned her attention to the two men competing for heirship.
“Here we have Tweedledum and Tweedledee! - Oops my mistake, they just look so much like them! For those who aren’t too sure, they are
actually...somehow my nephews. Hard to figure I know.”
“Yo my fans! Watch and wonder as I take heirship!” exclaimed Tony dancing on the spot.
“Oh they’re wondering all right.”
“This motley crew are the simself vic-err volunteers who offered themselves up for shooting.” >snicker<
“From the left on Salvatore’s blue team seats we have Amylu with an obsession for physiologists and babies; Nicole who manages to combine both welding
and crochet; and Ning with a thing for chocolate, eggs and tofu- although hopefully not altogether. Across on Tony’s red team seats we have Dez, another
crazy Australian who likes to watch people; Danielle who has a fascination with the calendar; and Shadey with too many buns and puppies.”
“Tony and Salvatore were allowed a turn each at choosing who would be on their team. Tony got to pick first being eldest, than Salvatore and so on.”
“I would like to know why I was picked for Tony’s team?” asked Shadey.
“Good question” said Danielle. “I’d like to know why I was chosen too.”
“He couldn’t resist my awesome shirt; I just know it“ said Dez.
“You guys really want to know?”
“Yes of course.”
>rustle of paper< “Well you asked for it...”
“It says Shadey was chosen because she is old...”
“Hang on! Just because I’m not a teenager doesn’t make me old!”
“Dez was chosen because she is blind as a bat...”
“Why of all the nerve!”
“And Danielle was chosen because her lipstick is too pink.”
“I think not knowing may be a very good thing” said Ning.
“You three weren’t chosen as such, because Salvatore said he didn’t mind who he got. So you are on his team by default.”
“Well bless his blue and grey tracksuit” said Amylu.
“I’ve never been so happy to be a reject “added in Nicole clapping.
Salvatore stared at his brother “You choose a girl for her lipstick colour?”
“Well there weren’t any blonds were there!”
“Hello, do you have a microphone...No? Then be quiet. Now so everyone watching knows, Tony and Salvatore will try to chase down and shoot each simself
on his team. To make this harder all six simselves were blindfolded and walked through to the seating area so they have not been able to study the maze.
Whoever shoots the simself first in each round gets the point. Should the simself make it out of the maze and touch their teams flag, then their competitor
will be deducted a point and that simself wins a car. There are also two safe areas. The simselves can enter and exit these as often as they like, but they may
stay no longer than one minute all up.”
“Jill! I’m going to be as wet as a drowned rat in a minute; this is your department-do something about it!”
“Right away boss!”
“Why is good help so hard to get?”
“Spits and spots away you go, make it sunny with a rainbow!”
“How come I don’t get any cool lines?!” growled Tina.
“Well what do you know, it worked!” said Tina. “I was half expecting a shower of hail.”
“On with the show. On your marks, get set...go!”
“Ning is off to a flying start! While Dez seems more interested in finishing her conversation with Danielle...”
“The men are hot on their trails. They cannot shoot over or through the lane ways, due to the invisible electric fence. They must be directly in line with the
ladies down a laneway to be able to shoot them.”
“Salvatore aims and shoots at Ning as she goes around the corner! But the shot goes wide to the right.”
“Over on the other side, Dez has managed to duck into the safety spot just before Tony could take aim.”
“Blow all the raspberries you want Dez, but I’ll be waiting right out here” growled Tony.
“Salvatore is catching up with Ning and he shoots...and misses yet again! I think he needs to go back to shooting school.”
“This thing isn’t shooting straight!” yelled Salvatore banging his freeze gun a couple of times.
“Yeah sure Salvatore, you couldn’t shoot your way out of a paper bag!” snicked Tony.
“Ning is getting closer to the exit. Will Salvatore be able to shoot her in time or will she escape?”
>Dez sneaks out of safety area<
“Tony has finally realized that Dez is running away!” >Snicker<
“Are you ok Ning?”
“S-Sure, don’t worry S-Salvatore. It was cold, but it was fun! I t-think I might need a s-sweater now though.”
“You know what? Something around here stinks! And that something is you!”
“Just what are you saying?!”
“I think you know. Just you remember Celtika Bloodmoon is watching you mate.”
“I don’t know who or what you are talking about.”
“Seeing you’re about as smart as a piece of four by two, I figured as much.”
“You’re just a sore loser, but at least you recognize my superior intellect.”
>snort< “You just remember what I said. Us Aussies are watching.”
“Yeah well, you can watch all you like, but all you’ll see is me- winning.”
Dez narrowed her eyes and took off for the food stand. What she needed was a nice hot cup of coffee with a Tim-Tam Slammer.
“One point to Tony, no points to Salvatore!”
“The next round is the hand gun. To make it harder, the men will have to pick up their handguns from the stage first.”
“Danielle is off first with Nicole close behind and they are both going the same way. There are no rules about going a certain way, so this will be interesting.”
“Danielle is quite a sprinter, but will it be fast enough?”
“Danielle has turned to go down the back, while Nicole chooses the more direct path towards the flag.”
“Ouch and Tony shoves Salvatore into the fence!”
“This is the first time I’ve seen this. Danielle has decided to run around the simself area! And Tony shoots and just misses! Not that Danielle seems fazed.”
“Nicole went to the safety area, but decided to run right through it. A smart move as it put her around a corner and out of line of Salvatore’s gun.”
“While up the back these two continue what looks like a game of cat and mouse.”
“Danielle would you quit this?!”
“No, I’m not making this easy on you!”
“Did I tell you I won simtrack 2010?” tossed out Danielle as she sprinted around the enclosure.
>Snicker< ”Give him a run for his money Danielle!”
“Back at the front Salvatore had a chance to shoot Nicole and again shot extremely wide, this time veering off to the left. One wonders if he practiced at all!”
“Nicole took a wrong turn and now sees that the gate is on the other side from where she is with no way out.”
“At the front Tony doubled back on Danielle and shot her before she could get away again.”
taught him >cough< Tony
not to mess you’re a
with me! gangster,
“Tony may be winning the race so far but he’s certainly not winning the ladies over today...Well not in the way he would like anyhow.”
Grr I hate him!
But he’s so smexy
when he grovels!
“So Amylu and Shadey, you are the last two simselves. You lucky ladies get the zapping helm! Just think of all the great photo opportunities for you as we fry
“Salvatore, are you worried about losing?”
“No it’s only two points, I’m sure I can make it up easily.”
“Between this and the roulette he has no chance. Phhtt! Nine nice points! Nice guys always finish last.”
“Nice sop or annoying twit, it’s a hard decision alright.”
“Hey! Did you just – “
“Ready, set, go!”
“Amylu is now running outside the maze towards the blue flag! Can Salvatore possibly catch her?”
“Next to the stage, Shadey has made it into the second safe area.”
“Goodness I’m so old I think I better sit down for awhile” >laugh<
“Switching to our front camera we get a closer look at the action. Amylu is only a few meters from the blue flag, but Salvatore is closing in...”
“And he catches her in the beam just a foot away from the pole!”
So close yet
so far for
Ah, the sun
is so nice
“Meanwhile back near the stage...”
“Awr come on! Are there no rules about this?!”
“The rules state that Shadey can stay for up to one minute.”
“You may as well stand still!”
“Tony finally catches and zaps Shadey a full minute later, giving the point to Salvatore.”
If that was
supposed to be
fun why do I have
this sudden urge
to run away?
Behind the toilet block
“Quel grande Nanno!”
(That was great Pop!)
“Se non avessi avuto quei fucili alterati si sarebbero ora tre a zero!”
(If I had not had those guns altered you would now be three to zero!)
“Tu sei un ragazzo spreco di spazio! Ritiro il mio appoggio!”
(You are a waste of space boy! I withdraw my support!)
(But Grand Dad!)
“A message from real me. She says she’s tipping the scales. Have fun!”
“What is this?!” demanded Tony.
“A new surprise brain game! Take a look and weep, because now your brains-what there is of them- will be put to the test.”
“It looks kind of fun.”
“It’s stupid! We weren’t told about this!”
“That’s why it’s a surprise-Tony.”
“You each have a lane way made up of coloured light up tiles. You will need to remember a sequence of tiles going from where you stand, up to the end
where I am standing. It also goes left to right as well as forwards.”
“Take a good look at your pathways. You have 13 tiles each that you will need to step on in the correct order. Unlucky 13 for one of you and lucky 13 for the
other. Salvatore yours is blue and Tony yours is red. Memorize them. Once the competition starts the pathway will only appear again as you step on the
correct square. The first to the end with their entire pathway lit will gain the point.”
“This is so cool” said Salvatore nimbly jumping onto the first two squares. Each square changed to blue and lit up with a resounding ‘ding!’
“Shut up! I’m trying to concentrate!”
“Just remember left to right and forwards.”
“I didn’t ask you! Don’t talk to me!”
“Fine with me” said Salvatore going ahead like he was on a Sunday stroll. This kind of thing was right up his ally.
“This is your fault creator person! I just know it!”
“I heard that!”
“Twelve, thirteen! That was fun, can we do another one?”
“You can’t be at the end already! He’s cheating!”
This was the
of a challenge
“...And after two more minutes, Tony finally figured out there are two tiles at the end! Way to go Tony you learnt to count!” >snicker<
“Next up is the roulette.” >evil smile < “All the prisoners are sims you the Simself court have chosen as deserving some Mobacy style punishment. Originally
their fate was to be chosen by the roll of a dice, but due to overwhelming votes, their demise is already decided on. The boys are now going to vote in their
sound proof booths on just who will get what. While we wait we have some entertainment lined up.”
“The first simself with a nominee is Songsmith. This particular nominee is immune from being whacked, so couldn’t be included in the final six. But never
mind, the living are much more fun to poke fun of.” >evil cackle<
“Who dares summon the Great and Mighty Ninja!”
“I do; and if you want to cross this Stage of Death you must answer me these questions three.”
“I don’t think so” >poof< “Arghm” >POOF!<
“Forget it Ninja boy, there will be no ‘poofing’ here. Or is the Mighty Ninja scared?”
“The Great and Mighty Ninja is never scared! He knows all and he sees all!”
“Rea-lly? You won’t be afraid to sit in my chair than. Answer correctly and I might spare you.” *Well I won’t but you can pretend*
“Question one. What do you call a busload of ninja’s going over a cliff at 110 miles per hour?”
“Wrong! I call it a very good start!”
Song whizzed the drill and whistled.
“Question two. Which came first, the skunk or the Ninja?”
“Wrong! It was the skunk, because the Ninja smelt so bad!”
“Question three. Which came first the skunk or the Ninja?”
“But we just... err the skunk, the skunk!”
“Wrong! It was the Ninja because the skunk smelt so bad!”
“But you can’t-”
“See how you like ridiculous questions with no answers Ninja boy!”
>Drilling of teeth and girly Ninja screams<
“Have a parting gift before you go!”
Tiny ninja voice: “Owh I may never be the same again.”
It’s a wonder
he can still And don’t come
back or you will
answer to me
and my handbag!
“Good riddance to him and now it’s on to the scoring section of the roulette. Up to the stage next will be Jillyson to introduce her prisoner.”
“My prisoner today is Bruno Canasta. He is here today for many crimes against sim humanity. These include, but are not limited to; stalking, kidnapping,
torture and murder. He deserves all we give him and more.”
Me crush his
“I’d rather have him on the stage alive first, but thanks Igor I’ll keep it in mind.”
As Bruno took his first steps across the stage the audience started pointing and laughing.
“Seeing that Bruno delights in using woman, I decided he can learn to dress like one!”
“Move girly man.”
“Shut your mouth servant.”
"Today you are going to pay for your crimes!"
Bruno laughed "Really? Show me."
“That can be arranged.”
“In addition to the horrible crimes already mentioned , this is for making us look at your evil green butt when you were a warlock and you began your affair
with Marta Glencoe. You clashed horribly with her pink lingerie. Also for making me gag when you had an affair with that ugly Ottomas woman.”
“Look now you match!”
“You will rue the day you laid a finger on me woman.”
So sad have had ice-
“Parting is such sweet sorrow. But never mind there are plenty more to go! Next up is Valpre and her two prisoners, Julian and Jade.”
“I can’t be next! I’m in the last cell! It’s not meant to be me! It’s him next- down there..pleeease!”
“Oh give it a rest!” snapped Meretrix from a nearby cell. “You don’t hear me whimpering like a baby.”
“I’ll scratch your eyes out for talking about my man like that” screeched back Jade.
Igor: “Quiet in the cells!”
“I’m number six, look at the cells! There’s been a mistake!” >sob<
“Shut it chicken man.”
“Julian you have been tried by the court of Simselves. You have been found guilty of one count of kidnapping, one count of extortion and two counts of
“I’m innocent I tell you!”
how fast can
Oh you run?
Audience: “I think he will fly out of there like an aeroplane” ... “Smells rather like a chicken pen doesn’t he?”....”I think his time is up”
Guess I should
and turn you here!
fence is Fried
electric. chicken I
“Well that was finger licke’n good. Val now has her second prisoner, Jade.”
“I’m going to kill you!”
“Igor break your neck first.”
“In the chair will do, thanks Igor.”
“Jade you are convicted of murder, lies, sick mind games and being a home wrecking phyco.”
“I’m going to chop you up into little pieces when I get out of this chair.”
“You do realize there are three trained snipers ready to open fire on you if you try anything stupid, don’t you?”
“What do you want?!”
The ghost gave a twisted smile “I want your life Jade McNamara!”
“I don’t even know you, leave me alone!”
The ghost tapped her chin as if thinking about Jade’s question.
“How about – no!” She ran at Jade who ran screaming down the stage with the ghost in hot pursuit.
I’m Run, run
coming to as fast as
get you! you can
“You really don’t know who I am do you?” shouted the ghost.
“Why should I?!”
“Think. Little Creek, a house and a maid!”
“A maid?” said Jade shrugging her shoulders.
“Yes the maid. My name is Angela and I pleaded with you for my life, yet you shot me in cold blood. Now you are going to pay!”
Welcome to of tag?
“A very fun game of tag! Now some of you may be wondering, what about the scores? Well keep wondering!”
“Next to the stage is Lauran.”
“Hello, I’m Lauran and my prisoner today is Meretrix. As she sat unplayed and frozen in time she developed a furious resentment of my legacy family. That
does not excuse her in any way from her crimes.”
“She is a murderous, vindictive, lying, abusive, double crossing, child beating *censored*!”
“They deserved all they got!”
“No one deserves that and Hamlet your son deserved so much better.”
Meretrix sneered and checked her nails. “Useless ugly lump.”
Actually it is you who will be the useless ugly lump.”
“Who won’t be laughing for much longer! See those green sparkles back there? They’re for you.”
Pop! What have
And old! you done?!
“Now you will run this course.”
Angel pointed her finger “Bugs, bugs, come do my bidding, chase Meretix from the land of the living.”
“You might want to look down...”
“Eeik! Bugs! I hate bugs! Get away, get away!”
"Fair is foul, and foul is fair. A fitting end to thee.”
“Good riddance to bad rubbish.”
“Now” said Angel whipping around to glare at the crowd. “Some of you I hear are impatient to know the scores and have been out of your seats to ask the
staff. For starters they don’t know, only I do; and even if they did they wouldn’t tell you. How about coming and asking me to my face.... No I didn’t think so.
Also when Grim arrives it is not time for tea and biscuits! You will stay in those seats, kapeesh?”
“At the end of the brain game round it was two all. Let’s look at the scores now...”
“As you can see it is still a draw on six all. Both correctly identified that those four prisoners would be executed. Tony did change his mind over the two
female prisoners three times...but even he got them correct in the end. All happy now? Good let’s get on with it. Take it away Holley!”
“When I found out that Jo was thinking of torturing Don Lothario is this heirship challenge I knew I had to stop her; after all Don is dreamy...”
>Stares off into space with a glazed eyed look<
“Ahm! As I was about to say >cough< I knew the best way to stop her was to nominate a man whose crimes are far worse. Everyone knows Don is a
‘Lothario’, however Daniel Pleasant is a married man. He is not only a horrible husband who cheated on his wife, but also a terrible father, pitting one
daughter against the other.”
“So some of you may know what this is... Igor can you bring up the prisoner now?”
Come on fellas, place your bets, 'cause you ain't seen nothing yet
She's the talk of the town; she's the best, yes!
*From ‘The Lady is a Vamp’ by the Spice Girls, but with a slightly altered first line.
“Haha, you’re such a vamp Daniel Pleasant!”
“Can I go now?”
“Of course not, you think a little dancing pays for your crimes buster? Since you like maids oh so much you can work like one, get to it!”
A new song came on-
*Sadie the cleaning lady, with trusty scrubbing brush and pail of water
“Don’t lose your pretty bows down there.”
Worked her fingers to the bone
For the life she had at home
Providing at the same time for her daughter
Ah Sadie , the cleaning lady
Her aching knees not getting any younger
“Come on Pleasant can’t you bend over a bit further?”
“Oh test tubes! They emasculated the man. I wonder what they are going to do to me?!”
Well her red detergent hands
Had for years not held a man's
And time would find her heart expired of hunger
Scrub your floors , do your chores , dear old Sadie
Looks as though you'll always be a cleaning lady
Can't afford to get bored , dear old Sadie
Looks as though you'll always be a cleaning lady
Ah , Sadie , the cleaning lady
Her female mind would find a way of trapping
Though as gentle as a lamb , Sam the elevator man
So she could spend the night by TV napping
“Touch my foot with that mop and your dead Sadie”
“I was thinking more of hitting you over the head with it and making a getaway.”
“That’ll kill you too.”
Ah , Sadie , the cleaning lady
Her Sam was what she got hook, line and sinker
To her sorrow and dismay she's still working to this day
Her Sam turned out to be a no-good stinker!
“Just like you hey Pleasant.”
*’Sadie the Cleaning Lady’ Sung by John Farnham.
“Which is why you need a good lasting doss of disinfectant. Don’t want you leaving Jo’s nice stage all contaminated”
“Please isn’t this >cough< enough!”
>sigh< “I guess so, but it sure was fun!”
“Hopefully Daniel Pleasant has learned to clean up his act. The score is still a tie at seven all, with only one prisoner to go! Karima you’re up
“My prisoner today is Loki Beaker. For years this monster has carried out cruel experiments on poor Nervous Subject, treating him like a lab rat in a
maze. A maze he can never find the way out of because this blight on society won’t let him go. Poor Nervous, isn’t he nervous enough? Today Loki
Beaker will find out just what it is like to be experimented on!”
“I am an eminent scientist and I refuse to be part of this charade!”
“Ok, Igor can just beat you to a pulp then.”
“Igor get to enjoy himself! Igor twist your ugly head off first!”
“On second thoughts, surely a bit of scientific enquiry might not be so bad.”
I can restore da
pesky brain wiz
my andy brainz
“Now you get your own roulette Beaker. You have to drink or eat five things off that table. There is one antidote, the rest, well....”
“Antidote! Antidote for what?!
“That’s for me to know and for you to find out.”
A toffee innocently<
. Might be a
Loki eyed the vials and chose the green filled one next. At first he thought it was a cure as the blue skin disappeared, but a strange tickling took over and his
skin began to get strange markings.
When suddenly he sprouted leaves and turned green.
Loki stared at the last of his five vials. “This so better be a cure!”
“Or you’ll do what? Rustle at me angrily?” >Haha<
knows what cat
“Arrgh! This stuff tastes like the vomit of a thousand cats!”
“No!” yelled Tony jumping out of his seat. “Loki Beaker should have died! He can’t win! It’s meant to be me!”
“Gee Tony, I’m sorry, but_“
“You being the heir is ridiculous!
“Making Salvatore the new heir” continued Angel over the top of Tony’s ranting. “While we wait for this wonderful display of self control and maturity to
“I’m meaner and better looking!” finished off Tony glaring at everyone. Then he turned, went down the stairs and stomped off the lot.
Congratulations to Salvatore the new heir of generation three.
Fortune- LTW-Earn 100,000
6 Neat, 7 outgoing, 3 lazy, 1 serious and 9 nice!
He will make an interesting mob boss.
“Can we go yet?”
Actually this is your new home and Daniel Pleasant, aka the maid, is your new room mate.
“Oh test tubes.”
I will have some behind the scenes picspam up on LJ shortly. This chapter was quite a doozy to shoot.
Thanks to all the simselves, everyone should have made an appearance in the audience at some stage.
Special thanks to those who let themselves be abused in the simself maze: Ning, Dez, Danielle, Nicole, Amylu and Shadey.
To those who nominated and appeared on stage with your prisoners: Song, Jilly, Val, Lauran, Holley and karima.
To the simself who played the ghost.
And to Pixx for the cover.