1. What it REALLY means:
A translation of things said at various points in a relationship
by: Nathanael W. Dungan
First, a couple of important translations that everyone should know….
“We’re dating.” What this really means is, “Sometimes we go out on dates with each other, but other times
we go out with other people and don’t tell the other person.”
“We’re going out.” What this really means is, “We go out on dates with each other and the other person
better not be going out with anyone else.”
When meeting someone for the first time….
“I’ll call you.” What this really means is, “I don’t plan on calling you, ever. But go ahead and get your
hopes up.”
“Give me a call me sometime.” What this really means is, “I don’t want to live with the guilt of saying ‘I’ll
call you’ and then never doing it. So go ahead and call me and I will come up with a reasonable excuse for why I
can’t go out with you.”
“You look like _________ (any celebrity)” What this really means is, “You somewhat resemble ________
but are not nearly as attractive and I doubt you are as talented or rich as they are.”
When being set up on a date by a friend or relative……
“My friend/coworker/sibling/etc is really funny.” What this really means is, “They find themselves really
funny. He/She likes to laugh at his/her own lame jokes.”
“He/She has an attractive face.” What this really means is, “Don’t look any further than the face or you will
notice that he/she has a problem with overeating.”
“He/She doesn’t do a lot of dating.” What this really means is, “No one ever asks them out.”
“I think you two will really like each other.” What this really means is, “I think he/she is a real loser, but so
are you so it will be a perfect match.”
“It’s worth a shot isn't it?” What this really means is, “You haven't been on a real date in a long time, and
you are pretty desperate aren't you?”
“He/She comes from a good family.” What this really means is, “He/She isn't really much to look at but his/
her parents are really nice. Maybe you will like the family so much that you will tolerate him/her.”
“He/She really loves to get together with people over dinner.” What this really means is, “He/She never
misses a chance to eat and you will instantly be able to tell when you see him/her.”
“He/She doesn’t have a lot of dating experience.” What this really means is, “He/She is either fat or ugly or
both and most likely will die a virgin.”
“He/She is the type of person you can take home to meet the parents.” What this really means is, “They
have the ability to hide their abundance of negative qualities quite well.”
When dating someone…..
“I think you are great.” What this really means is, “You are ok, but not someone that I want a relationship
with.”

2. “I am sorry, but I already have plans.” What this really means is, “Someone with more money and much
better looks already called and asked me out.”
“Nothing is wrong.” What this really means is, “Something is terribly wrong and you probably won’t get
another date with me because of it.”
When going out with someone…..
“We need to talk.” What this really means is, “I am about to dump you.”
“Nothing is wrong.” What this really means is, “Something is terribly wrong and we need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” What this really means is, “It would probably be wise if you didn’t ask me
about it again. There are only two things that will happen if you do, I will lose my temper or I will start crying.”
“No, there isn't anyone else.” What this really means is, “There IS someone else and it is your
sister/brother/best friend/cousin/etc.”
“Of course I love you.” What this really means is, “I don’t actually have that deep of feelings for you but I
don’t want to hurt your feelings by not saying it.”
When proposing marriage….
“Yes!!” What this really means is, “It’s about time, idiot!”
“Yes.” (with little to no emotion) What this really means is, “I think this is what I want.”
-Crying- What this really means is, “This is the happiest day of my life.” Or, “I can’t believe that I am about
to ruin this person’s life by telling him/her I don’t love them that much.”
“This is such a surprise.” What this really means is, “I haven't had time to think of a gentle way of rejecting
you.” Or, “I can’t believe this person is proposing so soon. I don’t even know them.”
“The ring is beautiful.” What this really means is, “It is nice. Not what I was hoping for, but nice.”
“It’s beautiful!!” What this really means is, “It’s beautiful!!”
“Of course I love it.” What this really means is, “I wish you had gone for the bigger diamond, you cheap
son-of-a-gun.”
“It is too soon.” What this really means is, “I was planning on dumping you soon.”
“I am not ready yet.” What this really means is, “I was planning on dumping you soon, but not before I got
you to spend all of your money on me.”
“Are you sure that you want to marry me?” What this really means is, “I am not sure that I want to marry
you.”
When married….
“Honey?” What this really means is, “I have something for you to do in the
yard/garage/basement/anywhere besides where you want to be.”
“Be right there dear.” What this really means is, “I’ll see what you want at the next commercial break,
unless there are funny commercials on, then it will be at my convenience.”

3. “No really, this meal is excellent.” What this really means is, “I am about to gag, why couldn’t we just order
something in?”
“I have a headache.” What this really means is, “The thought of doing that with you right now has made
me sick.” Or, “You have done something wrong and are being punished until you figure out what it is and
apologize for it."
“No, you aren't fat.” What this really means is, “You could stand to diet a little.”
“Of course that looks good on you.” What this really means is, “You have gained another pound or two,
haven't you tubby?”
“Of course you look good.” What this really means is, “You aren't as fit as you used to be.”
“You’re NOT fat!” What this really means is, “You ARE fat. And if you ask me again I am going to be
brutally honest with you.”
“I had a bad day.” What this really means is, “I had a bad day and most likely I am going to take it out on
you.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” What this really means is, “Please call your mom and talk to her about it, I
don’t really want to. But if you must talk to me about it I will pretend to listen.”
“Oh?” , “Uh huh” , nodding, etc. What this really means is, “I am not really listening but go ahead and keep
talking, just keep it down so I can hear the television.”
“We need to talk.” What this really means is, “You are in some serious trouble.” Or, “I am about to ask you
for a divorce.” Or, “I am pregnant.” Or, “I know it is college football season, but I had the cable cancelled.”
“Nothing is wrong.” What this really means is, “Something is terribly wrong and you better figure out what it
is or you will be sleeping on the couch with the dog.”
“I love you” (when spoken by a woman). What this really means is, “I love you.”
“I love you.” (when spoken by a man). What this really means is, “I love you. Now, how about some sex?”
“You are going to make a great daddy someday.” What this really means is, “Better get ready to be a
daddy because you are going to be one in approximately five months.”