This document provides guidance on using specific, concrete details and sensory language, active voice, and sentence rhythm to create an emotional impact in fiction writing. It emphasizes showing rather than telling emotions and themes through details that appeal to the senses. Writers are encouraged to use these techniques to convey setting, character emotions and development, and reinforce the themes of their stories. Specific examples from sample text are provided and writing exercises are suggested.

1. Truth: You need to do
both

2.  Fiction tries to create the emotional impact of
actual experience.
 Unlike other forms of art, it does so by using
words to create: feelings, ideas and images.
 Various writing techniques help accomplish
this.

3.  Writing is more effective when it’s specific.
 Specific means using concrete details.
 Concrete details are sensory and concrete
versus general and abstract:
 Sensory means simply that: appealing to one of
the senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch

4.  Details should appeal—evoke—the senses,
but also matter to the story.
 Susie wore a pair of shoes.
 Susie wore a pair of blue Oxford loafers.
 Susie wore a pair of blue Oxford loafers, one
size too large so that she constantly stepped
out of them. The heals were scuffed, and a
piece of duct tape kept the bows on the left
shoe attached.

5.  Susie wore a pair of blue Oxford loafers, one
size too large so that she constantly stepped
out of them. The heals were scuffed, and a
piece of duct tape kept the bows on the left
shoe attached.
 Susie wore clothing that showed she was poor.
 Susie wore clothing that showed she didn’t care
about clothing
 Susie was slovenly

6.  Just as characteristics should be rendered
with detail, so should emotion.
 Avoid labeling emotions in writing; rather, try
to describe them with sensory details.
 Susie was sad (telling)
 Write a quick sentence or two that shows
poor Susie’s sorrow.

7.  Concrete details also play a role in
foreshadowing the plot and underlining the
theme of a story.
 Chekov’s famous statement that a pistol
shown in the first act should be fired in the
third. Use concrete physical objects as plot
devices.
 Details also can be used to reinforce the
theme of a story. Imagery and metaphor
evokes larger ideas.

8.  Take one minute: Write down the emotions
and themes at play in this story.
 Take another few minutes and scan the story
for language that reinforces those emotions
or themes you wrote down. These can just
even be words: “hot pink.”

9.  Both metaphor and simile—poetic devices—
are ways language can be used to create
emotion in fiction.
 Simile compares; metaphor is used literally.
 She was like a tree.
 She was a tree.

10. Clichés:
 Hot as hell
 Cold as ice
 She was sweet, like sugar and spice.
Overstretched:
 Her eyes were like a prehistoric dragon
breathing fire on a village (what?)

11.  One of the greatest challenges most writers
face is remembering to keep prose in active
voice. This can be dealt with on revision, but
it’s key to strong writing.
 In active voice, the subject performs the
action:
 Julia operated the computer (active)
 The computer was operated by Julia
(passive)

12.  Active voice keeps the prose lively—passive
voice is monotonous, and should only be used
purposefully:
 The guard beat the prisoner (active)
 The prisoner was beaten by the guard (passive,
but with purpose)
 Active verbs have the same impact in prose as
concrete details: they show rather than tell.
 She ate a cookie vs. She wolfed down a cookie.

13.  Pick any story
 Quickly scan a paragraph and mark the
active verbs.
 How do these verbs contribute to the
feeling/emotions of the writing?

14.  A good rule of thumb is to vary the length of
your sentences to create energy and texture
in prose.
 But rhythm can also be used to reinforce the
emotion by creating a tempo that works with
what is happening in the story.
 Long sentences can slow down time, for
example.

15.  15 minutes:
 Describe a beautiful setting (mountain vista,
pristine lake etc) from the point of view of
someone who has just undergone a terrible
loss. Do not tell the story of this loss or refer to
it; just use the description to show the
perception of this place through the viewpoint of
someone in this situation.
 Quick note on in-class writing: Use the time.

16.  Like art students copying the masters,
“seeing” (writing) through the eyes of a writer
you admire can be instructive.
 Take the writing you have brought to class.
Rewrite two of the paragraphs, keep the
sentence structure, but use your own nouns,
verbs and other parts of speech.

17.  David Bowie was one of the most widely
revered musicians in the world. Once, before
he was to deliver a small concert at a rock n’
roll ceremony, the guitarist who introduced
him described him as an example for young
musicians of the world to imitate. He was
almost 40; his style was studied and
mesmerizing, and he wore a meticulously
trimmed goatee.

18.  These are in the syllabus:
 January 30
 Reading assignment: “Lobster Night” by
Russell Banks (CASF), page 15; “My Writing
Method” by Kate Chopin (GWAF), page 43
 Bring to class observations, questions and
ideas about the stories, with particular
attention paid to sensory detail. Also note
use of active voice and rhythm of sentences.