‘I have found it really useful to help children to understand their emotions and how to deal with them in a positive way’. ‘It has helped me to understand the child’s perspective better and respond in a more constructive way’. ‘I have noticed a reduction in challenging behaviour and improvements in relationships’. ‘It has helped me to reflect on my own reactions and responses to children’s emotions’. ‘It has helped me to understand the child better and build a stronger relationship’. ‘I feel more confident in my ability to handle emotional situations constructively’.

1. Attachment and Learning
Session 3 – Strategies
Emotion Coaching

2. The Emotion Coaching Project
• Research aim:
‘To support the development of resilience and
community well-being by integrating emotion
coaching into everyday practice in work with
children and young people’

3. EMOTION COACHING
• Part 1
Why do we need it?
• Part 2
What is it?
• Part 3
How do we do it?

4. PART 1
Why we need emotion coaching
The anatomy and physiology of
Emotions

5. What informs Emotion Coaching?
• Neuroscientific evidence
• Emotions & Vagal Tone
• Attachment theory & Empathy

6. (Siegel, 2012)
Our brains

7. The Connectome- neuronal network
linking up the areas of brain
Denser network = quicker, faster, more reliable
connections because ‘the sum of the parts is
better than the parts alone’

8. Plasticity –the ability to adopt and adapt
to stimulus
Neuronal networks are continuously shaped by
genetic, environmental and experiential stimulus and
strengthened through repetition. Brain plasticity
reduces as we age

9. Mirror Neurones- encode information
about the external world and goal-directed
behaviour
They enable humans to emulate others and
thereby empathise & understand intent– essential
for the socialization of children

10. Emotional Responses
Distress Fear Surprise Anger Disgust Joy
Innate , hardwired and universal

11. The Double Act
 Networks between amygdala and frontal lobes
(OMPFC, anterior cingulate, insula) involved with fear
conditioning, emotional regulation and attachment
schema
 More connections between amygdala and frontal
lobes than any other part of brain

12. “The vagal system allows us to maintain continued social
engagement by modulating and fine-tuning sympathetic arousal
during emotional interpersonal exchanges” (Cozolino, 2006: 61)
The Vagus Nerve: Runs from the brain throughout the body and acts
on all organs

13. Vagal Tone
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GdALwuYtG8&feature=related
Good Vagal Tone
Highly responsive:
• Respond quicker, process
information faster,
concentrate better
• More appropriate and
effective responses to stimuli
• Return faster to a normal
‘resting state’
Poor Vagal Tone
Low responsiveness:
• Responds and process
information not as quickly,
less able to concentrate.
• Less appropriate and effective
responses to stimuli
• Difficulty returning to normal
‘resting state

14. How does Emotion Coaching work with the
brain and body?
1. Provides a stimulus for triggering the
vagus nerve
2. Triggers an empathic mirror system
3. Helps child to feel safe and calm down
4. Provides a narrative for connecting
emotional and cognitive processes
5. Stimulates neural connections
between amygdala/limbic system and
frontal lobes (especially OMPFC and
corpus callosum)
6. Creates a process of co-regulation and
‘repair’ (helping implicit memories
become explicit)
 Helps child to learn to self-
sooth
 Helps child to learn to self-
regulate
 Helps child to learn to resolve
problems
 Helps child to learn they can
survive adversity (or thwarted
wishes/desires/needs)
 Helps child to learn about
empathy and pro-social
behaviour

15. PART 2
What is emotion coaching?
• Based on research by John Gottman (1997) in
America
• CLIP - http://www.gottman.com/48995/Parenting.html
• Research suggests it is a key to happy, resilient, and
well-adjusted children and young people
Emotion coaching is helping children and young
people to understand the different emotions
they experience, why they occur, and how to
handle them

16. Safe Haven Secure Base
Relative dependency Independence

17. • External Frameworks
External regulation
(Sanctions and Rewards)
• Internal Frameworks
Internal regulation
(Emotion Coaching)
Emotion Coaching

18. 5 Steps of emotion coaching
1. Be aware of child’s responses
2. Recognize emotional times as
opportunities for intimacy and
teaching
3. Listen empathetically and validate
child’s feelings
4. Help child to verbally label
emotions – helps sooth the nervous
system and recovery rate
5. Set limits while helping child to
problem-solve

19. What this means in practice
STEP 1
Recognising, empathising, validating the feelings
and labelling them
STEP 2 (if needed)
Setting limits on behaviour
STEP 3
Problem-solving with the child/young person

20. Emotion coaching involves:
• Teaching children/young people
about the world of emotion ‘in the
moment’
• Giving children strategies to deal
with ups and downs
• Accepting negative emotions as
normal
• Using moments of negative
behaviour to as opportunities for
teaching
• Building trusting and respectful
relationships with children/young
people

21. Emotion coaching is a set of processes
that includes . . .
talking to the child about the emotions
helping the child to verbally label the emotions
being felt
respecting and accepting the child’s emotions
discussing the situations that elicited the
emotions
 having goals and strategies for coping with
these situations (Gottman, 1997)

22. Lessons learnt
 To empathize
 To read others’ emotions and
social cues
 To control impulses
(self-sooth and self-regulate)
 To delay gratification
 To motivate themselves
 To cope with life’s ups and downs
(be resilient)
• To pay attention!

23. When it goes wrong
Children who are not emotion coached:
• Lack the ability to self-sooth
• Are less able to control their emotions
• Find alternative outlets for
dealing with their emotions
• Are less sensitive to social cues
• Have more trouble with school work
• Have more trouble getting along
with other children
• Have more behaviour problems with
teachers
• Have more stress-related hormones
• Have more illnesses (Gottman, 1997;Goleman, 1995)

24. How schools can help
• “Schools are becoming emotional buffering
zones for the growing number of children hurt
by divorce, poverty, and neglect” (Goleman,
1995)
• Neurological resilience to self-sooth is fostered
by the emotional climate in the classroom

25. Emotion coaching recognises that
EQ matters more than IQ

26. Feelings Matter
Watch this clip:
Are you disrespecting me?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zV1zK8zRCPo&feature=channel (3 min Lauren in the French class)
Whilst watching:
Identify the feelings going on underneath the behaviour in
a) The pupil
b) The teacher
The importance of a meta-emotion
philosophy(Gottman, 1997)

27. Emotion Coaching Style
“Much of today’s popular advice
ignores the world of emotions.
Instead, it relies on child-rearing
theories that address the children’s
behaviour, but disregard the
feelings that underlie that
behaviour” (Gottman, 1997)

28. Building a Power Base
“Proposing solutions before empathising is like
trying to build the frame of a house before you lay a
firm foundation” (Gottman)
•Emotional first aid is needed first
•In this way, emotion coaching builds a power base
that is an emotional bond
•This creates a safe haven, a place of trust, a place of
respect, a place of acceptance, a sense of self etc.
•This in turn leads to children and young people giving
back respect, acceptance of boundaries etc.

29. What Emotion Coaching is NOT…
• A quick fix
• A panacea
• A substitute for
specific interventions
• A therapy
It is also not disapproving or dismissing of
emotions

30. Disapproving style
• Disapproves of negative emotions – viewed as
a sign of weakness, lack of control, unconstructive
• Lacks empathy, noticeably critical and intolerant
• Tries to get rid of negative emotions via discipline,
reprimand, punishment
• Focuses on the behaviour rather than the emotions
generating the behaviour
• More likely to view negative emotional displays as a
form of manipulation, lack of obedience, sign of bad
character
• Often motivated by need to control and regain power
and/or to ‘toughen up’ child

31. Dismissing style
• Despite good intentions (wants to make child feel
better) but is uncomfortable with negative emotions
• Views negative emotions as toxic and so must be
‘got over quickly’
• Considers paying attention to such emotions will make them worse,
prolong them
• Tries to stop negative emotions by reducing/ minimising/ making
light of their importance/significance
e.g. it’s no big deal, don’t worry about it, be a big girl, that’s
life, you’ll be fine
• Often motivated by need to rescue and make things better, fix
the problem e.g. have a biscuit, I’ll buy a new one, you need to do
this
• Focuses on getting rid of the emotion with logic or distraction
rather than understanding the feelings

32. What we think about disapproving and
dismissing messages to child….
“It works so it must be good!”
BUT the actual message is…..
•What you are feeling is not right, your assessment of the problem is
wrong, you must not feel this way
•Child does not learn to trust own feelings affecting decision-making
•Not given opportunities to experience emotions and deal with them
effectively so grow up unprepared for life’s challenges
•Not given opportunities to self-regulate or problem-solve
•Can lead to suppression of natural emotions, less or lack of self-
regulation, reliance on distraction to get rid of emotion
•Generates more negative feelings - resentment, guilt, shame, anger

33. The cross we bear
Emotion Coaching Disapproving
High empathy Low empathy
High guidance High guidance
Laissez Faire Dismissive
High empathy Low empathy
Low guidance Low guidance
Visit www.talaris.org/spotlight_parenting_styles.htm

34. Emotion Coaching messages
• We all have feelings and need to recognize them in
ourselves as well as others
• We are not alone and we are accepted, supported,
valid, cared about, understood, trustworthy and
respected – this is then returned
• We are empowered and it’s safe to engage in problem-
solving
• All feelings are normal but need to be regulated and
expressed constructively
• Problems and conflicts can be resolved
peacefully!

35. Part 3
How do we do Emotion Coaching?
• Having emotional awareness of own emotions
(Meta-Emotion Philosophy)
“Put on your oxygen mask first
before putting it on the child”
• Recognising the power and purpose
of emotions
• Empathising
• Active listening/Rapport building
• Scaffolding /Problem solving together
• Role-modelling

36. Emotion Coaching
STEP 1
Recognising, empathising, validating the feelings
and labelling them
STEP 2 (if needed)
Setting limits on behaviour
STEP 3
Problem-solving with the child/young person

37. The three steps

38. Instead of denying the feeling …
.

39. Empathise, validate, label…

40. Step 1- Empathise, validate and label
• Recognise all emotions as being natural and normal and not always a matter of
choice
• Recognise behaviour as communication (relational vs behavioural model)
• Look for physical and verbal signs of the emotion being felt
• Take on the child’s perspective (mentalising/mind-mindedness)
• Use words to reflect back child’s emotion and help child/young person to label
emotion
• Affirm and empathise, allowing to calm down
• Provide a narrative/translation for the emotional experience (creating cognitive links)

41. Emotion Coaching Scripts
• ‘I can see that you get angry when that happens. I
would feel angry if that happened to me. It’s normal to
feel like that’
• ‘I can see you’re frowning and you’re kicking the wall
and you’re expressing a lot of energy. I would be feeling
like that too if I didn’t want to do something’
• ‘I noticed you looking around at the other who are
working on their projects. I think you might be feeling
nervous right now about whether your work will be ok.
Have I got that right?’
Step 1: Examples

42. Step 2 : Setting Limits (if needed)
• State the boundary limits of acceptable behaviour
• Make it clear certain behaviours cannot be accepted
• But retain the child’s self-dignity (crucial for responsive behaviour
and well-being)

43. Emotion Coaching Scripts
Step 2: Examples
• ‘These are the rules that we have to follow.
Doing that is not ok’
• ‘We can’t behave like that even though you are
feeling annoyed because it is not safe’
• ‘You didn’t put the ball away as we agreed.
You’re probably angry that you can’t play with
Billy now because you have to stop now’

44. Step 3: Problem solving with the child
• When the child is calm and in a relaxed, rational state:
• Explore the feelings that give rise to the
behavior/problem/incident
• Scaffold alternative ideas and actions that could lead to more
appropriate and productive outcomes
• Empower the child to believe s/he can overcome difficulties
and manage feelings/behaviour

45. Emotion Coaching Scripts
Step 3: Examples
• ‘This is not a safe place to be angry. Let’s go to a
safe place and then we can talk’
• ‘Next time you’re feeling like this, what could you
do? How do you think you will react next time or if
this happens again’
• ‘You need to sit either by Ruth or sit by
your key adult in front of me – which
do you want to do?’

46. Emotion coached children….
Achieve more academically in school
Are more popular
Have fewer behavioural
problems
Have fewer infectious illnesses
Are more emotionally
stable
Are more resilient

47. CASE STUDY
Secondary School Teacher

48. A Moment in time:
• Regularly came to school
emotionally charged
• Argumentative/disruptive/
sabotage class
• Escalate to huge tantrums,
scream, swear, slam
doors, walk out, etc.
• My approach: punish and
reprimand

49. My ‘Teacher’ Perspective
‘I felt the need to punish
negative behaviour because
my own experiences of school
taught me that that regains control
and establishes authority’.
Research shows teachers perceive a need to be punitive
in an attempt to stop problematic behaviour
(Liljequist & Renk, 2007)
My Teacher Perspective

50. My initial concerns
• I felt it seemed weak, it seemed
to put the child in control
• Was it condoning or encouraging
the behaviour I wanted her to
stop?

51. Gottman’s Coaching
• “Negative feelings dissipate when children
can talk about their emotions, label them and
feel understood”
• “Children need to understand that their
feelings are not the problem, their behaviour
is”

52. Happy ever after …
• Once I adopted an emotion coaching approach she
started to slowly change her behaviour
• She no longer has so many tantrums
• She got on better with her peers and staff
• She cooperated more in the classroom
• She developed her own strategies for calming herself
down and was able to talk about how
she was feeling instead of resorting
to disruptive behaviour .

53. ACTIVITY MAKING SCRIPTS
KNOWING WHAT TO SAY
• Choose a scenario and work out what you
would say for each step – making scripts

54. DOES IT REALLY WORK?

55. PERSPECTIVES OF IMPACT
23 generalised positive statements
Emotion coaching…
• “is a useful tool
• helps children to regulate, improve and take ownership of their
behaviour
• helps children to calm down
• helps children to better understand their emotions
• makes practitioners more sensitive to children’s needs
• helps to create more consistent responses to children’s behaviour
• helps practitioners to feel more ‘in control’ during incidents
• provides practitioners with a ‘script’
• makes practitioners less dismissive of children’s feelings
• has become embedded into practice and will continue
• should be used by all practitioners”

56. 0%
10%
20%
30%
40%
50%
60%
70%
80%
90%
100%
Professional practice Adult Self-Regulation Behavioural Impact on Child
Impact of Emotion Coaching
N = 71
Positive impact
No impact

57. Practitioners’ quotes
‘It makes the children feel
more secure and gives them a
vocabulary to talk about how
they are feeling instead of
just acting out . This helps
them to be more positive and
happier’.
‘I know now that
empathy is an
important part of
teaching’.

58. Practitioners’ quotes
‘These are the kids that
drive you nuts but I’m now
very aware that I switch
something on and I’m going
to go through those stages
in a considered way. I can
be calmer and then that
helps the child to calm
down’.
‘Children have trust
with their teachers
and it impacts on
everything … they
have this resilience
to think they can
cope with this, they
don’t have to fly off
the handle’.

59. Young People’s quotes
It calms you down a lot really.
If the teachers did that more often
that would probably help us,
because then we won’t go back in
messing around. We’ll be, like all
nice and calm. Because if teachers
just send us out and just shouts at
us we’ll just carry on messing
around most of the time. If
teachers just asks us how we’re
feeling and what happened and
everything, we’re going to go in to
have the rest of the lesson nice and
peaceful and quiet
(Boy aged 13)
When people, like, take the
mick out of me, like, in
class I just get angry and I
just hit ‘em. Now the
teachers talks to me and it
calms me down – the
other kids don’t really pick
on me now because they
know that I don’t react
(Boy aged 13)

60. Young People’s quotes
I would, like, walk off, I
used to kick off and get
excluded again. Now
someone tries to, like,
calm me down and now I
calm down and regret it
after. I will go back and
say sorry (Girl aged 15)
They listen to you
and make sure that
you’re OK and, like,
trying to make sure
you’re stable and
stuff and all of this
helps you (Girl aged
15)

61. Research Summary Findings
• Reduces negative behaviour incidents
• Increased self-awareness of meta-emotion
philosophy
• Effective in ‘getting through’
• De-escalation
• Prevents exclusion
• Reduces stress
• Provides ‘Scripts’
SCHOOL CASE STUDY EXAMPLE

62. Case Study – Marked reduction in Calls Outs and Internal
Exclusions for 6 Young Boys at risk of permanent exclusion
Internal exclusions: 2010/11 2011/12
Young Person 1 6 5
Young Person 2 4 1
Young Person 3 5 5
Young Person 4 0 1
Young Person 5 2 1
Young Person 6 4 0
Calls out: 2010/11 2011/12
Young Person 1 23 20
Young Person 2 9 3
Young Person 3 15 6
Young Person 4 12 2
Young Person 5 16 3
Young Person 6 9 2
Reduction in
Call Outs:
84 to 36
Reduction in
Internal
Exclusions:
21 to 13

63. ACTIVITY
Applying Emotion Coaching in your
practice
Brainstorm with your group:
•What aspects of EC do you think you already apply in
your practice?
•Can you see how EC might be applied in your practice?
•Can you think of an incident that has occurred when EC
could have been used?
•Can you see any possible challenges?

64. THE END
Any Questions ?

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