Neal, Zach, and Brent attend a cooking competition at the mall food court using a new vegetable chopper product. Brent sees his boss Mrs. Armenta in the crowd and tries to avoid her. However, she insists Brent join her team for the competition. Brent has been uncomfortable at work after Mrs. Armenta started calling him by the wrong name, "Grent". During the competition, the teams' dynamics become strained, and Brent stands up to Mrs. Armenta, asserting his real name. Though he wins the chopper, Mrs. Armenta still expects Brent to take on extra coffee duties at work.

1. Mature
"Mall"
Written by
Bryan Kett
Episode #008

2. INT. SHOPPING MALL - AFTERNOON
BRENT, ZACH, and NEAL walk through the food court of a
shopping mall.
NEAL
It’s not ridiculous. A lot of
established people wear blazers.
ZACH
Just act like a grown up. It’s what
I do.
Zach sees a toddler in a stroller and flinches at it.
ZACH (CONT’D)
(sotto, to toddler)
What? Back off.
NEAL
Think about it. Fancy restaurants
require them. Tour guides wear
them. I get a blazer and my
credibility goes through the roof.
BRENT
What about glasses? Glasses make
people look important.
NEAL
Yeah, maybe I could see if a
glasses store is throwing out any
old frames.
ZACH
Maybe we can find a mannequin
wearing glasses. I’ve gotten stuff
that way before.
Zach slows his pace.
ZACH (CONT’D)
What’s that?
A crowd is gathered. They walk over.
NEAL
Is there a product that’s the
opposite of Just for Men? Something
to give me a little gray?
BRENT
Yeah, it’s called Corporate
America. Am I right, guys?

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"Mall"
2.
Neither respond.
INT. SHOPPING MALL - FOOD COURT - AFTERNOON
An ANNOUNCER (female, 40s, enthusiastic) stands on a small
stage. She speaks on a headset to the crowd.
ANNOUNCER
We’ll be starting in just a matter
of minutes. All you need is a
healthy appetite and a healthier
competitive spirit.
She laughs.
NEAL
You think patches on the sleeves is
too much? I feel like you’ve gotta
work up to that.
ZACH
I have both of the things she’s
looking for. The appetite and the
spirit.
Brent spots something behind Zach.
Damn it.
BRENT
ZACH
Okay, maybe not the spirit, but the
appetite for sure.
No, it’s--
BRENT
Brent looks around and pulls Zach and Neal to the side.
BRENT (CONT’D)
It’s my boss, Mrs. Armenta.
NEAL
Don’t you have, like, 8 bosses?
BRENT
You’re talking about my supervisors
and my directors. And my managers.
This is my boss boss.
Zach cranes his neck at the stage, not really listening.

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"Mall"
3.
ZACH
So go get in some face time. That’s
how I climbed my own company
ladder.
Brent and Neal stare at him. Brent turns back to Neal.
BRENT
Things aren’t great at work.
INT. BRENT’S OFFICE SUITE - MORNING
Brent stands by his desk and tries to work on his laptop, but
two large coffee machines crowd him.
BRENT (V.O.)
I’m just the coffee guy. And every
time Mrs. Armenta used to walk by,
I’d offer her a cup, but she’d just
keep walking.
MRS. ARMENTA (40s, pantsuit, up tight) comes around the
corner. Brent smiles and holds out a cup of coffee, but she
keeps walking and doesn’t make eye contact.
NEAL (V.O.)
That’s rough. I’m sorry, man.
BRENT (V.O.)
But a couple of weeks ago, I found
her music library on our shared
network.
Brent idly clicks on his laptop.
BRENT (V.O.)
I was playing a random song from it
when she walked by, and she stopped
to chat.
Mrs. Armenta walks past Brent’s desk, stops in her tracks and
comes back over.
INT. SHOPPING MALL - FOOD COURT - THAT MOMENT
Brent is crouched over, trying to stay out of sight.
BRENT
It was amazing.
What song?
ZACH

5. Mature
"Mall"
4.
BRENT
Doesn’t matter. SoTell us.
NEAL
BRENT
(shamefully)
Remember Natalie Imbruglia?
Zach shakes his head in confusion. Neal shakes his head in
disappointment.
BRENT (CONT’D)
You know, that song “Torn”, from
the 90s...
NEAL
You hate that song.
I know.
BRENT
NEAL
We heard it in the car last year
and you said you felt like you had
to be wearing JNCO jeans and
playing with pogs.
ZACH
How did you even play pogs?
NEAL
Nobody knows.
BRENT
That’s besides the point.
(beat)
I thought it was worth it to get
noticed.
INT. BRENT’S OFFICE SUITE - MORNING
Mrs. Armenta looms over Brent’s desk.
BRENT (V.O.)
I used to always have to have that
song on to get her to stop, but now
she stops regardless.
NEAL (V.O.)
That’s great, man

6. Mature
"Mall"
BRENT (V.O.)
But...
(beat)
She calls me Grent.
NEAL (V.O.)
Grent? You mean Grant?
BRENT (V.O.)
No, Grent. Like Brent.
(beat)
With a “G”.
MRS. ARMENTA
You got pretty good taste in music,
you know that Grent?
Brent meekly smiles.
BRENT (V.O.)
And I just kept going with it.
MRS. ARMENTA
Interesting name, Grent. What’s the
origin?
BRENT
Um, it’s...Dutch?
MRS. ARMENTA
Get out of here. I had a Dutch
employee once. Real piece of
garbage.
BRENT
I mean, it’s a Dutch root, but it’s
really...Norwegian?
MRS. ARMENTA
Wegian, huh? Never met any of
those. But you’re all right.
BRENT (V.O.)
And I started getting special
treatment.
MRS. ARMENTA
And don’t worry about getting the
coffee brewing in the morning. Just
have that Swede, Dalquist, do it.
And in the mean time, why don’t you
run these off for me?
She hands him a stack of papers.
5.

7. Mature
"Mall"
6.
MRS. ARMENTA (CONT’D)
Okay, Grent?
He stares at her for a moment, about to say something.
BRENT
You got it.
INT. SHOPPING MALL - FOOD COURT - THAT MOMENT
Brent and Neal stand in the crowd. Zach is pressed up against
the stage.
BRENT
She won’t leave me alone now.
People at the office have started
making fun of me.
NEAL
That’s terrible.
BRENT
They hum “Torn” any time I walk by.
And they call me The Butler, which
is fine, I guess, because I heard
that was an awesome movie.
(beat)
If she sees me here, she’s going to
bring it back up at the office.
NEAL
I’ll keep an eye out. And I can
always pull you away if she finds
you.
BRENT
Thanks, man.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Ladies and gentlemen, if you’re
interested in a better reputation,
please direct your attention to the
stage.
Neal becomes mesmerized and walks away, unbeknownst to Brent.
Hey-
BRENT
Brent turns around, realizing Neal is gone. He spins back, to
see Mrs. Armenta staring at him.
MRS. ARMENTA
How are you, Grent?

8. Mature
"Mall"
7.
BRENT
Good ma’am, excellent.
Brent cranes his neck, looking for Neal and Zach.
BRENT (CONT’D)
Just running some errands. I should
probably get back to my friendsMRS. ARMENTA
I’m getting a gift for my husband.
What a cheap bastard, right?
BRENT
Is that a rhetorical question? Yes?
I guess? I mean, I’ve never met himMRS. ARMENTA
What’s happening over there?
She looks at the stage and forces her way to the front,
grabbing Brent’s wrist and dragging him behind her.
INT. SHOPPING MALL - FOOD COURT - CROWD - THAT MOMENT
The Announcer is pacing back and forth on the stage. On a
podium is an object covered in a white sheet. Zach and Neal
are pressed against the stage. A ways down, Mrs. Armenta has
Brent pressed against the stage.
ANNOUNCER
Can you believe that under this
sheet is a device so revolutionary
that you’ll wonder how you ever got
along with out it?
ZACH
I can’t believe that. Can I believe
that? Neal, why is it under a
sheet? What’s under there? Neal,
what’s under there?
NEAL
This is lame. Let’s go.
ANNOUNCER
Introducing...
She removes the sheet.
ANNOUNCER (CONT’D)
The Chopster. For all of your
dicing and slicing needs.

9. Mature
"Mall"
8.
ZACH
Okay, let’s go.
They begin to push their way to the back of the crowd.
ANNOUNCER
A mature palate can show everyone
that you mean business.
Neal stops and turns.
ANNOUNCER (CONT’D)
Home-cooked meals show dedication,
maturity, commitment. And it’s
never been easier.
NEAL
She’s right.
Neal forces his way back up front. Zach follows.
ZACH
Blazer time?
ANNOUNCER
It can easily dice onions.
She starts chopping onions.
Wow.
NEAL
ZACH
Didn’t you say you were allergic to
onions?
ANNOUNCER
And mince cilantro.
NEAL
This is amazing.
ZACH
You’ve never minced anything.
NEAL
Because I don’t have the Chopster.
ANNOUNCER
And don’t even worry about cutting
things up Julienne.
NEAL
I’m not worried about it.

10. Mature
"Mall"
9.
ZACH
You’ve never worried about it. You
don’t know what that means. None of
us do. Look at this guy, this guy
doesn’t know what she’s talking
about.
Zach points to a man in the crowd who has a blank stare.
ZACH (CONT’D)
Come on. You don’t need that. And
you probably can’t afford it.
NEAL
You’re right.
They turn to leave.
ANNOUNCER
And to show how easy it is, I’ll
need to teams of two from the
audience for a little competition
with a special prize.
Neal spins around.
ANNOUNCER (CONT’D)
You guessed it, that special prize
is a Chopster, a $59.95 value,
completely free.
Zach looks for Neal to find him already on stage, speaking
into the Announcer’s headset.
NEAL
(into headset)
There’s my partner.
Neal points to Zach.
INT. SHOPPING MALL - FOOD COURT - CROWD - THAT MOMENT
Mrs. Armenta stands uncomfortably close to Brent.
MRS. ARMENTA
My husband, the lard, could use a
vegetable or two.
Brent meekly smiles.
MRS. ARMENTA (CONT’D)
That’s a joke, Grent. Lighten up.
Come on. Free gift.

11. Mature
"Mall"
10.
Mrs. Armenta raises her hand and smiles.
MRS. ARMENTA (CONT’D)
Win this for me.
INT. SHOPPING MALL - FOOD COURT- STAGE - MOMENTS LATER
Neal and Zach stand on one side of the Announcer. Brent and
Mrs. Armenta stand on the other.
ANNOUNCER
Let’s meet our brave volunteers.
Neal reaches for the microphone.
NEAL
My name is Neal. I’m a high school
English teacher, and I love eating
healthy like a mature person.
ANNOUNCER
Just your name is fine.
ZACK
My name is Zach. Zach Fish.
(beat)
Like the thing you fish for.
ANNOUNCER
Super. And over here, we haveMrs. Armenta grabs the microphone.
MRS ARMENTA
Name’s Michelle.
The Announcer goes to pass the microphone over to Brent, but
Mrs. Armenta doesn’t give it up.
MRS ARMENTA (CONT’D) (CONT’D)
And this here is Grent.
The crowd murmurs.
VOICE IN CROWD (O.S.)
Did she say Grent?
ANNOUNCER
Okay...everyone shake hands.
The two teams shake hands.

12. Mature
"Mall"
11.
BRENT
(through gritted teeth)
Good luck.
ZACH
(sotto, to Neal)
Dude, that Grent guy looks a lot
like Brent.
(beat)
You know, our Brent.
ANNOUNCER
Whichever team, according to the
scale, can chop more potatoes using
their Chopster, will win. Let’s
start the clock at one minute.
NEAL
(to Zach)
Ready?
ZACH
I don’t think so.
ANNOUNCER
On your mark.
MRS. ARMENTA
(to Brent)
You’re going to win this for me,
understand, Grent?
Brent meekly nods.
Get set.
ANNOUNCER
NEAL
You’re not ready?
ZACH
There are a lot of rules here. I
don’t do well with authority.
NEAL
What does that mean?
Go!
ANNOUCNER
Neal begins furiously chopping potatoes. Zach starts lifting
the cut potatoes and placing them on the scale.

13. Mature
"Mall"
12.
ANNOUNCER
Remember, the total weight of the
potatoes peeled will count towards
that team’s final value.
Zach stops.
That’s it.
ZACH
Zach sits down cross-legged.
NEAL
What are you doing?! I need help.
ZACH
Too many rules, man. Too much
authority. Civil disobedience. I’d
sit on some train tracks, if I
could.
NEAL
Let’s talk about this laterZACH
(chanting to the crowd)
Stand up for peace and sit! Stand
up for peace and sit!
INT. SHOPPING MALL - FOOD COURT - OTHER SIDE OF STAGE PRESENT
Brent is furiously slicing vegetables. Mrs. Armenta is
yelling at him.
MRS. ARMENTA
Chop it like a man.
Brent keeps chopping.
MRS. ARMENTA (CONT’D)
Wait until everyone at work hears
what a terrible chopper you are.
Brent tries chopping faster. Mrs. Armenta loads a handful of
chopped potatoes onto the scale.
MRS. ARMENTA (CONT’D)
Chop, Grent.
(to the crowd)
Come on. Grent! Grent! Grent!
The crowd starts chanting. Brent stops.

14. Mature
"Mall"
13.
BRENT
(yelling)
My name isn’t Grent. That isn’t
even a real name. I’m a real boy.
With real emotions.
MRS. ARMENTA
Are you crying?
BRENT
It’s the onions.
MRS. ARMENTA
These are potatoes.
BRENT
It’s the wind, then.
MRS. ARMENTA
We’re inside.
Brent takes a deep breath.
BRENT
(rambling)
I know I listened to your music and
you think I like Natalie Imbruglia,
but I don’t, okay? And everyone at
work is mean to me and they make
fun of me now and I’m going to get
to the top the right way, with hard
work. Because I’m worth it.
(beat)
And my name is Brent.
Mrs. Armenta stands up tall, her face somber.
MRS. ARMENTA
Well, Brent. You’ve got gumption.
Brent weakly smiles and cries.
MRS. ARMENTA (CONT’D)
Now you’re losing me.
ANNOUNCER
(covering up microphone)
What the hell is the matter with
all of you? This is supposed to be
fun.
Neal falls down, trying to quickly pile cut potatoes on the
scale.

15. Mature
"Mall"
14.
ANNOUNCER (CONT’D)
All of you, off the stage.
NEAL
(panting)
No way, we won.
ANNOUNCER
Whatever. Take one of these pieces
of garbage. Just get off the stage.
Zach stands up, dusts himself up, and walks up to the
Announcer.
ZACH
It only takes one dedicated person
to topple an empire.
INT. SHOPPING MALL - FOOD COURT - MOMENTS LATER
Mrs. Armenta walks up to Brent, who is holding a Chopster.
MRS. ARMENTA
You showed a lot of character back
there. Especially that bit about no
special treatment.
BRENT
Yes, ma’am.
MRS. ARMENTA
So I’m going to need a pot of
coffee brewing when I get in
tomorrow morning. I like the
machine to get warmed up with a few
pots before I drink, so get there
by 4:30 and get a few batches
running through the system. Clear?
Clear.
BRENT
MRS. ARMENTA
Thanks...Brent.
Brent smiles.
MRS. ARMENTA (CONT’D)
And give me this. This is mine now.
She grabs is Chopster. Neal and Zach approach.
NEAL
Blazer time?

16. Mature
"Mall"
15.
Brent nods. The three walk off.
ZACH
Yo, Brent, you have a twin named
Grent? You won’t believe this guy
we saw on stage. He looked kinda
like you, but was just way taller.
END OF ACT