2. INT. GUYS’ APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM
Brent sits on a chair, trying to read the paper. Across the
room stands Zach, who is painting on an easel.
ZACH
Hold still.
BRENT
I told you, I don’t want you to
paint my picture.
ZACH
You’re just being modest.
BRENT
I feel like you don’t know what
“modest” means.
Neal enters wearing a pair of ridiculously tight pants. Zach
and Brent freeze and stare at him.
What? Why?
BRENT (CONT’D)
NEAL
Getting into shape. Gonna ride my
bike and get lean.
Lean?
ZACH
NEAL
Yeah, like, Brad Pitt in Fight Club
lean.
BRENT
Can you even breathe in those?
NEAL
They’re not that bad...
Zach doesn’t look up from painting.
ZACH
It looks like you’re smuggling
plums.
NEAL
If you must know, I was reading a
self-help book.
ZACH
A book on how to smuggle plums?
3. Mature
"Hipsters"
NEAL
These pants are a motivator.
Something to aim for.
Neal puts on a bike helmet.
NEAL (CONT’D)
And it’d be nice to have some
support.
BRENT
Okay, okay.
ZACH
Looks like you’re not getting much
support in your crotch region,
either.
Neal storms out.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - MORNING
Neal rides his bike down the street.
NEAL
(in a mocking tone)
Looks like you’re not getting much
support in your crotch region.
(normal voice)
Yeah? Well it looks like you’re not
getting enough support from your
support group: Mean People
Anonymous.
Neal stops at a light.
VOICE (O.S.)
Hey. Looking good.
NEAL
I know. I get it. They’re tight.
They’re coming off as soon as I get
homeNeal turns. There are a bunch of hipsters (20s, rolled-up
pant cuffs, fluorescent sunglasses, bikes) on the street
corner.
NEAL (CONT’D)
Oh, thanks? You’re referring to my
bike.
(beat)
And I was just being ironic when I
yelled before.
2.
4. Mature
"Hipsters"
3.
ATTICUS (head hipster, scraggly beard) approaches.
ATTICUS
What year? 83’?
NEAL
(fumbling)
Sure. Yep. It’s a real goldie
oldie.
Atticus and the other hipsters stare at him.
A fixie?
For sure.
ATTICUS
NEAL
Atticus looks closer.
ATTICUS
No it’s not.
NEAL
No, well, I mean, not yet. But it
could be.
ATTICUS
Oh, right on.
(beat)
You ride around here often?
NEAL
Nah, I’m kinda new.
Atticus looks to the hipsters, who shrug.
ATTICUS
I’m Atticus, these are the guys. If
you’re new to the area, feel free
to stop by my place tonight and
hang. Kind of an open invite thing.
Atticus and the hipsters get on their bikes.
NEAL
Yeah? That’d be great.
ATTICUS
Corner of 6th and Arcadia. Bring
some buddies if you want.
The hipsters start to pedal away.
5. Mature
"Hipsters"
4.
NEAL
(yelling after them)
I’ll bring some. Or I won’t.
Whatever, you know?
No one responds.
NEAL (CONT’D)
For sure. For sure, guys.
With his tight pants, Neal struggles to get back on his bike.
He hurriedly pedals back to his apartment.
INT. GUYS’ APARTMENT - MORNING
Zach has moved his easel farther away from Brent, who is
still on the couch reading the paper.
BRENT
Stop painting me.
I’m not.
ZACH
BRENT
I can see you trying to paint me
right now.
ZACH
Don’t label my art.
Neal bursts through the front door of their apartment.
NEAL
You’ll never guess what just
happened.
BRENT
Your pants ripped?
No, I-
NEAL
ZACH
Seems like they should have ripped.
NEAL
No. I met some hipsters, and they
invited us over tonight to a party.
And?
ZACH
6. Mature
"Hipsters"
5.
NEAL
Are you serious? You know how hard
hipster culture is to break into?
It’s even harder than getting in
with photographers.
Brent looks impressed.
BRENT
I’m in. It’d be nice to get some
street cred. Last time I went out,
some hipsters made fun of my
khakis.
Zach?
NEAL
ZACH
I guess. I need a fresh
perspective; my art is getting
stale. Boring subject matter.
BRENT
(defensive)
I’m not boring.
ZACH
You wish you were my subject
matter.
BRENT
No. I. Don’t.
EXT. STREET - EVENING
The three guys walk down a sidewalk. Neal reads the house
numbers as they pass.
ZACH
I bet the Mona Lisa didn’t complain
about being a painted.
BRENT
I’m sure she wanted to be painted.
Neal stops.
NEAL
Okay.
(beat)
Remember, this crowd is going to
appreciate the obscure. The ironic.
7. Mature
"Hipsters"
BRENT
My cousin’s a hipster. So that’s
ironic. I think I get it.
NEAL
I’m not sure that’s irony.
BRENT
How is that not? My cousin’s a
hipster and we’re going to a
hipster party.
NEAL
Maybe that this isn’t ironic makes
it ironic because we’re saying it’s
ironic?
The guys stop and think.
BRENT
Let’s pull this back for a second.
I clearly know what the answer is,
but let’s ask ourselves to make
sure: What is irony?
ZACH
Oh man. I thought you guys were
saying ironing this whole time. Now
it doesn’t make any sense to me.
Both stare at Zach.
NEAL
Okay. Brent, you’ve got your scarf.
Brent puts a scarf on.
BRENT
Check.
(timidly)
Super ironic. Right?
NEAL
I’ve got my little journal here,
for writing down my thoughts.
BRENT
And I’ve got my cool sunglasses.
NEAL
And we’ve got the Pabst Blue. Let’s
go.
6.
8. Mature
"Hipsters"
7.
Neal holds up a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, walks up the front
steps, and goes inside. Brent puts on his sunglasses.
ZACH
Wear that the next time you pose
for me. You look like an oldfashioned movie star.
INT. ATTICUS’S APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER
The apartment bustles with oddly dressed people. Atticus sees
Neal and makes his way over with DELILAH (20s, tattooed).
ATTICUS
Glad you could stop by, man. This
is Delilah.
Delilah nods to the three of them.
NEAL
Yes, man. Dudes, this is Atticus.
He’s got a sweet bike.
Atticus nods.
NEAL (CONT’D)
And this is Brent, and Zach.
BRENT
I just want to say that I think
your names are awesome.
DELILAH
(dry)
Thanks. I got mine for my birthday.
Brent steps back, speechless and unable to keep up.
ATTICUS
Hey, Brent?
Brent perks up.
ATTICUS (CONT’D)
Would you mind throwing your coats
in the front closet? Thanks.
BRENT
I hear that. You got it. I dig
that.
Brent gathers everyone’s coats, gives a thumbs up, and walks
away. Atticus turns to Delilah and motions to Neal.
9. Mature
"Hipsters"
8.
ATTICUS
This is the guy I was telling you
about earlier.
DELILAH
Oh, right on.
NEAL
Can I put this anywhere?
Neal holds up the Pabst Blue Ribbon.
ATTICUS
Sure. Throw it with the rest.
Atticus motions over to the corner of the apartment where
there are cases and cases of Pabst Blue. Neal drops it off
and returns.
ZACH
What music is this?
ATTICUS
Ah, it’s actually the sound track
that a haunted house from the 80s
used. It’s pretty much all I listen
to.
NEAL
For sure. Halloween is awesome.
ATTICUS
Halloween is awesome. And who says
it can’t be any time? I’m not going
to be limited by some calendar.
The sounds of squeaky doors and chains dragging fill the
room. Neal tries to bob his head to the music. Zach rolls his
eyes.
INT. ATTICUS’S APARTMENT - FRONT CLOSET - EVENING
Brent hangs up the coats in the closet. He turns to leave.
HIPSTER #1 walks up.
HIPSTER #1
Whoa, you use the hangers?
Yes?
BRENT
10. Mature
"Hipsters"
9.
HIPSTER #1
That’s so rad. It’s like an art
exhibit, like adulthood commenting
on childhood commenting on
adulthood.
Thank you?
BRENT
HIPSTER #1
Here man. For your commentary.
Hipster #1 hands Brent a beer. Brent stares, confused.
INT. ATTICUS’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Atticus, Delilah, Neal, and Zach stand and drink beers.
ZACH
My muse isn’t getting recharged
here.
ATTICUS
(skeptical)
You’re an artist?
ZACH
Well, these guys don’t think so.
Zach motions to Neal.
ATTICUS
You’re under appreciated? That’s
awesome. What do you do?
ZACH
I paint. Mainly my feelings.
Atticus and Delilah look impressed. Neal scrambles to chime
in.
NEAL
I’m not much of an artist. In grade
school I tried to make a clay pot.
Didn’t go well.
Everyone stares at him.
NEAL (CONT’D)
The man kept me down. Or, my art
teacher, Mrs. Kerns, kept me down.
Everyone continues to stare blankly at him.
11. Mature
"Hipsters"
10.
DELILAH
Do you have any shows coming up,
Zach?
ZACH
What I do can’t really be confined
to a space like that.
Right on.
ATTICUS
DELILAH
You are so brave.
Neal clenches his jaw.
INT. ATTICUS’S APARTMENT - FRONT CLOSET - EVENING
Brent stands in front of the closet, about to leave. HIPSTER
#2 approaches and opens the closet to put his coat inside.
HIPSTER #1
You see it?
See what?
HIPSTER #2
HIPSTER #1
Typical.
(beat)
This guy hung up the coats.
Hipster #2 looks inside.
HIPSTER #1 (CONT’D)
If you don’t get the commentary,
fine. But I get it. That’s why I
gave him a beer.
HIPSTER #2
No, no. I totally get it. Nice
commentary, man.
Hipster #2 hands Brent a handkerchief. Brent cautiously
accepts and smiles.
INT. ATTICUS’S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - EVENING
Neal, defeated, stands in the corner drinking a beer. LILA
(looking like a modern day Rosie the Riveter) approaches to
grab a beer.
12. Mature
"Hipsters"
11.
NEAL
(to no one in particular)
Ever wonder what you’re doing?
What’s the point?
Totally.
LILA
NEAL
Like, who are we?
I’m Lila.
Cool.
LILA
NEAL
Neal goes back to stewing and contemplating. Zach approaches.
ZACH
Let’s get out of hereZach sees Lila and becomes interested.
ZACH (CONT’D)
Hi, I’m Zachary.
She smiles politely.
Lila.
LILA
ZACH
Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Neal frowns at him, confused.
ZACH (CONT’D)
I just met Delilah over there. You
two ever get confused?
No.
LILA
ZACH
Not, like, you two getting confused
personally, but other people
getting confused with both of you.
LILA
I’m an individual. In fact, my
friend hereShe turns to Neal.
13. Mature
"Hipsters"
Neal.
12.
NEAL
LILA
Neal and I were just talking about
that. He’s really insightful.
ZACH
Got it. You and Delilah just have
similar names, that’s all. DahLila. Right? Like Da Bulls.
She walks away.
NEAL
What the hell? You were crushing it
with those hipsters over there.
ZACH
I’m in my head now. I tried too
hard to impress.
Zach exits.
INT. ATTICUS’S APARTMENT - FRONT CLOSET
On his way outside to get some air, Brent spots Zach and
approaches.
BRENT
Check it out, it’s like an open
market. They’re paying me for my
artistic insight.
ZACH
You’re an artist now?
Sure am.
BRENT
ZACH
Wait, and you’re making money?
BRENT
Well, not exactly. But I’m making a
lot of goods for my services.
Brent holds up some items.
Look, I’ve got this beer. And some
buttons, and this crocheting
needle. Oh! And this tin of pomade.
14. Mature
"Hipsters"
13.
ZACH
I don’t know what to say.
HIPSTER #3 comes up and hands Brent her coat. He hangs it up.
She nods and hands him a comb.
BRENT
Free comb! Right?
Zach walks away.
INT. ATTICUS’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM
Neal stands aimlessly in the corner. Zach approaches.
ZACH
How are you doing this? How can I
get it back?
NEAL
What are you talking about?
ZACH
That Lila girl liked you. How do
you stop caring? I used to have
that.
NEAL
What? Seriously?
Lila approaches.
Hi, Neal.
LILA
NEAL
(flustered)
Oh, Hey Lila. What’s the haps?
LILA
Seems like there’s a bunch of
squares here.
NEAL
Yeah, but squares aren’t all bad.
She uncomfortably laughs.
NEAL (CONT’D)
You know? And can you imagine if
someone ate three oval meals a day
instead of three square meals a
day? Or dodecahedron meals? Right?
15. Mature
"Hipsters"
14.
She stares at him. Zach’s jaw drops.
NEAL (CONT’D)
Geometry. Am I right?
Lila walks away. Zach shakes his head.
NEAL (CONT’D)
I tried too hard.
ZACH
(yelling after Lila)
Nice meeting you Lila. I’m telling
you the truth-a.
Neal shakes his head at Zach.
ZACH (CONT’D)
I lost it. I’m not hip.
Atticus approaches and shakes his head.
We get it.
NEAL
ZACH
We’ll leave.
The two walk towards the front door and see Brent.
ZACH (CONT’D)
Hey man, we’re gonna go. We’ll let
you be.
HIPSTER #4 comes up and hands Brent a spool of thread.
BRENT
(to hipster #4)
Really? Another spool?
No good?
ZACH
BRENT
It’s fun to be an entrepreneur, but
it’s like starting a business for
crows. They just hand me random
objects, most of them shiny.
(beat)
One guy handed me a ball of
tinfoil.
16. Mature
"Hipsters"
15.
NEAL
Pretty ironic that we’re leaving
here because we’re not ironic
enough.
The three stare at each other, still unsure of what irony is.
I agree.
BRENT
Correct.
ZACH
The three walk outside.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - LATE EVENING
The three amble down the sidewalk.
ZACH
Hey Brent, now that you’re an
artist...
Yeah?
BRENT
ZACH
About posingNo.
BRENT
ZACH
What are your thoughts on doing itNope.
BRENT
ZACH
Let me finish.
Brent stops and waits.
Nude-
ZACH (CONT’D)
Brent walks away.
NEAL
Classic irony.
END OF ACT
