The document provides advice for parents dealing with issues regarding their children. It suggests stopping behaviors like living through your kids, listening to others' opinions of your parenting, and isolating yourself. Instead, parents should start acting like grownups, expressing their own opinions, and reaching out to others who understand what they are going through. The overall message is that parents should stop behaviors that are unhelpful and start actions that can provide support.

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2. Managing The Unmanageable
Starting and Stopping
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3. Parents often feel they are in trouble too.
STOP THINGS THAT HURT YOU
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4. Stop Living Through Your Kids
• Having dreams for your children does not
mean they want them
• You cannot be embarrassed by your kids.
Embarrassment is totally subjective.
• Just because you may have done the same
thing as your child doesn’t mean you have to
approve it.
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5. Stop Listening To Others
• Do not accept insulting or judgmental
opinions of your parenting.
• Defend your child without defending his/her
actions.
• Family and friends are the most likely to
remember where you went wrong. Do not
engage.
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6. Stop Isolating Yourself
• No matter how tempting do not cut yourself
off from the rest of the world.
• You are one of many parents dealing with
these issues. “Why me?!” is not useful.
• Anger and blaming become more common
when you “circle the wagons”.
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7. Take back your life.
START THINGS THAT HELP YOU
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8. Act like a grownup
• Appearance matters. Don’t dress like coming
to court is an every day event. (Work clothes
are always welcome!)
• Defend your child without defending his/her
actions.
• Stop complaining. Period.
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9. Start expressing your opinions
• I will NOT accept any judgment of my
parenting.
• No. We did not all do this when we were
his/her age.
• Thanks for your advice but we are working
with professionals.
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10. Reach Out To Others
•
• There is nothing better than talking with
people who know just how you feel.
• Parents new to the system are overwhelmed
and need the voices of experienced ones.
• Perhaps you don’t need help but someone
might need yours.
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11. Remember
Stop living through your kids.
Start acting like a grownup.
Stop listening to other people’s opinions.
Start expressing your own.
Stop isolating yourself.
Start reaching out to others who understand how you feel.
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12. www.victoriakamm.com 567.225.0877 victoria@victoriakamm.com
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