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Keeping our
Love “On”:
Emotions
& Boundaries
Russ Fochler
March 1, 2014
How do I
“Keep my Love “On”?

• With people who are scaring me?
• With everyone?
(That is a lot of people!)

• Without being used-up and

consumed by the needs of others?
Last Week
GETTING FREE OF
SAUL’S ARMOR

Susan Fochler
February 22, 2014
T extremes of “Saul’s armor”
wo
Hard-Hearted, quick to reject. look for
rejection and get offended; I’ll reject you
before you reject me.
Overly Compliant and People-pleasing;
afraid to be honest with our own needs and
desires.
Both responses are caused by Fear, and
lack of love for, and belief in, yourself.
What would it look like if God
was your armor?
Love is Supernatural
Loving Others, not by trying hard to “be

nice”, but by first receiving love from God
for yourself, and living from that stream.
What about people who scare me?

“When we are confronted with
people who scare us, fear makes it
difficult for us to remember that
they are worthy of love.”
- Danny Lee Silk
But Jesus....
Jesus never let fear overpower Him, He
constantly showed us who was worthy:
enemies, children, sinners, women,
extorters, prostitutes, soldiers,
politicians, the sick and diseased, highclass, low class, religious, nonreligious.
Everyone.
- Danny Lee Silk
Does the Emotion of Fear

• Ever seem to “take you over”?
• It does with me sometimes
• A recent story....
Is This an
Existential Threat?
• When people are upset

with us
and forcefully “press us” implying:

• “You are not enough”
• Existential threat?
• Fear!
• “Do I fight?” or “Do I

try to run
away” or “Do I freeze”
Our Hierarchal Brain

Source: http://www.lifemodel.org/topic.php?rn=6&page=2
Control of the Brain During
Distress & Suffering

• The brain is not configured in a way that makes

obedience through logical, language based
propositions possible during distress and suffering.

• The only way we can avoid sin (missing the mark)
while using a human brain is to learn to
synchronize with God while we are suffering. Joy
makes this possible.

James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model
Source - http://www.lifemodel.org/topic.php?rn=4&page=2
“If the emotional control center of the brain
has the last word and takes over when hard
times and strong feelings come, then a
spiritual life that changes what we do in the
hard times must be learned in the presence
of our emotions and will not be helped by
banishing them.”
James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model
Staying Connected
While Upset
“We would not abandon each other or
miss chances to be together just
because we were upset—not because
we eliminated emotions, but because we
formed relationships based on love that
is stronger than our fear of pain.
James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life
Model
Able to Stay Connected

“We would learn to feel strongly yet stay
together and give life. This kind of face-toface relationship when we are upset is just
what is needed to train a young or poorly
developed control center to handle distress.
That would be a spiritual life that would
change character.”

James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model
How do I
“Keep my Love “on”?

• With people who are scaring me?

•Withiseveryone?
(That a lot of people!)

• Without being used-up and

consumed by the needs of others?
How Much Access?
Not Everyone Can Have
the Same Access to Me
But....

• We can focus our love towards the one
that God puts in front of us!

• “Love the one” - Heidi Baker
• We can love and pray for the ones that
the Holy Spirit brings to our heart and
mind.

• And I believe that our human spirit is

capable of allowing the Love of God to
flow through us to entire groups.
How do I
“Keep my Love “on”?

• With people who are scaring me?
• With everyone?
(That is a lot of people!)

• Without being used-up and
consumed by the needs of
others?
Value Your Life as God Does
Do whatever you need to do so you
can receive His love for you. Take
care of yourself. The more you
receive His love, the more you will
learn to value your life as He does.
The process of receiving God’s value
for your life is what anchors you in
setting healthy boundaries.
Pg 137-138 “Keep Your Love On”
Not Everyone Can Have
the Same Access to Me
Tending
our own
Garden
Means that
we will have
value to offer
to our King
and to others
How Do I Respond to...
“Consumers”?

Mine! Mine... Mine... Mine! Mine Mine...
The “God” Spot
Deeply Attaching to God

• Is through mutual joy with Him
• Through exchanges of love and affection - “face
to face”

• And through experiencing a “quieting” with Him.
• “The Lord (Yahweh) your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zeph 3:17 NKJV
“This is what God's love
does-- it casts out fear and
destroys every dividing wall
created by fear. It heals all
disconnection between God
and His children, between each
of His sons and daughters.”
Danny Lee Silk

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Keeping our Love "On": Emotions & Boundaries

  • 1. Keeping our Love “On”: Emotions & Boundaries Russ Fochler March 1, 2014
  • 2. How do I “Keep my Love “On”? • With people who are scaring me? • With everyone? (That is a lot of people!) • Without being used-up and consumed by the needs of others?
  • 3. Last Week GETTING FREE OF SAUL’S ARMOR Susan Fochler February 22, 2014
  • 4. T extremes of “Saul’s armor” wo Hard-Hearted, quick to reject. look for rejection and get offended; I’ll reject you before you reject me. Overly Compliant and People-pleasing; afraid to be honest with our own needs and desires. Both responses are caused by Fear, and lack of love for, and belief in, yourself.
  • 5. What would it look like if God was your armor?
  • 6. Love is Supernatural Loving Others, not by trying hard to “be nice”, but by first receiving love from God for yourself, and living from that stream.
  • 7. What about people who scare me? “When we are confronted with people who scare us, fear makes it difficult for us to remember that they are worthy of love.” - Danny Lee Silk
  • 8. But Jesus.... Jesus never let fear overpower Him, He constantly showed us who was worthy: enemies, children, sinners, women, extorters, prostitutes, soldiers, politicians, the sick and diseased, highclass, low class, religious, nonreligious. Everyone. - Danny Lee Silk
  • 9.
  • 10. Does the Emotion of Fear • Ever seem to “take you over”? • It does with me sometimes • A recent story....
  • 11. Is This an Existential Threat? • When people are upset with us and forcefully “press us” implying: • “You are not enough” • Existential threat? • Fear! • “Do I fight?” or “Do I try to run away” or “Do I freeze”
  • 12. Our Hierarchal Brain Source: http://www.lifemodel.org/topic.php?rn=6&page=2
  • 13. Control of the Brain During Distress & Suffering • The brain is not configured in a way that makes obedience through logical, language based propositions possible during distress and suffering. • The only way we can avoid sin (missing the mark) while using a human brain is to learn to synchronize with God while we are suffering. Joy makes this possible. James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model Source - http://www.lifemodel.org/topic.php?rn=4&page=2
  • 14. “If the emotional control center of the brain has the last word and takes over when hard times and strong feelings come, then a spiritual life that changes what we do in the hard times must be learned in the presence of our emotions and will not be helped by banishing them.” James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model
  • 15. Staying Connected While Upset “We would not abandon each other or miss chances to be together just because we were upset—not because we eliminated emotions, but because we formed relationships based on love that is stronger than our fear of pain. James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model
  • 16. Able to Stay Connected “We would learn to feel strongly yet stay together and give life. This kind of face-toface relationship when we are upset is just what is needed to train a young or poorly developed control center to handle distress. That would be a spiritual life that would change character.” James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model
  • 17. How do I “Keep my Love “on”? • With people who are scaring me? •Withiseveryone? (That a lot of people!) • Without being used-up and consumed by the needs of others?
  • 19. Not Everyone Can Have the Same Access to Me
  • 20. But.... • We can focus our love towards the one that God puts in front of us! • “Love the one” - Heidi Baker • We can love and pray for the ones that the Holy Spirit brings to our heart and mind. • And I believe that our human spirit is capable of allowing the Love of God to flow through us to entire groups.
  • 21. How do I “Keep my Love “on”? • With people who are scaring me? • With everyone? (That is a lot of people!) • Without being used-up and consumed by the needs of others?
  • 22. Value Your Life as God Does Do whatever you need to do so you can receive His love for you. Take care of yourself. The more you receive His love, the more you will learn to value your life as He does. The process of receiving God’s value for your life is what anchors you in setting healthy boundaries. Pg 137-138 “Keep Your Love On”
  • 23. Not Everyone Can Have the Same Access to Me
  • 24. Tending our own Garden Means that we will have value to offer to our King and to others
  • 25. How Do I Respond to... “Consumers”? Mine! Mine... Mine... Mine! Mine Mine...
  • 27. Deeply Attaching to God • Is through mutual joy with Him • Through exchanges of love and affection - “face to face” • And through experiencing a “quieting” with Him. • “The Lord (Yahweh) your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zeph 3:17 NKJV
  • 28. “This is what God's love does-- it casts out fear and destroys every dividing wall created by fear. It heals all disconnection between God and His children, between each of His sons and daughters.” Danny Lee Silk