Relationship with Others, Part 1

1. The Mitzvot: Relationship with Others, Part 1
Introduction
We have just completedseveral weeks of considering foundational mitzvot
that inform and guide us in developing and living out our relationship with
God. In Micah’s words, we’ve begun to get a good sense of what it means
to “walk humbly with our God.”
Now we will begin to turn our attention in the next several sessions to our
relationships with others in our world and in our lives - how we are to do
justly and love mercy toward them, how we best live among our fellow
human beings and other living creatures.
In a sense, even in these ways of living, it’s still about walking with God, in
that there’s a sense, as we discussed lastyear, in which there is a
triangular relationship in all aspects of social encounter - there’s God;
there’s the other; and there’s me. There’s mutual duty and responsibility.
We bear the duty to live as God expects, as does the other. And God
serves for all of us as the One Creative Force, the One Redeemer, the
Guide who can ultimately, with our help, unite us and the whole world in
living in accord with the Divine Way.

2. We will begin today with the mitzvah that is core to doing justly and loving
mercy - and that is, of course, the Golden Rule we encountered in Vayikra,
to love our neighbor as ourself. Then we’ll work our way through a hundred
or so mitzvot that help define, illustrate, and give meaning to “love of
neighbor.” We’ll encounter all sorts of neighbors. We’ll have all sorts of
encounters. We’llbe challenged to put ourselves in all sorts of situations in
which often it’s not easy to know how we can bestlive and show that love.
These mitzvot walk us through a true cross-sectionof encounters and
challenge us as to how to live by the rule. We study them. We learn. We
try. We fall short. We keep at it. It’s the intention of these mitzvot that we, in
lots of study and lots of living, learn the ethical way, and begin to habituate
ourselves to understanding it and living by it.
Finally, by way of introduction, I want to say that I believe God gives us this
guidance for the very reason we value direction, rules, habits in all things
we care about and want to excel at. Here God clearly makes it a matter of
the highest priority that we excel in how we live with others, especially
human beings who, like us, are created in God’s image.
Jesus points us in this direction by teaching the second great
commandment. Let’s beginthe work of understanding how we can best live
true to it.

3. I. Read Leviticus 19:18 (focus here only on love of neighbor clause). We
start right in the center with the crown jewel.
A. Today we’ll dive deeperinto it and work outward from it over the next
several weeks into the related mitzvot to flesh out our understanding of
this core teaching and how God helps us live true to it in our lives. 1.
Let me begin with this question for people of faith: what is the
foundation for this mitzvah, what central idea gives it its real power? On
what basis do people who believe in God even begin to get to its
importance and meaning?
(I think it begins with the idea that we human beings, all of us, were created
in God’s image and, thus, must show a respect and regard for each other
as we show it for ourselves. Our concern for others must be on a par with
that for ourselves.)

4. 2. When we say fellow or neighbor, do we mean a narrow group of people,
such as co-religionists, or do we mean a broader group connoted by the
word, other?
(We talked about this when we worked through Vayikra. There is a sense
among some that the narrower group was intended. Yet, for Jesus and
certain sages and rabbis, especiallythose who teach in the prophetic
tradition of “on that day” before the mountain when all come,there is an
ever-expanding notion to the group intended by the word, “fellow.” On the
other hand, must we not admit that the work gets harder the further the
other is from our group? We aspire to build the circle as wide as we can,
but we would be naive to think it’s easy to get there or that we can succeed
quickly.)
B. Note it’s not just respect and regard that are called for. It’s love. What’s
the significance of that?

5. (It’s chesed. It’s lovingkindness. It’s compassion, especiallyin moments in
which we and the other would most need care and love and kindness (such
as times of mourning, sickness, or special joy). There will be so many
mitzvot that flow from this mitzvah. We’llsee that when we get to them. We
will understand, for example, how we would not steal another’s property, if
we truly loved the other as our self. Or commitadultery, if we love him/her
as ourself. Etc., etc. I think this is why this was seen as so important among
the commandments by Jesus.)
C. 1. What does it mean to love oneself, but also to love another as
oneself?
(It begins with love of self,which means to understand one’s needs and
care enough and act effectivelyenough with focus, strength, and skill to
meet them.
Yet, it involves a discipline and limits on the self so that there’s room and
time for the other. All the ways in which one develops a bloated ego, as
discussedin our Bible study - all of these represent excessive self-love.
When we cross the line of seeking and grabbing more than what we’re due,
or slandering another, or garnering power unjustly, or acting corruptly to get
more for ourselves, we come close to that condition we studied at some
length, tsara’at, which we came to see as being caused, at least in part, by
a bloated and unhealthy sense of self.)

6. 2. So, we must create room for the other through constraints on the time
and devotion we commit to ourselves. But does this love we show the other
mean we want for the other what we want for ourselves?
(Yes and no. Yes, in that we want what is good forourselves and the other.
But, no, in the sense that preciselywhat is right forme might not be what is
needed by, or best for, the other. Part of the love we show the other is to
understand to our bestability what exactly and specificallyis good for the
other. And part of love is taking the time and making the effortas effectively
as we can to help the other get to what is good,and indeed uniquely so for
him/her.)
2. Can you think of an example of some need you have that is different
than the need of a family memberor friend and how love of that person
would require something different from you than love of your self? Put
another way, have you ever made the mistake of trying to help another in a
way that might have been good for you but not for the other person? And
how do we get the wisdom and strength to love the other and act to their
good?

7. (Recognize that we certainly have similarities in our shared humanity and
other aspects of closeness. This puts us in the ballpark, but it’s not
sufficient alone. Plus, since we both share our creation in God’s image, we
both share many things and we have a commonSource to Whom we can
turn to understand the special and unique ways in which we should act and
get the wisdom and strength to do so. Having and using this “triangular
relationship” is very helpful to getting to success. Indeedisn’t it implied as
needed by the addition of the language in the verse, “I am HaShem?” Yet,
we must work very hard to see and understand the other’s real needs and
what we can do through our love and effort to help further them.)
3. What does living by this mitzvah help us achieve?
(The sages say it leads to peace among peoples. This is partly because
this goes beyond following the law, though following the law is essential.
For example, if we love our neighbor as our self, we would go to his/her
house to help avoid damage when a storm is approaching. This is not
required by the law, but it is impelled by the power of love. One must not
only avoid slandering another person; one must go to great (though honest
and appropriate) lengths to ensure the other is held in high esteem as one
would want for oneself. People who live by such love tend to find the
precious condition of peace in their midst. Further, the sages teach that our

8. spirituality is caught up in how we live in accord with this direction to love
another as ourself.)
D. But isn’t this direction impossible to fulfill and a sort of exaggeration?
Can we literally love another to the degree we do ourself? And should we?
(The great sage, Ramban, says it is an exaggeration and we shouldn’t.
Indeed he points to guidance in the Bible where we take precedence, for
example, in certain circumstances, of saving ourselves first. Ramban falls
back to this understanding: we should selflesslydesire goodness forthe
other and seek the benefit for the other in all aspects of life as one does for
oneself. Is that an amendment we can accept?
Didn’t we deal with this challenge a bit when we discussed how this is not
intended to mean that we want the exact same for the other as for
ourselves?
Hillel limits the mitzvah by stating it in the negative: that which is hateful to
you, do not do unto another. That helps a little, to be sure, if we choose to

9. go there. Rambam disagrees with Hillel and says the positive requirements
are very much intended. Where are we on this?)
II-IV.Read Leviticus 19:17.There are three mitzvot in this single verse.
Let’s look at each.
A. What does it mean not to hate another in our heart, and why is this
bad?
(It does not mean to remove all negative views/feelings. Nor does it mean
that we are to remove our awareness of a real grievance and the
expectation of righting it. Nor does it prohibit hate for an evildoer or one
who hates God and Divine ways, which is actually mandated. But what it
means is we shouldn’t allow an erupted emotion of hate to invade and take
over our heart as to others in the general course of life with its typical
encounters and conflicts. We must keep ourselves free of imprisonment in
these poisoned feelingsthat we try to keep hidden.

10. This is so, first, because it is bad for us. It wastes our time and spirit. It
diverts us from what we must do and be. And it sours us and weakens and
harms our spirit.
Further, it puts us on the verge of taking harmful action to the other for
whom we have these feelings. It’s as if we’re poised to be treacherous to
the other personall the time the hate is stewing in our heart, and the object
of our ill will doesn’teven know and can’t respond, fix, or defend
himself/herself.This action that might arise from the hate could be unethical
or even illegal. Even coming close to crossing the boundary into
wrongdoing, which hatred often propels us to, is a concern of this mitzvah.
Surely, the peace, the sense of brotherhood and solidarity, that we
discussedas a byproduct of a community characterized by mutual love of
neighbor, is not possible ina societyin which people hate others in their
heart. How can God dwell in one’s heart when that space is filled with
hate?)

11. B. Read Leviticus 19:17 again. We also derive the mitzvah from this verse
that we must warn or correct a neighbor who does wrong or sins. So, we’re
not to harbor hate but we must correct the wrongdoer. What’s the balance
here?
(It’s hard in an era of “I’m ok, you’re ok” to do this, but God wants us to
stand up for the Divine way - not for our own interest or power, but for
God’s interest. We don’t keep it all inside. The balance is to be respectful to
the other but be true to preserving God’s way. This also keeps us from
harboring ill feelings in our heart, by giving us a properway to place and
handle them. We can’t hide from responsibility, though acting is hard. This
is the healthiest place to be - both for ourselves and for the community in
which we live. We’re all guarantors of the Way!
If we love others as ourselves, we would want this outcome - not to be
secretly hated but to be corrected when needed, but in a caring manner,
giving us a path to getting right.)
C. Read Leviticus 19:17 once again. There’s more here. While we must
correct one who is in the wrong, there is a constraint on how we do so.
What is it, and why?

12. (We must not shame the other in the process. Doing so is its own wrong.
Further, it suggests a problem in our motivation if we rebuke with bad
motive or effect.Again, we wouldn’t want to be shamed in a rebuke, nor
should we do so to another. Protecting our dignity and that of others is
crucial, as we are indeed creatures made in God’s image.
What does this mean? In private? Gently? Not to be embarrassed?If
there’s no repentance, must we be more forceful? Whenit’s a private
grievance, for if the sin is general, broad, and deep,one perhaps should or
must be more forceful and public.
All of this is, once again, in the interest of the interests of heaven and
peace on earth.)
V-VI. Read 19:18,focusing on the negative clause. It contains two mitzvot -
not to bear a grudge and not to take vengeance on another. What’s new
here, and what wrongs are addressed?Let’s start with bearing a grudge
and then move to taking vengeance.

13. (Bearing a grudge is short of harboring hate, but it certainly can lead to it
and other wrongdoing, including the offense here of taking vengeance.
Enmity finds fertile ground in which to grow in the mind where a grudge is
borne. Further, it wastes time and energy and diverts us from God-given
tasks. We wouldn’t want grudges borne against us, nor should we bear
them against others. Again, all of this makes peace difficult and causes the
social web to rip, if not dissolve.
Getting redress is appropriate because it’s in the nature of God’s way for
wrongs to be righted. But justice should not involve vengeance. Further, it’s
wasteful and destructive. We must protect, defend, and keep ourselves
whole, but we rarely succeed by seeking vengeance and often hurt
ourselves and commit wrongs of our own when we do.)
VII-X.Let’s now look at three mitzvot that teach us about the appropriate
and inappropriate uses of speech. Read Leviticus 19:16,Leviticus 25:17,
and Leviticus 19:14.

14. A. What’s the harm in bearing tales about others, and why and how are
we discouraged from doing so?
(What we say about others changes their name, reputation, and image.
Since we’re dealing with a creation in God’s image, we must show the
greatest care in our words. Gossip,especiallyfalse and/or damaging
words, about another is, thus, harmful to God, and to the degree it’s a theft
of God’s work and the other’s most precious property(his or her good
name), it’s a most grievous offense.
Plus, again, our time and energy spent in this behavior, as well as that of
those who listen and act on what we say, are diversions from our God-
given work. Also,always keep in mind, going back to our central mitzvah
here, that a gossiper would never like another gossiping in the same way
about him/her. Rather than contributing to peace, talebearing, our sages
taught, “can ruin the world.”)

15. B. 1. More generally, we’re not to wrong another by speech. Why do we
have this additional mitzvah?
(I think it’s here to make us think of all the ways by which we can
harm/distress another by any sort of speech, and, because of the power of
speech, to show care in the impact of our words. It might be casual
remarks, or advice, or opinions or views generally. But, in all uses of words,
shaming, wounding, humiliating, causing unjust pain - all these ways of
being rob another of their God-givendignity and are an offenseboth to the
other and God. At bottom,speechis a Divine aspect within us, and we are
to use it in accord with Divine purpose.)
2. Examples?
(a) reminding one who has repented of past sins, b) telling one who is
besetwith ailments that he/she is suffering because of his/her faults, c)
offering to help one meet business needs but sending the one in the wrong
direction, d) talking with a merchant about items up for sale when one has
no intention to purchase.)

16. C. What does it mean to curse the deaf,and what’s the wrongdoing we’re
taught here to avoid?
(The tradition is this is not about a physically deaf person. It could be
simply cursing a personto others and out of the person’s earshot. The
personis hurt and doesn’tknow it in real time and can’t defend
himself/herself. When we do something like this, it may be the first step in
hurting the person, both by words and perhaps physically, We start, thus,
down a path that goes nowhere good.Further, as we have seen in all these
mitzvot: 1) we wouldn’t want to be treated this way ourselves; 2) the time
we and the listener spend is wasteful and diversionary from our God-given
work, and 3) this behavior worsens relations among people and fosters
strife rather than peace.)
D. In 19:14,we also learn we’re not to put a stumbling blockbefore the
blind. What does this mean?
(We must not give misleading advice to another personor maneuver
another into wrongdoing. The actual language suggests a situation in which
the one advising is in a position of power and the personwho is getting the

17. advice is weak, perhaps especially in need of advice (thus, the comparison
with the blind). Of course, one could argue the adviser of one
seeking/needing advice is always in the stronger position and has the
power to help or cause the advisee to stumble.
We can either help the personin need with positive, properly motivated
advice and guidance, or we can “block” the person with unsuitable or
deceptive advice or abet “blinded”behavior, even wrongdoing. If we were
in the positionof the “blind” person, we would want constructive help, so we
should give it if we were in the other position. Having trust that people
operate in this manner is a characteristic of a healthy community, one that
is in sync with God’s expectations.)
XI-XII.Read Deuteronomy5:18 and Exodus 20:14.
A. What are the problems these mitzvot are intended to address, and why
is it important to do so?

18. (Once we desire another’s property, we are prone to slipping into coveting
it, which puts us close to a temptation to acquire it unjustly. Further, all
such use of time is wasteful, taking us away from God-givenwork. Whether
we actually commitwrongdoing with respect to the other or his/her
property, we are using our energy inappropriately, likely building
resentment, maybe even obsessing about things that are not for us in any
respect. Once the desire begins to emerge, this Divine wisdom teaches us
to see it and curb it, lest it lead to coveting, and then, even worse, theft or
robbery.
The owner and the coveter, of course, would have a relationship in which
covetousness, with its deceptionand perhaps wrongful intention, defines its
nature. Neither party is advantaged by such behavior, whether larceny
results from it or not. Society is undermined, and any progress mankind
has made toward implementing God’s plan on earth is set back.)
B. One other point: doesn’t advertising and other cultural behavior in our
societyoften work against the principle of this mitzvah by saying in
subtle but powerful ways: “you, too, can and should have x!” We are to
“go for the gusto,” own the most alluring and expensive goods, borrow
to acquire them, and look and be just like all those happy friends on
Facebook. Doesn’tall this heighten desire, and, if such desire isn’t met,
can’t it lead to disappointmentor resentfulness? How can all of this not

19. cause some degree of desire for the material resources of our more
successful neighbors? And, in certain circumstances,if desire bloats
into larcenous thought, couldn’t this contribute to larcenous ways of
acquiring them?
C. We won’t delve into it here, but I want to pose the question of whether
this problem has slipped into our politics and policy? I’m certainly not
saying we shouldn’t seek fairness in our economyand justice in the
manner our societyis governed.But do some go beyond fairness and
justice to stoke class warfare and do so on the basis of coveting the
property of others and working to re-distribute it out of the very feelings and
emotions these mitzvot are designed to curb?
XIII.Read Leviticus 19:32.We must honor the scholar and the aged. What
does this mean, and why? What does “honor” mean?

20. (First, there’s a call to respect the teacher (Torah scholar, generally) insofar
as he/she stands for wisdom in the way of God; and there’s a call to
respect the olderperson insofar as he/she stands for experience (and
seeing and living amidst God’s deeds and wonders) and a keeperof our
traditions. We are to emulate them and incorporate these ways and values
in our own lives. (Some see the scholar and the elderly as one and the
same.)
Further, since we know that scholars don’t exist in large numbers and the
aged are often weak and frail, we value them notwithstanding their small
numbers or physical weakness. For their wisdom and the traditions they
represent are more important to God and us than what’s popular,
numerous, or fashionable.
Finally, in the context of love of neighbor, we know that we, too, will
develop the face of the old man or woman, be weak and frail, and perhaps
out of step with contemporarysociety. We hope to be treated then with
respect and honor as we show respect and honor to the wise and old
today.
How to honor? Stand up in their presence. Showing an attitude of respect.
Living in a manner true to their wisdom and experience, and showing pride
in doing so. Not “sitting in their designated place.” Debating, yes, but not
quarreling and challenging for the sake of it or for some reason “beyond
heaven.” Correcting respectfully, but not rebuking. Taking certain burdens
from them.)

21. Conclusion