This document appears to be journal entries from someone grieving the loss of their mother 4 months prior. It discusses the writer's complicated grief over losing both parents, and missing their mother. The journal mentions reaching out to distant family members, attending a grief support group, working on a book about their father who had bipolar disorder, and seeking help from a college contact to edit and publish their book. The entries document the daily activities and emotional highs and lows of grieving over this time period.

1. SUCCESS JOURNAL
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a soul like
me. Grief is a maze-a labyrinth that we have to wend our way
through, without encountering The Minotaur (Death).
All connections begin with an invitation. All invitations lead to
a Welcome. All welcomes lead to a connection.
A Personal Spiritual Connection for me is the belief that God is
good. I believe in Eternal Life. I believe my mom is in a better
space and that Joy and Happiness are her lot.
The two poles that I bounce off of are not so splendid
isolation (with heart wrenching loneliness) and socializing
with friends and neighbors.
7-7-2014, It has been 4 months and 2 days since Betty has
disappeared from my physical life. I feel her loving presence
and I’m eternally grateful for that. I’ve been afraid that my
mom wasn’t doing well when she couldn’t catch her breath
and she refused to get oxygen. At times, I feel so alone as if
there were a hole in my heart. I miss you, Momma Betty, I
miss you.
I go swimming today, depending on Irene, if she feels up to it.
My complicated depression/grief: loss of mother and father.

2. I was thinking about my dad: a vulnerable narcissist: lack of
remorse, manipulative, soft/hard shell(not able to access
emotions) Also, on- going antagonism/hostility to all
promoting a sense of one upmanship/superiority. Finally,
steamrolling over everyone! He doesn’t like himself. He refers
to himself as “Darth Vader.” “Luke, I am your father.” Very
thin skinned! Takes offense easily. Sees non compliance as the
enemy. All in all, a mess!
Monday morning, tired, slept until 4am.
10am Georgia comes to help clean, go to market and put up
flyers for my garage sale (de cluttering).
Getting ready for big garage sale, 7-12-14, in Felton, with
Susana and Hart. I have a lot of nice stuff to sell.
I need to go to an oral surgeon for the half of the tooth that
wouldn’t come out.
After my mom died in March, I stopped taking Abilify, for 3
months. Not on purpose-I left the pill bottle in the cupboard
and forgot about it. What a fog I was in. No wonder I’ve been
feeling more depressed than usual.
I’m back on Abilify , as well as Welbutrin and I feel better. It’s
just that some mornings are better than others. Today is a 5
out of 10.

3. 7-25-14 I see the dentist, 11:30 am, 3 teeth front, lower, to
come out. The Gastric Bypass Surgery doesn’t allow my body
to absorb vitamins hence bad teeth. Something they don’t tell
you before. Thank God for my caregiver, Georgia to take me
and bring me home. No Bingo at 3pm but cake and ice cream,
for sure(July birthdays). I couldn’t go to the Craft Room, 12
noon, Sat. I felt exhausted. Church, on Sunday was OK. I
almost fell asleep. The pain pills. Just sleep and rest and eat
soft foods.
Good News! Charlize, will publish my book for me. Yeah! I
feel great and relieved. No more doing it all by myself. Now,
I’ll have help.
I’m trying to get a reference about Charlize. She wants $250
month times four. She seems very forthright and upfront
about her past. Just want to be sure.
My mouth is really sore. It took forever to get 2 ½ teeth out
yesterday. Georgia was very patient. She drove me home and
then went to get my pain pills
Sunday, 7/27/14 My mouth and back are still sore but
not as much as Friday and Saturday. I slept until almost
7:30am. Hooray!
7-28-14 Slept until 5am, more typical for me. 2 cups of
coffee to get the heart beating. I can re type Intro pages.

4. I’ll print them out on Friday, 8-1, when I get paid (need
paper and toner). pg.2
7-29-14 Roy, a computer tech, confirmed I need a new Toner
Cartridge. Mouth still hurts. Dr. Bob was in too much of a
hurry to “get it done” even though the infection came back.
No wonder it hurt so much. Look around for another dentist.
7-30-14 Thank God we switched dentists. I’m not seeing Dr.
Lloyd today. He doesn’t accept Dentical. Salinas has a dentist
who does. I’ll see him Sept. 7th. Slept until 5:30 am-felt
rested.
I called cousins Morty and Jane last Sunday(in NY)-it was
great talking with them.
I spoke to Rev. Rick yesterday at my parents’ church. He kept
repeating that I should keep sending cards to my dad or buy
stock in Hallmark. I don’t think so. Five cards is my limit. I’ve a
better chance of hearing from him if I don’t write. Besides he’s
in control if I continue to write.
Just let it all go. Hold off, also, calls to LA.
7-31-14 Divine Spiritual Connection: Santa BARBARA, 1964,
summer, with my best friend, Charles. We were walking along
the shore of the ocean, at night and we both stopped and
with awe listened to the silent roar of the waves. I felt a deep
peace come over me. We had felt the Divine Connection

5. together. Thank God, the last day of August. Tomorrow’s
payday. I’ve $7.00 left. Off to Safeway for milk, popcorn and
mineral water. Donna calls at 9am.
I put my book together. Seems like well over a hundred pages,
especially with all the photos.
The book is heavy, in more than one way. .
8-1-14 August! Payday! Teeth started hurting again 2 nights
ago. I can feel the sensitivity of the infection.
Very busy day today: Brown Bag comes at 10. Then to Joyce’s
Valley Biz store for Toner and paper. On to Bank of America to
cash Katya’s check for the old phone.
Finally, God willing, to Grocery Outlet for a cheaper shop than
Safeway. I’ve a lot to buy this time. I really enjoyed Cousin
Morty calling me yesterday. Tons of question about my
Polar Express Poppa. So sad, my mother had to live with such
a jerk. 8-2-14, Saturday. Slept until 5:30 am. Sleepy: my 3rd
cup of joe not working. Bach Fest today at 11am, then maybe
go to the Fiesta Sunday- Dog Show, after church with June and
Kent.
8-4-14 Didn’t go to Fiesta; worked on my bookGot an email
from Charlize: she wants completed manuscript

6. now(electronically)! Will cut and paste Journal together. Get
toner and print out opening pages. . Pg. 4
Senior Lunch at 12 noon(cancelled for the Summer). Journal
from 1997 has too many initials for names. They need to be
filled in and put in context.
Samuel is coming over at 3:30 pm to look at stamps, postcards
and 2 crockpots. Sam bought the stamps and one crockpot.
Very nice. Keep saving stamps. His step father is 92 and
collects them. Nice fellow.
8-5-14 Slept until 5:30 am. I go to bed at 9pm; wake up 2 or 3
times to go to the bathroom. Cut back on liquids after 6pm!
Grief Group at 11:15am. I was watching PBS on a group of
teens on a roadtrip to LA. Just seeing the road signs near the
airport, brought up feelings of sadness. Dad, the angry,
bipolar/dementia laden hermit, so close yet so far away.
Lydia said save your money just in case he passes away and
you have to go to LA. He’ll outlive all of us, I suspect.
I cancelled my contract with Charlize. As much as I’d love
someone else to publish and promote my 5th book, it’s not

7. worth my paying them. It should be the other way around.
I’ve done the work(the first draft is done). Work for me, pay
me, please. Pg5
Di sees Betty Friday. Hopefully that will help her a lot. Di’s
been very kind to me. I never heard from Di, again. Why? She
moved?
My task is no longer grieving the loss of my mom(exactly 5
months ago she passed on). Rather it’s the loss of my earthly,
biological dad that I grieve. He was such a damaged human
being. In one sense, I feel sorry for him; his being in so much
pain and his causing so much pain. Forgiving him is my biggest
challenge. I just want to call him The Bob(like Donald Trump-the
Donald), as well as the idiot, the jerk, the ding dong in LA.
Forgiving isn’t easy. Not sending him any more cards really
helps. I don’t want contact with him anymore. It’s not worth
the trouble and the double messages. I feel some relief not
worrying about his wanting to kill me. How he managed to
stay out of jail is a miracle. I feel badly when I was 15 and
Betty asked if she could live with me. I said, “No.” I knew
she’d be an albatross around my neck. I might not have
finished college. She would’ve spoiled me more rotten than
ever. . pg 6

8. When I was in high school, my dream was to be both an
engineer and a writer. The writer won out. Now that I’m
retired, I write everyday in my Journal and also, on my book
#5, The Bipolar Express, due out in Jan. Book Signing Jan. 18th
at St. Dunstan’s Church.
There is a pond behind where I live in the valley. It’s been the
source of great revelation and joy during my morning walks at
7:45 am. I walk around the outside perimeter of the pond. I
still look for signs of renewed reality. I read some essays of
Somerset Maugham yesterday. His last published book. I find
so many lines of his immensely quotable. “Here at last he
finds rest.”
8-6-14 Pantry Day! Food at the Catholic Church, 10 to 12 noon.
Sometimes homemade food. Other times, beans and rice.
Up at 6 am (nice to sleep in).
8-7-14 Thursday! Swim day! Leave at 10 am. Kearnes Pool,
Monterey. Di calls at 9 am. Slept to 6am. Nice.
I usually go to bed at 9 pm(“Early to bed, early to rise.”)
I’m having a hard time in the mornings. Feeling loss of Betty.
Not my dad, so much. Yeah! What a relief I don’t have to deal
with him. Yet, I miss him, strange as that sounds. I liked it
better when we were talking, in April. Now I wish I had gone

9. to LA for my mom’s memorial service. Hugh would’ve
Pg.7
been my bodyguard. Money would’ve been a big problem. I
barely have enough money now to get through each month.
I know it’s going to cost at least $100.00 to proof and edit my
book. It’s basically done now. Just some cut and paste the
journals. I’m hoping Rico, of Cal State Monterey Bay,
will help me find an editor/proofreader/typist. Monday, at 1
pm, I see Rico at Starbucks at Mouth of the Valley, Carmel.
8-10-14 Up at 5:30 am. Di calls at 9 am. Church pick up by June
and Kent at 9:25 am. Off to St. Dunstan’s. I wrote a Tribute to
Scott yesterday. I’ve been asked to read it at his Memorial
service, 8-23-14, Saturday at 12 noon. They had all his video
tapes out on the Free Table. I found one DVD that surprised
me(seeing that Scott was not sentimental); the movie,
“Sleepless in Seattle.”
8-11-14 I see Rico, my Mentor from CSUMB, at 1 pm at
Starbucks. Hopefully I can get a referral to a student who can
retype my manuscript and format it.
Woke up at 5 a m. Not too tired. Donna at 9am, Georgia at 10
am.

10. 8-12-14 Woke up at usual time (5:30 a m)
I take bus to Starbucks at Mouth of the Valley to see Richard.
Pg.8
8-13-14 I thank God for my faith. I know I wouldn’t have made
it through all these challenges without help. I remember when
I was 7 years old, walking over to the Village Church of
Westwood, near UCLA and asking the minister, Dr. Soldan,
if he could talk to my parents and get them to stop fighting.
He did. I joined the church and so did my imitative parents.
It seems like I was the little adult in our dysfunctional
relationship. Anyway, joining helped tremendously and the
ice cream socials and Vacation Bible School weren’t bad
either. I met Theresa, my Editor, yesterday. Wow! What a
bundle of energy. She’s retyping my Journals.
8-16-14, Sat. feeling down, cumulative: loss mom, dad, sonny,
Robin Williams and fierce encounter with stupid dog and
owner. I got scared and yelled at owner. Now I’m afraid of
being evicted Went for a walk to market-felt better! Spoke to
Theresa, my new editor, yesterday-she was in a lot of pain.
We’ll discuss price next time.
8-17-14 Whooa! Big dream: I’d just finished Spanish 2 . Pg.9

11. Class and was driving home in LA. Belle was in the car with
me and she was massaging me. I was freaking out.
Thanks to Lydia’s encouragement, I’ve been reading the New
Testament. At first it seemed redundant: Mark repeats what
Matthew has said and then Luke repeats all. But I see how one
book reinforces each other. In Luke this morning, I read about
Zachiara and his wife, Elizabeth(my mom’s real first name)
were visited by Angels. Zachiara doesn’t believe the Angel and
he is struck mute. The story grabbed my imagination. I might
draw it. I don’t think too much about my biological dad
anymore. When I do, it’s Le Monsieur Bullet head Bully or le
JERK! May he rest in peace. I wish my mother had left him and
taken me with her or at the very least, hit him over the head
with a skillet like the abused wife in the movie “Chocolat.”
8-18-14 Slept until 6 am (Vacation time); Georgia comes at 10
am. She really helped me Friday in getting a checking account.
I’ve been buying money orders-what a pain. I need to call to
get a ride to church next week, Tuesday, at 11am. One way.
Just over. Janet will take me home. It really feels like Monday.
Yesterday I helped with Hospitality (coffee and juice) and
being a greeter, at church. I like doing that but I was out in the
sun too long. Also, I stood for too long. I felt exhausted when I
got home. Pg. 11

12. 8-22-14, Friday, Thank God. What a week. First Georgia asks to
switch Monday to Tuesday and for me to make myself scarce.
Ay. Ay. Ay.
I felt hurt. I would have liked to hear :”I’m not feeling well.
Could we not talk?” We’ll see what happens when she comes,
hopefully not over tired, today at 10 am.
I hope to go to K & Company and consign some of my stuff.
I need the money. Karina, the owner was very nice. She
accepted 2 of my items: A Wine Journal and a picture of
Oxford College.
8-23-14, Saturday. I feel nervous. I want to talk to the
Manager about the dog off leash situation before Scott’s
Memorial Service at 12 noon. I’ve a poem to read as a tribute.
8-24-14, Sunday. A beautiful memorial service. I got to meet
his sister and nephew. One family came from San Diego.
Another from San Francisco. His brother looked very
distinguished-worked with computers. I read my poem about
Scott. They liked it and I felt good, giving him honor and
respect. Death is getting easier. Mom in March of this year.
Bob, in April( by his physical choice-shunning me), Scott,
August 1st and Robin Williams, by suicide, 2 weeks ago. I feel
like I’m at the bottom of a pit emotionally. It is only by pg.12

13. faith that I march(crawl) forward. The mornings are hard for
me. Everytime I dive into the Word, I cry. Those greeting card
commercials don’t help at all.
9-2-14 What a day. Went to target, got my cart for the Pantry.
Staples had the toner I needed. All this stuff is fine but nitty-gritty
questions exist: What is Death about? Spirit? Life? Am I
religious? I feel ambivalent about Death. One the one hand, I
know it’s inevitable. Since I was shielded from it until I was 16,
I’m afraid of it. Spirit I feel really good about it. Spirit keeps
me going. Life is a gift that we have for a short time. Make the
most of it. Am I religious? Yes but not faithful to one religion.
God is in the Catholic and the Episcopal Church for me. My
mom took me to the local catholic church where we lit candles
for the week.
9-4-14 Thursday. What a night: too many dreams about Bob
and Lydia. Bob: scary smart. I feel fearful shame and rage,
after being beaten down and humiliated by him so many
times. This “folie a deux”(madness among two) is much more
painful than the simple grief I feel for my mother. Tomorrow,
Friday, it will be exactly 6 months since Betty died.
9-5-14 Exactly 6 months after Betty’s death.
Feel sad and lost but hopeful: “This too, shall pass.”
Pg. 13

14. I had a dream about Bob. I poured water on him and he
started screaming: “I’m shrinking, I’m shrinking!” Lovely. The
eccentric disappearing putz.
9-6-14 Saturday, slept until 6:30 am. Alright!
Today the Library at 10: a guest speaker. After, to three stores
who have my books. How are they doing? Any sales?
Craft Room at 12:30 noon. Work on a new collage!
9-7-14 Sunday. I was reminiscing that in spite of all the nasty
assaults on my senses, I remain resilient. That has helped me
not to cave in to the brute, the Goliath of my childhood(and
adulthood). I went through the cave of darkness that was my
dad and I just kept on dancing! He did not destroy my Spirit.
Instead, I beat the snot out of him emotionally. Forgiving him
is still a challenge for me in the present. I have courage,
discipline and compassion(which helps the most) for both of
us. I have to forgive him because I don’t want to carry all this
baggage of the past. And this time, there’s no need to over tip
the porter!
9/13/14 My neighbor, Dolores, bought my clock. She liked
the Norman Rockwell plate, as well. Another neighbor, Layla,
Has agreed to type my manuscript. Angela, 4:30 pm, also
Pg. 13

15. coming to type for me. We’ll see what happens.
September 22nd, a new Grief class is starting. I’ll go to first
class to see what it’s like.
9-17-14, Wed, pantry day, food distribution. Then at 12:45 pm
June and I go back to MPC(Monterey Peninsula College)
“Gentrain” (yesterday Egypt) today, watercolors!
Grief class was good, Tuesday. I learn something new that
helps me get through the pain of loss. It’s been 6 months since
Betsy died and I’m feeling better. I knew ahead of time that
she wouldn’t make it with her inability to catch her breath(I
sensed a pre grief with her 2 prior heart attacks.) Water color
lecture was relaxing(too!) Went to J & Co. Saw Kat, she liked
my paintings but the style of pictures she likes is 1920’s. I felt
disappointed; forgot to bring old post card and Ansel Adams
postcards book.
I wrote a letter of recommendation for Kate. Hope it helps her
to stay.
9-18-14, Thursday, slept until 5am, stayed in bed until 5:30am.
I meet new Dr. today, Dr. German. Betty will sit in. I applied to
be trained as a facilitator for NAMI Connections.35 applicants
and only 12 spaces available. I hope I get it. Pg.14

16. 9-19-14(continued) I’ve called the young man I gave my book
to and no call back, yet. I’m worried. Angela is due to come
Friday at 2:30pm. Ay-ay-ay.z
9-20-14, Sat., I’m thinking about Dr. German, his diagnosis
And reduction of meds, from 6 down to 2. Yipes!
I feel depressed. Call Safeway, see if they got his fax for new
prescriptions. I get to keep the Trazdone for sleep. I spoke to
Kat, a friend from church. She helps me a lot. I feel grateful.
Today, the craft room, make a new collage and go to the art
gallery in the Village. Hopefully, some books sold.
Self hatred: sabotaging myself, overspending, cat dialog,
seeing Betsy the week after her death. Nap: woke up, saw her
sitting next to me, smiling.
9-21-14, Sunday, up at 6am; Lydia mean with a laugh,
reminding me about my past. Don’t call her for a while.
9-22-14, Monday, September 22, 2014 Alan came over, did too
good a job on editing. Hopefully, we can pick up the pace.
Church was good. Wish I’d been honest and asked to borrow
money for milk and eggs. Tonight, the big Grief Group with 2
wonderful people. Pg. 15

17. I felt feelings of guilt, shame and blame back in March, when
Betsy died. I still do but so much less. The biggest question
was why? Now, it’s thank you, Lord, for releasing her from her
burden that she carried, like an albatross, for 66 years. Thank
God for my faith, belief, friends, church, and certain healing
books and awesome teachers!
9-23-14, Tuesday, went swimming with my neighbor.
Tutoring at the library at 3:30pm. 4th grade boy, Charley,
60 % in Language Arts(perfect area for me).
9-24-14, What a nice kid, Charley and his brother Mark.
We worked on reading comprehension and math. He really
needs help in both. The library staff were very cool. I think
this tutoring will help him a lot, I hope. I came home
exhausted. Swimming in the am, then walking to and from the
library(with groceries, on the way home) I stopped and had
dinner at Katie’s Kitchen(breakfast burrito-2 meals in one.)
I still have a hole in my heart where my mother was. It hurts
to look at her picture that I made-a collage.
9-25-14, Thursday, Elizabeth, my SW, comes at 9:30 to talk
with me about my dad/mom and everything that’s going on.
Today at 3:30pm tutoring. Sat. 10:30 am, I teach a memoir
class by phone. I feel overwhelmed. Monday, Grief group, 7 to
8:30pm.

18. 9-28-14, Sunday, Thursday I cut my meds in half, as per Dr.
German. I felt really dizzy-drinking water a lot, took back the
4 antidepressants I cut out. Adjustment time. Friday and
Saturday, I felt fine. Visit to Dr. Inquisition, Friday, was awful
rude! Will try to find a nicer dentist MONDAY.
9-29-14, Monday, Thank God, almost payday, October
1st(Wednesday). I slept well until 4:30 am. I’m disappointed
with Allen. 5 ½ hours for what. He never brings me anything
to send out. All repeat. This hourly rate is over. One price for
all: $100 or $125, that’s it!! Damn! Pg. 16
Tonight at 7pm to 8:30 pm, is GriefShare! I’m looking forward
to seeing the leaders, of course and Tasha-a connection at end
of class last time, back in March.
I need dentures and an oral surgeon. Call Dr. Benny
Vladstock, in Salinas today, not Clinica de la Salud.
Dr. Benny isn’t taking on any new Dentical patients right now.
Went to Clinica. They wanted X-rays from my previous
dentist. Come back in 2 weeks. Had a nice lunch with Gloria.
I felt relieved I didn’t have to see the dentist today.
10-4-14, Sat., my memoir class today, at 10:30am, feeling
nervous and excited. Then, after 12 noon, the craft room for
collage making and food.

19. My greatest achievement was not getting my Master’s degree.
It was walking along the beach in Santa Barbara, at age 15,
with my best friend from HS., and suddenly stopping just to
hear the waves crashing mightily on the shore. There was an
immense sense of calm and peace. I’ll never forget that day or
that feeling of awe! That, without a doubt , was my best
milestone, and I am proud to be a part of it.
10-5-14 Feel sick to my stomach, 100 o outside, brutal heat.
Pg. 17
Went to early service-nice and cool. Fr. Emmett’s birthday
today.
I got to talk with him a little. Alan came over and showed me
what he typed. I don’t think he understands that this is a
book, with front pieces. He’s too young. We agreed on a flat
rate of $125.00 for the whole project.
10-6-14, Monday, Sr. Lunch at 12 noon; Grief group at 7pm.
My allergies are bad: sneezing, etc. I feel foggy today.
Spoke to Jane. We’ll go to Gentrain tomorrow.
10-8-14 Still feel sick to my stomach. Ugg!

20. I skipped tutoring yesterday. I’m hoping to feel better
tomorrow. Jan is getting me a bottle of Gingerale.
10-9-14, Thursday, I feel sick to my stomach, nausea.
Just take it easy until 3pm Then see tutoree at the library.
10 11-14, Sat., Dental implants, if affordable, would be best.
Page 19
(continued 10-11-14) Gloria, my caregiver, was in a mood
yesterday. She asked me not to be here, Tuesday. OK,
hopefully I can go swimming then.
10-12-14, Sunday, Blessing of the Animals day, St. Francis.
Dogs were well behaved and cats, too. I’m going to hire
Annette to finish my book. Alan is taking too long!
10-13-14, Monday, Grief group tonight. Have to call Medi-cal,
get Denti-cal card. Find out about swimming Tuesday or go
have breakfast at Katie’s kitchen. Don’t be here at 9:45 am
when Gloria comes to clean. Oiy! Also, Call the doctor, take
back any of the 4 meds? Yes, doctor suggested I take back all
my meds. Felt better yesterday. Today vomited breakfast, felt
nausea. I called Gloria and came back to the apt. I’m worried
about Alan giving back my book. Very young/immature. Also,
finding a denti-cal dentist who can provide dentures and a
referral to an oral surgeon. I only have 8 teeth left. Gastric
Bypass surgery prevents the body from absorbing vitamins.

21. Tutoring at 3 pm today with a ride to the library. Spoke with
Angie about tutoring her son, who’s in the 3rd grade next
week, 4:30 pm to 5:30 pm.
10-15-14, Wed., Pantry day, take bus to Kasey’s, then walk the
rest of the way and then home. Good exercise.
I don’t feel sick to my stomach. Found stomach relaxer pill I
used to take, plus Pepto and Gingerale. Yeah!
10-16-14, Thurs., Woke up at 6:30am, a breakthrough! Good
night’s rest. No stomach ache. Thank you! I tutor today at
3pm. Alan is coming over with my book and a flat rate bill.
10-18-14, Sat., paid Alan $40.00. He said he’d be happy to
finish the book for me in the future. Angela hasn’t called back,
yet. I teach my class, “Writing your journey” at 10:30am.
I’m nervous and excited. This is class #4. 12 weeks. Last class is
Dec. 13th. Topic: What clutters your life?
Excess Baggage
What clutters my life, my mind is regrets for the past: wishing
I had acted in a different way. Now, I can say: “I’m sorry,” I’ve
learned, grown and it’s time to move on.
And this time, there’s no reason to overtip the Porter for non-existent
excess baggage. 10-20-14, Monday, meet with a
friend at 11:30am for coffee. Pg.18

22. 10-20-14(continued) Grief Group tonight, 7pm to 8:30 pm.
Spoke with Frank, had a nice conversation about LA and my
dad. He had a similar experience with one of his son’s.
10-22-14, Tuesday, Denti-cal is a pain-so hard to get through!
Went to the pantry with Lori, SUV, better than walking.
Craft room at 12:30pm. I feel pretty good. Saw my regular
doctor yesterday. He’ll start me on Latuda and gradually take
me off Abilify.
10-23-14, Thursday, tutoring at 3pm. Arlene: homemade
tortillas! I really enjoyed being with Arlene and Lori in the
craft room yesterday! I’m glad I gave Arlene a bracelet for
cooking me chicken dinner with a banana smoothie.
10-24-14, Friday, Gloria comes at 10am to help clean.
Eye Dr. to fix glasses. Find out what time the book signing is.
Safeway: $10- Xerox place(UPS) 10 copies “Garage Sale” flyer.
Spoke with young lady from Clinica de la Salud. They’re
getting my xrays from Dr. Neruda. $10- to shop.
10-25-14, Sat., my Memoir class at 10:30am.
Craft Room at 12:30pm: Make ceramics with Lori and Agnes,
friends. Call Alan and make apt. for 2:30 Sun.(bring book and
photos- to show Lorraine when I was thin!) pg19

23. 10-29-14, Wed., Pantry day, hopefully with a ride up to the
church. Gloria gave her 2 week notice yesterday(doing the
floor was too much). I feel bad, a little rejected. What broke
the camel’s back? How can I improve with my next caregiver?
Craft room at 12:15noon. Leonard helped me put up a new
blog on Twitter, got 50 hits already. I wrote an article about a
chance meeting with John Steinbeck’s widow, Elaine, 10 years
ago.10-31-14, Fri., Thank God, day with Ex and niece, a nice
visit to come.
10-31-14, Gloria comes today at 10am. I’ve mixed feelings. I
feel hurt, angry and confused yet I know all will be well.
11-1-14, Sat., Nov. 1st, payday. I had a real nice time with Lydia
and her niece. Looking forward to Thanksgiving. Cash check,
shop Safeway, Craft room at 1 pm.
11-3-14, Mon., nice luncheon(Stewardship) at the golf course
yesterday. Sean gave a beautiful testimony about music and
his daughter. Halyard gave Sean a fake punch to the stomach.
Alan came bringing nothing, as suspected. Wants to be paid
by the hour. See him today at 2:30pm(20 pages of poems and
flashdrive). Another check. 11:45 am Jane comes to go to
Senior Luncheon and maybe Stationery store, to make a copy
of my book, before calling Angela to finish typing. Pg.20

24. 11-4-14, Tues., I found a real person to format my book. Will
send her my ms. Wed. Gloria comes today at 10 am. I catch
Rides at 8am to see skin dr. at 9, rash on face hands, etc.
Susana and her husband are here til Thanksgiving! Coffee and
lunch! After Dr. appt. go over to daughter’s apt.
11-6-14, Thursday, tutoring at 3 pm. Switch things up: do
Social Studies first, then math sentences(take forever and are
boring.) Got book(138 pages long) together to mail Fri, Gloria
comes at 9 am; on to dentist, must pick up X-rays first.
11-8-14, Sat, Memoir class at 10:30 am, Topic: What’s my
greatest success? What’s MY GREATEST FAILURE?
Marie, a 6th grader at Gage Jr HS, her mom shaved her head
for stealing CANDY , I went to the school nurse. She made a
home visit, got mom into counseling, Saw them both in the
car next to me, giggling and laughing , 6 months later.
Divorce-how could I handled things better, not panic when I
heard the word disability.
Will mail off my book , now 120 pages, took out early journals.
11=9-14, Sunday, church, return book to Ruth, Safeway, Rx,
Skin Dr., mail out postcards, make flyer for Book Signing. TG
no Alan. Pg.20
11-10-14, Mon., Eye Dr., terrible headaches: pinched nerve?

25. Call Lori, take me to Oral Surgeon Fri., Hollister , 11 am? .
MST, also.
11-11-14, Tues., Gloria’s last day(I have to stay away til 12:30
noon.) Call Angela –progress? (on my book).
11-13-14, Thurs., Betty at 9:30am, yeah!
Tutor at 3pm. Thanksgiving in 2 weeks. One of my fave
holidays. Loss of parents in March and April, a huge loss,
Losing both parents. Thank God for ex-tended family:Lindy
and Lonnie, ex-wfe and her niece, in Salinas. Dinner from Nob
Hill Market, fine with me! Recipe for cranberry sauce: take
and wash real cranberries, blend with orange juice and
Splenda! Voila!
11-15-14, Sat, called in sick for memoir class. I feel awful.
Thanksgiving: gratitude for friends, extended family and kind
****************************************************
*************neighbors, especially with both parents gone.
11-16-14, Sun., no church or reception for Legacy Society.
Slept till 8 am! Nice. Don’t feel as sick. Yeah!
11-26-14, Wed., day before turkey day! Saw oral surgeon
yesterday, he was very nice and staff. Tues, 12/16 all my teeth
to be taken out; sedation. Caretaker must stay in waitingpg.21
room; one and 1/2 hours to 2 hours. Kiwanis diner tonight,

26. 6pm. I translated for my friends yesterday, called furniture
store in Juarez, Mexico, to make a payment. Susana said “You
speak beautiful Spanish.” That made me feel really good. I do
speak beautiful Spanish. 6 years at UCLA finally paid off.
11-29-14, Sat., Emailed the owner of business store if I could
still do book signing at 1 pm today? No response. Is owner
upset because I cancelled? Probably. My telephone class at
10:30 am had Susana on it. Great class altho sometimes like
pulling teeth. a great Thanksgiving with my friends.
Lonnie went to the Emergency Room-no 2ndary infection, got
a stronger pain pill! Thank God. Spoke to her, heard
discouragement in her voice. Will need to continue to pray for
her. Called Prayer Chain of Silent Unity-felt better. Will keep
affirming Lonnie’s health and mood.
11-30-14, Sun., will see Katy and Mikey today at church-will
serve on hospitality team, serving coffee and donuts in the
rain. Rent due tomorrow and $325.00 to dentist. Yipes!
12-2-14, Tues., rain and lots of it, a flood. No swimming today.
Tutoring at 3pm.Lonnie sounded better yesterday on the
phone.
12-3-14 Slept til 6:30am, the pantry today at 10am, hopefully
Lorrie will take me and then help caregive.

27. Need to go to the PO and Safeway.
12-4-14, Thurs., get laundry back, see Betty at 9:30am,
Prepaid dentist $325.00 for the 16th, when I have all my
teeth pulled, 7:30am in Hollister.
12-5-14, Fri., Food Bank today at 10am, Lonnie at 11am,
Safeway, William Arthur Gallery(and Gerri). Tutoring went
well. Being proactive really paid off. Much more enjoyable
tutoring session.
12-6-14, Sat., telephone class at 10:30 am (next Sat. the last
class, yea!) Lori comes over with her fiancé to clean the floors
and vacuum? Craft Fair in the craft room, 10 to 4 pm.
12-8-14, Mon., Grief class tonight, Heaven, next to last class.
Talked to Lonnie, she didn’t sound good. Dinner, next Mon.,
chapter 13 in the workbook.
12-9-14, Tues., tutoring at 3pm, Lonnie sick, maybe Wed, 11 to
2pm. Slept almost to 9am. Janice left me a lampshade for my
bare bones light in the living room. Left message-no return
call-2x.
12-10-14, Wed, I don’t like FB, too many neg. images.
The Pantry at 10 am. Call Lorrie at 9am.
Pg.22