Jokes in english
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This document contains a collection of short jokes and humorous anecdotes. It includes puns, plays on words, and silly misunderstandings. The jokes cover topics like geography, language, relationships, medicine, animals, and excuses for being late. Overall, the document has a lighthearted tone as it amuses the reader with various comedic scenarios and one-liners.
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Will and Shall
I. Using Will/Won't For
*Predicting the future
*Deciding to do something at the time of speaking
*Offering
*Agreeing to do something
*Promising
*Asking somebody to do something (Will you?)
*Describing somebody refuses to do something
II. Using Shall I? / Shall we? for
*Offering
*Suggesting
Verbs followed by to + infinitive
This document discusses verbs that can be followed by different types of clauses in English, including to-infinitive clauses, -ing clauses, and that clauses. It provides examples of common verbs that take each type of clause. For to-infinitive clauses, common verbs include verbs of thinking, feeling, saying and other verbs like arrange, attempt, help. For -ing clauses, common verbs are verbs of liking/disliking, saying/thinking, and verbs like avoid, begin, practise. For that clauses, common verbs are verbs of thinking, saying, and some nouns can take that clauses to provide more information.
Asking for and Giving Permission
Dokumen ini memberikan panduan tentang cara meminta dan memberikan izin dalam bahasa Inggris. Terdapat berbagai cara untuk meminta izin seperti menggunakan kata kerja "can", "may", "would you mind", atau "do you mind". Sedangkan untuk memberikan izin, dapat menggunakan kata-kata seperti "sure, go ahead", "yes, you can", atau "no, I don't mind". Contoh dialog juga mengilustrasikan proses meminta dan memberikan izin antara dua or
Conjunctions - to, so that, in order to
The document provides 10 sentences for the reader to circle the correct conjunction to complete each sentence. The sentences cover a variety of scenarios where conjunctions like "so that", "in order to", and "to" can be used to indicate purpose or reason. Completing the conjunction choices helps to practice using conjunctions accurately in different grammatical contexts.
Expressing Invitation and Offer
The document provides examples of ways to express invitations and offers, refuse invitations, and accept invitations in conversations. It lists common phrases used for each, such as "Would you like to..." and "I'd love to..." for invitations, "I'm sorry, but I can't" for refusing, and "Yes" or "Sounds great" for accepting. It then gives two example dialogues, one where an invitation to the cinema is accepted and another where an invitation for a drink is initially refused but then accepted for a quick drink.
Adjectives ending in '-ing' or '-ed'
How to use adjectives ending in '-ing' or '-ed'.
For more English tutorials, please visit:
https://www.thelecturette.com
Modal verbs
Modal verbs are used to express meanings like ability, permission, obligation, possibility, and necessity. There are three main categories of modal verbs: single concept modals which have one meaning, double concept modals which can have two related meanings, and modals used in the past. Examples of modal verbs include can, could, may, might, must, shall, should, will, would, and ought to. Modal verbs are followed by the base form of other verbs and do not conjugate or take tense markings.
Asking Permission
This document discusses asking, giving, and refusing permission. It provides examples of phrases to use for each, such as "May I...", "Can I...", and "Do you mind if I..." for asking permission, "Yes, please do" and "Sure, go ahead" for giving permission, and "I'm sorry, but..." and "No, please don't" for refusing permission. It also includes a short example dialog between two people on a train asking and giving or refusing permission.
Recommended
Will and Shall
I. Using Will/Won't For
*Predicting the future
*Deciding to do something at the time of speaking
*Offering
*Agreeing to do something
*Promising
*Asking somebody to do something (Will you?)
*Describing somebody refuses to do something
II. Using Shall I? / Shall we? for
*Offering
*Suggesting
Verbs followed by to + infinitive
This document discusses verbs that can be followed by different types of clauses in English, including to-infinitive clauses, -ing clauses, and that clauses. It provides examples of common verbs that take each type of clause. For to-infinitive clauses, common verbs include verbs of thinking, feeling, saying and other verbs like arrange, attempt, help. For -ing clauses, common verbs are verbs of liking/disliking, saying/thinking, and verbs like avoid, begin, practise. For that clauses, common verbs are verbs of thinking, saying, and some nouns can take that clauses to provide more information.
Asking for and Giving Permission
Dokumen ini memberikan panduan tentang cara meminta dan memberikan izin dalam bahasa Inggris. Terdapat berbagai cara untuk meminta izin seperti menggunakan kata kerja "can", "may", "would you mind", atau "do you mind". Sedangkan untuk memberikan izin, dapat menggunakan kata-kata seperti "sure, go ahead", "yes, you can", atau "no, I don't mind". Contoh dialog juga mengilustrasikan proses meminta dan memberikan izin antara dua or
Conjunctions - to, so that, in order to
The document provides 10 sentences for the reader to circle the correct conjunction to complete each sentence. The sentences cover a variety of scenarios where conjunctions like "so that", "in order to", and "to" can be used to indicate purpose or reason. Completing the conjunction choices helps to practice using conjunctions accurately in different grammatical contexts.
Expressing Invitation and Offer
The document provides examples of ways to express invitations and offers, refuse invitations, and accept invitations in conversations. It lists common phrases used for each, such as "Would you like to..." and "I'd love to..." for invitations, "I'm sorry, but I can't" for refusing, and "Yes" or "Sounds great" for accepting. It then gives two example dialogues, one where an invitation to the cinema is accepted and another where an invitation for a drink is initially refused but then accepted for a quick drink.
Adjectives ending in '-ing' or '-ed'
How to use adjectives ending in '-ing' or '-ed'.
For more English tutorials, please visit:
https://www.thelecturette.com
Modal verbs
Modal verbs are used to express meanings like ability, permission, obligation, possibility, and necessity. There are three main categories of modal verbs: single concept modals which have one meaning, double concept modals which can have two related meanings, and modals used in the past. Examples of modal verbs include can, could, may, might, must, shall, should, will, would, and ought to. Modal verbs are followed by the base form of other verbs and do not conjugate or take tense markings.
Asking Permission
This document discusses asking, giving, and refusing permission. It provides examples of phrases to use for each, such as "May I...", "Can I...", and "Do you mind if I..." for asking permission, "Yes, please do" and "Sure, go ahead" for giving permission, and "I'm sorry, but..." and "No, please don't" for refusing permission. It also includes a short example dialog between two people on a train asking and giving or refusing permission.
business English vocabulary
This document contains various business-related vocabulary including terms about finances, costs, customers, suppliers, budgets, sales, products, employees, and management. It discusses key concepts for businesses like profit, expenses, income, budgets, products, services, and stakeholders. The vocabulary touches on different aspects of starting and running a business from financing and budgeting to production, sales, marketing, and management.
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This document provides a lesson on the difference between using "much" and "many" when referring to amounts. It explains that "much" should be used with uncountable nouns, like petrol or time, while "many" is used with plural countable nouns, like people or students. Examples are given of questions and negative sentences using each word correctly. An activity asks the reader to identify whether "much" or "many" should be used in sample sentences.
Making suggestions and giving advice
The document discusses making suggestions and giving advice. It provides examples of a receptionist making suggestions to tourists, such as visiting a football stadium if they like football or a museum if it rains. It explains that suggestions are ideas about what people could do, while advice involves telling someone what they should do. More examples are given of expressing suggestions and advice using phrases like "it might be a good idea to" or "I think you should." Finally, it discusses how tourism activities depend on the weather and provides examples of suggestions tailored to different weather conditions.
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This document provides examples of how to express plans and intentions in English using different structures like the simple future tense, "would like", and "would rather". It gives the definitions and forms of these structures and provides sample sentences to demonstrate their use for expressing one's own plans and asking about others' plans. Some key intentions and plans mentioned include going fishing, practicing baking cookies, staying home, reading a lot over the summer, and going to Bali or Lombok for a holiday.
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This document provides expressions for asking for attention and showing attention in English. For asking for attention, it lists phrases like "Can I have your attention, please?" and "Excuse me." For showing attention, it lists response phrases like "That's alright" and "Oh, yes. Tell me more about it." It also discusses the text structure of examples asking for and showing attention in conversations.
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This document outlines learning objectives and provides information about expressing hopes in English. The learning objectives are for students to maintain interpersonal relationships through hopes, identify sentence structures and vocabulary related to hopes, and write texts expressing hopes. Examples of expressing hope are given using different sentence structures like "ing verb", "to", "that", and verb tenses. Key structures like "I am hoping for" and "I hope to/that" are explained.
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This document discusses different ways to express wishes and regrets in English using modal verbs and verb tenses. It outlines four main structures:
1) "Wish + past simple" to express a present wish about a situation, such as "I wish I knew the answer."
2) "Wish + person/thing + would" to talk about things we want to happen or stop, like annoying habits.
3) "Wish + past perfect" to express regret about the past, like "I wish you had told me the truth."
4) "Should/shouldn't have + past participle" to also express regret about the past, for example "I should have recharged my phone
The Past Simple Tense
The document describes the past simple tense in English. It provides examples of its use in positive, negative, and interrogative sentences. It is used to describe completed actions or habitual actions in the past. Both regular and irregular verbs are used in the past simple tense. For regular verbs, the past ending of -ed is added. For irregular verbs, the past form is used. The past simple tense can be used with time expressions like yesterday, last week, in 2007, etc. to clearly specify when the past action occurred.
Asking and offering help
The document provides expressions for asking for help, giving help, and refusing help in both formal and informal situations. It then provides two sample dialogs that demonstrate characters using these expressions. In the first dialog, Nila asks Andi to help her get a flower pot and thanks him after he helps. In the second dialog, Nina asks Niko to take care of her cat while she is away and he agrees to help.
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Past perfect
This document discusses the past perfect tense and how it is used to indicate an action that was completed before another past action took place. It provides examples of sentences using the past perfect and past simple tenses, and explains how to convert between the two tenses. It also contains an exercise for the reader to practice converting sentences from past simple to past perfect and vice versa to understand how to properly use the tenses.
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1. Answer to the questions is PROBABLY and MOSTLY, in the second line but NOT ALL.
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ppt Expressing prohibition
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This document discusses quantifiers used to describe quantities in English. It categorizes quantifiers into those describing large quantities, small quantities, zero quantity, and more or less than needed. Quantifiers for large quantities include "a lot of", "lots of", and "plenty of". Quantifiers for small quantities are "little" for uncountable nouns and "few" for plural countable nouns. To express zero quantity, negative verbs use "any" and positive verbs use "no".
Relative clauses
The document discusses relative clauses and their use in sentences. It defines defining and non-defining relative clauses and explains how they provide essential or extra information about a noun. It also covers the use of relative pronouns like who, that, which, whose, and whom in both defining and non-defining clauses, including when certain pronouns can be omitted. Examples are provided to illustrate the different types of relative clauses.
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This document discusses various common idioms in English:
- "A piece of cake" means something is very easy to do
- "As easy as ABC" and "as easy as pie" both describe tasks that are very simple
- A "hard/tough nut to crack" refers to a difficult problem or person
- A "ball of fire" is a person with great energy
- "As busy as a bee" means to be very busy or active
- "Have butterflies in your stomach" feels very nervous
- "Raining cats and dogs" describes heavy rain
- "Cost an arm and a leg" means something is very expensive
- "Over the moon" means
The future perfect and the conditional perfect
The document discusses the future perfect and conditional perfect tenses.
1) The future perfect (will have + past participle) expresses an action that will be completed before a certain time in the future.
2) The conditional perfect (would have + past participle) expresses an action that would have occurred but did not, and is used to talk about imaginary or hypothetical situations in the past.
3) Both tenses are formed using a conditional auxiliary (will/would) plus have and the past participle of the verb.
Inversion
This document discusses various types of inversion in English grammar. It begins by defining inversion as putting the verb before the subject. It then provides examples of inversion in questions, tag questions, conditional sentences, sentences using "so", "neither", "nor", and phrases like "only if". The document also covers inversion with adverbials, quotations, sentences using "as", and literary sentences beginning with an adjective. Inversion is used to provide emphasis and add sophistication to sentence structure.
Silly jokes
Three silly jokes are summarized:
1) A teacher asks a student to point to America on a map. The student points and says "This is it." When asked who found America, the class responds "Maria did."
2) A man says he is wearing his wedding ring on the wrong finger because he married the wrong woman.
3) A boy tells his teacher he and a classmate found $10 and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie. They give the $10 to the teacher when he claims at their age he didn't know what a lie was.
Joke and funny dialogues
The document contains a collection of short jokes and comedic dialogues, including exchanges between parents and children, doctors and patients, teachers and students, as well as one-liners involving topics like family, school, work, and wordplay. Many of the jokes rely on misunderstandings, literal interpretations, or unexpected twists to elicit laughter. The varied humor showcases the fun that can be found in everyday situations through comedic timing and creative use of language.
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This document contains various business-related vocabulary including terms about finances, costs, customers, suppliers, budgets, sales, products, employees, and management. It discusses key concepts for businesses like profit, expenses, income, budgets, products, services, and stakeholders. The vocabulary touches on different aspects of starting and running a business from financing and budgeting to production, sales, marketing, and management.
Much and Many
This document provides a lesson on the difference between using "much" and "many" when referring to amounts. It explains that "much" should be used with uncountable nouns, like petrol or time, while "many" is used with plural countable nouns, like people or students. Examples are given of questions and negative sentences using each word correctly. An activity asks the reader to identify whether "much" or "many" should be used in sample sentences.
Making suggestions and giving advice
The document discusses making suggestions and giving advice. It provides examples of a receptionist making suggestions to tourists, such as visiting a football stadium if they like football or a museum if it rains. It explains that suggestions are ideas about what people could do, while advice involves telling someone what they should do. More examples are given of expressing suggestions and advice using phrases like "it might be a good idea to" or "I think you should." Finally, it discusses how tourism activities depend on the weather and provides examples of suggestions tailored to different weather conditions.
Expressing Intention.pptx
This document provides examples of how to express plans and intentions in English using different structures like the simple future tense, "would like", and "would rather". It gives the definitions and forms of these structures and provides sample sentences to demonstrate their use for expressing one's own plans and asking about others' plans. Some key intentions and plans mentioned include going fishing, practicing baking cookies, staying home, reading a lot over the summer, and going to Bali or Lombok for a holiday.
Asking for and showing attention
This document provides expressions for asking for attention and showing attention in English. For asking for attention, it lists phrases like "Can I have your attention, please?" and "Excuse me." For showing attention, it lists response phrases like "That's alright" and "Oh, yes. Tell me more about it." It also discusses the text structure of examples asking for and showing attention in conversations.
Hopes (ppt)
This document outlines learning objectives and provides information about expressing hopes in English. The learning objectives are for students to maintain interpersonal relationships through hopes, identify sentence structures and vocabulary related to hopes, and write texts expressing hopes. Examples of expressing hope are given using different sentence structures like "ing verb", "to", "that", and verb tenses. Key structures like "I am hoping for" and "I hope to/that" are explained.
Expressing wishes and regrets and preference in English
This document discusses different ways to express wishes and regrets in English using modal verbs and verb tenses. It outlines four main structures:
1) "Wish + past simple" to express a present wish about a situation, such as "I wish I knew the answer."
2) "Wish + person/thing + would" to talk about things we want to happen or stop, like annoying habits.
3) "Wish + past perfect" to express regret about the past, like "I wish you had told me the truth."
4) "Should/shouldn't have + past participle" to also express regret about the past, for example "I should have recharged my phone
The Past Simple Tense
The document describes the past simple tense in English. It provides examples of its use in positive, negative, and interrogative sentences. It is used to describe completed actions or habitual actions in the past. Both regular and irregular verbs are used in the past simple tense. For regular verbs, the past ending of -ed is added. For irregular verbs, the past form is used. The past simple tense can be used with time expressions like yesterday, last week, in 2007, etc. to clearly specify when the past action occurred.
Asking and offering help
The document provides expressions for asking for help, giving help, and refusing help in both formal and informal situations. It then provides two sample dialogs that demonstrate characters using these expressions. In the first dialog, Nila asks Andi to help her get a flower pot and thanks him after he helps. In the second dialog, Nina asks Niko to take care of her cat while she is away and he agrees to help.
Adjective clauses
This document is a PowerPoint presentation on adjective clauses and relative pronouns developed by Irene Tan. It defines adjective clauses as dependent clauses that describe nouns and pronouns. It explains the different types of relative pronouns including who, whom, whose, which, that refer to people or things. It also distinguishes between restrictive and non-restrictive clauses and provides examples. The presentation concludes by listing references and additional web resources for learning more about relative clauses.
Past perfect
This document discusses the past perfect tense and how it is used to indicate an action that was completed before another past action took place. It provides examples of sentences using the past perfect and past simple tenses, and explains how to convert between the two tenses. It also contains an exercise for the reader to practice converting sentences from past simple to past perfect and vice versa to understand how to properly use the tenses.
TOEFL EXERCISE 1 - FOCUS ON THE SECOND LINE
1. Answer to the questions is PROBABLY and MOSTLY, in the second line but NOT ALL.
2. Listen to both speakers, is you understand the first speaker, that’s really good, but you must understand the second line, except for some skills ahead.
3. Try to catch the meaning, not the translation of each word. Meaning needs senses.
Countable and uncountable nouns - some and any
The document discusses countable and uncountable nouns. It provides examples of countable nouns using singular and plural forms with "a/an" and "-s" respectively. Uncountable nouns cannot be counted and no determiners are used. It also discusses using "some" with both countable and uncountable nouns to indicate unspecified quantities, and "a/an" or "glass of" to indicate a specified quantity. The document provides practice examples to distinguish countable vs. uncountable nouns and use of "some" vs. "any".
ppt Expressing prohibition
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This document introduces adverb clauses, which are dependent clauses that function as adverbs to modify verbs, adjectives, or other adverbs. It defines eight types of adverb clauses: concession, time, reason, contrast, result, purpose, place, and manner. Each type is introduced with specific subordinating conjunctions and examples are provided to illustrate how they are used in sentences. The end provides practice identifying different adverb clause types based on the conjunctions that introduce them in incomplete sentences.
Quantifiers
This document discusses quantifiers used to describe quantities in English. It categorizes quantifiers into those describing large quantities, small quantities, zero quantity, and more or less than needed. Quantifiers for large quantities include "a lot of", "lots of", and "plenty of". Quantifiers for small quantities are "little" for uncountable nouns and "few" for plural countable nouns. To express zero quantity, negative verbs use "any" and positive verbs use "no".
Relative clauses
The document discusses relative clauses and their use in sentences. It defines defining and non-defining relative clauses and explains how they provide essential or extra information about a noun. It also covers the use of relative pronouns like who, that, which, whose, and whom in both defining and non-defining clauses, including when certain pronouns can be omitted. Examples are provided to illustrate the different types of relative clauses.
common English Idioms
This document discusses various common idioms in English:
- "A piece of cake" means something is very easy to do
- "As easy as ABC" and "as easy as pie" both describe tasks that are very simple
- A "hard/tough nut to crack" refers to a difficult problem or person
- A "ball of fire" is a person with great energy
- "As busy as a bee" means to be very busy or active
- "Have butterflies in your stomach" feels very nervous
- "Raining cats and dogs" describes heavy rain
- "Cost an arm and a leg" means something is very expensive
- "Over the moon" means
The future perfect and the conditional perfect
The document discusses the future perfect and conditional perfect tenses.
1) The future perfect (will have + past participle) expresses an action that will be completed before a certain time in the future.
2) The conditional perfect (would have + past participle) expresses an action that would have occurred but did not, and is used to talk about imaginary or hypothetical situations in the past.
3) Both tenses are formed using a conditional auxiliary (will/would) plus have and the past participle of the verb.
Inversion
This document discusses various types of inversion in English grammar. It begins by defining inversion as putting the verb before the subject. It then provides examples of inversion in questions, tag questions, conditional sentences, sentences using "so", "neither", "nor", and phrases like "only if". The document also covers inversion with adverbials, quotations, sentences using "as", and literary sentences beginning with an adjective. Inversion is used to provide emphasis and add sophistication to sentence structure.
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Expressing wishes and regrets and preference in English
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3) A boy tells his teacher he and a classmate found $10 and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie. They give the $10 to the teacher when he claims at their age he didn't know what a lie was.
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The document contains a collection of short jokes and comedic dialogues, including exchanges between parents and children, doctors and patients, teachers and students, as well as one-liners involving topics like family, school, work, and wordplay. Many of the jokes rely on misunderstandings, literal interpretations, or unexpected twists to elicit laughter. The varied humor showcases the fun that can be found in everyday situations through comedic timing and creative use of language.
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Jokes, Punch Lines and LIFE Lessons
10 jokes where the Punch Lines are left out. You are to suggest humorous or funny punch lines that generate laughter and teach a Life lesson or 2. Suggested Pinch Lines are given.
speaking UIT
The document summarizes a conversation between two people, A and B, about various topics:
1. A and B discuss their families, with A having 5 members and B having 4. B's brother knew A's sister from school. Both of their parents work hard as farmers.
2. They discuss experiences visiting Nha Trang, with A saying it has beautiful beaches and delicious seafood.
3. Their hobbies, with B collecting stamps and A enjoying reading science. They also discuss taking the train and learning English.
4. They like pets, with A preferring pandas and B liking dogs.
5. They discuss city vs. rural life, and the computer science
Story doctor’s service
The doctor rushed to the hospital to perform emergency surgery on a boy after being called in. The boy's father yelled at the doctor for taking too long to arrive. During the surgery, the doctor remained calm and reassuring despite the father's anger. After the successful surgery, the doctor quickly left for another commitment. The nurse then informed the father that the doctor's own son had died the day before in an accident, and that the doctor had left the burial to save the boy.
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The lion was hungry after days of unsuccessful hunting. He spotted a sleeping hare beneath a tree and stealthily approached it, ready to eat. However, when a deer passed by, the lion chose to chase it instead, hoping for a bigger meal. The noise caused the hare to wake up and escape. Despite a long pursuit, the lion failed to catch the deer. Returning tired and still empty-handed, the lion realized he had lost the assured food of the hare for only a chance at the deer.
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Lesson 21 - Drawing Conclusions
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Includes Take off/Motivation Activities, Discussions on Drawing Conclusions, Tips to Effectively Draw Conclusions, and Tasks for practice.
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Syllabus
Chapter-1
Introduction to objective, scope and outcome the subject
Chapter 2
Introduction: Scope and Specialization of Civil Engineering, Role of civil Engineer in Society, Impact of infrastructural development on economy of country.
Chapter 3
Surveying: Object Principles & Types of Surveying; Site Plans, Plans & Maps; Scales & Unit of different Measurements.
Linear Measurements: Instruments used. Linear Measurement by Tape, Ranging out Survey Lines and overcoming Obstructions; Measurements on sloping ground; Tape corrections, conventional symbols. Angular Measurements: Instruments used; Introduction to Compass Surveying, Bearings and Longitude & Latitude of a Line, Introduction to total station.
Levelling: Instrument used Object of levelling, Methods of levelling in brief, and Contour maps.
Chapter 4
Buildings: Selection of site for Buildings, Layout of Building Plan, Types of buildings, Plinth area, carpet area, floor space index, Introduction to building byelaws, concept of sun light & ventilation. Components of Buildings & their functions, Basic concept of R.C.C., Introduction to types of foundation
Chapter 5
Transportation: Introduction to Transportation Engineering; Traffic and Road Safety: Types and Characteristics of Various Modes of Transportation; Various Road Traffic Signs, Causes of Accidents and Road Safety Measures.
Chapter 6
Environmental Engineering: Environmental Pollution, Environmental Acts and Regulations, Functional Concepts of Ecology, Basics of Species, Biodiversity, Ecosystem, Hydrological Cycle; Chemical Cycles: Carbon, Nitrogen & Phosphorus; Energy Flow in Ecosystems.
Water Pollution: Water Quality standards, Introduction to Treatment & Disposal of Waste Water. Reuse and Saving of Water, Rain Water Harvesting. Solid Waste Management: Classification of Solid Waste, Collection, Transportation and Disposal of Solid. Recycling of Solid Waste: Energy Recovery, Sanitary Landfill, On-Site Sanitation. Air & Noise Pollution: Primary and Secondary air pollutants, Harmful effects of Air Pollution, Control of Air Pollution. . Noise Pollution Harmful Effects of noise pollution, control of noise pollution, Global warming & Climate Change, Ozone depletion, Greenhouse effect
Text Books:
1. Palancharmy, Basic Civil Engineering, McGraw Hill publishers.
2. Satheesh Gopi, Basic Civil Engineering, Pearson Publishers.
3. Ketki Rangwala Dalal, Essentials of Civil Engineering, Charotar Publishing House.
4. BCP, Surveying volume 1
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Jokes in english
- 5. WHAT IS THE LONGEST WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE? • SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!
- 6. TEACHER: MARIA PLEASE POINT TO AMERICA ON THE MAP. MARIA: THIS IS IT. TEACHER: WELL DONE. NOW CLASS, WHO FOUND AMERICA? CLASS: MARIA DID.
- 7. "AM I THE FIRST MAN YOU HAVE EVER LOVED?" HE SAID. "OF COURSE," SHE ANSWERED "WHY DO MEN ALWAYS ASK THE SAME QUESTION?".
- 8. • A man is talking to God. The man: "God, how long is a million years?" God: "To me, it's about a minute." The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?" God: "To me it's a penny." The man: "God, may I have a penny?" God: "Wait a minute."
- 9. • A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? B: Yes, of course. A: Great! I never could before!
- 10. • Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet
- 11. • Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
- 12. • The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick' The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?' The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...
- 13. • A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"
- 14. •A: Why are you crying? B: The elephant is dead. A: Was he your pet? B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.
- 15. • Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.