Want to know how to win over friends & family? Here are some of the tips by Coaching Logic.

1. How to influence

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- Table of Contents -
How to Win Friends and Influence People 4
Following Influential People Can Help You Become Influential 6
Connecting with People to Increase Your Influence 8
Confidence Leads to Influence 10
Avoid People Who Are Negative Influencers 12

4. 4
How to Win Friends and Influence People
You may recognize the title of this article. It is that of a book written by the late
Dale Carnegie. The advice in the book remains timeless.
In no way is this meant to steal from the original book. This was written as a kind
of review of the book and as a reminder that this book can truly serve as a life
guide on how to be influential. The book spells out some common sense
techniques, yet many people fail to implement them, even after they have read
the book. This is why Dale Carnegie himself, suggested using the book as a
reference after the first read. It’s important to reinforce the techniques described
from time-to-time.
If you haven’t read the book (and you should), Carnegie describes techniques that
make people want to be with you. One is the simple technique of using
somebody’s name. This requires that you remember the name when a person is
first introduced to you. But once you know the name, be sure to use it whenever
you come in contact with that person. People value their names more than you
could possibly imagine. The next time someone says your name when speaking to
you, pay attention to how that makes you feel. It is likely to make you feel a
connection with that person on a level that you probably took for granted in the
past.
Another technique that Carnegie describes is to pay attention to other peoples’
likes and wants. If you know somebody that is into elephants, for example, when
you come across items related to elephants, make that person aware of it.
Carnegie goes into much greater depth about this, but you get the general idea.
Take a genuine interest in others and you will find them drawing towards you
more and more.
The techniques described in the book really are common sense, but they work.
There are several other techniques that are described which can really give you
those influencing abilities you want to acquire. What’s great about his techniques
is they are not difficult to incorporate into your life and yet they have a
tremendous impact in how you are looked upon by others. It is almost magical at
how well it works.

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It should be noted that Carnegie wrote the book to help salespeople sell better.
The book was actually a byproduct of a course he developed with the same
motivation. You do not need to be a salesperson to take advantage of the
techniques contained in this book.

6. 6
Following Influential People Can Help You
Become Influential
If you want to be more influential follow people that are themselves influential.
When people have skills that you don’t possess, learning about why those people
have them will set in motion the steps needed to gain those skills.
The internet has made it much easier to follow these influencers than ever
before. It is as simple as clicking the follow button on Twitter, for example. But
simply following is not enough. You need to keep up-to-date on what they are
doing.
One quality that is typically found in people who are influential is that they are
positive. They find the positives in everything they do or see. It’s rare for them to
be negative unless it is to help people overcome some problem or offering
constructive criticism. Even then, they tend to be as positive as possible when
approaching these situations.
Another fantastic quality of influencers is that they are great listeners. They pay
attention to what people have to say and they try to shape the situation
according to what they hear. If someone is having a problem, the influencers take
heed and try to do everything in their power to help with that problem.
One aspect of influential people is that they always give way more than the ask
for. They reach out to more people and more often. They freely offer information
that they know will make a difference in peoples’ lives. Receivers of this influence,
will themselves pass on this information or they will make it known how the
influencers helped them. Sometimes it can be just words spoken by the
influencers that can alter how people approach their situations going forward.
Staying active within your networks and communities is important to become
more influential. You can’t just expect to post a couple of links on a social network
and then expect the world to come knocking at your door. The information you
share needs to help people in ways that they never imagined. Seek out people
that are looking for help with something that you are familiar with, and you
simply offer them ways to solve that problem. You will then become influential
with all the people that you help.

7. 7
Following and learning what influential people do and say will go a long way in
helping you become more influential yourself. It’s not that difficult but may
require altering the way you approach certain situations. In the end, the effort is
definitely worth it.

8. 8
Connecting with People to Increase Your
Influence
There is no doubt that taking the one step of connecting with more people will
improve your influence. This means more than just having someone sign up to
your newsletter or follow you on social networks. It means going the extra mile
and reaching out to people, helping them using any means possible, and
sometimes just talking to them.
It such a simple concept, yet one that eludes a lot of people. Too often, the focus
of connection is to try and sell. This should be the last possible motivation when
making your connections. There is nothing wrong with trying to make some
money using your connections. You just need to take the right measures when
hooking up with people.
The operative word when connecting with others is give. Always be willing to give
way more than you take. Become the person everyone wants to hit up for
answers to their questions. Learn about what people are looking for and give it to
them. Send them a personal email stating that you found what they were looking
for. This goes a long way and deviates from the standard autoresponder email
response.
When you take the extra measure to reach out to people on a personal level, they
take notice and let others know about it as well. The more this happens the more
you become the resource that people will rely on. When this happens, selling
becomes almost a joke. They know who you are and are so overly comfortable
with you that you practically don’t even have to ask for the sale.
This is not to say that once you’ve developed that trust that you can sell them any
old product just to rake in some money. This may work in the short term, but
people will catch on quickly and you will lose your influence quicker than you can
blink an eye. Whatever you decide to sell, make sure it is high quality and relevant
what your connections are looking for. This will be easy to determine based on
the conversations that you had with them in the past.
Another unintended consequence (a good one) that will happen as you increase
your influence, is that you can help others to do the same. When you find people

9. 9
that are trying to build their connections and they are doing so in the manners
described here, you can help them along by hooking them up with your
connections. They will be eternally grateful for your efforts in this regard.

10. 10
Confidence Leads to Influence
Becoming confident is a big step in being more influential. When you exude
confidence, that will show through to others. They will have no choice but to see
you as someone that has a handle on situations.
The good news is confidence is not something you are born with. Sure, some
people naturally are confident and it is easier for them to be that way. Confidence
is something that can be learned. It may take rethinking some of your beliefs but
it is possible.
The first step towards being confident is to learn as much as you can about the
situations you are in. Knowledge is power. If you have the necessary knowledge,
you will be in a position to answer questions that arise. This makes you
authoritative in the minds of those that are not as well versed. Few can argue
with you when you have that authority.
Next up is to define what you want to accomplish. Know what the desired end
result should be and work back from that. Many people try to wing it and go with
the flow, thinking that the results will come to them naturally. While that can
work once in a while, usually, it’s more effective when you know what you want
right from the start.
After you determine what you want to accomplish, you can map out a plan in the
form of goals and milestones. By breaking down the process into smaller tasks, it
becomes more manageable. This will easily add to your confidence levels because
those smaller tasks will be easier to complete. It’s also a great feeling each time
one of those milestones are met.
Nothing is set in stone and there is room for change when you make up your plan.
Part of confidence is knowing when something isn’t working and to have the
courage to adjust. By doing this quickly, you will not lose face. In fact, when you
make the decision to change you will show that you maintain the confidence
needed. No one can be right 100% of the time. The key is to try not to be wishy-
washy when altering your path. Be firm on why you are changing and make the
decision quickly.

11. 11
Taking the steps to becoming more confident is entirely plausible. Confidence will
naturally lead to becoming more influential. It takes commitment and time. But
the rewards are simply too great to ignore.

12. 12
Avoid People Who Are Negative
Influencers
One of the best ways to become more influential is to avoid people who are not.
These people are not only negative but are determined to bring you down. In
some sense, these people could be considered influential but the influence is
negative. This type of influence will never get you to a place that you want to be.
It will only serve to turn people away from you.
You’ll recognize these negative influencers as people who are never happy in any
situation. They will give many reasons why nothing will work and they will never
give any suggestions on what can be done that will.
Negative influencers are also chronic complainers. Whatever you try to tell them,
they will shoot down in a moment’s notice. They don’t want things to work out
because they wouldn’t have anything to complain about.
It will be relatively easy to cut off exposure to negative people who are only
acquaintances. There is little to no emotional bonds that have been developed.
You can easily unfollow these connections on social media and simply don’t
answer any calls that they make to you.
For friends who you’ve known for a while, who also happen to be negative
influencers, it may be more difficult to break the ties. Some of these friends may
not have been negative the whole time of your friendship. You may remember
when they were more positive and fun to be with. You may also believe there is
the possibility of turning them around. This is challenging, but you will need to
make the decision if you want to become more influential. The negative people
are not going to be your allies towards this end.
Negative people want to see you fail. They will give you reasons why whatever
you are trying to implement will not work. They want you to fail because if you
actually made it work, you would take away their excuse and make them look
bad. They are all about excuses. Sometimes, they may even seem well-
intentioned. But the results of their negativity are the same.

13. 13
If you want to gain influence in a positive way, you will need to associate yourself
from the negative influencers. Maintaining a positive attitude is challenging when
you have a Debbie Downer constantly picking away at your psyche. As for losing
friends in the process, ask yourself just how good could these friends be if they
are dragging you down. You owe it to yourself to steer clear of these types of
people.