The document discusses gender roles within families. It begins by describing the traditional nuclear family model consisting of two opposite-sex parents with distinct gender roles. While this was portrayed as the social ideal, it did not historically predominate and divorce rates show many families diverge from this structure today. Gender roles within the nuclear family assigned women responsibility for domestic duties and caretaking while men earned income. These roles are still influential though evolving, and same-sex couples divide labor more equitably. Parents play a role in socializing children to conform with gender norms through their own behaviors and interactions. Communication patterns within relationships also reflect traditional power dynamics around gender. Overall, the document examines the historical influence and ongoing evolution of gender roles within families.

1. GENDER WITHIN FAMILIES
By: Kristen Blake

2. The Nuclear Family
◦ The nuclear family is what our society believes the traditional family is composed of. It consists of two parents
(one male and one female), biological children, with the male as the primary wage earner and the female as
the primary homemaker. (pg. 155.)
◦ The nuclear family is based on the notion of compulsory heterosexuality, which is that there is only one legitimate
way of loving and one legitimate form of family possible. (pg.159).
◦ The media tends to put emphasis on this ideal as being what is “normal”, and it has caused many people to
strive to mirror the image of the nuclear family.
◦ Exclusive gender roles within families were created due to the popularization of this notion as the traditional
family.
◦ For example, men were expected to be successful in their career so that they could take care of their family financially. Women
were expected to cook, clean, take care of the children, and complete any other household duties that needed to be fulfilled.
◦ Anything that differed from what the nuclear family consisted of was frowned upon.
◦ However, even today, the nuclear family ideology is often used to organize people within a family and to
organize families in relation to one another as better or worse. (pg. 155). Many people are still socialized to
accept the gender roles that prevailed due to this ideology.
◦ Although many people thought that this family structure was “traditional”, Sociologist Stephanie Coontz states
that historians cannot point to one specific time when this family structure actually predominated. (pg. 156). I
personally find this interesting because of how many people accepted it and strived to achieve this family
structure through gender roles.

3. Statistics
◦ 38% of marriages in the United States end in divorce.
◦ 50% of marriages occurring this year are expected to end in divorce. (study done in
2003).
◦ Almost 30% of homes are headed by a single adult.
◦ 52% of families have no children under the age of 18.
◦ 30% of families will live in blended families at some point
◦ In 2000, 73% of women with children worked outside the home.
◦ **Statistics were provided on pg. 156 of the text.**
◦ These statistics prove that although the Nuclear Family is portrayed to be what is “traditional”, it is
clear that other family structures are actually much more common. In my opinion, the nuclear
family is losing it‟s popularity because our society is much less conservative. The United States as a
whole seems to be more open-minded of the ways that families “do gender”. However, the nuclear
family is still considered to be the “normative ideal” making it so other family structures are always
compared to it (pg. 157).

4. Family as an Institution: Division of Labor
◦ A family is an institution because in order for it to function, there must be roles for each
person to partake in.
◦ Gender/sex is the biggest predictor of what role a person will fulfill within their family. In general, it is
still common that stereotypical gender roles influence how household duties are divided.
◦ Still using the nuclear family as a model of what the ideal family does, men are typically
the ones who do manual labor around the house (mowing the lawn, splitting wood, fixing
leaky sinks, etc.) and women are more likely to do the laundry, cleaning, and cooking.
◦ On page 158, the author states “research consistently demonstrates that there is no better predictor
of the division of household labor than gender/ [sex].”
◦ Generations upon generations have been socialized to follow these gender roles, so
much so that it is considered to be the norm. When families practice different gender
roles, it is admired by some but also difficult for many to understand/ comprehend.

5. Division of Labor Continued:
◦ Today, our society demonstrates a more relaxed version of the gender roles attached to the nuclear
family but they still very much exist. Men are spending increasingly more time doing “woman‟s work”
HOWEVER,
◦ The “second shift” is the label that has been given to the housework imbalance that exists in
heterosexual marriages. On page 158, it states that wives spend from 5 to 13.2 more hours a week doing
housework than their husbands do. “Most women work one shift at the office or factory and a „second
shift‟ at home. (pg. 158).
◦ Psychologist Francine Deutsh (2004) found that men use 5 communication strategies in order to maintain
their negligence in not participating in household duties.
◦
◦
◦
◦
◦
Passive resistance or ignoring requests to help
Feigning incompetence (i.e., ruining the laundry)
Praising the spouse for her skills
Applying lower standards when doing the work, so that the other will take over task to complete it more efficiently
Denial by exaggerating their own relative contributions, particularly as compared to past generations of men.
-This also shows that women can so,etimes tend to be undemanding of their husbands, which is a behavior
corresponds with how women typically act in a nuclear family.

6. Same-Sex Couples & Division of Labor
◦ Same-sex couples go against the stereotypical gendered division of labor, and instead
divide labor on flexibility of the person. (pg. 159).
◦ Specifically, gay couples tend to divide tasks by ability and interest, and lesbian
couples tend to share tasks. (pg. 159).
◦ To me, the way that same-sex couples go about the division of labor within their
families seems to be much more realistic, making it more easily attainable.
ADDITIONALLY,
“There is no evidence that the children of gay and lesbian parents differ systematically
from children of hetero-sexual parents…No significant differences have been found in
psychological well-being, self esteem, behavioral problems, intelligence, cognitive
abilities, or peer relations.” (pg. 161). I think that this is an important piece of information
because although same-sex couples are not the norm, it does not mean that they are
less qualified to be parents.

7. Social Learning and Modeling
◦ Mothers and fathers who abide by the nuclear family expectations are ultimately
teaching their children to practice the same narrow gender roles because research
proves that children learn through modeling and observation.
◦ Often times, parents settle into routines that may be consistent with the gender roles of
the nuclear family. Sense the roles become a habit, teaching children these same
gender roles is usually done subconsciously. (pg. 161).
◦ “Even if parents tell their children that work should be equitably shared, when women
do more domestic labor than men, children tend to learn the gendered lesson they
observe, not what they are told.” (pg. 161). This quote gives meaning to the phrase
“actions speak louder than words”, and sense parents are role model‟s for their
children they should understand that their behaviors are being internalized by their
children.
◦ Sense children learn by observing, it makes sense that the stereotypical gender roles are demonstrated in
many families.

8. Parents‟ Influence of Gender/Sex Interactions:
◦ In the United States, how a parent interacts with their children heavily depends on the sex of the child.
◦ Whether it is conscious or subconscious, parents tend to reward their son or daughter for behaving in a way that
is gender/sex appropriate and discouraging those behaviors that are not. (pg. 161).
◦ For example, daughters are typically rewarded for being polite and demonstrating interpersonal skills, and sons are generally
rewarded for being more physical.
◦ Another example is mothers and fathers tend to be more gentle, soft spoken, and tender with their daughters, and the opposite
with their sons. This may not be to an extreme amount, but is correlated with the roles that men and women tend to adopt.
◦ On the other hand, research has also shown that gender teaching by parents is often consciously done. On
page 162, it states that some families encouraged their daughters to participate in what is considered to be
traditionally male activities (sports themed clothing, toy trucks, building toys, etc.) because they felt that if their
girls adopted some masculine behaviors it could raise their social status. However, parents did not think that the
same went for boys adopting feminine behaviors. For example, the group that the above research is based on
ALSO went as far as to consciously select activities, toys, clothing, and décor for boys‟ rooms that would
“encourage masculine identity construction.” (pg. 162).
◦ Both parents play a significant role in “gendering” their children‟s development and interactions among peers
through how they interact with their child, however there was no simple parent-child gender influence
determined by the sex of the parent or of the child. (pg. 163) Meaning, parents are a major influence, but both
mothers and fathers can interchangeably interact with their children in these specific ways and it will have the
same impact.

9. Parents‟ Influence of Gender/Sex Interaction
Continued:
◦ Race plays a role in how parents interact with their children.
◦ For example, mother‟s who are of a minority may not be as classically nurturing, but may show their
affection in a way that teaches independence and strength. This also depends on their upbringing as
well.
◦ Militant motherhood is a term that describes a mothers parenting style of being
assertive and aggressive. Militant motherhood is the epitome of “tough love”, and is
intended to teach and acclimate their children to be on defense, and is supposed to
sharpen their emotional control. (pg. 163). This style of parenting is quite controversial.

10. Dating Relationships & Gender:
◦ Dating patterns have changed significantly in recent years. For example, there is more
“hooking-up” rather than dating, more couples are cohabitating, and more people
are either delaying marriage or simply choosing not to marry. (pg. 166).
HOWEVER,
Generally speaking, women tend to put a great deal of effort into making themselves
sexually attractive to men. The book elaborates on a study of 23 black and white women
at two southern universities. They found that the women believed “they could not gain
social prestige from academic successes, organized extracurricular
activities, participation in political causes, or relationships with other women.”
**This study was done in 1990, and to me, is a little outdated but it is interesting
because in some cases much of this seems to still be true. For example, one way that I
have noticed is that my friend (who is a girl) seems to always to put her relationship with
her boyfriend before her academic success (choosing to go to out to dinner rather than
finish an assignment and then having to rush to get it done before it is due.)

11. Dating Relationships & Gender
Continued:
◦ On page 166, it states that in terms of heterosexual dating norms, the predominant
expectation is still that men will initiate dates and physical intimacy and that women
will take primary responsibility for relationship maintenance.
◦ This relates to the nuclear family gender roles as men being dominant and women
being submissive and complying with whatever is necessary to make the relationship
work. It also goes back to previous chapters in the book that discuss “Men are from
Mars, Women are from Venus” because sense women are still responsible for
relationship maintenance, it shows that a characteristic of a man is to not show
emotion or communicate feelings where as the woman is expected to facilitate the
relationship without the other half putting in any effort with communication.
◦ There has been research that shows that this aspect of the heterosexual dating norms is
becoming obsolete, and men are now more likely to self-disclose information about
themselves, or express their intimacy through forms such as joking with, telling
stories, and doing favors for each other. (pg. 167).

12. Marital Communication & Gender
◦ John Gottman states that behavioral change is necessary to create more mutually satisfying interaction
patterns within a marriage, and when a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81%
chance that his marriage will self destruct. (pg. 168) I think that this is an important concept, because
even though males are socially expected to be the dominant ones, that ideology is no longer as
accepted.
◦ Demand/withdraw pattern is when the partner who most wants change demands, and the one who
resists chance withdraws, and it results in a failure to resolve conflict. Research shows that typically the
wife is demands a need be met and the husband withdraw, refusing to engage. Two interpretations of
this pattern have been given:
◦ Two culture theory approach suggests that the woman is demanding because her relationship orientation is toward talk
and that the man withdraws because eh is socialized to value unilateral problem solving (men prefer to fix problems
alone, and if a problem cannot be repaired, men will not see value in the discussion).
◦ Family studies scholar, Alexis Walker, views this pattern from a power perspective. In her research, she‟s found that the
demand/withdraw pattern of wife-husband conflict occurs only when discussing something the wife wants, because
marriage is a social institution that is already structured to men‟s advantage.
**All information was taken from pg. 166 of the boo.**
As a class, what do you think about the demand/withdraw pattern? Do you agree with either of these interpretations, if
not, what is your own interpretation?

13. Domestic Violence
◦ Alexis Walker also found that the conflict pattern of demand/withdraw is common in abusive relationships, but the roles are reversed.
◦
Higher levels of verbal aggression and violence by both wives and husbands occur in relationships where the husbands feel less powerful. (pg. 168).
◦ CCV= Common Couple Violence and is more likely to be the result of a couple‟s inability to resolve their conflicts in an effective way. (pg. 169).
◦ Women are more at risk from violence at home than in the street. An astonishing fact is stated on page 170; menw ho abuse intimate others
are not just those who are psychologically imbalanced. Researchers and clinicians report that abusive men test as “normal on measures of
mental stability, social judgment, and other standard clinical criteria.” It goes on to say that “women who remain in violent relationships are
also not demonstrably atypical of women in general.” (pg. 170).
◦ Popular excuses from women for the reason or the abuse were “failing in their responsibilities as women to care for their partners”, or they
insisted that the abuse was “out of character” of their partner.” Women in this study also felt that it was their job to protect their partners by
hiding the abusive behavior.
◦ Many women in the study admitted to not leaving the relationship because they needed the man to feel complete. This goes back to the slide
on Dating relationships and how the women in that study felt that they could only gain social prestige was through being with a man.
◦ When domestic violence occurs in the home, it has been found that women and men are both capable of and do violence to each other
and to children, however, women are far more likely to be the victims of men‟s domestic abuse. (pg. 171).
◦ There is also research that shows mothers “incur various degrees of violence from male sons.” (pg. 171).

14. Emancipatory Families
◦ This term can be defined as “a variety of family structures that provide a safe haven
where members feel loved, accepted, and are able to grow to their fullest potential.”
(pg. 172).
◦ Stereotypical assumptions of what a family “should” be like can actually hinder how a
family interacts. It is very important to remember that there are many different ways a
family can be composed, the critical aspect is that they encompass the characteristics
above.
◦ Fathers are now playing a more central role in raising their children, participating in
housework, and nurturing their children. Research has shown that there are many
benefits to the child with the father is more involved.
◦ Studies have shown that “tag team parenting” is very effective. It is when parents trade
responsibilities back and forth according to the needs of their hectic lives (pg.173). This
works because there needs to be a constant open line of communication.

15. CONCLUSION
◦ “Just as we teach racial tolerance, we need to teach gender tolerance”—Kyle
Kostelecky, family studies professor.