This document highlights many paradoxes and inconsistencies in the English language. Some examples provided include: - There being no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger. - English muffins not originating in England and French fries not from France. - Quick sand taking one down slowly and boxing rings being square. - Many plurals not following consistent rules, such as the plural of mouse being mice but the plural of house not being hice. - Different words having similar meanings but different structures, like play being used for recitals but recite for plays.

1. ENGLISH is Funny

2. There is no egg in the eggplant, No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

3. English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France.

4. * Quick sand takes you down slowly . * Boxing rings are square . *And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. What Paradoxes!

5. * If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing? * If the past tense of ‘teach’ is ‘taught’, why isn’t the past tense of ‘preach’ ‘praught’ instead of ‘preached’?

6. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat?

7. Why do people recite at a play, Yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and Drive on parkways?

8. How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day And as cold as hell on another?

9. A house can burn up as it burns down , and you fill in a form by filling it out .

10. When the stars are out they are visible, But when the lights are out they are invisible. And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts, But when I wind up this poem it ends.

11. If the plural of mouse is mice then why isn’t the plural of house hice? If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

12. If I spoke of my foot and showed you my feet, When I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

13. If the singular is this, and the plural is these, Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be kese? Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet the plural of hat would never be hose.

14. The plural of box is boxes; But why should the plural of ox be oxen and not oxes? One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

15. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.

16. The End May we master English without any fear or tear. Hear! Hear! With Metta, Bro. Oh Teik Bin