Some suggestions on how to communicate with your teenager.

1. Effective Communicationwith Your Teenager Parenting teenagers can be a very trying time, but learning how to effectively communicate with your teens will make these years happier for you and for them.

2. Acknowledge your teen’s feelings Many parents shy away from acknowledging their teen’s feelings. We as parents believe it is our duty to “tell it like it is.” When this happens, our teens feel lectured and judged.

3. The next time… your 13 year old is crying hysterically for no “apparent reason,” try asking her what is wrong and really listen to what she has to say. Then, instead of giving unsolicited advice or trying to fix her problem, give her sympathy: “It sounds like you are very hurt.” or “That must make you really mad.” “That is so upsetting!” You may be surprised at how this type of active listening really gets your teen to open up.

4. WORK IT OUT TOGETHER It is fairly typical for teens and their parents to bump heads and disagree! As parents, our usual reaction is to insist that our teens do what we say. But sometimes it doesn’t matter what we say, they do what they want anyway. There is an alternative way to handle this situation…

5. The 5 steps to working it out together Step 1: Invite your teen to give his/her point of view (remember to listen). Step 2: State your point of view. This is your chance to say how you feel about the situation. Step 3: Have a brainstorming session with your teenager. You both get to have ideas for solutions. Step 4: Write down all ideas w/o criticizing. Step 5: Review the list and come to an agreement about putting a solution into action.

7. State your expectations of your teen.

8. Show your teen how to make amends.

9. Offer your teen a choice.

11. State your feelings: “I’m very upset that you haven’t been honest with me about your test.” State your expectations: “I expect you to find the time to study and to be honest with me.” Show how to make amends: “You’ll have to learn all of the words that you missed on your tests.” Offer a choice: “You can give up chorus, or you can find the time to study for your tests.”

12. If you teen is not complying with the plan: Take action: “I had a talk with your language arts teacher and she said you were still failing your vocabulary tests. Until you can show me that you can make acceptable grades on your tests, you will be taking a break from chorus.”

13. RESOURCES These were just a few suggestions to make life a little easier for you and your teens. If you would like to delve a little deeper, please refer to the following resources. -How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by A. Faber and E. Mazlish -Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. G. Thomas -Why Do They Act That Way?: A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen by D. Welsh, PhD.

14. -Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Lives of Adolescent Girls by Mary PipherPhD. -Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood by W. Pollack PhD. -Closing the Gap: A Strategy for Bringing Parents and Teens Together by Jay McGraw

15. REFERENCES -How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by A. Faber & E. Mazlish -Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Gordan Thomas