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DV section 6.pptx
- 1. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SESSION 6 Facilitatedby Natalie Rascoe
- 2. Agenda • Toxic Love •Love Confusion • Love Languages • Spiritual Healing Recovery • Forgiveness
- 3. Dealing with Liesin a Relationship
- 4. Love vs. ToxicLove Love- Development of self first priority Toxic- Obsession with relationship Love- Room to grow, expand, desire for partner to grow Toxic- comfort in sameness Love- separate interests, maintain meaningful relationships Toxic- total involvement, limited social life
- 5. Love vs. ToxicLove Love- ability to enjoy being alone Toxic- unable to endure separation, clinging Love- compromise, negotiation, problem solving together Toxic- power plays for control, blaming, manipulation Love- embracing each other’s individuality Toxic- trying to change other to their own image/preference
- 6. Truths about Love •Love is not supposed to be painful • There is pain involved in relationships, but if it is painful most of the time, then something is not working • Expectations set us up to be a victim • We must see relationships not as the end goal but as opportunities for continual growth • If our definition of a successful relationship is one that lasts forever- we are set up to fail
- 7. Love is… • Responsibility •Hard work • Pleasure • Commitment • Communication • Honesty • Compromising • Closeness • Recognizing differences • Vulnerability • respect
- 8. Love isn’t… • Jealousy •Possessiveness • Violence • Obsession • Cruelty • Dependency • Intimidation • Proving yourself • Expecting all your needs to be met
- 9. Love Languages • Wordsof Affirmation • Words that build your mate’s self image and confidence • Quality Time • Undivided attention • Gifts • They don’t have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love • Acts of Service • Needs to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift • Physical Touch • Skin to skin contact, hand holding, back rubs, etc.
- 10. Determining your ownlove language • How do I express love to others? • What do I complain about the most? • What do I request most often?
- 11. The 5 LoveLanguages by Gary Chapman
- 12. How to workwith your partner’s love language
- 13. A healthy relationshiprequires the following: • Speaking and listening • Accepting differences • Negotiating conflict • Self understanding • Understanding of others • Mutual respect • Trust • Unconditional positive regard
- 14. Six signs yourfamily is healthy • An attitude of service • Intimacy between partners • Parents who teach and train • Children who obey and honor parents • Husbands who are loving leaders • Parents who learn their children’s love language
- 15. How to learnyour child’s love language: • Observe how your child expresses love to you • Observe how your child expresses love to others • Listen to your child’s frequent complaints • Give your child a choice between two options
- 16. “Inside every childis an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he/she will develop normally. But when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave.”
- 17. Key Principles • Purelove is unconditional • Just because love is sent doesn’t mean it’s received • Our love language is the form of communication we most easily hear and receive love • We benefit from love received in all five languages, but especially from our primary language • We can hurt deeply when our primary love language is used against us • We all have love tanks that need to be regularly filled
- 18. Spirituality and healingrecovery • Spirituality plays an important role that is often overlooked in one’s healing process • Health necessarily involves body, mind AND spirit • Clear distinction between religion and spirituality • Spirituality has many facets: • Awareness of the world that surrounds you • Sense of wonder, love, gratitude • Practice of kindness towards yourself and others • Listening to your intuition and trusting your heart
- 19. Spiritual Health • Spiritualhealth is demonstrated by an ability to: • be authentic • face fears • lets go of the past • develop insight • forgive, peace, compassion, and love • Spiritual health includes: • Meditation and yoga • Music and art therapy • Breathwork, laughter, martial arts
- 20. Forgiveness • “Forgiveness meansgiving up all hope for a better past” • It means we are to stop looking back and start taking responsibility for today and our future behaviors and attitudes • Forgiveness is one person’s moral response to another’s injustice • Forgoing resentment or revenge • The overcoming of wrongdoing with good • Forgiveness is not: • forgetting/denial • Condoning/excusing • Condemning • Seeking justice or compensation • As we give the gift of forgiveness, we ourselves are healed
- 21. Phases of Forgiveness UncoveringPhase– becoming aware of the emotional pain, confronting negative emotions, emotional distress Decision Phase– realize that focus on the injury can cause unnecessary suffering, a change must occur to heal, commitment to forgiveness is necessary, forgoes revenge Work Phase– active steps toward forgiveness, new ways of thinking, seeks understanding, chooses empathy, does not pass pain onto others Outcome/Deepening Phase– emotional relief and new found meaning, increased compassion, discovers the paradox of forgiveness, as we forgive we ourselves are healed
- 22. Relaxation Techniques • Autogenicrelaxation- comes from within • Progressive muscle relaxation- slowly relaxing each muscle group • Visualization- calming and peaceful thoughts • Yoga • Tai chi • Music • Exercise • Meditation • Hypnosis • Massage
- 23. How to Forgiveand move forward
- 24.