Children's School Middle Grades Workshop

The Children’s School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Identity, Inclusion, and Dialogue
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

About Seattle Girls’ School

Agenda
 Our Whole Selves
 Caucus Groups
 Navigating Conflicts
 Resources

 What are they?
 What are the various
dimensions of
identity?
 Why does it matter?
Cultural Identities

Dimensions of Identity and Culture
This model of identifiers and culture was created by Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman for NAIS Summer Diversity Institute,
adapted from Loden and Rosener’s Workforce America! (1991) and from Diverse Teams at Work, Gardenswartz & Rowe (SHRM 2003).

National Coalition Building Institute, Seattle Chapter, “Building Bridges Workshop,” Adapted by Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
• Stand proudly for your group
• Stand for as many groups
within one category
as applies to you
• If you are not standing,
cheer and applaud
the people who are
Exercise: Up-Downs

Birth Status

Racial/Ethnic/Cultural Heritage

Religion

Socioeconomic Class

Gender

Sexual Orientation

Ability

Private Identity

Debrief: Who Am I?
How did it feel to claim
various identities and
experiences? What did it
feel like to be applauded for
your identities and
experiences? To applaud
others? Did you learn
anything new, interesting,
or surprising?

The Power of Empathy

Caucus Groups
 Think about your various identities, and which
ones hold much importance to you.
 Which one of your identities do you feel most
moved to advocate for and educate around?
 You will be answering the following prompts:
– What we never want people to say, think, or
do towards our group is…
– What we want you to know about our group
is…
National Coalition Building Institute, Seattle Chapter, “Building Bridges Workshop,” Adapted by Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee

Caucus Groups Formation
 Groups Identified
 Locations Assigned
 Caucus Groups
Meeting Time
 Caucus Group
Report Outs

Caucus Groups/Locales:
 LGBTQ+
 Twins/Multiples
 Mental Disabilities
 Fears and Anxieties
 Unseen Scars/Trauma
 Physical Disabilities
 Black/African American
 Questioning Faith/Religion
 Atheist
 Multiracial
 Middle Eastern
 Girls and Women
What we never want people to say, think, or do
towards our group is…
What we want you to know about our group is…
Please Return by ??? pm

Caucus Groups Work Time
Please respond to the following prompts and record
responses:
– What we never want people to say, think, or do
towards our group is…
– What we want you to know about our group is…
Keep in Mind:
Write down all answers to prompts.
Think about which items you’d like to share with the
larger group.
Everyone in the group is invited to stand together.
Decide who will share items and how.

Caucus Group Report Outs

Debrief: Caucus Groups
What information was new,
informative, moving, etc. to
you?
How does this information
change what you will think or
do in the future?

Courageous Conversations

Debunking Some Myths
 All or None
 Mistakes
 Apologies
 “Tonsils” Theory
 Vulnerability

Growing Through Mistakes
William Taylor’s Reflective Competence Model

What Are Microaggressions?
Accumulated Impact
Regular, Frequent, and Pervasive
Based on Stereotype
Often Unintended

Speaking From the Heart

Can you lean on the
relationship?
Can you make it personal?
* Is your relationship
hierarchical? *

Being A DEAR
 Affirm the person or relationship
 Describe the behavior without judgment
 Explain the emotion/impact and your filters
 Assume positive intent
 Request or suggest different behavior
*** Key Points: timing, I statements, actions not
adjectives, inside feelings not outside feelings***

You are a good friend. I have so much fun
with you, and I can tell you anything. Earlier
today, when I got my math test back and I got
98%, I heard you say, “Well of course you got
a 98% - you’re Asian!” I was pretty hurt when I
heard that. I work hard in all my classes to get
good grades, but so many people assume it’s
because of my race. It’s sad that I don’t get to
own my accomplishments like everyone else.
I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean for me to feel
that way. Can I ask that you please don’t say
things like that anymore?
Being A DEAR: An Example

Being A Witness

Are you speaking to the agent or
the audience?
Do you want to minimize harm to
the target group?
Do you want to educate?
Do you want to challenge social
norms?

NCBI Effective
Interventions Model
 Reduce Defensiveness
– Tone
– Body Language
– Respect
 Keep the Conversation Going
– Hear Them Out
– Ask Open-Ended Questions
– Set Aside Your Feeling for the Moment
– Dialogue
 Build the Relationship
 Stop the Behavior
 Win an Ally

 Ask open ended questions
– “He’s acting like a sissy”
– “How’s he acting? And why is that sissy?”
 Find out the experience motivating the comment
– “Why can’t they just speak English around here?”
– “It must be hard not to understand what people are saying around you.”
– “Why are people complaining about the movie night? It’s only $20 a person.”
– “Tell me more about about that.”
 Use exaggerated humor to highlight what’s going on
(use sparingly)
– “You’re gay – what do gay people think about this issue?”
– “I’m not sure – I’ll go ask. It may take me a while, since there are so many of us.”
 Join the person and do not make yourself superior
– “She got into that school because she’s Black and female.”
– “You know, I hear that a lot. I’ve been trying to figure out why we seem to think when a
Black woman gets recognized it must be because of ‘diversity’ or ‘affirmative action’
stuff rather than that she earned it.”
Active Witnessing: Examples

Listening to the Real Message

Is this about what you did or
who you are (guilt or shame)?
What is your mindset voice
telling you?
Might this be an opportunity to
learn and grow?

Listening and Responding Bravely
 Listen with full attention
 Don’t try to defend or respond right away
– Take deep breaths
– Acknowledge your feelings
 Your mistakes don’t define you
– Be worthy of their trust and gift
 Prioritize the Impact over Intent
– Apologize for real
*** Moving through these moments with grace is
called shame resilience. It’s a vital skill***

Listening and Responding: Examples
 “I really appreciate your telling me this.”
 “I’m so embarrassed that I did that.”
 “I’m so sorry my words and actions made you feel
that way. No matter what I intended, it hurt you.”
 “I’m pretty overwhelmed right now, and I don’t
want to respond in a way I’d regret. After I take a
few minutes, do you think you can help me come
up with a better way to handle that situation?”
 “I wanted to go back to a moment I don’t think I
handled very well… Can we talk?”

Final Words of Advice:
Recognize Your Triggers

Find Your Bucket People

Practice Makes
Less Freeze-Ups

If You Messed Up and You Know It,
Don’t Wait for the Intervention –
Just Apologize

If You’re Really Sorry,
Work to Improve

Build Authentic Relationships

Inclusive Communities

Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee

Identity Resources
• Carlos H. Arce, “A Reconsideration of Chicano Culture
and Identity”
• Atkinson, Morten, & Sue, “Racial/Cultural Identity
Development Model (R/CID)”
• Mindy Bingham and Sandy Stryker, “Socioemotional
Development for Girls”
• Vivienne Cass, “Homosexual identity formation: Testing
a theoretical model”
• William Cross, Shades of Black: Diversity in African
American Identity”
• Anthony D’Augelli, “ Identity development and sexual
orientation: Toward a model of lesbian, gay, and
bisexual development”

Identity Resources
• Erik Erikson, “Eight Stages of Man”
• J. E. Helms, Various Publications on Racial and Ethnic
Identity Development
• Jean Kim, “Processes of Asian American Identity
Development”
• James Maricia, “Four Ego and Identity Statuses”
• Suzanne Kobasa Ouellette, “The Three C’s of
Hardiness”
• Jean S. Phinney, “Ethnic Identity in Adolescents and
Adults: Review of the Research”
• Ponterotto & Pederso, Preventing Prejudice
• Maria P. P. Root, Various Works on Multiracial Identity

Identity Resources
• Patricia Romney, Karlene Ferron, and Jennifer Hill,
“Measuring the Success of Diversity Directors in
Independent Schools”
• Pedro Ruiz, “Latino/a Identity Development Model”
• Chalmer E. Thompson and Robert T. Carter, Racial
Identity Theory
• Alex Wilson, “How We Find Ourselves: Identity
Development and Two Spirit People”
• Christine J. Yeh, “The Collectivistic Nature of Identity
Development Among Asian-American College
Students”

Miscellaneous Resources
• Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman, “Privilege and
Power,” Summer Diversity Institute, National Association
of Independent Schools, 2009
• Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, Nurture Shock
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education
Network) www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference
• Johnnie McKinley, “Leveling the Playing Field and Raising
African American Students’ Achievement in Twenty-nine
Urban Classrooms,” New Horizons for Learning,
http://www.newhorizons.org/strategies/differentiated/
mckinley.htm
Michael J Nakkula and Eric Toshalis, Understanding Youth.

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