5 guided questions structure a conversation for resolution. Using a deliberate process for conversation ensures everyone has the opportunity to contribute, and that the decisions made are based on open honest discussion of the criteria.

1. Welcome Building Relationships through Structured Conversations Dr. Nancy Love PhD

2. Building Relationships through Structured Conversations Much of the work we do is in conversation. The quality of these conversations has a tremendous impact on the quality of relationships and the success of a project. Conflict is often the result of a missing piece of information. This seminar will provide you with the tools to structure your conversations for change, and keep your projects on track.

3. You will gain: Some preventative medicine for the unexpected disputes that can derail a project Valuable insight into managing relationships inside your organization and out Practical tools for empowering others to resolve conflict Skills for effective speaking and listening

4. What is the best conversation you have ever participated in? What made it good?

6. Five questions = An Agenda that Works How will this conversation proceed? What is the conversation about? What about the topic is important? What could be done? What if ... What do you agree to do?

7. 1. How will the conversation proceed? Prepare for the conversation. Determine: the purpose the process that will be followed Outline the 5 guiding questions the protocol Gentle Honest Open Specific Talk levels of confidentiality and authority roles of those present the time frame for the conversation

8. Purpose Purpose can be set ahead of time or determined at the beginning of the meeting. Either way it is important to STATE it out loud so that there are no questions as to why the meeting is being held and what outcome is expected. Today’s purpose is to introduce a way to structure any conversation for a sustainable outcome.

9. Process Follow the agenda How will the conversation proceed? What is the conversation about? Topics from the past What about the topic is important? Criteria from the present What could be done or decided? Options to choose from What will be done? Plan for the future

10. Process Move from Past to Present to Future without missing one. We will follow the process as we move through the learning conversation.

11. BE COURAGEOUS Gentle Honest Open Specific Talk

12. Protocol Gentle – so that everyone can keep on listening Honest – so that nothing is missed Open – to allow for minds to be changed Specific – to ensure clarity Talk – Saying what you are thinking leads to sustainable outcomes.

13. I agree to speak gently and honestly, to be open to hearing what you have to say, to be specific and to use examples and to keep talking until you are satisfied that this structure might be worth a try. Will you do the same? Protocol

14. Level of confidentiality How confidential is this topic? Who else needs to know? Who else will need to see the plan of action? Improving the quality of conversations within organizations improves the organization itself. Conversations are everybody's business. Learn and share ....

15. Level of authority Who has the authority to make changes? What level of authority is in the room? How much can be accomplished with those who are present? I have come with education and experience to share. Have you come with the authority to learn a structure for conversations and implement it?

16. Roles Who will chair or facilitate the meeting? What role does each person who is present play? How are they expected to contribute? What level of engagement is expected? My role is to facilitate. Your role is to stay engaged.

17. Time Set a time for the meeting and stick to it. Research shows that 90 minutes is optimal Enough time to show the serious nature of the meeting Enough time for content, process and emotion to be dealt with effectively This presentation will take 90 minutes.

18. 2. What is the conversation about? What is the neutral title of this story? Avoid hot words or judgemental language in choosing the topic. Avoid the blame game. Choose language for the topic that is acceptable to everyone. As facilitator listen with HEART Hush, Empathise, Attend, Reflect and Trust The topic could be determined a head of time. Capture the topic or topics in writing where everyone can see them.

19. BE CONVINCED Hush Empathize Attend Reflect Trust

20. Listening with HEART Hush – quiet your own thoughts Empathise – listen so that you understand how you might feel in their position Attend - to what is being said and what is not being said. Reflect – use your own body language to reflect what you are hearing. Trust – that they are doing the best they can with what they know.

21. 2. What is this conversation about? Structuring conversations for change. How to build relationships through structured conversations.

22. 3. What about the topic is important? Encourage open dialogue about why the topic is important. Listen for what is missing for participants. Provide evidence of your listening – POWER Paraphrase, Open questions, Wait, Empathise, Reframe Capture their complaints as positively reframed criteria for a better future

23. BE CURIOUS Paraphrase Open Questions Wait Empathize Reframe

24. POWER Paraphrase – repeat back to them what you have heard them say. Open questions – ask what about the situation is important to them. Wait – silence works. Allow them to process. Empathise – name the level of emotion that you hear. “Sounds like this has been difficult.” Reframe – name the underlying belief, expectation, assumption, concern or hope that is usually the opposite of the complaints that you hear. Capture the criteria in writing where everyone can see them.

25. 3. What is important to you about structuring conversations?

26. 4. What could be done? Ask participants to generate 10 to 12 ideas for rectifying the situation. Capture the ideas in bubbles on a board. The first 5 or 6 are the ordinary solutions. Insist on 10 to 12. Ask participants to indicate which of the ideas is feasible, doable and within their authority. Ask participants if the ideas will meet the criteria.

27. 4. What could you do with the knowledge of how to structure conversations?

28. How will using structured conversations improve project planning and implementation?

29. 5. What will be done? Capture the details of the plan of action on paper. Include who will do what by when, where events will take place, timelines and measureable outcomes. Ask enough questions that everyone will know if the items in the plan have been met. Read aloud for clarity and provide copies.

30. Writing your plan of action Given that you have just learned about structuring conversations for change ....... What do you agree to do? By when? How will you know that you have been successful? Who else will need to know?

31. 6. Conclusion What if the plan is not followed? What is the alternate plan of action? Review the purpose, process and protocol. Identify the topic and the criteria, the options and the plan as answers to the guiding questions and indicators of the success of the meeting. Ask who else will need to see the plan and remind them of the level of confidentiality that was agreed to at the beginning.

32. Review How will the conversation proceed? Purpose, process, protocol, confidentiality, authority, roles and time What is the conversation about? Structuring conversations for change What about the topic is important? What could be done? What will be done?

33. Thank you This structured conversation is a discovery, not an invention. Watch as effective conversations unfold around you and reveal the past, present and future aspects of a topic to reach a sustainable outcome. Dr. Nancy Love nancylove@pulseinstitute.com 403-269-2692