Active Listening, Questioning Skills & Coaching Conversations


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  • 1 minute Transform a climate of resignation into a climate of opportunity Set higher performance goals and standards for yourself and others Offer a teachable point of view on a business issue Share practical know-how with colleagues when asked Intervene when you anticipate an individual or group making a mistake Provide potentially embarrassing feedback needed for growth and learning Things a Coach may do Release aspirations-improve strategic thinking about business future you want to create Build capacity-ignite personal & team learning in solving business problems while building the organizational capability you need to succeed. Produce desired results-produce extraordinary results-don’t need coaching for ordinary results. Everything you do to give your entire organization an edge and advantage . Mentor someone on his or her professional development Expand team capability through teaching collaboration skills Create a development plan for each person in the group Coach leaders on their thinking, performance, development Foster leadership and teamwork at the top with a teachable point of view Create stretch goals with others Connect everyone so that coaching of individuals and groups is possible across the organization
  • 3 minutes The first building block we will explore is Active Listening Move to next slide, CREATIVE ORIGAMI, then run that activity
  • Assumption: In the sharing and the reflection (thoughts/feelings) from Back to Earth participants will have brought out points about listening. Facilitation Framing: Based on what came from Back to Earth, frame the next unit on active listening in a way that transitions and links smoothly.
  • Time: 2 min Transition: The way to improve mutual understanding is to practice the skill of confirming what you understood the speaker to communicate. There are 4 steps involved in confirming our understanding. Next Slide
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  • Confirming Your Understanding Instructions: Briefly state the 4 steps involved in confirming your understanding Ask participants to go to WB p. ____ and go over examples as listed below of each type Solicit a few volunteers to give a couple of examples of how they might have confirmed understanding in the 1st stage messages Step 1 Use a confirming statement Let me confirm… Let me make sure I understand your request… So you want… I’d just like to confirm that… Step 2 Summarize key facts. You want to compare benefits of the mutual fund products. You’d like to find out if we have any resources we could provide you with this week. Your shipment never arrived. Step 3 Ask if your understanding is correct. Did I get that right? Is that correct? Did I understand you correctly? Right? Is that it? Step 4 Clarify misunderstandings (if necessary ). Go to next slide which talks about why active listening is important for client relationships and business.
  • TIME: 3 min Acknowledge the ones that participants offered, add new ones Transition: Mention that #2 Pausing or Silence is one element of Active Listening that most of us can improve on Body Language: leaning forward, nodding Next Slide
  • 2 min
  • Time: 2.5 min Instructions : Ask participants to turn in their Participant Binders to p. and complete the Thoughts/Reflections page. The idea is to try and record the exact internal thoughts you were having during the exercise (in your role as either the instructor or the client) and the feelings you were experiencing and to write down any exact thoughts they can remember having during the class or any feelings they experienced under the two columns in their role as client or instructor As they are doing this, collect the envelopes from the Instructors and DISTRIBUTE new envelopes to the other participant who will play INSTRUCTOR for Round 2 Transition to Round 2…
  • 10 minutes Instructor Instructions: (Activity follows the instructions) Overview: (1minutes) Explain to the individual or group that one of the most important skills of the emotionally intelligent leader is his/her listening skills. Explain that effective listening builds trust and encourages positive problem solving and other behaviors conducive to creativity, quality and productivity. Tell the group that just like developing a good golf or tennis swing, listening takes practice. Explain that it is also helpful to be aware of negative habits that could influence listening skills and work against the mission of building high trust in the workplace. Objective: (1 minute) The purpose of this exercise is to help you gain self-awareness regarding negative listening patterns that may have developed over the years. By being aware of your negative listening patterns, you are then in a position to do something about it. However, listening is second nature to most people, and they don’t give it much thought or study. Therefore, sometimes it is very important to step back and analyze your listening habits or to get some feedback about your listening habits to that you can work to improve them. In this exercise, you will do just that. You will analyze your current listening patterns to determine if you have any negative habits that you would like to break, and you will get some feedback from others on your listening habits. GO OVER NEXT 6 SLIDES defining each of the negative listening habits Task Directions: (6 min) After going over the Slides, give Participants Listening Habits Handout Review and give examples of the six negative listening habits listed on the worksheet. Demonstrate these negative habits and ask if the participants know of people who practice them. (The Next set of Ask participants… below are optional-don’t have to ask all but which ones seem appropriate to group and where they are…) Ask participants to put a check mark next to those negative habits that they think they may sometimes practice with employees Ask participants to break into groups of five to discuss the impact of each of the negative listening habits on employees. Ask participants to state why these listening habits could cause harm and interfere with building strong bonds with employees. Ask participants to log their listening habits over the next week. Ask them to record any negative listening habits that they practice with employees. Encourage them to actually fill out the form and mark on the form to indicate any listening patterns that they have practiced. Ask participants the following week to analyze their negative listening habits and make commitments to change negative patterns. NOTE : Usually this exercise is powerful enough to elicit change on the part of the participant, even if no opportunity for follow up is available. Debrief: (2 min) What patterns did you discover? Where you more aware of your listening habits? How so? Where you more aware of the listening habits of others? Please explain. What changes did you make in your listening habits? Jot down any reflections in your learning journal .
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  • Time: 1 min Framing: There are three type of questions we are going to focus on: Next Slide:
  • Read the 3 types Ask” What is an open question Draw: answers from several participants Next slide
  • ACKNOWLEDGE ones participants have contributed ADD and comment on any ones they haven’t mentioned Transition: ASK: What is a probing question? DRAW: Answers and probe for more specifics where appropriate and if you do this point out that you have just asked a probing question to draw more specifics about what a probing Question is. Next slide
  • Acknowledge what participants shared Add-on and comment on one’s they didn’t bring out Transition: Being Clear on all 3 types of Q’s let’s do one more practice scenario
  • Time: 5 min Acknowledge ones participants contributed Add and comment on any ones they haven’t mentioned Transition: With clarity on what open & probing Questions are, let’s get some practice using them! NEXT SLIDE:
  • Quickly summarize by explaining the funnel model as you have basically explained when doing the two mini-exercises. This is a visual model that helps make clear your verbal explanation. Transition: To summarize open, probing, closed and one more type (Leading questions) Next slide
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  • 10 min total The questions listed here are supplementary to the GROW page of Questions they will have in their Workbook. Some questions may be the same, but some will be new. For facilitator reference if you want to add any. Goal What is it you would like to discuss? What would you like to achieve? What would you like from (to achieve in) this session? What would need to happen for you to walk away feeling that this was time well spent? If I could grant you a wish for this session what would it be? What would you like to be different when you leave this session? What would you like to happen that is not happening now, OR What would you like not to happen that it happening now? What outcome would you like from this session/discussion/interaction? Is that realistic? Can we do that in the time we have available? Will that be of real value to you? Reality: What is happening at the moment? How do you know that this is accurate? When does this happen? How often does this happen? Be precise if possible What effect does this have? How have you verified, or would you verify that that is so? What other factors are relevant? Who else is relevant? What is their perception of the situation? What have you tried so far?
  • (cont’d 10 min total) OPTIONS: What could you do to change the situation? What alternatives are there to that approach? Tell me what possibilities for action you see. Do not worry about whether they are realistic at this stage What approach/actions have you seen used, or used yourself in similar circumstances? Who might be able to help? Would you like suggestions from me? Which options do you like the most? What are the benefits and pitfalls of these options? WRAP-UP: What are the next steps? Precisely when will you take them? What might get in the way? Do you need to log the steps in your diary? What support do you need? How and when will you enlist that support?
  • 45 minutes TOTAL TIME: 1(0 min Coaching + 5 min to write S.B.I. + 30 min to have participants go live with S.B.I. and coach them) Facilitator will now model a GROW coaching session and you will have an opportunity to practice giving feedback to the coach in the form of S.B.I. Coaching (facilitator runs a coaching session-start by asking what the person wants to talk about and go from there…) Alternative: go back to Negative Listening Habits Checklist and ask for volunteer who wants to be coached on one of negative listening habits After the Coaching session is over, ask observers and coachee to each write S.B.I. feedback for you: 1 motivational and 1 formative: (can give S.B.I. on the use of GROW, or any other aspects you observed that appeared to be effective Start with coachee and ask him/her to share SBI, then ask several others who have different points to share. (Coach them as required to help them understand how to make it SBI if it isn’t)
  • 40 minutes total The purpose of this first Coaching Practice Roulette is to give each person a chance to experience “coaching”, “being coached” and “giving feedback” without any formal instruction. That means that the Coach will do whatever they think they “ought to”-might talk and give a lot of advice; might ask questions, might display effective or poor listening skills and the Coachee in giving feedback will also give feedback in the way they have in the past. Some may have had experience coaching in Leading People or Leading Teams and if that is the case, they may hopefully try to use the GROW conversation model and possibly SBI feedback model. Others may have had no previous training at all ANYTHING that happens will be OK. It is a foundation practice session for them. ______________________________________________________________________ Each round will take 10 min. + 2 min to change roles and get rolling again=12 min/round Two rounds with cushion time: 24 min Debriefing Questions: 5 min to write answers in Learning Journal + 10 min facilitator draw answers and F/C at front of room Then wrap up. _________________________________________________________________________________ INSTRUCTIONS: This first round is Coachee initiated. So coachee comes to Coach to talk about a situation, problem, issue. Options: We will hand out Coaching Raw Material and they can choose from this list throughout the day as they enter Coaching Practice sessions Another way to do this is to cut the Coaching Raw Material into strips and hand out one we select each round. My preference is #1. Facilitator can decide on #2 if they prefer Assuming a group of 12 participants: Split them into pairs (6 groups of 2) *There is no observer Facilitator should have 6 copies of 3 different coachee initiated situations ready to distribute (1 situation per round) After completing the Coaching Practice #1, give them 5 min to write answers in their learning journal to debrief Q’s 1-4. Then draw answers from them and F/C at front of room, summarize, make transition to Self-Assessment and move on…Total (15 min) DEBRIEF QUESTIONS: When you were in the role of coach what were some things you feel you did well? Not do so well? When you were in the role of observer and giving feedback, what were some things you felt you did well? Not do so well? What do you think you need to do or develop to improve your coaching ability moving forward? What do you think you need to do or develop to improve your feedback skills moving forward?
  • 15 min .(included in previous slide time of 40 min) 5 min writing in learning journals 10 min drawing out through questioning and probing (facilitator flipchart responses) Transition to Coaching Self-Assessment
  • 5 minutes Read the quote aloud. Read slowly and at a pace that people can hear and digest it.
  • Active Listening, Questioning Skills & Coaching Conversations

    1. 1. Active Listening, Questioning Skills & Coaching Conversations Mostafa Ewees (PhD) Stanford University at California Assistant Professor at German University in Cairo (GUC) EDUCATIONAL CONSULTANT
    2. 2. <ul><li>Coaching is about expanding people’s capacity to create the desired future. It is NOT TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO, but ASKING THEM to examine the thinking behind what they’re doing so it is consistent with their goals. Coaching is about giving people the gift of your presence, asking questions, listening. </li></ul>Robert Hargrove. Masterful Coaching Field book ©2000 p52
    3. 3. COACHING is everything you do to Release aspirations Produce extraordinary results Build Capacity Amid change, complexity, competition Robert Hargrove. Masterful Coaching Field book ©2000
    4. 4. BUILDING BLOCKS of COACHING <ul><li>Active Listening </li></ul><ul><li>Questioning Skills </li></ul><ul><li>Coaching Conversation Model-GROW </li></ul><ul><li>Giving & Receiving Feedback Model-S.B.I. </li></ul>
    5. 5. Workshop Goals <ul><li>To have you </li></ul><ul><li>Understand what active listening means, and the 4 steps + 1 to practicing it </li></ul><ul><li>Understand what open, closed and probing questions are and hone your skill at when/how to best use each type </li></ul><ul><li>Become aware of negative listening habits and which ones you might practice consciously or unconsciously </li></ul><ul><li>Understand the G.R.O.W. Coaching Model and practice using it in coaching conversations with each other. </li></ul>
    6. 6. Activities to help achieve the Goals <ul><li>Active Listening Challenge: HI BALANCE INITIATIVE- 5 volunteers </li></ul><ul><li>Questioning Skill Interview: HELP! I’ve Been Robbed- 4 volunteers </li></ul><ul><li>G.R.O.W. FISH BOWL- 1 volunteer </li></ul><ul><li>G.R.O.W. - Paired Exercise </li></ul>
    8. 8. Active Listening <ul><li>Definition: </li></ul><ul><li>Active listening is listening and responding that focuses the attention on the speaker and improves mutual understanding. </li></ul>
    9. 9. ACTIVE LISTENING… <ul><li>is one of the most important skills of an emotionally intelligent leader </li></ul><ul><li>builds trust </li></ul><ul><li>encourages positive problem-solving </li></ul><ul><li>takes practice </li></ul>
    10. 10. Active Listening: Confirming Your Understanding <ul><li>Step 1 Use a confirming statement </li></ul><ul><li>Step 2 Summarize key facts </li></ul><ul><li>Step 3 Ask if your understanding is correct </li></ul><ul><li> </li></ul><ul><li>Step 4 Clarify misunderstandings (if necessary ) </li></ul>
    11. 11. Active listening: Non- verbal <ul><li>Eye contact </li></ul><ul><li>*Pause/Silence </li></ul><ul><li>Facial expressions that indicate you are </li></ul><ul><li>present & focused </li></ul><ul><li>4. Body language </li></ul><ul><li> </li></ul>
    12. 12. Listening to understand <ul><li>We can do this by: </li></ul><ul><li>Quietening our mind. Giving 100% of our attention. </li></ul><ul><li>Being non-judgmental. </li></ul><ul><li>Paraphrasing-repeat what they have said in your words to demonstrate that you have understood the discussion and you have been actively listening </li></ul>
    14. 14. CONFERENCE INITIATIVE CRISIS <ul><li>An innovative initiative you have never seen but are scheduled to run in 10 minutes arrived unassembled with no instructions or pictures on how to put it together. </li></ul><ul><li>Your operations manager has the only diagram of the initiative and is back in your home country. </li></ul><ul><li>There are no fax or scanners available at the conference site. </li></ul><ul><li>The only way is to call the Operations Manager on conference call and as a team try to put the initiative together on his/her instructions. </li></ul><ul><li>You have 10 minutes to complete the construction of the initiative. </li></ul>
    15. 15. CONFERENCE INITIATIVE CRISIS <ul><li>To simulate the situation, the team and operations manager will be facing in opposite directions and should not for any reason turn around </li></ul><ul><li>Recorder 1 Role: Record questions that are asked by Team to Operations Manager </li></ul><ul><li>Recorder 2 Role: Record questions that are asked by Operations Mgr. </li></ul><ul><li>Observers role: write down any signals you notice that indicate listening is happening or not happening. Be specific in stating what you saw or heard </li></ul><ul><li>When you hear the phone ring, Operations Mgr pick up on first ring and begin the phone call. </li></ul><ul><li>Wishing you success in your challenge! </li></ul>
    16. 16. Thoughts/Feelings Reflection
    17. 17. Debriefing <ul><li>What factors were responsible for the success or failure of the task? </li></ul><ul><li>What signs of listening or not listening did the observers record? </li></ul>
    18. 18. Barriers that get in the way of listening…
    19. 19. Discovering your negative listening habits <ul><li>Purpose: </li></ul><ul><li>to help you gain self-awareness regarding negative listening patterns that you may have developed over the years. </li></ul><ul><li>By being aware of them, you will be in a position to do something about them </li></ul>
    20. 20. The Faker <ul><li>All the outward signs are there: nodding, making eye contact, and giving the occasional uh huh. However, the faker isn’t concentrating on the speaker. His mind is elsewhere. </li></ul>Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 ©2002 HRD Press
    21. 21. The Interrupter <ul><li>The interrupter doesn’t allow the speaker to finish and doesn’t ask clarifying questions or seek more information from the speaker. He’s too anxious to speak his words and shows little concern for the speaker. </li></ul>Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 ©2002 HRD Press
    22. 22. The Intellectual or Logical Listener <ul><li>This person is always trying to interpret what the speaker is saying and why. He is judging the speaker’s words and trying to fit them into the logic box. He rarely asks about the underlying feeling or emotion attached to a message. </li></ul>Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 ©2002 HRD Press
    23. 23. The Happy Hooker <ul><li>The happy hooker uses the speaker’s words only as a way to get to his message. When the speaker says something, and frankly, it could be anything, the happy hooker steals the focus and then changes to this own point of view, opinion, story, or facts. Favorite hooker lines are, “Oh, that’s nothing, here’s what happened to me…” “I remember when I was…” </li></ul>Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 ©2002 HRD Press
    24. 24. The Rebuttal Maker <ul><li>This listener only listens long enough to form a rebuttal. His point is to use the speaker’s words against him. At his worst, he is argumentative and wants to prove you wrong. At the very least, the person always wants to make the speaker see the other point of view. </li></ul>Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 ©2002 HRD Press
    25. 25. The Advice Giver <ul><li>Giving advice is sometimes helpful; however, at other times, this behavior interferes with good listening, because it does not allow the speaker to fully articulate his feelings or thoughts; it doesn ’ t help the speaker solve his own problems; it prohibits venting; it could also belittle the speaker by minimizing his or her concern with a quick solution. Well-placed advice is an important function of leadership. However, advice given too quickly and at the wrong time is a turnoff to the speaker. </li></ul>Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 ©2002 HRD Press
    26. 26. Developing Client Relationships Core Communication Skills . <ul><li>Questioning Skills </li></ul>
    27. 27. Types of Questions <ul><li>Open </li></ul><ul><li>Probing </li></ul><ul><li>Closed </li></ul>
    28. 28. Open Questions <ul><ul><li>Solicit more than a “ yes ” or “ no ” or other one-word response </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Aim to get someone to talk </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Are useful when you want general information </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Common lead-ins are what, how, and why </li></ul></ul>
    29. 29. Closed Questions <ul><ul><li>Solicit a “ yes ” or “ no ” or other one-word response </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Aim to limit talking or to control direction of conversation </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Are useful when you want specific information </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Common lead-ins are who, which, would, are, can, have, do, is, will, and may </li></ul></ul>
    30. 30. Probing Questions <ul><li>Definition: </li></ul><ul><li>Questions that do not introduce a new topic but allow you to probe further to find out more information. </li></ul><ul><li>Examples include: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Could you tell me more? ” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Could you give me an example? ” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Why was that? ” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Could you expand? ” </li></ul></ul>
    31. 31. The Funnel – Questioning Model
    32. 32. A helpful tool … <ul><li>A Coaching conversation model that helps to structure the conversation and get maximum participation from your staff. </li></ul><ul><li>This model is called G.R.O.W. </li></ul>
    33. 33. G.R.O.W. Coaching Conversation Model
    34. 34. G.R.O.W. Coaching Conversation Model <ul><li>G oal (1) set a goal and time limit for the session </li></ul><ul><li>(2) state the goal for the issue after defining the Reality </li></ul><ul><li> </li></ul><ul><li>R eality define current reality & desired reality & agree on any gap(s); explore reasons </li></ul><ul><li> </li></ul><ul><li>O ptions explore alternative strategies/ courses of action for eliminating the gaps </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>W rap up agree on WHAT is to be done, WHEN & by WHOM – set a date for review </li></ul>
    36. 36. Coach/Coachee % talking <ul><li>__%:__% </li></ul>
    38. 38. Coaching Practice #1 Coach Coaches Coaches will talk about a situation they have that needs coaching. (Challenge or from Coaching Raw Material Handout) (2) Feedback. 3 min . (1) Coach 7 min.
    39. 39. Coaching Practice #1 Debrief <ul><li>When you were in the role of coach what were some things you felt you did well? felt you did not do so well? </li></ul><ul><li>What do you think you need to do to improve your coaching ability moving forward? </li></ul>
    40. 40. <ul><li>“ You cannot lead, coach or teach anyone without his or her permission-even someone who reports to you. Sure, you can use all the authoritarian, heavy-handed tactics you want to make people accountable for showing up and doing certain tasks. However, it won’t make people feel responsible for the larger mission or be open to your teachable point of view. The idea is to inspire individuals and groups to produce extraordinary and tangible results, not to extract the results out of them. The ability to accomplish your goals depends ultimately on investing in your relationships until you have built a powerful partnership that can move mountains . This means realizing your goals by helping others realize theirs. It means building your success by building the success of others. It means engaging in coaching conversations in which you support one another’s growth and development, regardless of who reports to whom. </li></ul>Hargrove, Robert. Masterful Coaching Field book. p 164