This document is a presentation about relating the reality TV show Toddlers & Tiaras to college student advising. It discusses concepts from the show like glitz, music/dancing, respecting different cultures, dealing with temper tantrums and crying students, hyper-parenting, social comparison, being judged, encouragement, and making all students feel like winners. It provides advising strategies and tips for addressing these issues when working with students. The presentation aims to help advisors entertain, inform and make new connections in their work.

1. Chris Connelly, M.Ed.
The University of Texas at Austin
CNS First-Year Advising Center

2. Purpose of this workshop
 Entertain you
 Inform you
 Help you make new connections

3. Background
 What is Toddlers & Tiaras?
 What is “Ultimate Grand Supreme?”
 Highest honor

4. Relating T & T to our work
 Glitz
 Music/dancing
 Respect the culture
 Temper tantrums
 Crying
 Hyper-Parenting
 Social comparison
 Being judged/criticized
 Encouragement
 Everybody‟s a winner

5. What is glitz?
 Glamour pageants
 Opposite of natural pageants
 Make-up
 Fake eyelashes/hair/
teeth (flippers)
 Fancy dresses
(rhinestones)
 Spray tans

6. Adding glitz to our work
 Personal
 Appearance
 Office decorations/lighting
○ Sit in student‟s seat
 Materials/resources you use
○ Handouts/websites
○ Social media
 Your college center
 Reading materials/snacks
 Themes
 Reception staff – uniform, theme

7. Music/dancing
 Role in T & T
 Benefits of music:
 “Music has the power to
energize, soothe, change emotional
outlook, boost immunity, reduce pain, speed
recovery, lower blood pressure, improve focus
and IQ as well as aid weight loss.” (Ambroziak, 2003)
 Benefits of dance:
 Confidence, self-esteem, creative
expression, imagination, intellectual
stimulation, fitness, coordination. (Dascomb, 2011)

8. Music/dance in your office
 Playing softly in background
 iTunes, Pandora, headphones
 Watching music videos (during lunch of
course)
 Dance by yourself (shades down/in
bathroom) or with coworkers (with their
permission)
 Use it to pump self up before tough
student, meeting, presentation, evaluation, e
tc.
 Organize flash mob

9. Respect the culture
 In T & T
 One wouldn‟t dress in glitz for natural
pageant or wear a swimsuit for crowning.
 In our work with students
 Cultural sensitivity:
“… capacity to appropriately respond to the
attitudes, feelings, circumstances of clients
and others of a different
ethnic, racial, religious, or cultural heritage.”
(Sperry, 2010)

10. Respect the culture
 Advising:
 Work from the student‟s belief system
 Don‟t assume that culture is a factor for the
student (it may not be)
 Don‟t act like you know everything about that
culture (student is the expert)
 Students from same culture may not have the
same beliefs (Sperry, 2010)
 Examples: female advisor/second opinion, not
expressing problems or seeking
help, medication, strong attachment to family
(obligations may be more important than
school), has to choose specific major

11. Temper tantrums
 Common in T & T
 In our work with students
 “Events do not make a person angry, but
the interpretation of these provoke anger”
(Bhave & Saini, 2009)
 Getting through a temper tantrum:
 Be sensitive and patient
 Listen to student‟s concerns; let student voice
him/herself
 Set appropriate limits
 May need “time out” (Cohen, 2011)

12. Anger management techniques
 Admit anger (pay attention to body
language/facial expressions)
 Analyze/identify source of anger
 Address the emotions behind the anger
 Is anger justified or reasonable? (Bhave & Saini,
2009)
 Apply this info when students/coworkers
anger you.

13. Crying
 Happens often in T & T
 Your reactions to crying?
 Obviously, people treat it differently
 Gusher
 Suppressor
 Cultural differences
 Social media instead of face-to-face
 Benefits of emotional sharing (not only crying):
 Recognition and validation of suffering
 Development of pro-social behaviors (i.e. social
support) (Schwarzer & Frensch, 2010)

14. My student is crying … what do
I do?
 Don‟t be afraid to acknowledge it (ex: “Your eyes
got watery when I asked about your family.”)
 Not necessarily a bad thing
 Let the student cry if time permits (have tissues
available)
 Tell them it‟s okay to cry (many will apologize)
 LISTEN (don‟t try to “fix” it)
 Empathize (“I would be sad, too”)
 Outlets/relief (campus resources & personal
outlets)
 Do your best - being genuine goes a long way.

15. Hyper-Parenting
 Who/what are they?
 Pageant parents
 Helicopter parents
 Blackhawk parents – aggressive attack units that will
do whatever it takes to ensure a favorable position
for their child.
 Lawnmower parents – smooth down and mow over
obstacles in child‟s path
 Curling parents (Scandinavia) – sweeping away
everything that gets in the way of their child
 Others: the Bodyguard, the Consumer Advocate, the
White Knight, the Rescuer, the Banker, the
Agent, the Safety Expert. (Positive-Parenting-Ally.com)

16. Why are some parents
overinvolved?
 Millennial generation - born after 1982
 Most child-centric time in our history
 "They have been the most protected and
programmed children ever -- car seats and
safety helmets, play groups and soccer
leagues, cellphones and e-mail. The parents of
this generation are used to close and constant
contact with their children and vice versa.”
(Strauss, 2006)
 Child is a reflection of the parents‟
abilities/worthiness (Education.com)
 Competition among parents

17. If overprotective parents
abruptly “sever the umbilical
cord” …
 Students may feel lost and not know
how to proceed, including not knowing
how to make life choices
 May be thrilled with newfound freedom
and act out
 Letting go gradually may be best
(Positive-Parenting-Ally.com)

18. Putting parents in
perspective
 Keep in mind:
 College advisors have it easy
 Most are well intentioned
 What if it was your kid?
 Big investment
 They know their children better than we do
 Ways to help “turn off the lawnmower”:
 FERPA
 Advisor-parent-student meeting
 Summer orientation (skits, scenarios, expectations)
 Parental policy/guidelines/tips
 Address their concerns/fears
 Encourage student through actions/your example/role
plays (Strauss, 2006)

19. Social comparison
 Obvious in T&T
 Winners
 Various categories (beauty, talent, swimsuit, smile, etc.)
 How does it relate to college students?
 Class average
 Friends‟ performance
 Family/siblings
 Choosing:
○ Classes/number of hours
○ Instructors
○ Majors/careers
○ Extracurriculars
 How does it relate to us?
 Promotions
 Job titles
 Work responsibilities
 Office dynamics
 Family/friends
(Elliot, 2005)

20. Taking a Strength-Based
Approach
 a.k.a. Solution-Focused Approach:
 “… explores current resources and future hopes
rather than present problems and past causes
…” (Iveson, 2002)
 “It's not about what's missing and causes
woe, but what's present and can lead to
happiness” (PsychPage.com)
 In what areas/ways does the student (or you)
excel?
 Don‟t want to ignore problems, but shift focus to
self and what is being done to lead person to
goal
 Campus/peer resources

21. Being judged/criticized
 Obvious in T&T – they know what
they‟re getting into.
 Not as obvious in college
 Do students know what they‟re getting into?
 Do we?

22. Judging students
 In what ways are students judged? Who
judges them?
 Competition from other students
 Instructor‟s (perceived) opinion of them
 Advisor‟s (perceived) opinion of them
 Familial/cultural pressures

23. Judging advisors
 In what ways are advisors judged? Who
judges them?
 Co-workers‟ opinions
 Supervisor‟s opinion
 Students‟ opinions/feedback
○ Spring 08: “It would have been better to have more
accurate suggestions other than „up to you.‟”
○ Fall 09: “Just pointed to websites I had already
seen, awkward to talk to. Not very polite, needs work on
communication skills.”
 Judged before school begins

24. Dealing with criticism
 “When we are praised and
appreciated, we feel good about it. By
the same token, it is not unusual for us
to feel a bit
upset, annoyed, irritated, hurt or angry
for being criticized, rightly or wrongly.
These feelings are both normal and
appropriate.” (Lam, 2008)

25. Dealing with criticism
 Things to keep in mind:
 Criticism is a fact of life and is unavoidable.
 Criticism is not an indication of one‟s self worth.
 The benefits of being criticized far outweigh the
costs in terms of personal and professional
development and growth.
 Refusing to accept it as a fact of life is a case of
wasting emotional energy and can damage
emotional and mental health.
 We criticize other people; there is no logical reason
why they can‟t criticize us. (Lam, 2008)

26. Ways to help students … and
yourself
 Look at situation from the judge‟s point of
view (any basis for criticism?)
 Compare criticism to other things to gain
sense of perspective
 Address the feelings that result from the
criticism
 Remember - We can‟t please everyone
(Lam, 2008)

27. Encouragement
 T&T – parents behind judges
 Why is encouragement important?
 Social support (don‟t feel as alone)
 Gives us strength
 Makes us feel valued
 Where would you be today if you hadn‟t
been encouraged at some point in your
life?

28. Ways to encourage our
students
 Touch (w/caution)
 Look/smile
 Positive words (examples help)
 Follow up
 Let them be themselves

29. Everybody‟s a winner
 T & T - trophies, sashes, tiaras (various categories)
 Make each of your students feel like a winner:
 Greet them personally w/a smile
 Don‟t keep them waiting (or explain yourself if you do)
 LISTEN! (Stop talking, don‟t interrupt)
 Don‟t rush
 Eye contact (turn away from computer)
 Open posture
 Follow up when appropriate (email, phone call)
 Advising notes (personal references)
 Prizes (first 10 ppl to respond to FB post; 100th student to
our office today, etc.)

30. Why are your interactions with
students important?
“Most (college students) begin with a
combination of
enthusiasm, uncertainty, and a paradoxical
desire to be unique and to fit in. Without
strong coping skills to face these internal
and external pressures, today's college
students are walking combustibles, and
the competitive college environment is
often the igniting match.”
(Kadison & DiGeronimo, 2004)

31. Conclusion
 Apply the info given today and you‟ll be
on your way to becoming an “Ultimate
Grand Supreme” Advisor!
 Questions/comments?
 Thank you for your attention and
participation!

32. Works Cited
 Ambroziak, P. (2003, September/October). Tune in the Use of Music to Improve
Health and Performance. American Fitness, 21(5), 29-31.
 Are You an Overly Involved Parent? [Interview with Dr. Alexandra Barzvi, Clinical
Director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Institute at the NYU Child Study
Center]. (n.d.). Retrieved February 3, 2012, from Education.com website:
http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_You_Overly_Involved/
 Bhave, S. Y., & Saini, S. (2009). Anger Management (p. 112).
 Birgitte. (n.d.). Helicopter Parents and Overprotective Parents: The Truth and
Sharp Essence of the Modern Phenomenon of Overparenting [Positive-
Parenting-Ally.com]. Retrieved December 16, 2011, from http://
www.positive-parenting-ally.com/helicopter-parents.html
 Cohen, L. J. (2011). The Handy Psychology Answer Book. Retrieved from http://
www.lib.utexas.edu/
 Dascomb, A., RDE. (n.d.). The Benefits of Dance [Informational chart]. Retrieved
December 16, 2011, from http://www.nrde.org/benefitsofdance.html
 Iveson, C. (2002). Solution-focused brief therapy. Advances in Psychiatric
Treatment, 8, 149-156. Retrieved from http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/
8/2/149.full
MORE 

33. Works Cited
 Kadison, R., & DiGeronimo, T. F. (2004). College of the Overwhelmed: The
Campus Mental Health Crisis and What to Do About It (p. 36).
 Lam, D. C. (2008). Cognitive Behaviour Therapy: A Practical Guide to Helping
People Take Control.
 Schrock, K. (2009, July/August). Why Music Moves Us. Scientific American Mind,
20(4), 32-37.
 Schwarzer, R., & Frensch, P. A. (2010). Personality, Human Development, and
Culture (Vol. 2).
 Shoenaker, T. (2011). Introduction. In R. J. Huber, J. Street, & S. Lose (Trans.),
Encouragement Makes Good Things Happen.
 Solution Focused Therapy. (n.d.). Retrieved December 13, 2011, from http://
www.psychpage.com/family/library/sft.htm
 Sperry, L. (2010). Core Competencies in Counseling and Psychotherapy:
Becoming a Highly Competent and Effective Therapist (p. 197).
 Strauss, V. (2006, March 21). Putting Parents In Their Place: Outside Class.
Washington Post, p. A8. Retrieved from http://www.washingtonpost.com/
wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/20/AR2006032001167.html
 Wheeler, L., & Suls, J. (2005). Chapter 30: Social Comparision and Self-
Evaluations of Competence. In A. J. Elliot & C. S. Dweck (Eds.), Hanbook
of Competence and Motivation (p. 566). Retrieved from http://
www.lib.utexas.edu/