basic introduction to bdsm and why 50 shades is abusive

2. •Bondage
•Domination
•Sadism
•Masochism

3. Nope! Many forms of “play” (scenes) involve
strictly NO sexual content. There’s many sex-
repulsed, asexuals, and others who engage in the
BDSM community.

5. There’s 4 big terms within the BDSM community:
DOMINANT/DOM/DOMME: A person who is typically “in
control” of a scene and “takes action”
SUBMISSIVE: A person who is typically “not in control” of
a scene and “receives” the action
SWITCH/DOMISSIVE: A person who feels comfortable
as both a Dominant and a submissive
VANILLA: A person who does NOT engage in the BDSM
community

6. • DOMS: Dom, Caregiver, Mommy, Daddy-
Dom, Trainer, Jockey, Owner, Papi,
Master, Sir, Mistress, Alpha
• Subs: sub, little, brat, pet, slave,
babygirl/babyboy, princess/prince, middle,
big
Switches are just as valid as Doms and
subs

8. BDSM is about hurting people and forcing them to do things they don't
want to do.
Nope! Everything in a “proper” BDSM relationship is consensual.
Everything has been talked about PRIOR to engaging in said acts!
Dominants are just power-hungry egotistical!
No, this is far from true. The reason for being a Dom varies from person
to person. Some do it because they enjoy knowing they’re looking out for
someone’s safety, others do it because they like the more
paternal/maternal feelings it gives (such as Daddy-doms and Mommies).
Not every Dom came from a bad home or abusive relationship past.
It always has to involve pain!
No, many people do it just for the sensations.
It has to involve humiliation!
Again, nope. Totally depends on what you like.

9. All people who call their s/o “Daddy” have daddy issues!
No, not everyone has daddy issues or was involved in any
kind of abuse or assault.
Pet play is about bestiality!
No, it’s just taking on the persona of an animal. Sex with
animals or attraction to animals (zoophilia) is a whole other
fetish in of itself.
Only men are Doms and only women are subs.
There’s many female Doms (commonly referred to as
Dommies) and many male subs.
Asexuals can’t be interested in BDSM!
Anyone has the capacity to be interested: religious, non-
religious, sexual, non-sexual, black, white, everyone!

11. • Safewords: word to say when feeling
uncomfortable/limit reached/body has
reached its maximum tolerance level
• Traffic light system: green is ok, yellow
is uncomfortable, red means STOP
• Checklists: a way to make it clear who is
ok with what

12. •Discuss limits: New partners should discuss in specific detail what
they feel comfortable with and NOT comfortable with, a checklist is a
very common resource for this, since everything is crystal clear here
•Aftercare: Aftercare is vital, it’s the “Cool down” after a/an (intense)
scene.
•Collars: Collars are very individualistic, some treat it as basically a
wedding ring while others just see it as a commitment or fashion
statement.
•Contracts: A very formal way for people to “stick” to a plan, not as
common now (note that these have ZERO weight in an actual court of
law)
•Safewords: Agree on a safety system!
Be aware of red flags for Doms/subs

13. •Obsessively controlling
•Explosive tempers
•Any kind of blackmail (verbal, emotional, etc)
•Coercion/harassment/stalking
•“No limits” first meeting phrase
•Constantly using the phrase “I’M A REAL DOM/SUB!”
•Any attempt at isolating their partner(s) from others
•Punished for using safewords
•Touching/flirting with others without permission (sending friend
requests or explicit messages is also a huge warning sign with barely
any chat between the two)
•Demanding submission/title calling within 1-5 messages (or other
short times)

15. • The four pillars is a Relationship dynamic theory
in BDSM proposed by LT Morrison in the "Devil in the
Details" series. From this work the following ideas are
extrapolated:
• For positive relations to exist/endure in an intimate sense
it requires the support of (and can be measured by) the
health of four pillars:
– Intimacy
– Affection
– Communication/Honesty
– Sex
• These pillars must be continually inspected and
reinforced by the participants of a relationship is to
prosper.

16. • RACK (risk awareness consensual kink)
– Risk-aware: Both or all partners are well-informed of the risks
involved in the proposed activity.
– Consensual: In light of those risks, both or all partners have, of
sound mind, offered preliminary consent to engage in said
activity.
– Kink: Said activity can be classified as alternative sex
• SSC (safety, sane, consensual)
– safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to
health
– sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible
frame of mind
– consensual: all activities should involve the full consent of all
parties involved.

17. • CCC (Committed, Compassionate,
Consensual)
– New term, maximum power exchange from Bottom
to Top, more appropriate for 24/7 relationship (rather
an dungeon scenes or professionals), only harm limits
disclosed, safewords typically not permitted, very
risky
• PRICK (personal, responsibility, informed,
consensual, kink)
– New, unpopular term, extension of RACK. All partners
are responsible for their own action. Typically involves
more risk.

19. 1. Christian Gray stalks Anastasia
2. He takes he to a hotel when she’s too drunk to consent
3. He threatens her multiple times
4. He tries to isolate her from her friends/family
5. He leaves out important details (aka gross negligence)
6. He has no concern for her emotional or mental well being
7. He assaults Ana
8. He does not respect Ana
9. Sex is used as a weapon
http://theramblingcurl.blogspot.com/2014/02/fifty-abusive-
moments-in-fifty-shades.html

23. Social Media
• BDSM Confessions:
http://boundsecretsbdsm.tumblr.com/
• SFW BDSM Blog: http://boundbunnies.tumblr.com/
• Pet Play BDSM: bdsmpetplay.tumblr.com
• General BDSM Blog: http://teethnsticks.tumblr.com/
• BDSM Newbie (Facebook):
https://www.facebook.com/groups/413809088757152/
• BDSM Switches (Facebook):
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1443503229250024/
• BDSM Pet Play (Facebook):
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1550444891844901/