Already in Progress, Chapter 40

Welcome back to Already in Progress! Have a good look at the
cover picture. Do you notice anything about it?

That’s right, Mifune is primping – something no other Sim in
the history of this story has ever done! The “Primp” option
broke when I installed Pets, and the so-called “patch” and
subsequent EPs failed to fix the problem. During this rotation, I
finally overcame my phobia of hacks enough to download the
entire Director’s Cut from MATY; I currently have installed
only 42 of the 168 files. Of those, most were invisible fixes:
antiredundancy, for example, which stops the endless
generation of NPCs. You should see almost no difference –
with the exception of primping.

To start off with, let’s see if I was right about the number and
gender of Celeste’s progeny.

Nope. This is Frederic Kalson Miller.

EDGAR (wonderingly): Is he really mine?
CELESTE: Of course he’s yours. Who else’s would he be?
EDGAR (awestruck): I can’t believe I had anything to do with
making someone this perfect. Just look at him!
(Frederic yawns and spits up all over Edgar’s shoulder)
EDGAR (almost in tears): He’s just perfect!

Frederic is a very good baby. He’s quite happy, and only cries
when he has a dirty diaper. Fortunately, Mommy and Daddy are
quick to take care of that.

And when Mommy and Daddy have to work, Frederic has a
very nice and competent Nanny who comes to take care of him.

Or at least he did.

You see, when Frederic was due to Grow Up, his mother took
him over to the cake, helped him blow out the candles… and
then set him on the floor and went to read a book. After that,
neither of Frederic’s parents would interact with him at all.
They went about their business as if he didn’t exist, while poor
Frederic lay there completely unmoving and un-interact-with-
able. Naturally, I quit without saving, and when I re-entered the
lot and played the day through again, Frederic Grew Up without
a problem.

But he did end up with a different – and pretty well worthless –
nanny.

And that would be the point when I downloaded the Director’s
Cut and installed the hacks currently in game. I don’t know
what the problem was, and I don’t know that any of the hacks
would necessarily have prevented the problem. I just know that
it triggered thoughts of having to rebuild yet again, and the pain
of the last rebuild has not faded enough for me to be able to
face the possibility with equanimity.

Isn’t that explanation a clever way to hide that I’m showing you
picspam of Eddie being an adorabubble father?

Don’t get me wrong – Celeste is a fantastic parent, too. She’s
caring, attentive, and always ready to help her son learn
important new things. She enjoys taking care of and playing
with her son, and will cheerfully and autonomously do so.
She’s just not adorabubble.

And speaking of Celeste, let’s check in with Oakapple and
Oliver’s house, where my diabolical plan seems to be working.
See all those bugs?

And what do you do to get rid of all those bugs?

That’s exactly right.

Personally, having been raised in a household that practiced
purely organic gardening, I don’t like the emphasis the game
places on pesticides.

But I have to admit, there are certain advantages to it.

OLIVER: Ye gods! What happened to you?
OAKAPPLE: Once we sell… this crop, we’re… buying
ladybug houses.
OLIVER: Are you okay? Did you finish spraying?
OAKAPPLE: Didn’t… finish. I’m… thirsty. Move.
OLIVER: Okay. I’ll finish in the garden, then.

OAKAPPLE: We’re calling the… garden club in… the
morning, right?
OLIVER: Right.
OAKAPPLE: Good. This is… really weird. Plus… my head…
itches. Or not… exactly itches, but…
OLIVER: Then scratch. Don’t just talk about it.

OAKAPPLE: Yeah, “itches” wasn’t… the right word.

This is Saigon Shankel. She’s named after Miss Saigon, which I
have never seen. Both Oakpple and Oliver have the same names
as people in shows with singing and dancing, so why not the
kids?

Yes, I said “kids.” Oliver figured out the plantbaby thing right
away. As a Knowledge Sim, he got aspiration points for it, too.

This is Fantine, as in the woman who sells her teeth, her hair,
and eventually herself in Les Miserables.

OAKAPPLE: Oh… crap.
OLIVER: What?
OAKAPPLE: We have… children.
OLIVER: So?
OAKAPPLE: And we’re not… married. Adam* will… never
speak… to me again.
OLIVER: Oh, come on. I bet we’re not the first people to
anticipate the wedding. Anyway, we’ll call the garden club
tomorrow morning, and we can do something informal in the
afternoon to make it all okay.

*Oakapple’s brother, who has embraced Victorianism.

Which is exactly what they did. Nobody paid much attention to
the actual exchange of vows, but nobody said anything nasty,
either, and the party was a Roof-Raiser.

Sally even offered to babysit as needed.

Oakapple Shankel is now Oakapple Couderc.

Over at the Sanders-Miller household, it’s a time of transition.

MIFUNE: Here, honey. I think you’re ready for this.
LOUISE: What is it?
MIFUNE: It’s the deed to QND. I’m ready to retire, and I think
I’m leaving the family business in good hands.
LOUISE: Gee, thanks, Dad! Um… did you have to hand over
the deed in the bathroom, though?
MIFUNE: Of course! It is written:
“ImportantLifeEvent=GOTO_bathroom true.”

Louise has made lots of changes, with the help of the
nolamehires hack from JMPescado’s Director’s Cut. Basically,
for an entire generation, the only Sims available to hire for
QND were playables who already had jobs. nolamehires
removes playables from the job pool. Now, in addition to the
one pre-existing Teen employee on the cash register, we have a
townie sales clerk (in blue) and a college student restocking the
racks.

I never knew that you could hire dormies. I hope this doesn’t
blow up my game…

Louise also hired a townie stylist. I could have hired a Teen to
fill that position some time back, but I prefer having adults in
that job.

Of course, neither option had any badges, so the customers will
come out looking like clowns either way…

Not to mention that all those salaries keep the store
hemhorraghing money, and that really, nobody but Mifune
actually likes the GilsCarbo line.

It’s enough to drive anyone to drink!

Tirtha Grew Up Well, into an outfit that didn’t really suit her.
At least it matches…

Abhijeet, being younger than Tirtha, didn’t age up. Her age
transition didn’t change the number of Wants he rolls for her,
either. I thoroughly approve of that aspect of The Sims: not
caring about the age of one’s spouse.

Abhijeet is a good father to Ariadene, too, even if she does like
to try to pull his wig off.

I think Ariadene looks a lot like her father. That’s definitely his
mouth, and I think the chin is his as well. On the other hand, I
think she’s got her mother’s nose, and the cheeks are a blend. I
think. But no matter which parts came from whom, she’s cute
as a button!

ABHIJEET: Do you know, I find that a very baffling phrase. I
don’t think I’ve ever encountered a button whose attractiveness
I have felt compelled to judge. But I agree that my daughter is a
cutie-patootie. And as long as I’ve got your attention, could I
ask you something?
Sure. What’s up?

ABHIJEET (V.O.): It’s Trixie. She’s been taking Elixir.
But that’s illegal.
ABHIJEET (V.O.): I know. That’s why I’m concerned. I know
she doesn’t listen to you, but I thought that perhaps you could
give me some background before I did anything. I’d prefer that
my little girl grow up in a safe environment.
I can understand that. What do you want to know? (hastily) I’m
not saying I’ll necessarily answer, mind, but you can ask.

ABHIJEET (V.O.): I’m pretty sure the Elixir’s coming from
this Leonid Andrews that she’s giving language lessons to. He’s
Russian, right?
Eh, well… See, I don’t actually know any Russians, and his last
name isn’t Russian, but some of his speech patterns…
ABHIJEET (V.O.): Russian. Okay. And do you know what he
does for a living?
He’s a Criminal Mastermind, I think.
ABHIJEET (V.O.) (to himself): Russian Mafia! I knew it!
Whoa, hey now! Let’s not jump to conclusions! A first name
and some syntax do not a gangster make!

Leonid’s sort of a goof. And he and Trixie get along very well.
They have two bolts, which is nothing to be sneezed at.

ABHIJEET (V.O.): Believe me, I know exactly how well they
get along. But I don’t approve of him supplying her with Elixir.
Where is he getting the stuff? Why is he giving it to her? That
stuff turns people into addicts, you know.
Oh, no, it doesn’t necessarily –
ABHIJEET (V.O.): “She can quit any time she likes”? Uh-huh.
Listen: I very strongly disapprove of this, and I’m going to have
a quiet word with Mr. Andrews about it.
I wish you wouldn’t…
ABHIJEET (V.O.): Why? If he’s not a gangster, there’s no
danger. (suspiciously) Or is there?
(firmly) I’m going to change the subject now.

Samantha had a tough pregnancy: too tired to eat and too
hungry to sleep, meaning that unfortunately, this was not an
uncommon sight.

It was all worth it, though, for a result like this little angel who
shares her mother’s coloring. Meet Cathrynne Miller, everyone.

Cathrynne shares the spelling of her name with author
Cathrynne M. Valente. I’ve only read one of Ms. Valente’s
books, years ago, but I have The Girl Who Circumnavigated
Fairyland In A Ship Of Her Own Making on hold and am quite
looking forward to it.

Everybody likes Cathrynne. Daddy stayed home from work to
watch her birth.

DANTE: Hiiiiii, sweetie! Hi, my precious little girl! Oh, you
look just like Mommy, don’t you? Yes, you do! You do! (to
Samantha) Can I hold her now?

Granda actually stopped cleaning to come see the new arrival.

HARKON: Hey, Don. You don’t mind if I give my new
grandbaby a cuddle, do you?
DANTE: Well, I was enjoying holding her myself…
HARKON: Oh, that’s okay. You keep right on holding her.
(sighs theatrically) Never mind that I’m an old man with not
much time left on my life bar, or that I never got to hold my
own daughters when they were babies…
DANTE: Oh, I’m sorry, Harkon! Here, why don’t you give her
a cuddle?

HARKON: Heh, that boy is too nice for his own good. I’ve got
plenty of room left on my life bar. And I was the one who chose
to adopt Children instead of Babies. But if it works, it works,
right, sweetie-pie?
CATHRYNNE: (chortles)

Yup, Cathrynne is a real hot property.

AMY: Let me hold her, Da.
HARKON: Oh, I don’t know.
AMY: Let me hold her, Da. Come on.
HARKON: You won’t drop her?
AMY: Da!
HARKON: Okay, okay. Here you go.
AMY: She’s so little!

Amy is particularly taken with her niece.

AMY: Yup, you are just about perfect. You know, I don’t think
I’m going to go to school tomorrow. I’m just going to stay
home and hold you all day. I’ll feed you and burp you and play
with you and sing you to sleep. Hey, when you go to sleep, I’ll
sit there and hold you. I’ll sit real still so you don’t wake up.
I’ll… (as Cathrynne pushes the bottle away) Oh, are you done?
Okay. I’ll burp you now.

AMY: Because there is nothing I won’t do for you, you perfect
little sweetheart, you.
(A truly impressive stench arises from Cathrynne’s lower half)
AMY: …Except that. (sweetly) Oh, Don! Your daughter needs
you.

And speaking of people who need diapers…

Over at the Buttercup Shankel household, Jo and Cecil Grew
Up in perfect unison. I wish I’d filmed it – I’ve never seen two
kids sync up that well before.

Like most of the siblings in my game, Jo and Cecil grew up
with poor relationships to each other. So I set about rectifying
that via the ancient and mystic rite known as a Water Balloon
Fight.

Followed by Mary Mack.

JO and CECIL:
He jumped so high, high, high
He reached the sky, sky, sky
And he didn’t come back, back, back
Til the Fourth of July, ly, ly

…Although where I grew up, that was a jump rope rhyme, not a
handclap rhyme. Handclaps were “Down down baby” or
“Candy store.”

My inner eight-year-old is very contemptuous of EAxis for not
knowing something as simple as that.

Of course, Jo and Cecil are still siblings.

JO: Mommy! Mommy! Watch me! Watch this!
CECIL: Thpppppbt! You stink!
JO: You stink more!

And children.

Although for Buttercup, “child” is just another word for “cheap
labor force.”

Child labor isn’t exactly legal, but if you look really really
closely at the picture, you’ll see that that’s not the only less-
than-legal thing going on.

Albert isn’t wearing a hairnet. You should always wear a
hairnet when preparing food. And gloves.

Over at the Littledragon-Tsvirkunov household, there is a
definite reservoir of Awesome. Sarah Jane is an awesome
grandmother: not only does she make Smart Milk upon request,
but she taught her granddaughters to walk.

Tim is an equally awesome grandfather, always taking the time
to read to whichever girl is in the mood for a story.

TIM: …And so when Magriette wrote “Ceci n’est pas une
pipe,” it was not so much a surrealist statement as it was a
simple statement of fact: a painting of a pipe is not, in fact, a
pipe. As Michel Foucalt points out…
ABBEY: Shoo flee, Tim! I can’t get to the stove!

Admittedly, Tim’s choice of both reading material and location
are somewhat unorthodox, but Rebecca doesn’t seem to mind.

The girls are equally awesome. I don’t have photographic proof
of any of it, but just to give you a taste… I did not direct
Anastasia to do this. And while there is nothing special about a
kid deciding to play with one of the toys in the same room,
Anastasia did not start out in this room. She was in the living
room, being Tickled by her mother. I left them alone for a
moment, and when I came back, Abbey set Anastasia down
right in front of the xylophone, where Anastasia proceeded to
gain a Creativity skill point – and the aspiration points for it.

Rebecca has performed similar feats of redirecting her parents
to do her bidding instead of mine. I’m very glad they were
twins: that much pure concentrated Awesome in one Sim could
only spell Fiery Doom for the ’hood.

Unfortunately, the Awesomeness Quotient in the household has
been reduced by one.

GRIM REAPER: D.in., .rs. .itt..dra…?
SARAH JANE: Don’t mind if I do!

Sarah Jane Littledragon, 71 years old. Sarah Jane was the
daughter of one of my favorite couples, and was pretty
awesome at every stage of life. I had not planned for her to be
interested in her childhood friend – I expected Timmy’s
feelings to be unrequited. Sarah Jane put a stop to that idea
pretty much the second Tim became a Teen, and she made darn
sure to re-stake her claim within three hours of arriving at
college. Sarah Jane produced a son who was just as awesome as
she was, and spent most of her time being sure that I forgot that
she and Tim had zero bolts for each other. She was one of my
favorite Sims, and she will be greatly missed.

Rest in peace, Sarah Jane.

Hi, Sally! How’s it going?
SALLY (coughs): Not so good.
No?
SALLY: No. (sorrowfully) This was supposed to be mac and
cheese. Now it’s charcoal.
I’m sorry.
SALLY: Oh, it’s not your fault. Hey, did you hear the news?

What news is that?
SALLY (V.O.): Oliver and Oakapple got married! And they
have two daughters now!
I had heard rumors to that effect. Is that your niece?
SALLY (V.O.): Saigon and Fantine are both my nieces, but
Fantine’s the only one that’s blood to me. I don’t remember
which one I’m holding there.
You can’t tell them apart?
SALLY (V.O.): Nobody can. Oakapple’s talking about color-
coding them.
Is he?
SALLY (V.O.): Well, actually he was talking about tattooing
them, but Oliver said that would cost too much.

SALLY (V.O.): Oh, and Mom’s permaplat!
That’s great!
SALLY (V.O.): Yeah, she’s The Law now. And kinda
insufferable about it, actually.
How do you mean?

LUCY: Sally? The Law says you can’t root around in trash
cans.
SALLY: But there’s good stuff in there. And it’s our own trash.
And anyhow, once it’s put out at the curb it’s legally public
property.
LUCY: …We’re not trash-pickers, Sally. Stop it.

SALLY (V.O.): Like I said, insufferable.

SALLY (V.O.): Oh! And I maxed Creativity!
Congratulations! How does that feel?
SALLY (V.O.): Pretty darn good, actually. I got a college
scholarship for it and everything.
That’s great!

SALLY (V.O.): Yeah, Amy and I already have plans about
what we’re going to do with it.
Who’s Amy? And aren’t scholarships for, oh, tuition and books
and stuff like that?
SALLY (V.O.): Amy Littledragon, my friend from school.
We’re going to college together. The university provides the
books, and since I’m going to a state school, tuition is free.
Wasn’t that how it worked for you?
Unfortunately not.

SALLY: Gee, that’s too bad. But you’ll come see me at
college?
Wait – you’re leaving already?
SALLY: Uh-huh. I said I was going with Amy. She’s two years
older than me.
Why are you going with Amy? Is there something I should
know?
SALLY: No. She’s my friend. And if I go now, then you have
to play two years fewer of college. That’s a good thing, right?
Um…
SALLY (satisfied): I thought so too. So you’ll come visit me at
college?
Sure.
SALLY: Okay, then. See you soon! (waves as the taxi pulls
away)

And I will leave you with one more picture of Edgar the
Adorable being an adorable father. D’aaaaaaaw…

Until next time, Happy Simming!

**********
The Grim Reaper said “Drink, Mrs. Littledragon?”

Already in Progress, Chapter 40

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Already in Progress, Chapter 40