This document outlines a leadership program on communicating supportively for mission. It discusses the benefits of positive relationships and effective communication. It identifies eight principles of supportive communication including being problem-oriented and descriptive. It also discusses coaching versus counseling and how to give and receive feedback. The goal is to help leaders strengthen relationships and address issues while building trust and support.

1. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
COMMUNICATING SUPPORTIVELY FOR MISSION
LEADING FOR MISSION

2. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
OPENING PRAYER

3. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
¡Recognize personal strengths and weaknesses with communicating supportively.
¡Learn the eight principles of supportive communication.
¡Practice giving negative feed back and correcting others without causing
disconfirmation and defensiveness.
¡Know when to coach and when to counsel
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4. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
CONTENT OUTLINE
¡ Communicating Supportively and Positive Relationships
¡ Principles of Supportive Communication
¡ Coaching versus Counseling

5. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
COMMUNICATING SUPPORTIVELY AND POSITIVE
RELATIONSHIPS
COMMUNICATING SUPPORTIVELY

6. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
COMMUNICATING SUPPORTIVELY BUILDS POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Benefits of positive interpersonal
relationships – on us and others
¡ Energizes, revitalizes, enlivens and
flourishes others
¡ Improves personal wellbeing - Higher
productivity
¡ Longer life expectancies
¡ Expands mental capacities
¡ Have fewer stress related illnesses and
recover quickly from surgeries and
illnesses
Parish Environment
¡ Better information exchanges, participation,
commitment leading to greater productivity and
success.
¡ Fosters cooperation
¡ People perform and learn better
¡ Reduces conflicts, disagreements, confusion, ambiguity,
unproductive competition, anger, personal offense,
¡ Increases loyalty and commitment to the parish and the
faith.
¡ Improves creativity and ability to adapt to changes.

7. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
RESULTS OF INEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
¡ Dislike each other
¡ Be offended by each other
¡ Lose confidence in each other
¡ Refuse to listen to each other
¡ Disagree with each other
¡ Distant, distrustful, uncaring, interpersonal relationships
¡ Restricted, inaccurate information and defective communication flow.
¡Pull him down “PHD” syndrome

8. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
PROBLEMS WITH SUPPRESSED AND INDIRECT COMMUNICATIONS
¡ Escalates issues
¡ The problem refuses be wished away
¡ Adversely affects mental and physical health

9. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
Most leaders have poor communication
skills and do not know or acknowledge it.
We all can improve our communication
skills:
¡ Focusing on accuracy - The ability to
transmit clear and precise messages
¡ Being Aware of Inconsistent Pronunciations
‘We polish Polish Furniture.’
‘He could lead if he would get the lead out.’
‘A farm can produce produce.
COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS

10. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
¡ Conveying intended messages in a clear and precise manner.
¡ Email or face – to – face.
¡ Ensuring that the message is interpreted as intended and used effectively.
¡ Depends on relationships of trust and shared context.
¡ Over-communicating is always better than under-communicating

11. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION
¡ Helps us build positive relationships with negative people, those who
underperform or make mistakes and blunders, by enhancing feelings of
trust, openness and support, while still addressing the problem at hand.
¡ negative feed back
¡ Resolve a difficult issue with another person
¡ Resulting in a strengthening of the relationship.
¡ Important skill to learn and teach parish group members

12. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
PRINCIPLES OF SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATING SUPPORTIVELY FOR MISSION

13. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
¡ Problem oriented, not person-oriented
¡ Congruent, not incongruent
¡ Descriptive, not evaluative
¡ Validating, not invalidating
¡ Specific, not global
¡ Conjunctive, not disjunctive
¡ Owned, not disowned
¡ Supportive listening, not one-way
¡ Discuss specific examples of how each of these principles fosters an engaged parish and
spiritually-committed parishioners and how not keeping to them does the opposite.
EIGHT PRINCIPLES OF SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION

14. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
OBSTACLESTO COMMUNICATION
¡ DEFENSIVENESS
¡ One individual feels threatened or attacked as a result of the
communication
¡ Self-protection becomes paramount
¡ Energy is spent on constructing a defense rather than on listening
¡ Aggression, anger, competitiveness, and/or avoidance as a result of
the communication
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15. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
OBSTACLESTO COMMUNICATION
¡ DISCONFIRMATION
¡ Individual feels incompetent, unworthy, or
insignificant as a result of the communication
¡ Attempts to reestablish self-worth take
precedence
¡ Energy is spent trying to portray self-
importance rather than on listening
¡ Showing off, self-centered behavior, withdrawal,
and/or loss of motivation are common
reactions
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16. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION
Requires active listening and responding effectively to someone else’s
statements.
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17. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
EFFECTIVE LISTENING
¡ In skills important for managers, effective listening was ranked highest.
¡ Individuals usually understand about a fourth of what is communicated.
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18. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
RESPONDINGTO OTHERS
¡ Four Types of Responses
¡ Advising
¡ Deflecting
¡ Probing
¡ Reflecting
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ADVISING
¡ Provides direction, evaluation, personal opinion, or
instruction
¡ Creates listener control over the topic
¡ Can produce dependence
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20. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
DEFLECTING
¡ Switches the focus from communicator’s
problem to one selected by the listener
¡ Appropriate if reassurance is needed
¡ Imply that the communicator’s issues are not
importants
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21. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
PROBING
¡ Asks questions about what the communicator
said
¡ Used to gather information
¡ Can appear that the communicator must justify
what is happening
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22. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
FOURTYPES OF PROBES
1. Elaboration
2. Clarification
3. Repetition
4. Reflection
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23. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
REFLECTING
¡ Mirror back to the communicator the message that was heard
¡ Involves paraphrasing and clarifying
¡ Could appear that the listener isn’t listening
¡ What was your most dominant first response style? Generally, aim to be more
of a reflector and less of an adviser, in your first responses to others.
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24. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
COACHING AND COUNSELLING
COMMUNICATING SUPPORTIVELY FOR MISSION

25. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
COACHING AND COUNSELING
¡ Coaching: giving advice, direction or information to improve
performance.
¡ Counseling: helping someone understand and resolve a problem
him/herself by displaying understanding
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26. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
COACHING AND COUNSELING
Coaching:
focuses on
abilities
Counseling:
focuses on
attitudes and
behaviours
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27. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
WHENTO COACH
¡ Lack of ability
¡ Insufficient information
¡ Incompetence
¡ Subordinate must understand the problem
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28. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
WHENTO COUNSEL
¡ Personality clashes
¡ Defensiveness
¡ Other factors tied to emotions
¡ “I can help you recognize that a problem exists.”
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29. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
PERSONAL MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW
A regularly scheduled, one-on-one meeting between parish leaders
and members/volunteers
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30. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
WHEN TO USE IT?
¡ Work environment
¡ Family
¡ Social Organizations
¡ Religious organizations
¡ How does this help to develop spiritually committed parishioners and engaged parishes? FROM THEVISIONS OF
ENGAGED PARISHES:
¡ There is someone in my parish that encourages my spiritual development.
¡ In last six months, someone in my parish has talked to me about my spiritual growth.
¡ In my congregation/parish, I have opportunities to learn and grow.
¡ I speak words of kindness to those in need of encouragement: vision of spiritually committed parishioners.

31. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
PERSONAL MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW
¡ Role Negotiation - expectations, responsibilities, standards of evaluation, reporting
relationships, are clarified.
¡ Communicate freely, openly and collaboratively
¡ Focus - Problems, information sharing, interpersonal issues, obstacles to
improvements, training in management skills, individual needs, feedback on job
performance, and personal capabilities, personal concerns or problems, spiritual
and faith development.
¡ Time to report information, work out issues, receive coaching and counseling,
improve performance.
¡ Both parties prepare agenda for the meeting. Both parties improve on personal,
interpersonal and organizational issues. Egalitarian and not top down.
¡ Allow about an hour
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32. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
GIVING FEEDBACK TO OTHERS
¡ Frame: Convey your positive intent.
¡ I like……………
¡ Evidence: Describe specifically what you have observed.
¡ I noticed………
¡ Effect: Describe your own reaction to behaviour or action
¡ It had this effect…………
¡ Diagnostic: Describe alternative and suggest options for improvement.
¡ I suggest…….
¡ Invite response
¡ What do you think…….feel…..
GIVING FEEDBACKTO OTHERS

33. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM
RECEIVING FEEDBACK FROM OTHERS
¡ Focus on the content….not on the person
¡ Listen actively, calmly and attentively.
¡ Clarify the feedback
¡ Pause
¡ Acknowledge the other person’s insights
¡ Avoid defending or over-explaining
¡ Welcome suggestions
RECEIVING FEEDBACK FROM OTHERS

34. LEADING FOR MISSION PROGRAM