Additional notes for day 3's audio

1. 21
Days,
Day
3:
Some
(brief)
additional
notes
How
often
do
I
have
to
go
back
to
my
past?
I’ve
done
lots
of
work
with
it
already!
Honestly,
I
don’t
know.
What
I
do
know
for
myself
is
that
new
insights
continue
to
be
revealed
to
me
over
time,
and
that
my
desire
not
to
go
back
there,
however
far
into
my
journey
I
am,
is
usually
resistance.
I
realised
recently
that
my
teacher,
Duane
O’Kane,
who
lost
his
father
many
years
ago,
is
still
in
relationship
with
his
father,
and
continues
to
do
his
work
on
him.
We
go
there
until
we’re
done.
And
all
I
can
tell
you
is
that
I’m
not
done
yet,
and
I
personally
don’t
anticipate
ever
being.
It’s
a
lifelong
journey.
But
I
don’t
want
to
roll
around
in
my
muck
all
day
long!
Neither
do
I
want
that
for
you,
or
for
myself.
We
do
this
work
precisely
so
that
we
don’t
have
to.
But
if
and
when
you
get
triggered,
the
lessons
from
ACIM
apply:
“I
am
never
upset
for
the
reason
I
think”
(i.e.
the
trigger
in
front
of
me
isn’t
causing
my
pain,
only
activating
it),
“I
see
only
the
past,”
“I
see
nothing
as
it
is
now.”
The
roots
of
our
misperception
of
who
we
are
and
what
is
really
going
on
in
this
life
run
deep,
a
bit
like
those
annoying
weeds
in
the
garden
–
you
know,
the
ones
that
refuse
to
be
dug
or
pulled
up
unless
quite
a
lot
of
effort
is
exerted.
What
I
can
share
though
is
that
over
time,
I
come
to
have
longer
periods
of
happiness.
In
my
early
recovery
I
felt
like
the
pain
would
never
end.
Today,
I
had
an
experience
of
going
into
my
stuff
in
my
relationship
and
coming
out
the
other
side
of
it
into
beautiful
connection
in
under
five
minutes.
That
to
me
is
a
miracle.
You
said
this
isn’t
a
blame
seeking
exercise.
No,
it’s
not
–
but
I’d
like
to
clarify
two
things.
1. Blame
is
a
natural
part
of
the
process.
If
I
have
a
belief
that
who
I
really
am
–
my
core
self
–
is
somehow
flawed,
unacceptable
or
unworthy,
you
bet
your
bottom
dollar
I’ll
try
to
stop
other
people
from
seeing
that.
Becoming
a
people
pleaser
or
‘yes
person’
is
one
way
of
doing
that
–
the
pleasing
offering
what
I
hope
is
a
substantial
enough
compensation
for
my
inherent
inadequacy.
Blaming
others
is
another
approach
–
not
better
or
worse,
just
part
of
the
ego’s
armoury.
It
kind
of
puts
soap
operas,
pub
brawls
and
bitchy
gossiping
into
perspective
–
imagine
if
underneath
it
you
saw
a
little
child
confessing
that
he
or
she
doesn’t
believe
they
are
good
enough.
2. I
believe
it’s
important
to
find
or
create
a
safe
place
to
express
your
blame
with
the
intention
of
becoming
accountable.
Try
to
sidestep
owning
it
leads,
in
my
experience,
to
‘leaking’
–
sideways
comments
that
have
a
nasty
sting
in
their
tail.
On
the
other
hand,
simply
dumping
your
stuff
on
others
is
not
responsible,
fair
and
rips
BOTH
of
you
off.
They
don’t
get
to
see
who
you
really
are,
and
neither
do
you!
3. Trying
to
jump
straight
into
forgiveness
without
fully
owning
the
blame
we
have
apportioned
to
the
people
we
deemed
responsible
is,
I
personally
find,
insufficient.
True
forgiveness
comes
when
we
understand
what
the
other
person
or
people
were
going
through,
and
I
haven’t
yet
found
a
way
to
do
that
without
owning
up
about
my
attack
thoughts.
Why
would
I
deny
them?
Because
people

2. might
not
like
me,
or
it
might
swallow
me
up?
Again,
pushing
something
away
and
trying
to
just
logically
forgive
not
only
denies
me
the
chance
to
see
the
situation
through
new
eyes
and
transform
my
relationship
with
the
person,
but
it
also
shuts
down
the
qualities
that
are
so
present
in
blame
–
passion,
focus,
commitment,
presence,
and
many
more.