The last class for this course presented by Blazing Fire Church. Part of a series of courses Fall 2015 - Spring 2016. For more information, please go to the World Changers Equipping School page: http://blazingfire.org/world-changers

1. Brave Communication!
!
Keeping Our Love “On”
Tuesday Nights November 17 - December 15
Week 5 December 15, 2015!
Led by Brent Lokker and Russ Fochler

2. Keep Your Love On
A Video Series & Book by Danny Silk
!
Chapter 3

3. Keep Your Love On - Chapter 3 - The Battle Between Fear and Love
Danny Silk www.lovingonpurpose.com

4. The Battle Between
Fear and Love
The battle between fear and love is a
spiritual battle.!
Fear and love have opposite agendas
and opposite strategies for achieving
them. They cannot co-exist in a person,
relationship, or culture.

5. Fear Seeks Control
Fear can lead you to believe it is your job to
control people through intimidation and
punishment.!
If you believe God wants to control people
with fear, you will seek to do the same.!
But, if you believe God’s love empowers
connection through freedom, self-control,
grace, and truth — then you will seek to
empower the same.

6. Love Seeks Connection
Instead of Control
You cannot control other people —
especially over the long term. Even children
will grow up and seek their own freedom.!
The only person who is appropriate for you
to control —is yourself. And it’s a good day
when we can direct/control ourselves.!
Self-control frees love to grow strong,
healthy connections.

7. Connection Drives
Fear Away
“There is no room in love for fear. Well-
formed love banishes fear. Since fear is
crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear
of judgment—is one not yet fully formed
in love.” (1 John 4:18 The Message)!
But losing connection invites that
powerful, destructive force (fear) to come
back…

8. Many Times Each Day
Every day, many times each day we face
split-second decisions in our relationships !
When a situation feels vulnerable: Do we
partner with the spirit of fear — and
engage in fear-based self-protection and
control? !
Or do we “choose” to partner with the Spirit
of Love - and move toward connection?

9. Exercise
Ask yourself: “Do I believe I can control
other people? How am I doing at
controlling me instead of trying to control
others?”!
Now ask “What can I do to better control
me — what can I do to protect
connection when I feel hurt or afraid?”!
Pair-up and briefly share with each other.

10. Questions?

11. Keep Your Love On - Chapter 6 - The Trust Cycle
Danny Silk www.lovingonpurpose.com

12. Trust Cycle vs. Mistrust Cycle
Pick one relationship when you were
growing up (with your mom, dad, sibling,
friend, coach, etc.) and share whether that
relationship was primarily one that built
trust or mistrust. If you’re willing, give
some examples.

13. Using “I” “When” & “I Need to Feel”
Statements e
How could you reword these loaded phrases as “I”
statements. Just for practice, include a “when”
statement. If appropriate, add a “I need to feel…”
statement:
!
• Why don’t you ever listen?
• You just don’t understand me!
• Why are you always late?
• You have to study or you’ll fail this class
• You’re of no help at all!
• You’re so insensitive—You don’t care—You don’t
love me!

14. Practices for class !
and during your daily life
Remembering to always start with seeking to
Understand the other first. This includes
practicing Reflective Listening and often
Active Listening.
Using “I” statements,
Avoiding “It” statements, Avoiding “You”
statements!
Tactical Breathing

15. Signs I “Need” Brave
Communication
When I hear or have strong emotions!
When I hear or have a problem!
When I hear or have confusion

16. Quick Review:
Seeking first to understand!
The challenge of each person having
their own unique “codebook”.!
Asking: “I’m wondering if….” to
understand whether a difference in our
“codebooks” is the source of our
frustration.

17. Quick Review:
Jesus had a lot to say about working
through conflicts with our sisters and
brothers.!
“Rebuke, Repent, Forgive” Luke 17:
1-10!
The importance of becoming aware
our emotions and body sensations in
preparing for brave communication.

18. Reflective Listening and !
Active Listening
Reflective: Stating back what you just heard -
word for word.!
Active: Connecting through acknowledging
their emotions.!
Using “Door Openers” and “Invitations” to
encourage the other person to share more.!
Active listening opens people up - so only use it
when you have the time to engage and you
truly want to hear them.

19. Keep Your Love “On”
• Recognize the pattern of powerless
people: “Victims” blaming “Bad
Guys” and looking for “Rescuers”.
• Understand it’s right and necessary
to have circles of access - how
much access people have to your
energy, time, and resources.

20. Keep Your Love “On”
• Choosing Love and moving towards
Connection - instead of seeking to
Control people out of Fear.
• Looking for ways to build trust
through seeking Sirst to understand
- and then seeing how we can help
meet the needs they express to us.

21. Keep Your Love “On”
An important question came up in class: Won’t helping
meet people’s needs slip into “enabling” and “co-
dependency”?
Our responses:
• “Tune-in” to Holy Spirit to discern what is healthy and
right - and what isn’t.
• Some desperate “needs” come from having an
“orphan spirit” - and these can only be satisSied by
experiencing the Spirit of Adoption - Abba’s love for
us.
• A healthy vulnerability (including being authentic
about our feelings and needs) is foundational to life-
giving intimate connections with people closest to us.

22. Your Stories
Share a story of how you’ve been
applying the concepts and tools from
this class. (It’s OK if it was messy or
incomplete!)
!
Are there scenarios you are facing
you’d like to get some encouraging
input on how to navigate them using
“Brave Communication”?

23. Thank you
• For engaging with the
material and the exercises
• For trusting this class with
your difSicult questions and
struggles
• For coming back each week

24. Blessing:
May our Heavenly Dad bless
you powerfully for being part
of this endeavor!
May you feel His joyful love
and approval as you take
vulnerable steps to be more
powerful, brave, and authentic.

25. Bonus:
!
An animated short video of Brené Brown
talking about blaming vs. empathy.
talking about blame vs. empathy
!
We didn’t have time to show this in class.
!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=RZWf2_2L2v8