Slides for Week 3 of the Brave Communication - Keeping Our Love On class. Part of Blazing Fire Church's World Changers Equipping School.

1. Brave Communication!
!
Keeping Our Love “On”
Tuesday Nights November 17 - December 15
Led by Russ Fochler
Week 3 Part 1 December 1, 2015

2. Goal
For each of us to become
more “Powerful” and “Brave”
in our relationships.

3. Powerful
We’re “powerful” when we
“show up” in a relationship —
and we’re helping the other
person to “show up” too.

4. Brave
We’re “brave” when we are no
longer slaves to fear, but living as
loved daughters and sons of Father
God. !
The mature kind of love that comes
from our Father — displaces fear in
us and in our relationships.

5. Practices for class !
and during your daily life
Remembering to always start with seeking to
Understand the other first. This includes
practicing Reflective Listening and often
Active Listening.
Using “I” statements,
Avoiding “It” statements, Avoiding “You”
statements!
Tactical Breathing

6. Brave Communication
by Dann Farrelly !
Associate Pastor of Bethel
Church, Redding and Dean of
the Bethel School of
Supernatural Ministry

7. Signs I “Need” Brave
Communication
When I hear or have strong emotions!
When I hear or have a problem!
When I hear or have confusion

8. Quick Review:
Seeking first to understand!
The challenge of each person having
their own unique “codebook”.!
Asking: “I’m wondering if….” to
understand whether a difference in our
“codebooks” is the source of our
frustration.

9. Quick Review:
Jesus had a lot to say about working
through conflicts with our sisters and
brothers.!
“Rebuke, Repent, Forgive” Luke 17:
1-10!
The importance of becoming aware
our emotions and body sensations in
preparing for brave communication.

10. Brave Communication Disk 1 56:53 - 59:12
Dann Farrelly

11. Core Value about how we
respond to attacks
From what Jesus told his disciples (us):
turn the other cheek. So we don’t
respond to a destructive emotional
attack by “going on the attack” ourselves!
We can vocalize how we now feel: “I
feel hurt, I feel betrayed, I feel frustrated,
my trust has been damaged, etc.”

12. Exercise (Pair-up in Groups of 2):!
Share a story of when you didn’t
attack in return. What helped you? !
OR imagine a recent time when you
lost control and attacked in return.
Share that, and as you feel the
emotions again - practice “Tactical
Breathing”. Is that helping?

13. Brave Communication Disk 1 59:12 - 1:07:09
Dann Farrelly

14. Trying to Shut Out Painful Stuff
Also Shuts Off Joy and Connection
See Brene Brown TED talk:!
“The Power of Vulnerability”!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=iCvmsMzlF7o

15. Feelings Change By
• Being shared and understood by God or another. !
• Getting a different perspective of a situation (like
new information or a new belief). !
• Praying about them. Our feelings are a part of us,
which is both sanctified and being sanctified.
Sometimes believing a lie damages our emotions.
God may work immediately and supernaturally, or
work over time, or have you work through them the
old fashioned way (by expressing them and being
understood or renewing our mind with His word.) !
• By being reflected upon through journaling, poetry
or self-talk.

16. Brave Communication Disk 2 0:0 - 5:10
Dann Farrelly

17. No Longer A Victim
When we use brave
communication — when we bring
up what is frustrating us in a
respectful way. And we see the
other person understands us, we
no longer feel like a victim

18. Brave Communication Disk 2 5:10 - 13:13
Dann Farrelly

19. The “I” Message
A) The feeling
B) The non-blaming description of MY
observation or problem
C) The tangible effects of the behavior, response,
or “attitude” on me
Use the Formula all the time until you get good
— even if you feel awkward:
“I feel ________when______________
because _______________________”
The really brave then make their needs/likes known
by suggesting some alternatives.
“So, I need____” or “So could we ____?”

20. Brave Communication Disk 2 12:03 - 13:23
Dann Farrelly

21. The “I” Message
The really brave then make their
needs/likes known by suggesting
some alternatives:!
!
“So, I need_________” !
or “So could we ________?”

22. Brave Communication Disk 2 13:13 - 17:02
Dann Farrelly

23. “I” Message Exercise
Think of a situation - real or “made-up”.!
I feel: _______(insert a feeling here)!
When: ___(a non-blaming description)!
Because: (why it affects you this way).!
So I need: ____ or So, could we:____?!
Pair-up, say it out loud, give feedback.

24. Brave Communication Disk 2 17:02 - 32:35
Dann Farrelly

25. Reflective Listening Exercise
I am going to give you some “practice”
statements. Person “A” please
express this to Person “B”!
Person B: Go past “parroting”. Let
yourself feel the emotions towards you
and then feedback the words you just
heard.!
After the first 4 statements - switch!

26. Brave Communication Disk 2 32:18 - 43:50
Dann Farrelly

27. Short Discussion about
Active Listening
Connecting through acknowledging their
emotions.!
Using “Door Openers” and “Invitations” to
encourage the other person to share more.!
Active listening opens people up - so only
use it when you have the time to engage
and you truly want to hear them.!