Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

Presented by Ray Williams
To The Vancouver Board of Trade
Leaders of Tomorrow
December 3, 2011

Copyright, Ray Williams 1

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©Copyright. For personal use only. May not be copied for
distribution.

Housekeeping &Introductions


The Day’s Agenda

• Outcomes and structure
• Commitments
• Note taking and materials
• Refreshments and lunch
• Contact information
•Email: ray@raywilliamsassociates.com


Change Your Mind Change Your Life©

Introductions



Change Your Mind, Change Your
Life—What Does That Mean?



What Are The Keys to a Successful
and Happy Life?



What Are The Five Keys to a
Successful and Happy Life?

Key 1: Self -Awareness




Key 2: Self-Management of Your
Thinking and Emotions




Key 3: Self-Actualization—
Mastering Successful Behaviors




Key 4: Mastering Your
Relationships With Others




Key 5: Being committed to
something bigger than
yourself—making the world
better


Mastering Self –Awareness:
Being On Purpose

Know what’s important to you—

What are your most important values?


Values

Your values are those things to
which you have a strong
emotional commitment and that
which you value above other
things.


Values:
1. Are a compass to help us navigate
through life
2. Can reflect moral and ethical principles
or not
3. Helps you in making crucial decisions
4. Can assist you in aligning your beliefs
with your behavior
5. Can strengthen the body-heart-mind-
spirit connection


Value Distinctions


Copyright, Ray Williams ‹#›

Values Preference Indicator



Step 1: Rank the values from 1, most
important to 21 , least important, to
you in the present time



Step 2: On page 4 score each value
against the others in each square, with
1 being most important and 5 being
the least important



Step 3: Transfer scores from page 4 to
page 5 for each value and total score
each square.



Step 4: On page 7 write down write
down the top 10 values from the lowest
score to the highest (lowest is 5,
highest is 25) from page 5


Instructions

Step 5: On page 7, make your final list of
values in column 3, based on your review of
columns 1 and 2

STOP and await further instructions


What is YourPersonal
Style?


Working with Different People
 What are the characteristics of those individuals you
find easiest to work with? Why?

 What are the characteristics of those individuals you
find the most difficult to work with? Why?


Personality Development Factors
Bio Physical
Influences
Self Worth Personal Style
Levels Preferences

Environmental Emotional
Systems Anchors
Social
Teachers


Your Personal Style is your Natural
Predisposition Towards:
Time, People, Tasks and Situations.


Personal Style is the part of your personality
that does not change throughout life.


Personal Style: Main Concepts

 Everyone has all 4 personal style dimensions to
varying degrees
 Each style has strengths and limitations
 Our strongest preferences and needs are often
our biggest blocks to developing ourselves
 Personal Style is only one part of your Personality


Personal Style is not related to:

 IQ
 Morality
 Ability
 Health
 Appearance
 Culture
 Gender
 Family


Personal Style Indicator
 Not a test
 No right or wrong answers
 No better or worse results – just different
 There is a right way to complete the assessment
 Follow the instructions


Personal Style Indicator

Score 4 as most like you and 1 the least like you
and 2 and 3 appropriately in between.


Transfer scores to pages 6 and 7Graph

B Behavioural
Action

C Cognitive
Analysis

I Interpersonal
Harmony

A Affective
Expression

20 30 40 50 60


Style Flexibility
1 Dimension Over 40 =

2 Dimensions Over 40 =

3 Dimensions Over 40 =

4 Dimensions Even =


“B” Behavioral - Tendencies
 Facial expressions hard to read
 Does not show emotions easily or often
 Impatient with loss of time, delays
 Energy experience: forceful, powerful, aloof
 Very active physically, doing many things
 Makes decisions quickly, no hesitation
 Works hard, long hours - expects the same
 Silent type, doesn’t talk much - expects the same


B – Behavioural / Action
Typical Strengths: Common Difficulties:

• Acts rapidly to get results • Can be too forceful or impatient
• Driven to achieve personal goals • Can often think their way is best/only
• High endurance under stress way
• Confident in positions of authority • Can be insensitive to needs of others
• Can often under-communicate with
others


Behavioral Action
High Need For:

 Challenge

 Independence

 Power

 Responsibility

Behavioural Action
Respond Best To:
 Summarized facts

 Direct, honest confrontation

 Support for their goals

 People who are efficient and
effective in getting results

―C‖ Cognitive - Tendencies
 Facial expressions - very obvious, frowning
 Shows anger quickly, tends to hold grudges
 Values being on time - expects the same
 Energy experience - nervous, talks fast
 Verbal challengers, critical, opinionated
 Mentally active, very perceptive, “thinkers”
 Works 9-5 and leaves for home
 Loyal employees, good systems builders


C – Cognitive / Analysis
• Acts cautiously to avoid errors • Can get bogged down in details
• Masterful at focusing on details • Can be too critical or negative
• Works to ensure quality control • Can be too controlling
• Critical observers with insightful • Can be unrealistic in expectations of
perceptions self/others


Cognitive Analysis
High Need For:
 Intimacy

 Organization

 Respect

 Safety


Cognitive Analysis
Respond Best To:
 Detailed information
 Respect for their opinion
 Systematic and proven
approaches
 Tasks done well and completely


―I‖ Interpersonal - Tendencies
 Facial expressions - small smiles, attentive
 Quiet, does not talk often or for long, shy
 Very patient with others, forgiving
 Energy experience: gentle, kind, calm, placid
 Consistent workers, steady not fast
 Gets very stressed in conflict situations
 Doesn’t talk much but loves to listen to others
 Makes decisions slowly, needs time


I – Interpersonal / Harmony

• Promotes harmony and balance • Can be too easy-going and trusting
• Reliable and consistent workers • Can be taken advantage of
• Flexible to other’s needs • Tend to take care of others rather than
• Compassionate care-givers self
• Can become stubborn if unappreciated


Interpersonal Harmony
High Need For:
 Appreciation

 Harmony

 Loving Others

 Security

Interpersonal Harmony
Respond Best To:
 Appreciation for their efforts

 Non-threatening approaches

 Thoughtfulness for others

 Honesty and trust


―A‖ Affective - Tendencies
 Facial expressions - big smiles, laughing
 Very verbal, talks to everyone, often loud
 Has trouble keeping time commitments
 Energy experience: creative, funny, upbeat
 Lots of ideas for changing, improving
 Over promises and under delivers
 Has trouble focusing on one thing for long
 Learns experientially, not auditory (ear)


Affective Expression
High Need For:
 Attention

 Acceptance

 Pleasure, play

 Recognition

Affective Expression
Respond Best To:
 Admiration for their
achievements
 Unstructured environments
 Affection and communication
 Opportunities to creatively
influence

A – Affective / Expressive
A – Affective / Expression
• Can easily lose track of time
 Accepting of others
• Can be unreliable in keeping promises
 Intuitive problem solvers • Can have a low commitment to detail
 Creatively influences people • Can have a high need to be the centre
 Excel at networking with of attention
others


Read you style type descriptions on pages 7,
9, 11, and 18


Personal Style Exercise
 Discuss, as a group, your greatest Personal
style strengths.
 Discuss, as a group, your greatest Personal
style challenges.
 What do you need to do to improve your
Personal and Business Effectiveness?


Either you control Your Personal Style or
Your Personal Style will control you!


Break


Is There A Major Formula To Success?

•Harry Potter


What is your definition
of success?


Success: My Definition

Success is being, doing, and having
what makes you happy and fulfilled
without doing harm to yourself or
others. It is the process of aligning
meaning, emotion, spirituality, thought
and action that is at the heart of success


The Success IQ Program: Traits
and Habits of Super Successful
People


What Do Successful People Do Differently?
A Partial List

1. They are clear about what is important to
them (values)



2. They know how to amplify their personal
power by:
• Focusing on their strengths not weaknesses
• Managing energy not time
• Use both intentions and goals effectively



3. Take 100% responsibility for their life:
• Banish bad habits
• Don’t act like victims
• Are resilient



4. : Have strong passionate beliefs:
• Inspire themselves
• Have a compelling vision
• Don’t follow the crowd
• Are action oriented


Success
and

Happiness


What is Happiness?

Write down your definition of happiness

Recall the happiest time you’ve ever had in
life


Happiness Quiz
•Which of the following would significantly
increase your level of happiness?
1. An intimate 9. Your child
relationship excelling at school
2. A better job 10. Cure from chronic
3. A better house illness or disability
4. A more attractive 11. More money
spouse 12 More time to do
5. A baby the things you
6. Looking Younger want to do
7. Being better
looking
8. Losing weight


What Determines
Happiness?

Choices Genetics
=40% =50%

Environment
=10%


Characteristics of
Happy People

1. They nurture relationships
2. They express gratitude frequently
3. They are altruistic
4. The practice optimistic thinking


Characteristics of
Happy People (2)

5. They savor life’s pleasures and live in the
present
6. They are clear about their
values/purpose in life
7. They are resilient


Resilience

Resilience and the ability to overcome
adversity and obstacles has been
positively correlated with greater
happiness and success.


Overcoming Adversity:EsrefArmagan


EsrefArmagan’s Art


Overcoming Adversity: The Coalminer


Overcoming Adversity: The Renaissance Man


Stanley Camp, Hong Kong


Life As A POW


Success and Failure

What is the relationship?


What can failure teach you?
Discuss


What can failure teach you?
1. You always have choices
2. Humility
3. How to survive
4. How to learn
5. Accepting the laws of impermanence and
entropy
6. Reframing your thinking of failure as experience
and ―just is.‖


Success, Failure and Motivation

How do they relate to each other?


What does research tell us about motivation?

1. Extrinsic rewards (the carrot) or
punishment (the stick) reduces intrinsic
motivation, doesn’t lead to lasting
behavior, and negatively affects
performance (Kohn)



2. True motivation boils down to three elements:
 autonomy (desire to direct our own lives)
 mastery (desire to continually improve at
something that matters)
purpose (the desire to do something
larger than ourselves)



3. While another person can inspire or influence
you, they cannot motivate you. Only you can
motivate you.


Lunch Break


Influence and Persuasion


The elements of influence and persuasion

1. Non-verbal communication and body
language
2. Rapport
3. Verbal and written language


How are these people
demonstrating influence
and persuasion?


Body Position


Facial
Expressions


Greetings


Posture


Influence and Persuasion:
Research-1

1. Body movements are controlled by
unconscious mind, so non-verbal
messages are not conscious
2. There is no direct correlation between
personality and behaviors of
unconscious and those of conscious
mind unless you have been trained to
be mindful and intentional

Research-2

3. The conscious mind is more
influenced by words and the
unconscious by non-verbal
4. Non-verbal communication includes
body language, facial expressions,
movement, touch, distance, eye
contact, voice characteristics. Verbal is
spoken and written words
5. Women are more sensitive to body
language than men

Research-3

6. Your eyes are your most powerful non-
verbal tool
• Dilated pupils seen as more
attractive than contracted
• Increased blinking rate shows
either anxiety/deception or lack of
attention
7. Your face is the best communicator of
emotions: >40 facial muscles for frown
only 14 for smile

Research-4

8. Smiling is one of the most powerful
influence techniques. Fake smiles use only
the mouth, real smiles use the eyes. Smiling
is contagious and signals friendship and
warmth, non-threat

8. Arm and hand gestures: Large and slow arm
movements are more influential ; palms up
hands are less threatening


Research-4

10. Posture: erect postures are positively
correlated with confidence, but differences
according to visual, auditory, kinesthetic

11. Voice: includes tone, pitch, volume, tempo,
emotion, clarity, vocabulary

12. Space: intimate: body to 18 inches; personal-
18 inches to 4 feet; social-12 feet and beyond


Research-5

13. Handshakes: The worst: wet fish, vise or
bone-crunch, finger tip, pump handle. The
best—be on right side, eye contact pump only
twice, hand on top for dominance

14. Rules for reading body language:
• Read gestures in clusters
• Look for congruence between words and
body language
• Read gestures in context


Magic Words

• Because
• Now
• Imagine
• Please and thank you
• Any word that persuades the
other person they are in control
• Dangerous

Establishing Rapport

1. Mirroring and matching body language
2. Matching voice pitch, tone and pace
3. Active listening
4. Focus “over there”



1. Mirroring and matching body language
2. Matching voice pitch, tone and pace
3. Active listening
4. Focus “over there”



Practice


How to make a powerful first
impression


impression

1. Open your attitude (positive mind
space)
2. Open your body language
3. Make eye contact real
4. Make real smile with eyes and
mouth
5. Say hi or hello with pleasant tone
and introduce yourself


impression

6. Point your heart at the other
person
7. Extend handshake first
8. Lean forward
9. Make open body gestures slow
and deliberate
10.Stop talking, listen and watch
other person’s body language


Brain Research
Implications For Being
Successful in Today’s
World


100 billion neurons, 100
trillion connections


The brain's ability to reorganize itself by
forming new neural connections
throughout life. Neuroplasticity allows the
neurons (nerve cells) to compensate for
injury and disease and to adjust their
activities in response to new situations or
to changes in their environment.
Neuroplasticity allows the brain to learn
new things throughout life up until death.


Your brain is
NOT like a
computer


Our brains are
basically
protective, and
defensive


Emotions
are powerful
brain
activities
that drive
our
decisions
and
behavior


Why Making Change is So Difficult


Review


Break


Fundamental Principles for
Living a Healthy and Happy
Life


Fundamental Principles for Living a Healthy and
Happy Life

1. Take responsibility for every thing that
happens in your life: be at cause and not in
effect.

Don’t act like a victim or use victim language.


The language of responsibility
Indicate R (Responsible) or V (Victim)

1. I’m depressed because I got laid off/fired.
2. My relationship with my partner ended because
he/she didn’t respect me
3. I was late because I lost track of time and had too
many things to do
4. I did poorly on the exam because the professor is a
bad teacher
5. I didn’t get the job because the employer wanted
someone with more experience
6. I’m not good at ________ because I wasn’t born with
those abilities


Happy Life

2. The map is not the territory—everyone has a
different perception of reality

We really don’t know what reality is, we only
know our own reality


Happy Life

3. Perception is projection--the behavior of
people that we react strongly (negatively
and positively) are usually a projection of
something inside ourselves


Happy Life

4. Emotions are the key driver to choices
and decisions in life, not logic and facts


Happy Life

5. More analysis of past problems without
access to intuition does not lead to
better decisions
Focusing on desired outcomes and
behaviors is more effective than
ruminating over past mistakes or
problems


Happy Life

6. The unconscious mind is a more
powerful force than the conscious mind
unless you know how to access and
control both


Happy Life

7. The meaning of communication is what
you get back


Review and Insights


Mastering your
life requires a
greater degree
of mindfulness


Are You Mindful?

1. I break or spill things, or bump into things
2. I run on automatic without being aware of what
I’m doing
3. I rush through things
4. I get so focused on what I need to do next, I lose
touch with what I’m doing now
5. I listen to someone with one ear, doing
something else at the same time


Are You Mindful?

6. I often think about the past or future
7. I eat without being conscious of what I’m eating
8. I often get lost in my thoughts or feelings
9. My mind wanders off and I’m easily distracted
10. I drive my car on automatic pilot without paying
attention to where I am
11. I daydream or think of others things when doing
my chores or routine life activities


Definitions of Mindfulness?
“Paying attention in a particular way, on
purpose, in the present moment and non-
judgmentally”

“Bringing one’s complete attention to the
present experience on a moment-to-moment
basis with a quality of compassion, acceptance
and loving kindness”

“Being aware of your internal thinking,
emotional and spiritual state while you are
involved in external events”


Two Kinds of Interrelated Mindfulness

1. Formal mindfulness through
meditation

2. Informal everyday mindfulness during
all activities


Key Elements of Mindfulness

1. Paying attention—focusing 100% of your
attention on what you are doing in that moment
2. Being in the present moment—being aware of
how things are in present time, not in the past or
thinking about the future
3. Being non-reactive—not reacting without
considered reflection to events or people, but
rather choosing how to respond



4. Beginner’s mind--observing the world, events
and people as if it were the first time you have
done so. This creates openness and curiosity
5. Acceptance—completely accepting the
thoughts, feelings, sensations and beliefs that
you have and understanding that they are those
things only, they are not necessarily you
(acceptance does not mean approval)



6. Non-attachment—avoiding attaching meaning
to your thoughts and feelings, or connecting a
specific thought to a feeling. Instead, let a
thought or feeling come in and pass without
connecting it anything, observing them as they
are. Non attachment also means not being
attached to your expectations which can result in
unhappiness and suffering



7. Non-striving—the state of not doing anything,
but simply accepting that things are happening
in the moment as they are regardless of what you
do. It just “is what it is.
8. Trust—having trust in your abilities, your
intuition, your capacity to survive anything
9. Patience—cultivating the belief that all things
develop in their own time, and nothing lasts
forever (principle of impermanence)



10. Open-heartedness and compassion—bringing
a quality of kindness, compassion, to our
experiences, and not slipping into
judgment and criticism


The Science Meditation


The Power of Meditation

Since 2002: Increased cognitive function, stress
reduction, creative thinking, increased compassion


“Dragon Tamer”
Amazon Books: http://ow.ly/7zSSZ


Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

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