A classroom buzzes with news and rumours of the upcoming prom. I am changing this.

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WORKING TITLE
BY GABRIEL LA GUARDIA

2. 2.
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SOUND BRIDGE
REAL WILD CHILD by Iggy Pop stars playing
1 INT. CLASSROOM. DAY.
Girls chat and sit themselves down. Shots focus on their
outfits, accessories and them applying their makeup.
A hand pulls out a VHS tape from a shelf and opens it.
The tape has a sticker on it and is labelled with a credit -
JAWBREAKER PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS
A title credit flashes onto screen - The Title of the film,
in the Clueless style.
At 0:32 mark, 4 second jumpcut mini-montage of girls in a
classroom laughing and chatting on mobile telephones - the
1990s brick kind.
Everyone begins to take their chairs and get comfortable.
A jump cut sequence shows the cast in yearbook-style
pictures.
A stack of cassette tapes reveal another title - each has a
customised spine card that spells out "Music by Iggy Pop,
Wheatus etc."
A girl opens a fashion magazine which reveals the title -
Costuming courtesy of XXX
A boy throws a paper airplane in a crowded classroom. A
tracking shot shows the passage of the airplane to a desk,
where it is unfolded by another pair of hands, revealing a
title credit - a film by Gabriel La Guardia.
Around the 1:30 mark, the music is interrupted by a loud pop
noise.
A bubblegum bubble pops in an extreme close up and the camera
pans out into a medium close up to reveal a girl on her brick
phone, in the front left of a classroom.
She is chatting on the phone to her friend, a few seats
behind, in the row over.

3. 3.
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FRONT GIRL:
...and he was all like I think [blank]
is really cute, and I was like yeah
she is really cute and I was - but I
didn't mean it like I really think
you're cute,
Cut to medium close-up of back girl looking confused:
FRONT GIRL:
-you know, cos I'm not a lesbian or
anything.
BACK GIRL:
Yeah but, like, I'm sure that if you
did go, like, muff-diving, you would
totally make it a trend around school.
FRONT GIRL:
Ugh, way supportive! You are like the
Wonderbra of friends. Point is, he's
totally gonna ask you to Prom.
BACK GIRL:
Well, Heather my love, this one is in
the bag. Speaking of, have you and the
Prom committee decided on a theme yet?
FRONT GIRL:
Oh God, it is such a calamity. So
check it: our three top contenders are
Swinging Sixties, Under the Sea and
Wizard of Oz, but nobody can decide on
one so right now it's gonna be ... The
Emerald City Under the Sea in the
Sixties.
BACK GIRL:
Shit! That is so hopeless.

4. 4.
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FRONT GIRL:
It's a work in progress...
BACK GIRL:
Clearly. Wanna blow off sixth and
seventh and go to the mall?
FRONT GIRL:
Duh! I'm running low on lipgloss.
BACK GIRL:
Coolness. I'm Audi!
FRONT GIRL:
See ya.
She hangs up and drops her pencil on the floor.
TEENAGE DIRTBAG by WHEATUS fades in
The camera pans down with her onto the floor, where it
dollies forward past a couple of pairs of shoes and pans into
a low angle shot of a guy in the next row over, a few seats
back.
The shot shows under the desk, covered in gum - he sticks a
wad of it under the table.
The camera pans into a close up of him as the spoken verse
starts. The mournful music is intercut with a medium close up
of him and the back of a girl he is admiring, completely
ignoring him.
At around the 0:48 mark, the music cuts out but is still
playing softly in the background. A guy in the chair next to
THE GUY pulls his earphones off and nods at the teacher.

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TEACHER:
Thank you for joining us, Mr. BLANK.
Now, for a second time, what group of
people were subject to class-oriented
prejudice in the mid-20th century
GUY:
Umm... I don't know, like... Iron
Maiden?
Class laughs. Someone shouts "Bonehead" Twins both slam their
head on the table in exasperation.
Teacher looks despairing.
TEACHER:
Dear God... I gotta retire.
Romantic strings begin playing.
GUY looks embarrassed but notices THE GIRL turning back and
smiling at him.
She holds up two tickets and mouths "Prom?"
He smiles.
He falls back into his chair. A whip pan transitions to a
pair of twins behind him.
TWIN 1:
Drool much? He is way delusional.
TWIN 2:
I think its -
TWIN 1:
Sweet? I don't think so. It's so

6. 6.
Created using Celtx
sickly-sweet, I'm gonna get a cavity.
It's like, come on, this is high
school, not an episode of fucking
Lizzie Maguire.
TWIN 2:
Do you have to be so caustic all the
time?
TWIN 1 feigns a sarcastic, beaming smile.
TWIN 2:
TWIN 1:
Peachy-fucking-keen, thanks for
asking!
TWIN 2:
What's their deal anyway?
TWIN 1:
Here's the four-one-one. So, in the
context of this metaphor, the leggy
asian one, [name] - she puts the
'whore' in horrible -
TWIN 2:
That's not a metaphor.
TWIN 1:
Yes it is. Anyway, the blonde one,
Marcie. There's really no metaphor for
her, she just sucks a lot of -
VALLEY GIRL 3:
- Dick's? As in Dick's Sporting Goods?
VALLEY GIRL 2:
Yeah they have a shoe outlet downtown!
Ain't they cute?
VALLEY GIRL 3:
Yeah they're phat! Ooh, have you
picked out your Prom dress yet?
VALLEY GIRL 2:
Eeee! No, I'm totally divided. Look, I
had samples made for easy
transportation.

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VALLEY GIRL 3:
Ooh that pink one is real cute. But
imagine it with, like, massive poofy
sleeves. That'd be killer, right?
VALLEY GIRL 2:
A worthy suggestion, my friend!
VALLEY GIRL 3:
I managed to stir up a ... lil ...
summin-summin.
She pulls a massive dress out of her knapsack.
VALLEY GIRL 3:
Hold on.
She pops into a nearby cupboard, and reemerges shortly.
VALLEY GIRL 3:
Okay, opinions!
VALLEY GIRL 2:
You look like a ...
VALLEY GIRL 3:
Thank you.
VALLEY GIRL 2:
Are you sure your septum is going to
heal before Prom?
Valley Girl 3 clutches her nose.
VALLEY GIRL 3:
Oh, God, hopefully! I've been praying
regularly.
VALLEY GIRL 2:
Cry to the angels, my sweet. They'll
hear your pleas.
Caustic girl begins smashing her head on the table.
VALLEY GIRL 3:
Oh my God, what is your damage?
GAY KID:
That's not my name!

8. 8.
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VALLEY GIRL 2:
Or Miss Ginger Snaps over there...
TWIN 2:
I didn't know they let cadaverous
sluts into school before midnight.
VALLEY GIRL 3:
Oh my god, is she dissecting a mouse?
Whip pan to evil goth bitch. She is dangling something gross,
maybe a dead mouse, in front of gay kid.
GAY KID:
Quit it, troll! Get out from under
your bridge, ask me your riddles three
and leave me alone!
He turns around. She skulks back.
Under his breath:
GAY KID:
Cockhungry satanist. (or something in
the same vein)
Pom-pom greenscreen transition.
CHEERLEADER 1:
You know, some people say that if
Plato was the originator of Western
metaphysics, then in Nietzsche every
Platonic insight had been inverted.
CHEERLEADER 2:
Totally.
CHEERLEADER 1:
Personally, I dislike Nietzsche
because he likes the contemplation of
pain, because he erects conceit into a
duty, because the men whom he most
admires are conquerors, whose glory is
cleverness in causing men to die.
CHEERLEADER 2:
Totally. I vibe so hard with what
you're saying right now.

9. 9.
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CHEERLEADER 2 begins flirting with a guy next to her.
CHEERLEADER 1:
blablaablablabalb.... Marnie!
CHEERLEADER 2:
Sorry XXX...
CHEERLEADER 1:
Stupidity leak much? Why are you so
out of the loop today? Did you eat a
brain tumour for breakfast?
CHEERLEADER 2:
Look, I'm just going through a hard
time right now... I've got a [mumbles
something].
CHEERLEADER 1:
What now?
CHEERLEADER 2:
I've developed a [mumbles]
CHEERLEADER 1:
Why are you speaking like you've got a
mouthful of dick? Spit it out!
CHEERLEADER 2:
A yeast infection! I've got a yeast
infection, okay?
Everyone recoils. Someone says ew. The jock she's talking to
backs off.
CHEERLEADER 1:
How the fuck did that happen? You get
yeast infections from drinking redneck
beer and using public toilets!
CHEERLEADER 2:
I don't know, [BLANK]! Why don't you
ask the bread loaf that's baking
inside my vagina?
People look up from their notebooks to look at her.

10. 10.
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CHEERLEADER 2:
Look can we talk about something else?
Like what's happening in Iraq! Saddam
Hussein, am I right? What's going on
there?
CHEERLEADER 1:
What-ever! Look Marcie. You're my
friend. Here's some friendly advice.
If you wanna garner any respect around
here, especially in these tender weeks
approaching Prom, close your legs and
stop throwing yourself around like a
Thai ladyboy. Capisch?
LOUDSPEAKER:
Your attention please, ladies and
gentlemen. It's time for the moment
we've all been waiting for. The
nominees for your [school name] Prom
Queen of 1995.
CHEERLEADER 2:
Hey, D'you reckon I'll get nominated
for Prom Queen.
CHEERLEADER 1:
Yeah, for sure! Maybe if we were in a
Victorian brothel where everyone is
riddled with syphilis!
LOUDSPEAKER:
The first nominee is ... drumroll
please... [cheerleader 1].
CHEERLEADER 1:
Oh yes. Oh fuck yes!
CHEERLEADER 2:
Well, after three years of the giving
the chafing nightmares you call
handjobs to anyone who can muster up
an erection, you've collected the
fruits of your labour.
CHEERLEADER 1:
What was that?
LOUDSPEAKER:
The next nominee is ... [teen dream]

11. 11.
Created using Celtx
CHEERLEADER 2:
Aw, good for [her], she really
deserves it.
CHEERLEADER 1:
Yay [her]. She's a shoo-in for Prom
Queen, actually. It'd be a real shame
should anything happen to her...
CHEERLEADER 2:
Where are my laxatives?
LOUDSPEAKER:
Your third nominee for Prom Queen is
CHEERLEADER 2:
They're on your desk.
RANDOM DUDE:
Bitch, why are you taking laxatives
again after last time.
CHEERLEADER 1:
Hello? I'm head cheerleader. People
need to throw me around in the air
like a hackey-sack. I don't want to
get dropped and break my neck because
its a bloaty day.
CHEERLEADER 2:
You're not even a heifer.
CHEERLEADER 1:
Look, I'm six feet tall and I weigh
105 pounds. I think I know what I'm
doing here. Okay? Everyone get off my -
The bell rings, interrupting her cuss.
Long shot of everyone looking up at the bell.
Moment of silence.
Everyone gets up and leaves.