Managing Conflict in the Library
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“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” Anyone who works with others is very likely to be a party to some disagreements on occasion but conflict doesn’t have to be a bad thing. This training focuses on ways library staff can work with patrons and co-workers to resolve conflict in the workplace and empower them to manage the stress resulting from conflict. Enhanced exercises are included.
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Managing Conflict in the Library
- 1. CONFLICT RESOLUTION: Managing Conflict in the Library
- 2. 3 POLLS (THEY’RE ANONYMOUS!) Join at slido.com Enter #X484 to participate Just use your phone, tablet, or laptop!
- 3. QUESTION 1 Join at slido.com Enter #X484 to participate Nothing is more _______ than working with the public.
- 4. AGENDA Differences between Good and Bad conflict Types of conflict. Ways to defuse conflict How to move past conflict
- 5. GOOD AND BAD CONFLICT
- 6. BAD CONFLICT Avoidance Self-protection Complaining RatherThan Managing Conflict Acceptance Discipline
- 7. GOOD CONFLICT Agree to learn from conflict Be creative Be flexible Be responsive Encourage idea sharing Look for win-win situations Listen
- 8. LET’S TALK ABOUT LISTENING…
- 10. LEVELS OF CONFLICT Intrapersonal or Intrapsychic Conflict • Conflict that occurs within and individual Interpersonal Conflict • Conflict is between individuals
- 11. PERSONALITY CONFLICTS Types of Conflict Work Style Differences Background Differences Attitude Differences CompetitiveVS Cooperative
- 16. QUESTION 2 Join at slido.com Enter #X484 to participate What are some things that patrons get upset about?
- 17. CONFLICT DIAGNOSIS Positions: What they say they want Interests: What they really want Needs: What they must have
- 18. 4 KEYSTO CONFLICT RESOLUTION Quickly Relieve Stress Recognize and ManageYour Emotions ImproveYour Nonverbal Communication Use humor and play
- 19. LET’S TALK ABOUT LISTENING… …AGAIN
- 20. RESOLVING CONFLICT BY LISTENING L –Listen Don’t talk. Unhappy patrons need to be heard before you can help A-Apologize Don’t excuse or admit guilt, but sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding S-Solve the problem Provide an immediate response. Work together with the patron to find a solution T-Thanks Sincerely thank the patron for this opportunity, for their patience, for allowing you to serve them better
- 21. LET’S TALK ABOUT LISTENING… …ONE LASTTIME
- 22. SITUATIONS…
- 23. SCENARIO 1 A patron is upset because of overdue fines. They insist they turned an item in, but you can’t find it. Later, a staff member finds the item on a co-worker’s desk. How do you explain this to the patron?
- 24. SCENARIO 2 A drunk patron is talking very loudly on his cell phone and you have a ‘no cell phone’ policy. When you ask him to be quiet, he gets into your face and verbally assaults you.What do you do?
- 25. SCENARIO 3 A regular patron, that no one likes, is coming in and she’s headed to your desk. She complains about everything: your service, selections of materials, library policies, etc.Today she complains that you’re not dressed professionally enough.What do you do?
- 26. SCENARIO 4 A mom comes in with her toddler and the child is running around the library knocking books off the shelves and going behind the desk. Mom says nothing.What do you do?
- 27. SCENARIO 5 A Regular patron comes in and asks you about the latest Judy Blume novel.While you’re talking, you notice bed bugs crawling on the patron. What do you do?
- 29. FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN NEEDS Developed by Manfred Max-Neef Every human has the same basic needs that are required to maintain a basic level of happiness.
- 32. REMINDERS ANDTIPS: •People are people •Teens are people, too •You are in control! •Acknowledge patron concerns •Positive vs. negative •Policies!!!
- 33. QUESTION 3 Join at slido.com Enter #X484 to participate What are some activities that you engage in to relax after a tough day at work?
- 34. QUESTIONS? Courtney Allison Southeast Regional Coordinator callison@library.in.gov
- 35. REFERENCES Curzon S.C. Managing change: a how-to-do-it manual for librarians. NewYork, NY: Neal-Schuman Publishers; 2005. Montgomery J.G., Cook E.I. Conflict management for libraries: strategies for a positive, productive workplace. Chicago, IL: American Library Association; 2005. Search For Common Ground, https://www.sfcg.org/our-resources/ Patterson, Kerry, et al. Crucial Conversations:Tools for talking when stakes are high. McGraw Hill. NewYork. 2002. Safe Harbor, http://will.state.wy.us/ldo/boards/SafeWorkplace.pdf
Editor's Notes
- Introduction There will be interactive elements Janet will hand our LEUs for these sessions Don’t forget to activate polls
- Explain how the polls work
- Poll Title: Nothing is more _______ than working with the public. Give a minute to answer then go to site
- -retrieved image from www.pexels.com (doesn’t require attribution)
- Good conflict is an experience that provides opportunities for growth or positive change. Bad conflict is a perception that conflict is primarily a negative or harmful experience.
- -retrieved image from www.pexels.com (doesn’t require attribution) Conflict is neither good nor bad. The difference between the two is really the difference in how it’s managed. Certain actions can turn any conflict into a bad situation. Here are some examples of bad conflict: Avoidance: When a group is afraid of conflict its members may avoid them all together. The downside of avoidance is that even if certain members disagree with others, their opinions are never voiced. This gives power to only some or one member of the group, creating less of a team atmosphere and more of a hierarchy. Other people’s opinions are important because the more brainstorming and idea generating that happens, there are more opportunities for new ideas. Self-protection: this means, rather than addressing the issue with parties involved, you go into a protection mode. Self-protection means those involved say, “keep me out of this,” or take a side that will keep their good-standing with the group. Self-protection may also lead to keeping secrets from others which can create more division and more conflict. Complaining Rather Than Managing Conflict: Rather than tackling the situation, some parties simply complain. Constant complaining about a conflict isn't and doesn’t contribute to a solution. Complaining adds to negative feelings and negative points of view. In these situations, complaining often happens in private and can make conflicts more complicated and severe. Acceptance: this is when a conflict has existed for a long time, those involved begin to accept that the conflict will always be there They might say, “there’s no point in trying to figure this out, it’s always been this way.” Those who accept conflict are agreeing to live with the bad feelings and hurt relationships which can make the group dynamic difficult and painful Acceptance is more common in long-running conflicts that have spanned several years. Discipline: this is, when conflict occurs, those in a position of power may decide to punish those involved. That approach is also not necessarily constructive because it does not address the reason the conflict exists and does not seek to find a positive solution. Also, addressing conflict with discipline divides a group further and causes others in the group to take sides or look for ways to protect themselves from being punished.
- -retrieved image from www.pexels.com (doesn’t require attribution) By addressing conflict constructively, you can turn a potentially bad conflict into a good one. You have the opportunity to learn from conflict. There are several ways to address conflict positively Agreeing to learn from all conflicts: All conflicts are an opportunity to learn more about who you’re working with. Even conflicts due to differing personalities can tell you something about your organization and how it works. Paying attention to these can help you figure out how to structure a group that works together well and is productive. Be creative: when you put the focus on creativity, you encourage new ideas. Be flexible: Many groups have a structure. There are times when situations arise that require some level of flexibility. Being flexible means a group sees more than one way of operating which opens up more chances to grow. Be responsive: Your group members can address conflict proactively, before it even starts, by agreeing to respond to any and all conflicts as soon as they happen. Make your group a safe place to share ideas: by setting ground rules like: all ideas are welcome, every person has a voice, we will listen without judging. Rules like these encourage brainstorming, building each other’s ideas, and making decisions as a team. Look for win-win situations: Often, when conflicts are resolved, the outcome is that one side loses and one side wins. In other cases both parties feel they have lost. Your goal in resolving conflict positively is to look for the win-win situation where both sides feel they have gained something. Win-win solutions are not always possible, but trying your best to find them may result in creative solutions that turn bad conflict into good conflict. Listen: Some conflicts are caused by miscommunication so it is important to listen carefully to what other groups have to say. Make sure that you are silent when others’ speak and ask questions to make sure you fully understand their meaning. Sometimes people have a difficult time finding the right words to express how they feel or what they think. If someone's words are confusing, patiently asking questions may help you better understand and help them better express his or her true feelings. There are many ways to listen effectively.
- Exercise 1 – words dealing with sleep List about 18 related words, pick any topic. Pick one word to be intermingled in the list three times, such as, the 3rd, 7th, and 12th word will be “sleep.” Leave out one obvious word from the list such as “bed.” Ask attendees to listen as you read the list to them. Give them one minute to write as many words as they can remember that you said. Usually 60% will remember the first word, 75% will get the last word on your list, 80% will remember the word that was repeated three times and 20% will write down the obvious word you never said. Debrief why all this happened and what we can learn from this. Ex: Blanket Doze Sleep Mattress Pillow Snore Sleep Dream Nap Rest Bunk Sleep Cot Snooze Slumber Drowsy Drift Couch
- It is common for organizations to view a disagreement between two parties, as a source of emotion, frustration, and negativity. Much of the time, we see conflict as something that is so harmful it should be avoided. Despite these views, some disagreements within an organization or outside of it can be an opportunity for creative thinking, problem-solving, learning, and growth. It’s good to remember that conflict is healthy and natural. It’s not the end of the world. We all have different personalities, ideas, and points of view. We are not always going to agree on issues and actions, and that’s a good thing. Since we all bring different experiences to the table, we can open each others’ eyes to new ideas and new ways of approaching issues. There are several types of conflict that can occur in a group. We’ll take a look at some here in a second. Any combination of these conflict types can happen at any time.
- Intrapersonal: We want a sugary snack but we know that it’s unhealthy for us Interpersonal: three patrons are demanding your attention simultaneously, you can’t assist them all at once.
- Sometimes people simply don’t get along with each other. We all have different personalities and the way we approach tasks and the way we interact interpersonally may be disagreeable to others. -politics, age, and culture can all lead to potential personality conflicts. This tends to be thought of most frequently in terms of co-workers but it can also be an issue for patrons and staff as well. Older patrons may not approve of younger staff members choice of words or informal demeanor. Maybe your patron is a naturally grumpy person and finds cheerful people to be annoying?
- This conflict is caused by an action taken by an individual. The action’s outcome could be positive or negative but, if the patrons behavior is in conflict with the behavior policy then negative conflict could arise.
- Inconsistency can cause conflict between coworkers as well as patrons and staff. If someone is granted an exception once, they may believe that it was normal and not exceptional and become agitated if it is enforced later.
- Two people can have conflicting styles and perceptions. They may view the same incident in dramatically different ways. in times of conflict, when it seems that you are emotionally incapable of managing the situation or that your emotions may get in the way it is a good idea to turn to another staff member to take over or give an unbiased perspective.
- Some conflicts are the result of one person not listening closely to another person. This is a little re-hash of what we talked about earlier with the exercise, but I can’t stress enough the importance of active listening. Careful listening not only includes listening to each word a person says, but also to asking questions to make sure you understand the person’s full meaning. It’s good to remember, when emotions are high it can be difficult for someone to clearly articulate their feelings, asking leading questions can help the patron clarify the issue and give you more insight. -aggressive patrons: when someone is making accusitory statements “your late fees are stupid” ask open ended questions that will help to get to the bottom of the problem but also clarify that it is not you specifically Ex: how can WE help you to avoid late fees in the future?
- Poll Title: What are some things that patrons get upset about?
- We much create an individualized plan to handle conflict. It’s not one size fits all. We’re all different and we all handle things differently. Each conflict must be understood and treated uniquely. Conflict diagnosis is a structured process for understanding and responding to interpersonal conflicts it provides a clear framework for understanding and appreciating many parts of conflict. It also serves as a clear guide for the development of strategies for addressing conflict, In a sense, conflict diagnosis provides the tools to turn any conflict into good conflict. Example: A patron approaches and is angry that they have fines on their account and asks for them removed. -acknowledge their frustration, “I understand you’re upset” -see what caused them to miss their due date, was it a lack of awareness of ways to manage their account or maybe their was a death in the family -if it is a lack of awareness of how to manage their account, make sure you educate them on their options for alerts and renewals.
- The ability to successfully manage and resolve conflict depends on 4 key skills. Together, these four skills form a 5th skill that’s so much greater and that’s the ability to take conflict in stride and resolve differences in ways that build trust and confidence. Quickly relieve stress: The ability to remain relaxed and focused in tense situations is very important in conflict resolution If you don’t know how to stay centered and in control of yourself, you may become emotionally overwhelmed in those challenging situations. The best way to quickly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses: sigh, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But everyone responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you (cup of tea, deep breath, smell of peppermint, vanilla) 2. Recognize and manage your emotions: Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and other people. If you don’t know how you feel or why you feel that way, you won’t be able to communicate effectively or smooth over disagreements. Knowing your own feelings may seem simple, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Many people ignore strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. But your ability to handle conflict depends on being connected to these feelings. If you’re afraid of strange emotions or if you insist on finding solutions that are strictly rational, your ability to face and resolve differences will be impaired. Improve your non verbal communication skills: (More communication…that seems to be a theme in conflict resolution) The most important information exchanged during conflicts and arguments is often communicated nonverbally. Nonverbal communication includes eye contact, facial expression, tone of voice, posture, touch, and gestures. When you’re in the middle of a conflict, paying close attention to the other person’s nonverbal signals may help you figure out what they are really saying, respond in a way that builds trust, and get to the root of the problem. Non verbal signals such as a calm tone of voice, a reassuring tough, or a concerned facial expression can go a long way toward defusing a heated exchange. You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by communication in a playful or humorous way. Humor can help you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without creating a confrontation. Keep in mind, it’s important that you laugh with the other person not at them. Humor and play can be used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into perspective, then the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection.
- Page 57 – non-verbal communication OBJECTIVES • To gain an understanding of the messages we send nonverbally • To become aware of others’ nonverbal messages Procedure Ask for two volunteers to come to the front of the room (or somewhere in the room so the other participants can see them). Let the volunteers know that one of them will be reading aloud some actions while the other person acts them out. After each action, ask for feedback from the group regarding the volunteer’s interpretation of the action. After the volunteers finish, give them a big round of applause, making sure to compliment the actor on his or her fine acting abilities, and have them take their seats. Follow with the group discussion. Discussion Questions 1. How powerful is nonverbal communication? 2. Do we all interpret nonverbal messages in the same way? Why or why not? What is the “correct” interpretation? 3. Based on this activity, what are some things we can keep in mind regarding the messages we send nonverbally?
- When people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of the problem. When we listen for feelings and words, we connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening in this way also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us. Tips for being a better listener: Listen to the reasons the other person gives for being upset. Make sure you understand what the other person is telling you—from his or her point of view. Repeat the other person’s words, and ask if you have understood correctly. Ask if anything remains unspoken, giving the person time to think before answering. Resist the temptation to jump in with your own point of view until the other person has said everything he or she wants to say and feels that you have listened to and understood his or her message. The LAST method of resolving conflict can be a helpful guide for how to proceed in a conflict with a patron. Break up into groups
- P. 69 One Question 10-15minutes Procedure One of the most useful skills in times of conflict is the skill of dialogue. Dialogue can open the door to collaboration. When we engage in dialogue, we keep an open mind, ask questions, and listen to the answers. This activity is a great way to practice those skills. Have everyone find a partner and a place to sit comfortably. Give participants the criteria for which partner will begin round one (for example, the person with the longest hair, biggest shoes, or darkest eyes). That person begins the round by asking their partner a question. The other person can either just answer the question, or answer and follow up with their own question to continue the dialogue. The challenge is for the partners to see how long they can engage in dialogue using just that one question as a foundation for the conversation. After the topic question, all the additional questions and dialogue have to build on that. Because close-ended questions tend to shut down a conversation, remind your team that questions that begin with what, where, when, how, and why work best. Here are some examples of opening questions: Where did you grow up? • What do you like about your job? • Where is one of your favorite vacation spots? • When did you start working for the company? • How can you become better at resolving conflict? To give each partner a chance to ask the topic question, play this game in two rounds. Tips The topic question needs to be an open-ended question. It is a good idea to discuss the difference between open- and close-ended questions and ask for some examples before starting (What sports do you like? What are your plans for the summer? What activities are your children involved in at school?). Discussion Questions 1. What did you notice during the activity? 2. In what ways does it take two to keep the dialogue going? 3. Was this activity more or less challenging than you thought it would be? 4. Did you improve your time during the second round? 5. What did you learn during the first round that allowed you to do that? 6. Do we usually take the time to ask questions when we’re in conflict with another? Why or why not? 7. How might asking questions change the course of the conflict? 8. What are some examples of open-ended questions we could use the next time we are in a conflict situation?
- Read out loud…work in groups for answers
- The wheel of fundamental human needs was developed by Manfred Max-Neef and operates under the belief that all human being have core needs which need to be fulfilled in order to maintain a base level of happiness. If we do not have access to these needs, the theory is that it becomes difficult for an individual to maintain basic happiness. The wheel can be useful in helping to better understand the behaviors of some of our patrons and co-workers. Example: if a patron comes into the library very surly and begins to demand assistance with a housing issue you might be taken aback by their demeanor and tone but by engaging with them and listening to their needs, you discover that there is a massive flood in their rental home which is damaging their property and the landlord refuses to address it. In this situation, their need for shelter, protection, and being empowered to tackle this issues is at risk and it is contributing to their stress and interrupting their capacity to experience happiness. Understanding why someone behaves a certain way does not excuse bad behavior but it can make it easier to understand it and help to cognitively reframe it in a way that’s easier to understand and digest.
- Stress: having to deal with personality clashes causes a great deal of tension and anxiety. Being in that constant state of alert, preparing for the next unpleasant interaction, can cause physical and mental strain. In certain situations, this kind of stress can have real impact on physical health. Sometimes the level of stress is unbearable, causing workers to leave their jobs. Lower Productivity: when members of the team are in conflict, that conflict can have a negative impact on the environment. It drains energy and lowers productivity. The effectiveness of teams relies on their ability to work in a cooperative manner. When that cooperation is disrupted, the progress of the whole team suffers. Whether the clash is overtly obvious, or subtle, personality conflicts affect the moral of the team, and sometimes entire office. Which, in turn, can affect your interactions with your patrons.
- -Image retrieved from www.pexels.com (no attribution required) Negativity bias, or negativity effect, refers to the notion that things of a more negative nature have a greater effect on one’s psychological state and processes than neutral or positive things In other words, something very positive will generally have less of an impact on a person’s behavior and cognition than something equally emotional but negative. Cognitive reframing is a psychological technique that consists of identify and then disputing irrational or negative thoughts. Reframing is a way of viewing and experiencing events, ideas, concepts and emotions to find more positive alternatives. The vast majority of our inter-personal interactions at work are positive, though we are hard wired to focus more closely on the negative experiences. Making a conscious effort to remind our selves of the positive things that have occurred at the end of the day can make it easier for us to maintain a more positive attitude about our work experience.
- People are people: not good or bad humanize Empathize Relate Understand assist Teens are people too: being a teen is a group activity remember to be consistent in your rules (if you allow adults to talk in the library, teens should be allowed too take time to explain rules and why the exist if you have to ask them to leave, always invite them to come back another day You are in control: take a deep breath talk slowly and calmly be courteous and respectful don’t become defensive or angry don’t take the complaint personally assess the situation, know when to get additional help Acknowledge patron concerns: don’t call it a problem, use situation or concern paraphrase the situation in your own words (listening) communicate and explain policy know what to do during evening a weekend hours (policies) Positive vs negative: don’t make excuses for the situation take responsibility and take action ( I will look on the shelf, not you should look on the shelf avoid negative words: can’t, won’t, they won’t let us, you didn’t, your child always Policies: for you and patrons, you know how to handle situations and clearly explain them to patrons weekend hours redux have a place where patrons can find it (in library, website)
- Poll Title: What are some activities that you engage in to relax after a tough day at work? Meditation The best way to quickly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses: sigh, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But everyone responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you (cup of tea, deep breath, smell of peppermint, vanilla) Maintaining a solid work-life balance Research carried out on a group of volunteers by the consultancy Mindlab International at the University of Sussex found that reading was more effective at reducing stress then listening to music, playing video games, taking a walk, or drinking tea. Psychologists believe this is because the human mind has to concentrate on reading and the distraction of being taken into a literary world eases the tension in muscles and the heart. Subjects in the study only needed to read, silently, for six minutes to slow down the heart rate and ease tension in the muscles. Doing so reduced stress levels by 68 percent, where as listening to music reduced stress by 61 per cent, having a cup of tea or coffee lowered them by 54 per cent and taking a walk by 42 percent. Playing video games brought them down by 21 percent. In order to gain the greatest effects you should read print materials and avoid subjects that can trigger stress or are related to issues that you’re struggling with. (the reading test used fiction in print, it was not conducted with e-books)