Introduction to the Study of Conflict CommunicationDEFIN

Introduction to the Study of Conflict Communication
DEFINING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT
Interpersonal conflict is a problematic situation with four
unique characteristics:
The conflicting parties are interdependent.
They have the perception that they seek incompatible goals or
outcomes or they favor incompatible means to the same ends.
The perceived incompatibility has the potential to adversely
affect the relationship if not addressed.
There is a sense of urgency about the need to resolve the
difference.
Interpersonal conflicts occur with people who are important to
us and who we expect to continue seeing or working with in the
future.
INEVITABILITY OF CONFLICT
As relationships become closer, personal and more
interdependent, conflict is more likely, hence inevitable.
(inevitability of conflict principle)
Conflict is inevitable whether it’s overt or hidden.
Overt: E.g. Yelling, screaming, swearing etc.
Hidden: E.g. Giving each other the silent treatment, purposely
avoiding eye contact, sending mixed messages to each others
etc.
CAUSES

Incompatible goals: We seek different outcomes.
Incompatible means: We have different opinions on how to
achieve the same goal.
Cultural divides
Ethnic
Racial
Religious groups
Political and values barriers
Conservatives vs. liberals
Gender gaps between the sexes
Economic and power divides between upper and lower classes
Age barriers between younger and older citizens
EFFECTS
Mismanaged conflicts could adversely affect relationships:
People feel uncomfortable when together (may want to exit etc.)
People feel dissatisfied with partners (refuse to forgive, seek
revenge etc.)
People have desire to change (Apathetic/disinterested)
Sense of Urgency
Effective conflict management is needed before someone
reaches their breaking point.
SOLUTION
Build bridges through communication
Take time out of your busy schedules.
Pay attention to matters you may consider unimportant.
Spend money and allocate often-limited resources.
Listen to people you would like to ignore.
SOLUTION

Produce satisfaction in long-term relationships:
Love- Nonverbal expressions of positive regard, warmth, or
comfort
Status- Verbal expressions of high or low prestige or esteem
Service- Labor or one for another
Information- Advice, opinions, instructions or enlightenment
Goods- Material items
Money- Financial contributions
Shared time- Time spent together
In the best kind of long term relationship, partners believe they
get what they deserve.
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT VS
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Conflict Management: Communication behavior a person
employs based on his/her analysis of a conflict situation.
Involves alternative ways of dealing with conflict (including
resolution or avoidance).
Conflict Resolution: One alternative in which parties solve a
problem or issue and expect it not to arise again.
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT AS A SKILL
You have a choice when faced with conflict.
You need to have a meta-conflict perspective to manage conflict
effectively:
You can take a look back on the conflicts you have experienced.
Analyze what you did well and what you did poorly.
Learn from your mistakes.

Conflict Management as a skill cont’d
Developing Competency:
Repeat skill as necessary.
Perform skill without hesitation.
Practice.
Use knowledge about the way conflict works.
Exercise the skills that are used in conflict situations.
CONFLICT MODELS OF COMMUNICATION
Linear Model
Elements: Sender, Receiver, Channel, Noise, Feedback
Emphasizes accuracy
Limits our view of interpersonal conflict as something we do to
someone.
Often results in blaming, when in fact, both parties contributed
to the conflict
May result in name calling, yelling etc.
Transactional Model
Emphasizes managing and coordinating rather than
the end product of communicating.
Uses verbal & nonverbal messages to better understand
each other’s perspective and create a shared meaning.
CONFLICT COMMUNICATION PROCESSES
A process is dynamic, ongoing, and continuous (Objects,
people, events & social situations)
Processes have the following characteristics:
Stages or phases of development through growth or
deterioration.
History in which a distinctive pattern emerges.

Consist of continual change over time.
Ingredients that affect one another.
May/may not lead to the next stage (depending on the
ingredients).
Represent some outcome, stage, or state of being.
Like a picture or a single frame in a film.
A PROCESS VIEW OF CONFLICT
The way we talk about something reflect that we don’t have a
process perspective e.g. “the happy couple,” “a divorced
person,” or “an ex-convict”—which suggests that people do not
change.
If we fail to see conflict as a process, we will not be able to
manage it well. When we don’t take a process view:
When we see something as unchanging.
When we see something as having no history.
When we see something at its present age only, not a stage in
development.
When we do not consider the ingredients that make up
something.
A Process View of Conflict cont’d
Conflict Communication: A process of exchanging verbal and
nonverbal messages in a conflict situation that starts with
antecedents, moves through steps, and ends with consequences.
A process view of conflict communication reflects an awareness
that our lives consists of events influencing subsequent events.
A process view of conflict suggest that conflict moves through
five stages:
Prelude to conflict
Triggering event

Initiation of conflict
Differentiation phase
Resolution phase
Prelude to conflict comprises four variables:
The participants in the conflict situation (number, age, sex etc.)
The relationship between them (which may vary in closeness
and distribution of power) and their conflict history.
Other interested parties to the conflict (including bystanders).
The physical and social environment of the conflict situation (a
party in someone’s home, a meeting at work, dinner with family
or friends).
Triggering event:
A behavior that the parties in the conflict point to as the i ssue,
problem, or focal point of the conflict.
The parties involved don’t always point to the same behavior as
the trigger for the conflict. Two different events could result in
two conflicts occurring at the same time.
Initiation phase:
Response.
Occurs when conflict becomes overt.
Differentiation phase:
Parties use constructive or destructive strategies/tactics.
Presenting both sides of the story, moving back & forth,
escalating & de-escalating conflict.
Participants may begin to progress through the stages and stop

or return to previous stage.
Serves beneficial purpose.
Allows parties to explain their how they think conflict emerged,
and what they want to happen as a result of the conflict.
The following affects how conflict proceeds:
The relationship
The conflict history of the participants
Preferred styles of navigating conflicts
A Process View of Conflict
Resolution:
Occurs when those involved accept some outcome to the
conflict.
Ideally, both participants are satisfied with the outcome.
Less ideal, the issue is settled temporarily.
Worse case scenario occurs when the dominant partner make a
decision for both parties.
Remember…
Each conflict is different.
Conflict process is a cycle.
What happens in one conflict affects how we think about future
conflicts.
How a conflict is managed affects the way future conflicts are
managed.
Successful resolution reinforces positive thoughts about
conflict.
Success of conflict is based on participants’ view.
Conflict communication is productive when participants are all
satisfied, and think they have gained from conflict.
Sometimes participants are satisfied even when the problem is
not resolved.

In some cases, participants only need the other party to show
concern for their feelings, and to pay attention to their wants,
needs or interests.
VIEWS OF CONFLICT
The way a conflict is addressed determines outcome:
Destructive conflict
Productive conflict
Views of Conflict: Destructive Conflict
Destructive conflict occurs when:
The parties do not manage a conflict in a way that is mutually
satisfactory and does harm to their relationship.
Participants lose sight of their original goals, when hostility
becomes the norm, when mismanaged conflicts become a
regular part of the interaction between people.
There is an increase in the number of issues, number of people
involved, costs to the participants, and intensity of negative
feelings.
There is a desire to hurt the other party.
Overt power and manipulative techniques are used.
Views of Conflict: Productive Conflict
Productive conflict occurs when:
A conflict is kept to the issue and to those involved.
There is a desire to help the other person.
There is a desire to let go of past feelings.
There is no escalation and loss of control.
There is an awareness of options in conflict situations.
Overt and manipulative techniques are not used.

There is flexibility and a belief that all conflicting parties can
achieve their goals.
Views of Conflict:
Destructive or Productive?
What Is Your View of Conflict?
Views of Conflict: Negative
Many people dislike using the term “conflict”
People generally want to settle conflict as soon as possible
Conflict is usually associated with negative feelings
Negative attitude towards conflict hinders us from learning how
to better manage conflict.
The metaphor we use for conflict will affect how you see the
situation.
Conflict is like…
A battle
A garden
A sport
View of Conflict: Conflict Metaphors
Explosive Heroic Adventure
Dance

What other metaphors can you think of?
Views of Conflict: Positive
See conflict as an opportunity to solve problems and improve
relationships.
Changed mind: Adapt mind-set to see conflict as opportunity
while recognizing risks involved in it.
Conflict is solvable: There might not be easy solutions as
conflict can be complex.
CIVILITY
Civility- Attitude of respect towards others manifested in our
behavior towards them.
Incivility- Can become so intense it is characterized as bullying.
EXERCISING CIVILITY
Relative isolation often can lead us to act rude towards others.
Let go of the right to “always be right” or “win an argument”
You may give up the need to be heard for the greater good of
the relationship.

Don’t suppress conflict but stop and think whether speaking up
is for the good of everyone.
How we treat others should be independent of what we think of
them.
Exercising Civility cont’d
Don’t respond when you are in an emotionally charged
situation. Don’t say the wrong thing.
Use respectful words.
Use temperate and accurate words (not inflammatory) when
commenting on ideas, issues and persons.
Use objective, nondiscriminatory language that respects
everyone’s uniqueness.
Use clean language (no profanity).
Come in the presence of others in awe and gratitude, rather than
obligation.
CLASS ACTIVITY
In groups of 5-7, discuss one of the following:
Describe your family. With whom in your family do you have
the most conflict? What can we conclude about family
conflicts?
Some argue that humans have an instinct for conflict. Is it an
inborn trait? Does it make us more or less human?
In problematic situations, how do you respond to the important
people in your life? Do you deny that a problem exists, change
the subject, or avoid the problematic person?
Communication Options in Conflict

Intangible Conflict Issues
Intangible conflict issues center on gut feelings like love,
respect, and self-esteem as well as other topics like power,
cooperation, and other beneficial behaviors such as attention
and caring.
Except in cases involving major personality issues, conflicts
involving resources that are not scarce are often resolved
through interpersonal communication.
Intangible conflicts usually involve personality, relationship, or
behavioral issues.
Intangible Conflicts
Personality issue: Personality issue conflicts focus on a whole
constellation of behaviors such as being dominating,
introverted, selfish, or achievement oriented.
Relationship issue: Relationship issue conflicts involve rules,
norms, and boundaries that partners have tacitly or overtly
agreed on.
Behavioral issue: Behavioral issue conflicts concern specific
and individual actions we can observe such as the way we
handle money, time, space etc.
Usually specific to a situation (not the personality or
relationship state in general)
Conflict Communication Options
It is necessary to know what alternative exists and reflect on
different outcomes since our actions have consequences.
Functional and dysfunctional conflicts
Dysfunctional Conflict Cycles

Dysfunctional conflict cycles are scripted (scripts: routinized
events that we perform with little deviation each time we do
them).
Cronen and colleagues call a negative scripted event an
undesired repetitive pattern (URP), or a feeling of being trapped
in situation beyond one’s control.
One person may say something to another, which triggers an
automatic response and the conflict quickly escalates.
This usually occur when the other person thinks they know what
will be said next.
Common Dysfunctional Conflict Cycles
Confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle
Competitive conflict escalation cycle
Passive-aggressive cycle
**Issues are usually not resolved in these dysfunctional cycles,
namely because of the negative attitude people have about
conflict.
Confrontation Avoidance/Accommodation Cycle (Win-Lose):
Those involved in this cycle try to avoid initiating conflict or to
give in quickly (accommodate) when conflict arise.
Avoidance behaviors include choosing to withdraw, leaving the
scene, avoiding discussion on the issue, or remaining silent.
Avoidance means people do their best not to engage in conflict.
These individuals allow others to interrupt them, subordinate
them.
Sometimes have poor eye contact, poor posture and a defeated
air about them.

We may recognize the avoiding/accommodating communicator
by his/her indecisiveness.
Confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle cont’d:
Some people prefer to avoid conflict situations because they
have communication apprehension (anxiety a person feels in
response to communication situations).
Accommodating, is similar to avoidance and involves obliging
others and smoothing over conflict.
Accommodating person:
May say what he/she wants but gives in quickly to others, which
maintains the illusion of harmony.
Suppresses personal needs, interests, and goals.
Does not get personal growth or satisfaction by giving in, but
the other person usually does.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1wf10-Rtnk
Steps in avoidance/accommodation cycle:
The cycle begins with the belief that confrontation is bad and
we should avoid it if at all possible.
Because we would like to avoid confrontation, experiencing one
makes us nervous.
Generally, something that makes us nervous is something we
put off as long as possible.
Unfortunately, many issues worsen when left alone, so
eventually we have to confront them.
Our anxiety causes us to handle the confrontation badly.
Our negative perception of conflict is confirmed, and the cycle
starts again.

Effects of Confrontation/Accommodation Cycle
By not addressing their concerns, people engage in gunny-
sacking (storing up hurts and anger until they explode).
Gunny-sacking can destroy relationships.
A person who gives in time after time may eventually leave the
relationship because they have “had enough.”
Reasons People Engage in Avoidance
People may have a bad history of dealing with conflict.
May believe conflict is abnormal, and may want to end it soon
so that they can return to a “normal life.”
In fact, excessive conflict and excessive harmony are abnormal.
Without conflict, people are not motivated to change, and thus
not motivated to grow.
May believe that if conflict is avoided, it will go away.
In fact, conflict typically gets worse if it’s not addressed.
It is better to deal with conflict in the early stages.
May not care enough about the relationship to confront others to
improve or clarify the situation.
Constructive Avoidance
First, effectively analyze the situation and choose an
appropriate response rather than reacting out of fear of
confrontation.
Some issues are better left alone (e.g. if you do not have
ongoing relationship with the other and the situation has no real
significance in your life).
Roloff and Ifert claim that confrontation avoidance can be
useful, as long as it eliminates arguing and does no harm to the
relationship.

Competitive Conflict
Schismogenesis (escalation of the cycle) occurs when the
behavior of one person intensify the behavior of another person
Complementary: One person becomes more dominant and the
other becomes more submissive.
Symmetrical: When each person tries to outdo the other’s
behavior.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKKyxmf_BR8
Behaviors of competitive communicator (Escalating conflict)
Talking louder; yelling
Standing up
Getting into the other’s face
Threatening gesture e.g. fist, finger
Pushing; shoving; hitting
Swearing; cursing
Making verbal threats
Pushing sensitive buttons (bring up unrelated sensitive issues)
Mocking the other
Damaging the other’s possessions
Being egged on by bystanders
Etc.
Competitive Conflict Escalation Cycle
Conflict bogs down in the differentiation stage when
competitive interests lead to divergence rather than integration.
Participants are so concerned with winning that they are unable
to respond to integrative messages.
Steps in Competitive Conflict Escalation Cycle

The cycle is fueled by previously unresolved grievances that
color the perception of the current conflict.
The conflict is initiated with competitive messages that indicate
“I’m right– you’re wrong” stance on the part of the initiator.
The cycle is intensified when the other responds with a win-lose
orientation.
The outcome is generally that one person wins, and the other
loses.
The person who has lost has an unresolved grievance that
affects future conflicts.
Effects of Competitive Conflict Communication
As issues are introduced, the conflict is less likely to focus on a
particular issue and is more likely to result in an irritating
universal level such as “You’re always bugging me.”
Desire to win is distorted to win coupled with a desire to hurt
the other.
Difficult to reverse conflict because the parties sees it as
“backing down.”
Reasons People Use Competitive Conflict
Desire to win no matter what harm it does to a relationship.
Desire to out-do the other person.
Passive-Aggressive (“I win-You lose”)
Passive-Aggressive Communicator:
Has the ability to impose one’s will on others through the use
of verbal or nonverbal acts that appear to avoid an open conflict
or accommodate to the desires of others, but in actuality are
carried out with the intention of inflicting physical or
psychological pain or suffering.
Do not stand up for their interests/concerns but attempt to get
what they want by underhanded means or sabotage.

Tries to win through subversion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeQwC2dQA8M
Steps in the passive-aggressive cycle
The cycle begins with the belief that conflict is bad and we
should avoid experiencing it if at all possible.
Because we would like to avoid conflict, experiencing one
makes us nervous.
Generally, something that makes us nervous is something we
put off as long as possible.
Rather than confront the person, one goes over the person’s
head or behind the person’s back to get one’s way.
If the person gets his/her way, one’s behavior is confirmed, and
the cycle starts again.
Behaviors of passive-aggressive communicator
Spy on others to get information to use against them.
Withhold something the other person wants, such as approval,
affection, or sex, in order to get what they want.
Operate behind the scenes in an attempt to undermine others or
to motivate outsiders to act against their adversaries.
Spread lies behind their adversary’s back and engage in back
stabbing.
Disclose some personal information to people they shouldn’t
after it was told to them in confidence.
Encourage attacks from outsiders.
Behaviors of passive-aggressive communicator cont’d
Simply refuse to defend the adversary when others are attacking
her or him.
Give away to others something of value to their adversary to
make them think that they are perceived as friends when they

are not.
Deny to one’s face that a problem exists while at the same time
fail to co-operate.
Forget promises, agreements, and appointments.
Make unkind statements and then quickly apologize.
Engage in anger displays such as playing a stereo too loudly or
slamming doors while denying there is a problem.
Behaviors of passive-aggressive communicator cont’d
Do things more slowly than necessary, such as taking more time
than usual to get ready.
Get confused, sarcastic, helpless or tearful without saying why.
Get sick when they have promised to do something.
Schedule too much at once.
Evade meetings so that others are inconvenienced.
**On occasion we all get sick, fail to do a chore etc., but the
passive-aggressive person does so with malicious intent.
Reason for Passive-Aggressive Approach
Fear of harm/confrontation
Malicious intent
Functional Conflict Styles
Functional conflict styles involves recognizing that our own
needs and the needs of the other person are important.
Compromise
Collaboration
Compromise
No one totally wins or loses.
Conflicting parties are settling for a workable solution rather

than finding a mutually satisfying solution.
Can be positive or negative
Positive- If parties happy with outcome.
Negative- If parties feel dissatisfied with outcome.
Steps in Compromise Cycle
Determine the needs of the conflicting parties.
If everyone has a legitimate claim, examine the outcome to
determine whether everyone can receive an equal or fair share
of the claim.
If dividing the claim works, give everyone involved his or her
share of the claim.
Collaboration
Uses integrative behaviors and mutually satisfying agreements
to solve a problem once and for all.
Consists of integrative behaviors such as cooperation, collective
action, and mutual assistance.
Teamwork
Work side by side and hand in hand
Partners have same goal in mind.
Respects the other’s interests.
Win-win outcomes
Steps in Collaboration
The partners clarify their points of view to one another.
They commit themselves to the rigid goal of developing
mutually satisfying solutions, but remain flexible.
Strive for mutual understanding by increasing their range of
perspectives, solutions, or alternatives.
They implement their mutual understanding by undertaking the
solution as agreed on.

Key Aspects of Collaboration
Collaboration is less competitive.
Features mutual learning and fact finding.
Allows for exploration of differences in underlying values.
Focus on interests, rather than positions.
All parties are responsible for implementation.
Conclusion generated via interactive and reflexive process.
Ongoing process.
Builds individual and community in leadership and conflict
management.
Personal and Relationship Stress
Personal stress- Occurs within a person, and refer to wear and
tear on one emotionally and physically (e.g. feelings of anxiety,
frustration and anger due to crisis).
Relationship stress- Occurs outside the individual and refers to
wear and tear on a relationship.
In the extreme, relationship stress is synonymous with
dissatisfaction resulting in break-up, losing a job etc.
Personal and Relationship
Growth and Satisfaction
Allowing self-interests, effective listening and integrative
approach to problem-solving leads to high feelings of self worth
and relationship growth.
Communication Considerations: Choosing the Appropriate
Communication Option

The occasion (time and location)
The other person
Your needs
Use Collaborative: If the issue is important, other person is co-
operative, long term relationship.
Use Avoiding/accommodating: If hurt exceeds benefit, you are
unsure of facts, issue more important to others than it is to you,
long-term relationship is important.
Use Competing: If you are in threatening situation.
Use passive-aggressive: If you are in physically threatening
situation.
Responding to Conflict:
A Practical Guide to Managing Your Own Conflicts
Chapter 4
The S-TLC System
Stopping: Taking time out
Thinking about the conflict
Listening in conflict situations
Communicating in conflict situations: Asserting yourself
Stopping: Taking Time Out
When you realize that a conflict exists, begin by saying “Stop!”
Exit temporarily to calm yourself. It is recommended that you
advise the other person that you will return, and not abandoning
the situation.
Sip a beverage
Count backwards to 100
Change the topic for a while

What other approaches do you use to take some time out?
Think About the Conflict
Consider its causes and possible outcomes before you take
action.
Think about doing nothing, or about changing the other person,
situation or self.
We can do nothing and try to live with the situation- Not very
productive
We can try to change the other person- Sometimes it’s based on
our own needs, and may seem selfish to the other
We can try to change ourselves- Changing our wants or needs?
We can try to change the situation- A major undertaking and
usually used as a last resort
Think about your goals
Instrumental goals- Requires opponent to remove obstacle.
Relational goals- Attempt to gain power while still establishing
trust.
Identity goals- Concerns how the participants in conflict view
each other.
Process goals- How to manage conflict communication
Listening to Conflict Situations
Listening is just as important as expressing your views.
Most people want to justify themselves when they hear
criticism, which prevents one from hearing what the other has to
say. Instead, one should suspend judgement and listen to the
entire message.
Listening includes:
Focusing one’s attention on the other
Being open to the other person’s views
Suspending judgement
Being patient to hear them out

Listening cont’d
Defensiveness: A state of emotional arousal when we believe
that the other person is attacking us, which in turn affects our
behavior.
When sensitive people believe that another has attacked their
flaw, they respond by defending themselves.
Listening can reduce our own and others’ defensiveness.
Listening cues such as head nods show you are interested and
encourages them to continue. You can also:
Shift you attention to the other person.
Look at the other person.
Try to understand their feelings, rather than arguing with him or
her.
**Listening doesn’t mean you agree; you are a only hearing
them out before agreeing or disagreeing.
Communicating in Conflict Situations: Asserting Yourself
Assertive Communication: The ability to speak up for one’s
interests, concerns, or rights in a way that does not interfere
with the interests or infringes on the rights of others.
Assertiveness is a means of avoiding a build up of conflict until
it gets blown out of proportion.
Surround yourself with people who can handle your
assertiveness.
Central to assertiveness is the idea that we all have basic
communication rights.
Basic communication rights
Be listened to and taken seriously.
Say no, refuse requests, and turn down invitations without
feeling guilty or being accused of selfishness.
Expect that others do not talk to you in a condescending way.

Have your own feelings and opinions.
Privacy- to keep personal matters to yourself.
Change your opinions, feelings, needs, and behaviors.
Ask others to change their behavior when it continues to violate
your rights.
Etc.
Confronting Individuals
Confrontation- An interpersonal conflict communication process
in which the parties call attention to problems or issues as they
occur between them and express their feelings, beliefs, and
wants to one another.
Six-step process recommended (see next slide).
When you find yourself stopped at one-step, backtrack one or
more steps to allow for a more thorough discussion before
attempting to move forward.
The Six-Step Confrontation Process
1. Preparation: Identify your problems/needs/issues.
2. Arrange for a time and place to meet and talk.
3. Interpersonal confrontation: Talk to the other person about
your problem.
4. Consider your partner’s point of view: Listen, empathize, and
respond with understanding.
5. Resolve the problem: Make a mutually satisfying agreement.
6. Follow up on the solution: Set a time limit for reevaluation.
Preparation: Identify Your Problems/Needs/Issues
Self-talk is important. This is where you verbalize inner
messages (out-loud or to ourselves).
Ask yourself, “who, what, where, when, and how” can help you
to examine many more aspects of a situation.
Self-talk may lead to imagined interactions, where you think

about what you might say and how the other person might
respond.
Arrange A Convenient Time and Place to Talk
You both need to agree on a time to talk about what is bothering
you. It’s a good idea to tell them the subject so they don’t need
to worry about something else that has nothing to do w ith the
meeting.
It is recommended that you choose a time within 24 hours from
your request to talk.
Choose a place that is free from distractions.
Tips for asserting yourself:
Stand tall or lean forward slightly (but don’t crowd the other
person)
Keep at least a couple of feet between you and the other person.
Look at them, but don’t stare.
Look serious, but don’t frown or glare.
Speak firmly, calmly and slowly.
Use open gestures and avoid threatening gestures.
State your point in terms of needs, wants, concerns; find
something you both agree .
Consider Your Partner’s Point of View
Empathy is the ability to consider another person’s beliefs or
feelings, so that we can see the situation from the perspective of
the other.
You don’t have to agree; you just need to understand their point
of view.
Put yourself in the other’s position. Ask yourself how you
would feel if you were asked to make the change you requested.
Would you be annoyed?
Avoid telling others they have no right to feel how they feel.

Instead focus on why others feel the way they do and what role
those feelings play in conflict.
Avoid telling them, “I know exactly how you feel” when you
are in conflict since these statements belittle others and negates
the uniqueness of their experience.
Manage the Problem
Come to a mutual understanding and reach an agreement.
Simple agreement doesn’t need to be in writing; however,
complex agreements should be in written form.
Request specific actions.
Each person should have a copy of the agreement.
Follow Up on the
Solution
Set a time limit for re-evaluation
Review at a later date to check for effectiveness.
Reward yourself if successful, and revise agreement if not
successful.
I-Statements: Avoiding Defensiveness

I-Statements allows for the grieving individual to effectively
communicate their desire for change without offending the other
person so much that he/she stops listening.
I-Statements personalize conflicts by owning up to our feelings
rather than making them the responsibility of the other person.
Specify your feelings about the situation as specifically as
possible and link them to behavior in some way.
Components of I-Statements
Feelings statement e.g. “I feel annoyed.”
Problematic behavior statement e.g. “When I have to put gas in
my car after you use it.”
Consequences statement e.g. “because I end up having to take
time to get gas.”
Goal statement e.g. “I’d like you to get gas after you use my
car.” Avoid using words such as “demand,” “require,” “or else”
Complete I-Statement: “I feel annoyed when I have to put gas in
my car after you use it because I end up having to take time to
get gas. I’d like you to get gas after you use my car.”
** make statement in calm tone of voice.
Advantages of Using I-Statements

Provide information
Demonstrate honesty
Reduce defensiveness
Challenges Associated With I-Statements
It is tempting to hit the other.
It requires we form a new habit as we think about asserting how
we feel.
Using Creativity in Managing Conflicts
Creativity is the process of making sense of some problem in a
new way.
Stages of creativity:
The preparation stage- Use previous learning to address problem
The incubation stage- Giving shape and form to problem
The illumination stage- Idea appears
The verification stage- Test ideas
Trained incapacity
Trained incapacity (abilities/talents that inhibits thinking):
Task-oriented/Goal-centered leader- Quick and efficient
technique can stifle creativity.

Critical thinking- Criticisms can stifle new ideas
Creativity As Thinking Differently
Think of problems differently
Imagine how others might handle the conflict
Vertical thinking- Move through a series of steps, making sure
each is completed before the next one is started.
Lateral thinking- Restructuring patterns and provoking new
ones. Consider all the patterns. Brainstorming can be used.
Reversal
Change of entry point and attention point
Six Hats:
White hat: Information
Red hat: Feelings
Yellow hat: Values and Beliefs
Black hat: Devil’s advocate
Green hat: Creativity
Blue hat: Macro approach
Creativity cont’d
Mind-mapping: Use existing ideas to generate new ones.

Central image or graphic representation of a problem.
Ideas flow freely (no censorship).
Use 1-2 words to label.
Use color to emphasize.
Use lines to show relationship between ideas.
Visual journaling: Like a nonverbal journal (think of a collage).
Use lots of images.
Place images different and use different arrangement style.
Look at what the images and text are telling you about the
conflict.
Mind-Mapping Activity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLWV0XN7K1g
A fellow employee, Phil, has not been contributing equally to
complete the normal weekly work at hand. Phil claims he is
contributing, but that he is swamped with other work and the
emotional aftermath of a bitter divorce. Some fellow workers
are upset that he has been so lax and feel that they should take
their complaints about Phil to the supervisor. You are good
friends with Phil and know he's not lazy but feel that he may be
overdramatizing his problems a bit. Your brought up the topic
with Phil over coffee last night, but he was defensive and
maintained his "innocence" he even accused you of not

sympathizing with him.
Managing the conflict climate
Chapter 6
Conflict climate
Conflict climate= psychological atmosphere
The climate surrounding us affect the way we manage conflict
Competent conflict managers do what they can to create a
climate that facilitates a constructive conflict management.
Harmful conflict climate
Power abuse
Competition
Distrust
Defensiveness
**These threats may foster avoidance and accommodation or
competition

Nurturing conflict climate
Power
Cooperation
Trust
Supportive behavior
**These behavior result in openness, assertiveness,
collaboration and mutually satisfying outcomes.
Factors affecting conflict climate
Imbalance of power versus equity
Competition versus cooperation
Distrust versus trust
Defensive versus supportive behavior
Groupthink versus decision making
Converting power differences in conflict
Power- The ability to influence or control events.
We all vary in capabilities and resources; therefore, power often
shifts from one situation to another

Different people having power at different times.
When power is perceived as a threat, it contributes to a harmful
conflict climate (power abuse).
Powerful people may be seen as intimidating or threatening.
Those who abuse power create worry, anger and resentment in
the less powerful.
Powerless people may respond by avoiding, accommodating, or
not asserting themselves.
When power is abused, there is no mutually satisfying outcome.
Dominance
Dominant people do not have authority power another, unless
the person grants this power to him or her.
We have choices in how we respond to others (unless the use of
physical violence or weapons are involved).
Dominant people often use threats or thromises.
Threat- Statement that links noncompliance with negative
outcomes.
Thromise- Sounds like a promise (e.g. if you do x, you will
receive y), but also includes penalty for noncompliance.
Dominant people use powerful speech.
Interrupting others
Speaking loudly
Controlling topic of conversation

Sounding “right” (Implying the other is wrong).
Strive for middle ground: neutral speech
While dominant speech is too aggressive, powerless speech is
not strong enough. Below are characteristics of powerless
versus neutral speech:
Powerless speech
Talking up to others.
Making requests or asking questions.
Speaking softly
Sounding tentative
Including disclaimers and hedges (“It could be that…”)
Neutral Speech
Talks to others as equals (not down to them, or up to them).
Seeks input to make decisions.
Treat others like they would want to be treated.
Sharing power
Change in power dimensions must come from the powerful.
If change is demanded by the people without power, they may
be perceived as disrespectful and disobedient.
Decisions made with others’ input is more effective than

decisions made without input from others (this includes
dissenting views).
Better results.
People feel better about themselves.
Strategies to sharing power:
Give up power resources and symbols of authority e.g. Hat and
Jacket loaded with rank insignia.
Make power resources accessible to everyone e.g. Allow one
employee to take command for a day.
Person with less interest could increase level of interest in
relationship.
Give power to the relationship e.g. Married person may engage
in behaviors due to marital status.
Sharing power
As a subordinate, here are approaches you can take to gain
power:
Be assertive, stand up for yourself, and offer your opinion.
Ask for reconsideration or appeal but use a different rationale.
Offer suggestions.

Introduction to the Study of Conflict CommunicationDEFIN

Introduction to the Study of Conflict CommunicationDEFIN

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