1. Avoiding Vs Integrating Conflict Style
Conflict occurs when there is an incompatibility of goals, and that there is a perceived
interference from one interdependent party towards the accomplishment of the other party’s goals.
“Conflict is considered natural by these researchers due to life's uncertainty, to decision-making
in connection with goal attainment, to the number of people interpersonally interacting, to contrary
needs and goals, and limited resources”( www.imd.edu.kh). That conflict is good and necessary is
suggested because conflict can stimulate innovative thinking when properly managed.
Individual attitudes towards conflict vary as a result of the image conflict has in their minds. It is
an assumption in people who are timid in facing the reality of a conflicting situation with legitimate
differences and instead try to avoid it or accommodate it as it seems easier for them to live with it
than to deal with it or resolve it. They blame conflicts on poor communication rather than admitting
and accepting the fundamental differences that exist and that call for taking action for conflict
management and resolution. For such people who believe in avoiding conflict, it is an act of
hostility, tension, alienation, heartache and hopelessness. It seems pathological to them and evokes
negative emotions. This may also be due to their relative power in the interpersonal relation and
the importance of the relationship or the issue of conflict to them.
People adopting an avoiding conflict style normally believe if they don’t bring up the issue, it will
douse with time. This is a cardinal mistake as the emotions remain pent up, and the conflict festers
until it escalates and might even endanger the relationship between the parties. Because the needs
and concerns of the avoiding party remain unexpressed, the relationship suffers, and gets further
strained. Eventually, the conflict situation gets acknowledged and the parties have to deal with it.
Hence, timely tackling of a conflicting issue is the best way to resolve it.

2. That is where a collaborative or integrating conflict style is highly recommended. Collaborating
with the other party through open and free flowing communication hones our cognitive and
problem solving abilities, and also bolsters the relationship by building mutual respect and rapport.
For example, it is witnessed in dolphins who choose an integrating or collaborative problem-
solving style. Dolphins adopt the cooperative style of communication with each other in the form
of whistles, when it comes to catching food or asking for help.
However, collaborating in conflict situations that are trivial or need quick attention, are not worth
the investment of time. There are several conflicting situations that may be resolved by one of the
other four major strategies other than collaboration such as compromising, avoiding and
competition. “If we collaborate, we may not gain a better solution than a compromise might have
yielded, but we are more likely to feel better about our chances for future understanding and
goodwill”(Alusine Kanu DM, Jan 2013).
Comparative analysis of Self and Other’s assessment of Conflict type
The conflict style, my Aunt’s assessment score suggested is the “Integrating type” while my self
assessment type is “avoiding style. The differing opinion about my conflict style that the
assessment with my Aunt revealed, is due to many reasons. Her observation and assessment is
based on the conflicting issues I have faced in our interpersonal relationship. Because of the sheer
nature of our relationship, that is based on the premise of mutual love, concern for each other,
respect and equality of power and say, my approach has been an integrating one, in more than one
count. We have been able to collaborate towards a common goal, and find a win-win agreement
for both. This may be attributed to the maturity of our relationship, the importance of the issue of
conflict as it concerns the family, better understanding and trust between me and my Aunt, that I
have been able to assert communication and achieve cooperation in order to get to a resolution

3. which would not have been individually achieved with another party involved. Since, integrating
our individual goals with my Aunt’s, has a potential for a consensus to be reached, without the risk
of a dispute, and animosity developing between us, I have resorted to the integrating or cooperative
style in several occasions of conflict with my Aunt. For certain unimportant conflicting issues with
my Aunt, I have skirted the issue or sidestepped and let it pass away.
Personally, I score myself as an avoiding conflict type. With other parties, or in general, I am
averse to confront the person about the conflicting issue and hence I avoid the issue affecting us,
and do not strive for a resolution. In most cases due to my fear of being attacked by the more
aggressive individual in a conflict, I generally withdraw from the situation or conflict matter or
postpone it altogether. This can be attributed to the fact that I am uncomfortable negotiating or
debating the matter, the stakes for me are low, I fear I will not win the arguments put forth by the
other individual, or I decide time will allow the problem to pass away and finally, due to lack of
time to raise the issue and resolve it with the partner, I will let it stay inert.
The downside of avoiding the conflict situation is that I tend to hold the emotions in me, that
sometimes interfere with my relationship with the other party causing added stress. Hence, I am
working on changing my conflict resolution style depending upon the importance of the issue. By
changing my attitude towards how I respond to dissent in a relationship, will influence other’s
response to the issue and will be beneficial for both parties in the long run
Reflection about Avoiding style and its effectiveness
I, being an introverted person, like to hold on my thoughts or withdraw from the conflict situation,
unless I am compelled to react to the situation. Although avoiding conflict sometimes escalates
the problem, the avoiding style if used appropriately can be effective in sustaining a relationship.

4. “According to Thomas-Kilmann avoiding is an appropriate form of dealing with conflict when
used in the following situations:
 When an issue is trivial and other issues are more important or pressing - use time and
effort where it will be most productive.
 When there is no opportunity to constructively address the concern - attempts to deal with
the problem will likely result in futility and may make matters worse. It may not be the
right time or place.
 When the potential cost of confronting the conflict outweighs the benefits in addressing it
- this requires assessment and judgment.
 To buy time and give angry people an opportunity to "cool down" so that tensions can be
reduced - it is important for parties to take a break to regain perspective and composure
when the situation becomes heated.
 To refrain from making a rushed decision and allow time to obtain more information or
support - well planned and prepared decisions are usually the best decisions.
 When it is more appropriate for others to resolve the conflict - resist getting in the middle
of conflicts that are better dealt with by other people.
 When the issue at hand is tangential or a "smoke screen" for the real problem that needs to
be addressed - look for the core of the problem and not just the symptoms.” (Dale Eilerman,
September 2006)
So when the other party is relatively more powerful or less understanding, cooperative style
is not the best option. I would rather use my avoiding style in such situations. Also when
the issue is trivial or there is less time at hand or less energy to consume, avoiding style is
effective.