Peer Review Form 1 Reviewer’s Name: Melissa Loar Author’s Name: Paula Noh Peer Review Date: 8/24/14 ENG 112: PEER REVIEW FORM (Research Draft) Instructions for Reviewers: Read through your peer’s essay carefully (at least twice), and then offer your feedback by completing the form below. As you read and make notes, keep in mind the instructions and rubric for this essay as well as the principles of writing you have been studying in the course. When reading the essay and completing the Peer Review Form: · Try to understand the writer’s message; your role is to help the writer express his or her views more effectively, not to change those views. · Provide comments that are specific and constructive. · Connect comments to specific portions of the paper. · Comment only on the paper, not on the writer. · Offer suggestions for revision where appropriate. Save and submit this completed Peer Review Form according to the instructions given in the course. You will e-mail this to your partner as well as upload it to the course for credit. 1. Introduction/Thesis Does the introduction provide a brief overview of the research topic? Explain. The introduction is kind of confusing and hard to understand what the paper is going to be about. The first two sentences are confusing, for people who don’t know what emsemble, band and understudies are it can be hard to understand. What is the main argument/thesis of this essay? (re-write below) These projects can have a positive impact on understudies who are trying to figure out how to create cooperation with their accomplices and improve fixation on their work. Also, playing their instruments is useful for their general learning proficiency. All these have an impact and brings about a noticeable improvement on understudies. Hence, school music projects should not get wiped out. Is the thesis well-stated? Does it present an argument? Explain. I was unclear about the thesis statement, I thought the whole intro was a thesis, so if it was it needs to be cut down to one sentence. What suggestions do you have to improve any of these elements of the introduction? Try to grab the readers attention in the first sentence, also you need to explain better about some of the terms in your intro, make sure your readers will understand some of the terms. And lastly, the topic sentence should be once sentence. 2. Integrating Sources Is the source material integrated using signal phrases? (provide an example) No there are no sources in this paper. (In Fairfax, public schools have programs where youngsters can play in a symphony or in other music exercises and they start at forward grade.) I believe this was a source but it was quoted or sourced. So just make sure your quotes and citing your sources when you place them in your paper. Is all of the source material cited properly in APA style? Is there a Reference page? Explain. There are no sources cited in the paper but there is a reference page. And looks corre.

1. Peer Review Form 1
Reviewer’s Name: Melissa Loar
Author’s Name: Paula Noh
Peer Review Date: 8/24/14
ENG 112: PEER REVIEW FORM (Research Draft)
Instructions for Reviewers:
Read through your peer’s essay carefully (at least twice), and
then offer your feedback by completing the form below.
As you read and make notes, keep in mind the instructions and
rubric for this essay as well as the principles of writing you
have been studying in the course.
When reading the essay and completing the Peer Review Form:
· Try to understand the writer’s message; your role is to help
the writer express his or her views more effectively, not to
change those views.
· Provide comments that are specific and constructive.
· Connect comments to specific portions of the paper.
· Comment only on the paper, not on the writer.
· Offer suggestions for revision where appropriate.
Save and submit this completed Peer Review Form according to
the instructions given in the course. You will e-mail this to your
partner as well as upload it to the course for credit.
1. Introduction/Thesis

2. Does the introduction provide a brief overview of the research
topic? Explain.
The introduction is kind of confusing and hard to understand
what the paper is going to be about. The first two sentences are
confusing, for people who don’t know what emsemble, band and
understudies are it can be hard to understand.
What is the main argument/thesis of this essay? (re-write below)
These projects can have a positive impact on understudies who
are trying to figure out how to create cooperation with their
accomplices and improve fixation on their work. Also, playing
their instruments is useful for their general learning
proficiency. All these have an impact and brings about a
noticeable improvement on understudies. Hence, school music
projects should not get wiped out.
Is the thesis well-stated? Does it present an argument? Explain.
I was unclear about the thesis statement, I thought the whole
intro was a thesis, so if it was it needs to be cut down to one
sentence.
What suggestions do you have to improve any of these elements
of the introduction?
Try to grab the readers attention in the first sentence, also you
need to explain better about some of the terms in your intro,
make sure your readers will understand some of the terms. And
lastly, the topic sentence should be once sentence.
2. Integrating Sources
Is the source material integrated using signal phrases? (provide
an example)
No there are no sources in this paper. (In Fairfax, public
schools have programs where youngsters can play in a
symphony or in other music exercises and they start at forward
grade.) I believe this was a source but it was quoted or sourced.
So just make sure your quotes and citing your sources when you

3. place them in your paper.
Is all of the source material cited properly in APA style? Is
there a Reference page? Explain.
There are no sources cited in the paper but there is a reference
page. And looks correct.
Do you see any examples of plagiarism? Explain, also giving an
example, if applicable.
(In Fairfax, public schools have programs where youngsters can
play in a symphony or in other music exercises and they start at
forward grade.) Sounds like something from your source just
because it is no quoted. Other than that everything looks fine.
Is the author’s voice still present amongst the source
information? Explain why or why not.
Yes the authors voice is still present especially when she tell
stories about her experience.
What other suggestions do you have to strengthen the use of
source material in this essay?
Add more quotes and facts that your audience will find
interesting. And make sure you cite them.
3. Argument
Does the essay include the use of inductive and/or deductive
reasoning (logos)? Give the best example.
An example of deductive reason would be “For instance, I think
music and mathematics are connected to one another. For
example, check music expression and musicality. When I played
music before, I constantly looked around my music and got the
time marks. Then I would tally an essential of music rhythm.”
Does the essay include the use of ethos and pathos? Give the
best example.
The essay lacks ethos and pathos.
Briefly describe the opposing viewpoint and refutation. Any
suggestions for improvement?

4. I also had trouble finding an opposing viewpoint in this eassy.
Do you see any logical fallacies? If so, write them below and
discuss how the author can correct these issues.
Some things I would change is that you need more facts. You
have really good points I just feel you need more quotes and
facts to prove your point. I think it is important to include your
point of view but just make sure you have those sources. For
example when you were talking about how it can help with your
education and math, how do we know that’s true? You need to
back it up with a source.
Describe any other suggestions for improving the arguments in
this essay.
So like I said before just be clear and add sources into your
paper.
4. Other
Include any other comments you would like to give the writer
about this essay (i.e. grammar, organization, etc.)
Be clear in your explanation, make sure your reader will
understand. You have a view grammar errors, I tried fixing it
but some of it I left just because I wasn’t sure what you wanted
it to mean. Try reading your paper out loud, it always helps me
to correct my mistakes because I can hear it out loud and helps
to catch errors better. You have a lot of strong points and your
paper is good, just fix a couple things and it will be great.
Instructions for Writers:
When you receive this completed form from your peer, reflect
carefully on the suggestions you have received and decide
which ones you should implement in the final version of your
essay. Your peer reviewer can give you valuable feedback on
how other informed readers might respond to your paper. All
elements of your final essay, however, from the ideas to the
grammar and format, must reflect your own best judgment.

5. PAGE
School Music Programs
Paula Noh
English 112
Golwitzer, Beau
8/17/2014
School Music Programs
Most American state funded schools have music projects of
playing instruments for one class, either ensemble or band.
These projects can positive impact understudies' figuring out
how to create cooperation with their accomplices and improve
fixation on their work. Also, playing their instruments is useful
for their general learning proficiency. All these impacts bring
about a noticeable improvement understudies.
Hence, school music projects ought not get wiped out.
Working in a symphony ought to run in collaboration with their
accomplice, in light of the fact that playing in anorchestra is
playing alone, as well as playing with in excess of 40
distinctive instrument players. Furthermore, there are in excess
of 20 violin players. Thus, most symphony has no less than two

6. areas of violinsuch as first violin and second violin. Each 40
separate instruments players play diverse instrument of one
writer's music, despite the fact that they have all distinctive
play style and music. In this manner, they must listen to each
others' entertainer painstakingly and participate to playing in
congruity.
Also, symphony players ought to have focus on their music. On
the off chance that understudies play in anorchestra, they may
figure out how to focus on their work amid an execution. In
Fairfax, public schools have programs where youngsters can
play in a symphony or in other music exercises and they start at
forward grade. For instance, some kids who I instruct to play
the violin perform in a symphony at their school. At the
starting, these youngsters did not take ensemble and simply
took private lessons with me. On the other hand, when they
enter fourth grade, they joined their school ensemble. After
center of their semester, their working state of mind had
transformed; they play their music precisely and focus more on
my teachings. I imagined that join the school ensemble had
great impact in them.
Besides, when understudies join the ensemble, they must play
their own particular instruments. Furthermore, playing
instruments may be useful for understudies learning capacity.
For instance, I think music and mathematics are connected one
another, for example, check music expression and musicality.
When I play music before ,i constantly looked around my music
and got the time marks, then tally an essential of music rhythm.
Hence, I think performers ought to have fundamental learning of
math to enhance their music perusing skills. However, they
don't think they have any thought of science; they couldn't care
less about that. Luckily, they will consequently gain from music
about math and different subjects and be better general
understudies.
In conclusion, understudies can get collaboration and focus
abilities from playing in anorchestra and/or playing musical
instrument with accomplice, and effectiveness for their

7. learning. This brings about a noticeable improvement
understudies and better schools. This is the reason school music
projects ought not be uprooted.
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