Real Male Friendship Building Each Other Up in Christ

1. Talk 3: Real MaleTalk 3: Real Male
FriendshipFriendship
Building Each Other Up in
Christ
St. Athanasius Retreat 2013
Ehab Roufail

2. Real Male Friendship 2
OutlineOutline
• What does it mean to be a friend to
someone?
• Friendship in the life of David and
Jonathan
• We have been chosen to be friends for
one another
• Duties of our friendships
7 Sept 2013

3. What does it mean to be a friend?What does it mean to be a friend?
Let’s meet together
•1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another
and build one another up, just as you are doing.
•Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider how to stir up one
another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet
together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one
another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
•Romans 14:19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace
and for mutual upbuilding.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 3

4. What does it mean to be a friend?What does it mean to be a friend?
• Our first step for Christian growth showed that by attending the
services of the church and encouraging others to attend, we
grow as Christians.
• The key passage to that lesson was Heb 10:25, where the
writer eloquently stated: 25 Let us not give up meeting together,
as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one
another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
• When people attend the services, they mutually build one
another up in the faith. When they stay home, nothing happens.
• growth.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 4

5. What does it mean to be a friend?What does it mean to be a friend?
• St. Paul expressed the purpose and meaning of the mutual
edification of the church in Eph 4:14-16:
• 14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by
the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching
and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful
scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all
things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16
From him the whole body, joined and held together by every
supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each
part does its work.
• When we speak the truth in love to one another, the body, the
church, grows and builds itself up, as each part does its work.
Every part of our worship contributes to this end, which is our
second step to Christian growth.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 5

6. What does it mean to be a friend?What does it mean to be a friend?
Sharpening and training each other
•Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly,
teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing
psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in
your hearts to God.
•Hebrews 3:13 But exhort one another every day, as long as
it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the
deceitfulness of sin.
•Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens
another.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 6

7. What does it mean to be a friend?What does it mean to be a friend?
Psalms and praises when we meet
•Ephesians 5:19 Addressing one another in psalms and hymns
and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with
your heart,
•Romans 15:1-11 We who are strong have an obligation to bear
with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let
each of us please his neighbour for his good, to build him up. For
Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches
of those who reproached you fell on me.”
•1 Corinthians 14:26 What then, brothers? When you come
together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue,
or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 7

8. David And Jonathan: Why not enemies?David And Jonathan: Why not enemies?
• David who was "a man after God's own heart" (1 Sam 13:14),
• and who courageously defeated Goliath (1 Sam 17)…
• David and Jonathan - they should have been enemies
• One of the most famous friendships of the Bible has to be that
of David and Jonathan. When they met, David had been
chosen by God to be the future king of the Israelites, but
Jonathan's father (Saul) who was the king at the time, wanted
to kill David.
• However, Jonathan took a real liking to David. He made a
promise to him, he loved him, he gave him presents and
provided for him. He warned David about plots against him by
his father, he spoke out for him to his father and he used his
influence to keep him safe.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 8

9. David and Jonathan: Self SacrificeDavid and Jonathan: Self Sacrifice
• Friendship requires self-sacrifice
• It’s not surprising that Jonathan was the main player in
the relationship at first, because as the son of the king,
he was the one with the power in this relationship.
• But it is a power that he used for the good of his friend
– and at a cost to himself.
• Every time he kept David safe or promoted his
interests, he was destroying his own chances of
inheriting his father’s throne.
• Jonathan’s friendship with David was at the cost of his
own career and reputation!
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 9

10. David & Jonathan: LoyaltyDavid & Jonathan: Loyalty
• Friendship requires loyalty
• Jonathan was a friend with some pretty impressive
qualities. His loyalty to David, and courage in the face of
political pressure, and an angry, murderous father was
unquestioned. He had the humility to say openly that he
would never be king. He followed up his commitments, he
was generous and he did it all ‘before the Lord’. He
showed genuine affection, loyalty and openness. He was
the friend everyone would love to have!
• But David was not just a passive ‘taker’ in all of this either.
As time went on their friendship grew so that by the end it
was definitely a two-way relationship between equals.
When the pair had to part, the story says that David ‘wept
the most’. At Jonathan’s death, David showed immense
grief.7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 10

11. David & Jonathan: CommitmentDavid & Jonathan: Commitment
• Friendship requires real commitment
• One of the particularly beautiful aspects of this
friendship was the way David and Jonathan promised
to do good to each other’s family and descendents.
• They knew that as technical rivals to the same throne,
it was more than likely that their families and heirs
could grow to hate each other and try to eliminate their
opponents. They took steps to stop the cycle of rivalry
and hate – and as time went on, it worked!
• Jonathan and David’s friendship has a lot to teach us
about power, self-sacrifice and loyalty.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 11

12. David and Jonathan: Builds upDavid and Jonathan: Builds up
• Everyone needs good Godly friendship, regardless of
how close you think you are to Christ.
• David needed Jonathan: "Jonathan ... strengthened
[David's] hand in God" (1 Sam 23:16).
• Godly friendship requires a conscious effort: "And
Jonathan, Saul's son, rose, and went to David at
Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God" (1 Sam
23:16)
• What does it mean to strengthen each other in God?
Jonathan did not just go to boost David's self-
confidence, but to strengthen his dependence on God.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 12

13. David & JonathanDavid & Jonathan
• How do you treat your friends?
• Most of us today are unlikely to be in a situation
where we become best friends with our
greatest rivals, but we may stand to lose status,
money or power because of a friendship. Are
we willing to put our friends first?
• (M B Story??)
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 13

14. Chosen to be FriendsChosen to be Friends
• “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for
the way of the wicked leads them astray.” - Proverbs
12:26
• The above verse reveals that God expects us to use
godly wisdom and discernment in making friends.
• Jesus had thousands of followers and hundreds of
disciples, but He chose only twelve men to spend
most of His time with.
• And His “inner circle” consisted of only three men--
Peter, James, and John.
• If the Son of God was so careful about who He chose
as His close companions, shouldn't we be at least as
careful?
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 14

15. Chosen firendsChosen firends
• We have been chosen to be friends for one
another: "A secret Master of the Ceremonies
has been at work. Christ, who said to the
disciples "Ye have not chosen me, but I have
chosen you," can truly say to every group of
Christian friend. "You have not chosen one
another but I have chosen you for one
another."" (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves)
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 15

16. Chosen Friends: BelieversChosen Friends: Believers
• Amos 3:3 (NKJV) says, “Can two walk together unless
they are agreed?” No, they can't.
• That means that if we are walking with unbelievers, we
are going to have to make some compromises to stay
in relationship with them. And those compromises will
come between us and God.
• Proverbs 13:20 (NIV) says, “He who walks with the
wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers
harm.” We see evidence of this truth all around us--
God's people who mistakenly believe that they can be
in relationship with unbelievers without suffering the
consequences.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 16

17. Chosen Friends: Good influenceChosen Friends: Good influence
• The apostle Paul wrote, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad
company corrupts good character.’” (1 Corinthians
15:33 NIV)
• We like to think we are immune to the negative
influences of wrong companionships, but the Lord
knows otherwise, and that's why He has so much to
say about this subject in His Word.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 17

18. Chosen friends: BelieversChosen friends: Believers
• In 2 Corinthians 6, Paul writes: “Do not be yoked together
with unbelievers... What does a believer have in common
with an unbeliever...? ‘Therefore, come out from them and
be separate, says the Lord.’” (v.14,15,17 NIV)
• God makes it clear that it's absolutely essential for our
closest companions to be people who love the Lord. If they
aren't, how can they hold us accountable as Christians?
• Proverbs 27:6 (NKJV) says, “Faithful are the wounds of a
friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Our real
friends will correct us when we need it, while a false friend
will only tell us what we want to hear, even if we're doing
something wrong, and are headed for destruction.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 18

19. Chosen friends: Deisre PopularityChosen friends: Deisre Popularity
• For those who have a desire to be popular, God
gives this warning in Proverbs 18:24 (NASB),
“A man of many friends comes to ruin.”
• If you don't have a lot of friends, don't despair.
God's Word indicates that you may be even
more blessed having only one or two close
friends, than having more.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 19

20. Chosen Friends: Fear the LordChosen Friends: Fear the Lord
• So, what kind of friends does God want us to have?
The psalmist tells us in Psalm 119:63 (NKJV), “I am a
companion of all those who fear You, and of those
who keep Your precepts.”
• Our closest friends should love the Lord and seek to
please Him. If your closest companions are not
believers, you are out of God's will, and you need to
seek the Lord and ask Him how to provide Godly
friends closer than these.
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 20

21. Duties of FriendshipDuties of Friendship
• Duties of our friendships
– Bearing with one another: Therefore, as the elect of God,
holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility,
meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and
forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against
another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.
But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of
perfection. (Col 3:12-14)
– Encourage each other in our spiritual war to become
partakers of Christ: "Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of
you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God;
but exhort one another daily, while it is called "Today," lest
any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
For we have become partakers of Christ if we hold the
beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end…" (Heb
3:12-14)
7 Sept 2013 Real male friendship 21