1. Everything happens for a reason…
but sometimes the reason is that
you did something stupid & you
made a bad decisions. The truth is,
unless you let
go, unless
you forgive
yourself,
unless you
forgive the
situation,
unless you
realize that
the situation
is over, you
cannot move
forward.

2. • Nearly 30 million children in the U.S. live in alcoholic
households; 1 in 4 children are exposed to alcoholism.
• 14 million children in the U.S. live with a parent who has
used illegal drugs in the past year.
• Approximately 40%-80% of 3million children that are
placed in the child welfare system come from parents who
use and abuse substances; 1million of those children
showed obvious signs of abuse and neglect.
• According to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data
System, more than 1,100 children die each year as a result
of neglect and abuse from a substance abusive parent
(Banks, 2001).
• Children of substance abusive parents are 4x more likely
than children of parents who do not abuse substances to
develop substance abuse issues themselves.

3. • Addicts become blind to the effects their behavior
has on those around them.
• Painful to watch someone you love, losing their life
to addiction &they seem completely unaware of it.
• Violence, marital conflict, infidelity, jealousy,
economic insecurity, divorce, and fetal alcohol
effect are amongst many problems that arise from
substance abuse that brings chaos to the family.
• As we already know, substances control chemicals
that effects the way our brain operates.

4. • Interferes with the development of that special bond
between mother/father & baby; & it interferes with a
parent’s mental functioning, judgment, & capacity to
protect the child.
• Interferes with a parent’s ability to respond consistently &
sensitively to a child.
• Leaves the parent emotionally and physically unavailable
to a child & lowers a parent’s threshold of aggression
toward children.
• Lowers a parent’s ability to set and maintain clear and
appropriate boundaries with children.
• Parent may spend household money needed for food,
clothing, and other needs on alcohol and other drugs
• May result in being associated with criminal activity that
might jeopardize a child’s health and safety
• Leads to neglect of a child’s routine health care needs.

5. • Children raised in homes with parental substance
abuse are more likely to:
– Develop anxiety and depression
– Have problems in school
– Act out aggressively
– Become addicted to alcohol & other drugs
• Children experience trauma & pain from their
parents’ words and attitudes, which results in:
– Children miss important parenting designed to
prepare them for adulthood.
– Children miss parts of their childhood when forced (by
the absence of parenting) to adopt certain roles which
help them survive in the family.

6. • Parental substance abuse interrupts a
child’s normal development, which places
these children at higher risk for
emotional, physical and mental health
problems.
• Because parents who abuse drugs are
more likely to be involved with domestic
violence, divorce, unemployment, mental
illness and legal problems, their ability to
parent effectively is severely
compromised.
• There is a higher occurrence of
depression, anxiety, eating disorders and
suicide attempts among children growing
up with substance abusive parents
compared to children that grow up with
parents who do not abuse substances

7. • The child might develop stress-related health
problems like gastrointestinal disorders,
headaches, migraines, or asthma, causing them
to miss school. And a child whose parent’s
substance abuse causes neglect might become
injured because of failure to adequately child-
proof the house or because of inadequate
supervision, or even lack immunization and
other routine well-child care (COAF, 2010).
• Children may suffer from post-traumatic stress
syndrome, with the same kinds of sleep
disturbances, flashbacks, anxiety, and
depression that are associated with victims of
war crimes. These children are not only
frightened for their own well-being, but they
also harbor the all-too-real concern that their
parent may get sick or die as a result of the
drinking or drug use.
•Physical and sexual abuse against children is more likely in homes
where the parent’s are substance abusers.
• Not only are children of substance
abusive parents more likely to
become victims of physical and sexual
abuse, children of substance abusive
parents are four times more likely
than children of parents who do not
abuse substances to develop
substance abuse issues themselves.

8. • Characterized by tension, fear, and shame.
• Experience chaos, uncertainty, instability,
inconsistent discipline.
• Emotional and physical neglect, arguments,
instability of parents’ marriage,
disorganization, and violence and/or physical
and sexual abuse.
• Emptiness, loneliness, the terror of repeated
abandonment, or the witnessing of violence
or abuse to others.

9. • Neglect amongst children of substance abusive
parents is a common factor as the parents are
entangled in their addiction, which consumes
their financial responsibilities and parenting
responsibilities.
• Food, clothing, school supplies, and other
necessities that a child needs is disregarded
because the parent focuses on their addiction,
mostly of fear of withdrawal from their
substance abuse, the parent spends money to
support their drug habit instead of financially
supporting the child’s basic needs.

10. • Family roles are the recurrent patterns of behavior by
which individuals fulfill family functions and needs.
• Unusual amounts of stress & unexpected/unusual
experiences
• Growing up in an intense emotional environment can set
up a fear of feeling or patterns of attachment that are
filled with anxiety and ambivalence
• Youths may feel overwhelmed with powerful emotions
that they lack developmental sophistication and family
support to process and understand so they may shut down
their feelings, deny there is a problem, rationalize,
intellectualize, over-control, withdraw, act out, or self-
medicate.

11. • Families maintain hemeostasis (an ability to
regulate its emotional & behavioral functioning;
an ability to balance itself).
• Family members alter their roles to try and
balance the addiction and lose their sense of
“normal” as family life becomes chaotic, promises
are broken, & those they depend upon for
support and stability behave in untrustworthy
ways.

12. Suffers from self-delusion in regard to their use of chemicals
and builds up a wall of defenses to protect themselves from
the painful consequences of their behavior. They develop a
unique system to protect the painful storehouse of
repressed feelings. They are the center of the problem.
fear
WALL OF DEFENSES
FEELINGSanger
charm
rigidity
perfectionism
shame hurt
spiritually bankrupt
guilt
pain
The Wall of Defenses covers up true feelings

13. Often the spouse or parent of the chemically dependent
person. As the illness grows, so does the involvement with
the enabler. The enabler must therefore develop survival
defenses. As the dependent person loses control, the chief
enabler makes more choices to compensate for the
dependent persons’s lack of power. THE ROLE OF THE CHIEF
ENABLER IS TO PROVIDE RESPONSIBILITY.
WALL OF DEFENSES
FEELINGS
nagging
superresponsibility
controlling
self-pity
anger hurt
guilt
pain
fear

14. The one who is in the family public eye. The scapegoat has
already learned that one is rewarded for how one performs
rather than who he/she is. This person doesn’t want to work as
hard as the hero just to prove himself worthy, so decides to
pull away from the family and look for good feelings of
belonging elsewhere. Because of the repressed anger, the
scapegoat often gets much attention for the destructive ways
in which the withdrawal takes place. THE ROLE OF THE
SCAPEGOAT IS TO PROVIDE DISTRACTION AND FOCUS TO THE
FAMILY.
WALL OF DEFENSES
FEELINGS
developsstrong
peervalues
defiance
withdrawn uses drugs
anger hurt
loneliness
guilt
rejection
challenging
fear

15. The person who can see & hear more of what is really
happening in the family & begins to feel responsible for the
family pain. They try hard to make things better for the
family & is always losing ground because of the progressive
nature of the illness. They constantly feel inadequate but
hides this inadequacy behind their obvious successes. THE
ROLE OF THE HERO IS TO PROVIDE SELF-WORTH TO THE
FAMILY.
WALL OF DEFENSES
FEELINGS
successful
special
high achiever all together
does
what’s
right
confusion hurt
loneliness
inadequacy
anger

16. The family member who brings a little fun into the family.
No one takes the mascot too seriously because it’s believed
there would be a limited understanding of anything too
serious. Mascots are often cute, fun to be around, & able
to use charm & humor to survive in this very painful family
system. THE ROLE OF THE MASCOT IS TO PROVIDE FUN &
HUMOR.
WALL OF DEFENSES
fragility
anything to attract
attention
super cute
clowningloneliness
hurt
confusion
insecurity
humor fear
FEELINGS

17. The one who has learned not to make close connections in
the family. This person spends much time being alone or
quietly busy. The safest role and likely not to cause trouble
is to get lost. Most people don’t notice the lost children
very often as they are not usually given much attention,
either positive or negative. They are just there. They suffer
pain and loneliness. This is the one child the family doesn’t
have to worry about. THE ROLE OF THE LOST CHILD IS TO
OFFER RELIEF.
WALL OF DEFENSES
FEELINGS
withdrawn quietness
hurt
loneliness
inadequacy
anger