Comment for the written assignment Jan. 13,2012

1. Comment on written assignment for the first session of GAS 2012 Second Term
Prepared by Yoko Ishikura, May 20, 2012
Overall
We appreciate that all but few handed in written assignment on Kofi Annan’s speech.
Overall, I thought your written assignment was quite well done. I will comment on the
following aspects.
1) Clarity of your view/opinion
2) Logic & Analysis/structure
3) Innovative/creative/new insights etc.
Clarity of your view/opinion
Most of you clearly stated your view, whether you agree or disagree with Mr. Annan,
and/or what part of his speech you disagree/find problematic. I do not care whether you
start with your conclusion or end with it, as long as it is clear. Rather than agreeing or
disagreeing with Mr. Annan, some of you state your own analysis/perspectives to
address the issue of food security, and /or make recommendation to resolve the issue,
building on his speech. Some included brief summary of his speech.
As it is your own view, I am indifferent to the content, as long as the structure is clear
and easy to follow.
Structure
As for the structure, majority of you took the approach of listing several points to
support your view. Others write more like a story, without making the list. Which
approach to take is your preference of style and either way is fine for the final report. I
suggest, however, listing the reasons/supporting analysis when you draft an outline, as
it forces you to review whether the reasons/supporting analysis are at the same level of
abstraction and in good order. (See the Appendix for brief explanation of the Pyramid
principle.)
Innovative/new insights
Few of you took rather innovative approach of making the recommendation with some
key concept of your own, and/or to the head of state (such as Prime Minister of Japan),
I also find some try to think of the relevance of the speech to Japan. I thought it was
good, as it makes the issue much closer to home and personal.

2. Steps you can try
For this type of assignment, I think it will be good for you to try the following.
Summarize the main points of Mr. Annan’s speech with few sentences.
Try to add something new to his argument, whether that is a new idea, concept, format
etc. from your own personal experience, knowledge and perspectives.
Draft what you want to say (your conclusion), think of the way you support your
conclusion, probably by bringing some updated data, information, by discussing your
own experience, your own knowledge of some parts of the world (such as Japan) AND
identifying the relationship between your conclusion to Mr. Annan’s speech and
establish the link.
Take some time off. Do something else.
Get back to your conclusion and supporting analysis/data/stories and check the logical
flow. Make adjustment.
If you follow this process, your message becomes clearer, based upon your own
view/experience, AND with relevance to Mr. Annan’s speech.
(I realize this takes considerable amount of time, i.e. you cannot do it in an hour or so.
You need time to think it over.)
English
As for English, majority of you seem to have good command of writing
English, with only a few with development needs.
Next steps
Writing is a critical skill today, regardless of the language you write in. In order to
develop writing skills, you read pieces by those who are well known for good writing.
Economist articles are short and easy to read, covering a wide range of subjects. If you
like certain journalists such as Tom Friedman of the NY Times, you may want to follow
their blog and read.
Writing many pieces does help, too. In particular, if you want to develop writing
skills in the second language, you often have psychological barrier to start writing and
tend to shy away from it. However, the more you write, the better you will be. So
practice is the key.
(Appendix) Pyramid Principle
I use Pyramid Principle developed by Barbara Minto when I write a summary or paper.

3. Pyramid Principle is often used by the consulting companies and others and there is a
Japanese version written by Koji Yamazaki. I suggest that you check the books by
Barbara Minto for reference about Pyramid Principle.
Let me explain the Pyramid structure briefly.
You start with the main message and then lay out the reasons, evidence, & examples
to support the main message. You do so by either answering Why or How questions.
There are two ways of making the argument - deductive and inductive. You can use
either one.
This is how I do. I usually start with the main message and follow with the rationale
for that message. I lay out 1, 2, and 3 to describe the rationale. It is easier for me to
lay out that way, as I can check whether the items I state under 1, 2, 3, etc. are at the
same level of abstraction and whether they are described in the right, logical order.