ENGLISH FEEDBACK More than likely, all of the revisions listed below stem from me being crazy stupid and not reading the instructions for WA1. I saw that we were supposed to write a response to the four short essays found in our textbook, so I did.  Here’s what I thought about essay one, two three and four. Done. Submit. No intro, no thesis, no conclusion…just me writing nonsensical gibberish and spouting off opinions.  So, knowing that my first draft of WA1 is so completely wrong, coming up with only 3-5 areas of improvement will be easy. HOCs 1.  My WA1 has no introduction paragraph and definitely no thesis statement that should be near the end of that.  My first paragraph immediately starts with me ripping apart the article by Kerry Soper and how I think that it was a waste of ink. Case in point, “When I read the topic, which is now the title of this response essay assignment, I imagined being introduced to articles that would talk about learning techniques never imagined prior to the introduction of computers in the class room. Imagine, then, my utter dismay at reading a lackluster attempt at humor in Rate My Professorsappearance.com by Kerry Soper.” 2.  No thesis. If you read my number 1 above then this statement should be of no surprise. Because I had no introduction paragraph, I had no thesis statement at the end of it. Instead, I ended my first paragraph with this, “I’m also quite sure that if the author ever lost the over-mentioned 15-pounds, he would have nothing to write about.”  As you can see, a thesis statement would surely be welcome over that rubbish. 3.   Audience.  My attempt at WA1 was, at best, a bit unprofessional.  I was not aware that I should not use words that convey emotion.  Here is an example, after “reviewing” three articles that I felt didn’t really meet the mark of technology in education; I got to the paragraph where I gave my opinion of Twitter Goes to College. If you’ve read it, you’ll know that it actually had something to do with technology improving education. So after the three weak articles, I started my last paragraph regarding Twitter with this, “Ahhhh, finally!  An article that deals with technology in the classroom.”  As you can tell, that sort of writing is verboten within the Response Essay. LOCs 1.  No more evidence of my personal experiences or me.  I thought that while doing a response essay, I would be responding to a certain topic, or in this case, a set of essays. In either case, I thought that my response should find its way in the essay somewhere. I’m still confused about this.  In a body paragraph referring to the “Baby Einstein” article, I wrote this, “I used to watch cartoons growing up on Saturday mornings for roughly 5-straight hours, preferably with a bowl of Kix. But just because I watched Scooby-Doo didn’t mean I learned that dogs could talk.”  This type of personal reference with a response essay is a no-no. 2.  No informal expressions.  I used an exclamation point and I ha ...

1. ENGLISH FEEDBACK
More than likely, all of the revisions listed below stem from me
being crazy stupid and not reading the instructions for WA1. I
saw that we were supposed to write a response to the four short
essays found in our textbook, so I did. Here’s what I thought
about essay one, two three and four. Done. Submit. No intro, no
thesis, no conclusion…just me writing nonsensical gibberish
and spouting off opinions. So, knowing that my first draft of
WA1 is so completely wrong, coming up with only 3-5 areas of
improvement will be easy.
HOCs
1. My WA1 has no introduction paragraph and definitely no
thesis statement that should be near the end of that. My first
paragraph immediately starts with me ripping apart the article
by Kerry Soper and how I think that it was a waste of ink. Case
in point, “When I read the topic, which is now the title of this
response essay assignment, I imagined being introduced to
articles that would talk about learning techniques never
imagined prior to the introduction of computers in the class
room. Imagine, then, my utter dismay at reading a lackluster
attempt at humor in Rate My Professorsappearance.com by
Kerry Soper.”
2. No thesis. If you read my number 1 above then this
statement should be of no surprise. Because I had no
introduction paragraph, I had no thesis statement at the end of
it. Instead, I ended my first paragraph with this, “I’m also quite
sure that if the author ever lost the over-mentioned 15-pounds,
he would have nothing to write about.” As you can see, a thesis
statement would surely be welcome over that rubbish.

2. 3. Audience. My attempt at WA1 was, at best, a bit
unprofessional. I was not aware that I should not use words that
convey emotion. Here is an example, after “reviewing” three
articles that I felt didn’t really meet the mark of technology in
education; I got to the paragraph where I gave my opinion
of Twitter Goes to College. If you’ve read it, you’ll know that it
actually had something to do with technology improving
education. So after the three weak articles, I started my last
paragraph regarding Twitter with this, “Ahhhh, finally! An
article that deals with technology in the classroom.” As you
can tell, that sort of writing is verboten within the Response
Essay.
LOCs
1. No more evidence of my personal experiences or me. I
thought that while doing a response essay, I would be
responding to a certain topic, or in this case, a set of essays. In
either case, I thought that my response should find its way in
the essay somewhere. I’m still confused about this. In a body
paragraph referring to the “Baby Einstein” article, I wrote this,
“I used to watch cartoons growing up on Saturday mornings for
roughly 5-straight hours, preferably with a bowl of Kix. But just
because I watched Scooby-Doo didn’t mean I learned that dogs
could talk.” This type of personal reference with a response
essay is a no-no.
2. No informal expressions. I used an exclamation point and I
have learned that in a formal academic writing course, emotion
conveyed with an exclamation point is not to be used unless I’m
using it within a direct quote.
NUMEBR 2
Fellow classmates, I share in spirit the sentiment that our
mutual classmate Shannon Douglas Fiedler felt in his response.
I obviously failed to capture the true intent of WA1 and thus I
had some major revisions to work through. And here they are…

3. HOCs
Did I clarify my audience and the purpose of a piece of writing?
What I did to clarify my audience and provide purpose was to
send only my introductory paragraph to a colleague and ask him
to relay to me the purpose based on only the first paragraph. He
got 50% of the purpose correct. I had to include a sentence
connecting the first four sentences of the introductory paragraph
to the thesis, thereby eliminating any doubt as to my purpose.
Also, I needed to make a “bridge” that connected my thesis to
the rest of the paper. I was able to accomplish both with one
sentence.
Are there places in the paper where more details, examples, or
specifics are needed?
In the three body paragraphs, I made the mistake of not
including enough content from the articles in question. I had to
go back and add substance to each of the paragraphs. I now
have a minimum of two quotes/paraphrases per article. Plus my
three main paragraphs now have sub-topics that are part of the
thesis.
Make a brief outline. Does the organization make sense? Should
any part be moved to another part?
It did not make sense. My introductory paragraph was vague so
I added a better thesis. I used the refined thesis to create my
new outline. I have three distinct sub-topics I used to create the
outline. The new outline allowed me to focus only on the sub-
topic in question and leave the others alone.
LOCs
Are there a few problems that frequently occur? Keep a list of
problems that recur and check for those.
Yes, I kept lower casing some well-known proper nouns. I was
not aware that some of them should be capitalized, so I ended
up fixing them.

4. Ask yourself why you put punctuation marks in certain places.
Do you need to check any punctuation rules?
I had to check all of my punctuation to ensure I did not miss
anything. I found a few stray commas, some long sentences, and
even an unexplained exclamation point.
HISTORY FEEDBACK!
The postclassical period produced a variety of circumstances
that enabled Indian Ocean trade to flourish. An increase in
agricultural production allowed people to concentrate on
manufacturing products that could be traded along the growing
trade routes available.
Due to Southern India’s dry weather and an increasing need for
water to irrigate crops for a growing populace, innovative
irrigation techniques were devised. Along with creating canals,
wells, and tunnels Indians even constructed a huge reservoir
that covered 250 square miles. “Bentley and Ziegler pg. 311”
Population grew steadily in India as a result of an increase in
agricultural and manufacturing production.[1] As the
population of India grew the area became more urbanized. This
was especially apparent in the southern coastal trade cities such
as Cambay, Surat, Calicut, Quilon, and
Masulipatam.[2] Despite ongoing turmoil during this period in
history, trade amongst neighbors in the region flowed
progressively. Natural resources and spices that were not
available in some areas such as iron, copper, salt, pepper, and
certain crops such as rice were traded heavily in the
region.[3] The Chola Kingdom was instrumental in facilitating
trade in the Southern Indian region from 850 to 1267
C.E. Chola rulers were primarily interested in maximizing
profits by establishing a strong navy to allow goods to flow
freely. Chola leaders taxed goods that were transported through
port cities, thereby economically strengthening their
kingdom.[4] Additionally, Hindu temples in Southern India
served as hubs for agricultural production that the Chola

5. Kingdom also benefitted from by receiving tax revenues from
their production and trade. [5]
Gained knowledge through years of navigating and studying
monsoon winds and ocean currents in the Indian Ocean allowed
mariners to take advantage of when to travel and extend their
voyages. Additionally, larger naval vessels were constructed
that could haul more cargo. Southern Indian ports were
centrally located between the African continent to the west of
India and the eastern border of China to the east of India. India
established storage warehouses for goods that could be traded,
sold or stored by any ships using their ports. The centralized
location and constant naval traffic enabled the exchange of
culture, religion and ideas that was unique during this period in
history.[6]
Specialized goods produced in India such as fine cotton
products, refined sugar, tanned leather, carved stone, and woven
carpets were highly valued. Other Asian countries also traded
specialty goods such as silk, porcelain, lacquer ware, spices,
incense, horses, gold, ivory, and slaves.[7] Overall, Indian
leaders of this era allowed the open trade of products and
resources to travel freely through there southern port
cities. They capitalized on the economic benefits of their
centralized location. In the end, trade in this region connected
societies thousands of miles apart and encouraged the migration
and exploration to other regions of the world.
NUMBER 2
I am not too familiar with the Islamic religion or anything, I
have been wondering something since I started reading this
chapter. I focused on the same question you did, and I was
wondering about your opinion on this: Muhammed didn't lie
out who was to take his place after his death, which created that
deep separation between the Sunni's and the Shiites, did
Muhammed think that he was going to live forever, or become
and angel after his death so he could keep teaching the message

6. to followers? It seems to me that if you want something to
stick, one should make a plan for after their death, if they truly
believe in something, they shouldn't be worried about it for only
their lifetime, but people for lifetimes to come. It is something
I have been asking myself for a couple of days now, what do
you think?
BIO FEEDBACK!
This was great. It reminds me of a book that I read written by
Bill Bryson I think. The book is "A Short History of Nearly
Everything" and I started reading it awhile ago.
Anyways, this chapter talked about the beginning of earth and
the changes that happened to help life exist. At first, according
to the "big bang theory" all life in the universe originated from
a single point. Then, in a single instant the whole universe
exploded outward at which point all energy and existing matter
suddenly appeared. The galaxy soon formed as did our solar
system. Earth started as steroids crashing into each other and
sticking to one another. Eventually the mass grew and grew and
was constantly bombarded with other asteroids and meteors.
The surface of the earth was inhospitable as any water that got
near earth was evaporated instantly due to the high temperature.
Eventrually however seas did form. This is where life on earth
first began.
The source of lifes building blocks were first discovered by
Stanley Miller and Harold Urey. Many scientists of the time
thought that the Earth's early atmosphere consisted of several
gases; methane, ammonia, and hydrogen. Miller and Urey put
these gases into a chamber with some water, shot some
electricity through it to simulate lightning, and within a week
there were amino acids and other small molecules forming.
There were other reactions with other gases, such as carbon
dioxide and nitrogen dioxide (which is said to have been Earth's
early atmosphere). After the experiment was conducted, Miller
was unable to detect any amino acid formation what-so-ever.
What Miller didnt account for was that water could have

7. prevented the loss of the amino acids that were broken down in
some of the reactions resulting from the experiment. Rains
would have washed the amino acids into the seas where the
breakdown reaction would not have occured.
The origin of the cell membranes and metabolism is very
interesting. There are plenty of hypotheses that state many
different things. Such as pyrite and its many pours could have
housed the cells before they even had a cell membrane. This
was very interesting to think that life couldnt have possibly
happened if it wasnt for a pourus rock in just the right
conditions (underwater near a hydrothermal vent).
The fact that there are micro fossils that have been found as old
as 3.5 billion years ago. Its absolutely incredible. One thing that
did raise a question was that why does it only seem to be
Australia? Have these microfossils been found anywhere else?
The effects of the increase in oxygen really changed things. Life
could no longer form from non living things and thus a factor
that influenced the evolution to aerobic cells. As oxygen
became more abundant, so did aerobic respiration. It is more
efficient and requires less energy than other reactions. As the
atmosphere became oxygen enriched, oxygen molecules broke
apart and then recombined as ozone. The formation of the ozone
layer of the atmosphere prevented the harmful penetration of uv
radiation from the sun and was able to allow life to move to
land.
I had no idea that there were fossilized fossils of eukaryotic
cells that were visable to the naked eye. That is looking back in
time to see something that survived that long ago.
In early chapters it was discovered that mitochondria and
chloroplasts could have quite possibly been a parasitic bacteria
that implanted itself into the that of the eukaryotic cell. This
relationship then became known as endosymbiosis. Eventually,
cells were unable to survive without the symbiont and the
symbiont was unable to survive without the symbiont host.
NUMBER2

8. HIV came from Africa from eating monkey. It traveled from
Africa to Haiti and then from there it came to the United States.
Viruses replicate by attaching to a host the cant seek out the
specific host so they just float along hopping to run into the
host that is needed. HIV uses the host cell to create itself by
tricking the cell into thinking it is reproducing itself. West Nile
virus was spread from birds that migrated that were infected.
Mosquitoes bite us and that is why we are focused on
mosquitos. Bacteria uses slime or pili to attach to different
surfaces. Bacteria reproduces by binary fission, which is an a
sexual kind of way. Bacteria was the first to produce oxygen
rather then plants. If bacteria get inside of a cut that cut could
in fact become a lot worse then what it was. Many of the STD's
are spread from bacteria. One is spirchetes which is inside of a
cow and the other is chlamydias which is also known as
chlamydia. Carl Woese was the one to discover Archaea.
Archaeans and bacteria have different cell walls. Archaeans
have three classifications. One produces methane, one loves salt
and another loves very hot temperatures.
Number 3
Protists are organisms that produce oxygen. Some protists can
be harmful to humans especially if there are blooms of them
occurring. Diplomonads live where there is not any oxygen.
They live and survive deep in the oceans and also reside inside
animals. Diplomonads, parabasalid, trypanosomes, and
euglenoids are all types of flagellated protozoans.
Foraminiferans. plankton, and radiolarians are all considered
mineral-shelled protozoans. Dinoflagellate, part of the
alveolates, has two flagella that causes it to rotate when
moving. Malaria get into out liver and when the cell bursts
that's when we get sick and when the liver gets infected that is
when we get really sick and possibly die. Brown algae can be
found in everyday products. Red algae is what sushi is wrapped
in. Green algae is eaten in Scotland and is known as sea lettuce.
All land plants are thought to evolve from algae. Amoebas is
what causes dysentery when you drink water with cysts within

9. it.
Number 4
Week 6 topic 4
Pollen- Male gametophyte of a seed plant.
Seed- Of seed plants, embryo sporophyte and nutritive tissue
inside of a waterproof coat.
Bryophytes- They have no xylem or phloem, gametophyte
predominant, water required for fertilization, and they are
seedless. Examples of this are liverworts, hornworts, and
mosses.
Seedless Vascular plants- Vascular tissue is present, sporophyte
predominant, water required for fertilization, and they are
sedless. Examples are club mosses, spike mosses, whisk ferns,
horsetails, and ferns.
Gymnosperms- Vascular tissue is present, sporophyte
predominant, Pollen grains the water are not required for
fertilization, and they have naked seeds. Examples are
gnetophytes, ginkgos, conifers, and cycads.
Angiosperms- Vascular tissue present, sporophyte predominant,
pollen grains and the water is not fertilized, seeds form in a
floral ovary that becomes a fruit. Examples are monocats,
eudicots, and relatives.
What's the difference between Gymnosperms and Angiosperms?
Gymnosperms, they have naked seeds where the Angiosperms
have seeds that form in a floral ovary that becomes a fruit.
Number 5
Fungi travels from place to place using the wind. What travels
is the spores of the fungi. Some spore that have traveled have
landed and killed many different crops. Some of the spore are
harmless while others are deadly. Fungi digest their food by
releasing enzymes on to the food itself. There are single celled
and multi celled fungi. Chytrids are some of the oldest living
types of fungi. They live in water as well as some animal
stomach. Some types of fungi are ok to eat. Blue cheese has a
type of sac fungi within it to give it a certain taste. Sac fungi is
also used to make bread and beer. Sac fungi is what causes

10. yeast infections as well. Club fungi are mushrooms by example.
Club fungi is also important because it brakes down all of the
rotting wood on the forest floor. Plants and fungi work together
to survive. Athletes foot is a growth of fungi. Ringworm is not a
actual worm instead its a type of fungi. Spores are what is
dangerous is plants and animals.
BANNING PUBLIC SMOKING 1
Annotated Bibliography
Anonymous (2004) Health Issues Throughout Life: Children's
Health.
American Medical Association Family Medical Guide (4th Ed.)
(pp. 373-
445)
This publication discusses the statistics for secondhand smoke
for new born all the way to grown children. It gives excellent
facts about what can happen to children with they are exposed
to secondhand smoke, and even explains the risks for unborn
children as well. All the facts a child can face all the way to
death
Travers, M. J.; Cummings, K. M.; Hyland, A.; Repace, A.
(2004)
Indoor Air Quality in Hospitality Venues Before and After
Implementation
of a Clean Indoor Air Law. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly

11. Report53. 44.
(pp1038, 1040-1041)
This article gives a great table graph about the differences in
the air quality with and without secondhand smoke. This article
also tells what is actually in the air after someone has lit a
cigarettes and the effects it can give people.
Americans for Nonsmokers' Rights. (2011) American
Nonsmokers' Rights
Foundation.
This sites discusses the the science behind secondhand smoke.
It gives detailed reports and images on what goes on inside the
body after exposure to secondhand smoke. Also, this site gives
the number of deaths each year for different type of people from
unborn to elderly people.