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Shane Barrett
RUID: 139-00-9271
10/03/15
Section 1
Themes of Addiction
A father raises his son with love and compassion. He showers him with attention and
support, reads him all the stories, tucks him in at night, goes to all the games, provides him with
the best education possible, and essential does his best to make the best atmosphere possible for
raising a child. He watches his child grow up to become a brilliantly intelligent, independent
young man, with a trail of awards and accomplishments in his wake. Seemingly right under
their noses, something sinister slithers into their world, attacking the son, plaguing their
relationship, causing destruction and chaos at every turn, blocking out the light that once shined
over their lives. This unwelcomed trespasser is none other than Addiction. The above scenario
is a true story of a father’s struggles with his son’s addiction to methamphetamines, told in the
book, Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction, by David Sheff. This
award winning book sheds some insight on the countless hardships and struggles that the
families of drug addicts go through when trying to heal their loved one. Nic, the author’s son
and drug addict of the tale, struggles with what we call addiction. Addiction appears in many
forms and in many different aspects of our lives, some more damaging than others, particularly
addictions towards drugs. Nic’s life soon spirals out of control, damaging himself and those
around him. What the book helps to make clear is through Nic and his actions is that, “addiction
can develop despite a person's best intentions and in spite of their strength of character”
(Volkow, 2015). Nic was a happy child with all the resources a child needs to grow up. He was
a force to be reckoned with, but still fell victim to addiction, despite his many strengths and
protective factors. Addiction is complicated, which is why there is so much controversy
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surrounding it. Despite its complexity, several themes emerge in the lives of all those affected
with addiction including, love, Betrayal & trust, guilt & shame, isolation & loss, and
forgiveness & letting go. All of which are portrayed in Sheff’s book.
The first theme I will be discussing is that of Love. Love is affection or attachment
towards something. Love is universal. Love is what makes us human. Through love, we can do
the impossible and for some, is the key to fighting and overcoming addiction. Sheff’s love for
his son is the driving force behind all of his efforts to save Nic and is how he doesn’t give up on
his boy, despite the countless failed attempts. When describing the toll that Nic’s addiction has
had on the relationship between him and his ex-wife, Sheff writes that, “Our acrimony since the
divorce has been pushed aside by our shared worry about Nic….We both love Nic in a way that
only parents love their children” (2008, p. 118). Their shared love of their son trumps any ill
feelings they have toward each other. Even with all the chaos that has ensued, Sheff’s love
towards his son doesn’t falter, saying, “I learn that I love him more, and more compassionately,
than ever.” (2008, p. 201) Addiction is all consuming, and the temptation to give up on
someone is always high, but love keeps us going and is often why we help addicts in the first
place. This is seen in a particular case when a mother calls the authorities on her own drug
addicted daughter, despite the possibility that she may damage the relationship she has with her
daughter. Like Sheff, this mother loves her daughter and is willing to do whatever it takes to see
her get better (Froemke, 2015). As strong and resilient as love may be, it is often tested by
Betrayal.
Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship and when it is maintained, trust is
the key to the progression of relationships. Betrayal of this trust, depending on the severity, has
the potential to undo any good that has been done, and shatter a relationship all together. In
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feeding into his addictive behaviors, Nic betrays his family frequently, by the small lies at first,
to major infractions such as robing his family’s house of cash, food, and wine (Sheff, 2008, p.
93), stealing his eight year old brothers 8 dollars (Sheff, 2008, p. 170), to stealing hypodermic
needles and morphine from the cancer medication of his girlfriend’s sick mother (Sheff, 2008,
p. 190). Nic continues to take advantage of people who love him, time and time again because
of his addiction. It makes people capable of doing terrible things because, “people who are
addicted cannot control their need for alcohol and other drugs, even in the face of negative
health, social or legal consequence” (Volkow, 2015) which helps to explaining the reasoning of
the cascade of dangerous and abnormal behaviors that Nic displays. Nic’s many betrayals are
not a reflection of the true person he is, but rather a person who has been succumbed by disease.
This sense of betrayal is not Nic’s to bear alone, for even his father has dealt with it. Upon
entering Nic into rehab, Sheff recalls, “I feel as if I have betrayed Nic, abandoned him, turned
him in…” (2008, p. 130) Whether forcing his son into a rehabilitation facility was an act of
betrayal or not, is subjective, but what remain true is that addiction and betrayal go hand in
hand, not just by the addicts, but by their families too. The act of betrayal often leads to the next
theme of addiction I will be discussing, Guilt & Shame.
When confronted about their problem or asked to make a change, an addict, “uses
excuses, minimizes the problem, and refuses to change their behavior. They sneak and lie
about their drug use and mishandling of their money because of it. They allow their emotions to
dictate their life by trying to cover them instead of being honest about them” (Krull, 2009).
Clearly this directly ties into the theme of betrayal and trust, but one of the sources of the
dishonesty is due to the shame and guilt an addict feels about their actions and behaviors.
Addicts are never proud of the pain they cause and don’t wish to be controlled by drugs. In
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relation, Nic is also filled with guilt and shame for all the trouble he has caused himself and his
family. During a withdrawal period in rehab, Sheff writes that Nic, “…endures the physical
withdrawal accompanied by the mental anguish – “remorse, shame, disbelief, wanting to use,
wanting to die,” (2008, p. 199). Such as with other themes, “Guilt and self-blame are typical
responses of addicts’ parents” (Sheff, 2008, p. 145). Sheff often blames himself for the current
state of his son, saying, “much of it makes me cringe. I am aghast at so much of what I did and,
equally, what I did not do…I have not let myself off the hook. I often feel as if I completely
failed my son” (2008, p. 14). This is particularly evident when Sheff regrets his decision to
willingly smoke marijuana with his son. After the fact, Sheff writes, "I’m desperate – way too
desperate – to connect with him. It’s not a very good excuse” (Sheff, 2008, p. 90). Both father
and son are ashamed by their actions and are filled with guilt, transitioning into my next theme,
isolation and loss, a byproduct of guilt and shame.
A common trait among addicts is their isolation and detachment from their old, sober
lives and the people they once loved being around, and the loss of who they once were. When
not in rehab and back on drugs, “Nic spends most of his time at home in his room” (Sheff,
2008, p, 100). He no longer socializes with family or plays with the children, what he used to be
so good at. Now, “he sleeps for as much as twenty hours a day for the next three days. After
that, he is depressed and withdrawn. Then, without warning, on a cold spring afternoon, he
disappears again” (Sheff, 2008, p. 116). This “disappearing act” becomes common, further
serving the isolation theme that addicts go through. Being around his family only serves to
reinforce his guilt and shame, running away not only allows him to keep using drugs, but allows
him to momentarily forget the pain he is causing his family. This isolation and loss of hope is
prevalent among the homeless community in Atlanta, Georgia, seen in the documentary “J is
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for Junkie”. The film takes a look inside the lives of homeless drug addicts and their day to day
struggle for survival. Like Nic, these people have feeling of isolation. They no longer wish to
burden their families with their addiction, so they go to the streets. In doing so they are only
further isolated by society, becoming outcasts and labeled as criminals by the community
(Davis, 2011). In order to bring themselves out of isolation and work towards recovery, addicts
have to try to look past their mistakes, let go of the past, and work on forgiving themselves,
tying in my last theme of addiction, forgiveness and letting go.
Forgiveness is not easy; especially when you are forgiving yourself for pain you have
caused others, the daily struggle of an addict. What makes forgiving yourself easier is when the
ones you love also chose to forgive your mistakes and wrong doings. When forgiven, it
becomes easier to see the goal of recovery, and makes it more worthwhile. In fact, one of the 12
steps of recovery in AA (alcoholics anonymous) is to make a list of all the persons that an
addict had harmed and to become willing to make amends to them all (What is AA, 2015). As I
previously mentioned, Nic has done some terrible things, and continues to do them over and
over again, but despite all that, his father keeps forgiving him, refusing to give up an abandon
him. On the other hand, his father becomes obsessed with helping his son, constantly putting his
own life on hold. After some insight from a therapist, he learns that he needs to allow Nic to
live his own life, and to start living his. He writes, “now I am in my own program to recover
from my addiction to his. The deep work occurs in therapy, but I take practical steps, too. Like
turning off my cellphone” (Sheff, 2008, p. 305). Sheff lets go of what he cannot change and
learns to forgive himself for it.
These themes transcend all addicts’ struggles. Beautiful Boy, is a look at one family’s
struggle with addiction, but many aspects of addiction remain constant among all families, as
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do these themes. Two additional examples of families facing the struggles of addiction are seen
in the movie, Rachel Getting Married, and the first episode of the television show, Intervention.
The film, Rachel Getting Married, captures the weekend of a wedding in which a
family’s eldest daughter Rachel is becoming betrothed and their other daughter Kym, who
suffers with drug addiction, is granted permission to leave rehab to see her sister get married.
Their mother and father are divorced and they once had a younger sibling, whom was killed in a
car accident, in which Kym was driving under the influence of a drug. The themes of addiction
are interwoven throughout the movie, starting with Betrayal and Trust. Kym used to constantly
lie to her family about her use of drugs and her actions. After the accident that ended up killing
her younger brother Ethan, Kym became enveloped in guilt and shame. With the entire family
devastated, Kym isolated herself in response for the guilt she felt. Through treatment and rehab,
Kym has learned to live with her actions. She has not chosen to forgive herself, but has let the
past go and wishes to look to the future. One of the overarching themes of the entire movie is
the love shared between the two sisters Kym and Rachel. Though this love, they are able to
look passed their differences and enjoy the wedding, and Kym is able to remain functional,
staying clean and returning to rehab at the end of the film.
The very first episode of the hit television show, Intervention, shows the life of Alyson,
a woman addicted to a whole assortment of drugs, including that of morphine and crack. Very
much like Nic, Alyson is a very bright and intelligent person whose life was overcome by
addiction. Though she was once a White House intern, Alyson now lives at home with her
family, continuing to abuse drugs. In relation to the themes, Alyson loves her family and they
love her, but their relationship have hit many hardships especially with her younger sister, who
disapproves of her behavior. In feeding to her addiction, Alyson repeatedly lies to her family
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about where she is going and about her drug use. She goes as far as stealing her sick fathers
prescribed morphine, while he is asleep in bed. She rarely leaves her bedroom and becomes
isolated from the rest of the world, continues to betray her family and they do not know what
else to do. They contact a rehab center and hold an intervention for their daughter. Despite the
lies and betrayal, Alyson’s family forgives her past actions, letting go of all the harm she has
done, and proceeds to help her get into recovery. Fortunately, Alyson checks into rehab and
remain sober by the end of the episode.
In summary, Addiction is not something to take lightly. Though I have not experienced
addiction first hand, it is through these stories that I can obtain some insight on the struggles
that this illness brings forth and to better understand how to help struggling addicts and their
families.
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References
Davis, C. (Director). (2011). J is For Junkie [Motion picture]. Greedmont TV.
Demme, J. (Director). (2009). Rachel getting married [Motion picture on DVD].
[Distributed by] Sony Pictures Home Entertainment.
Froemke, S., & Maysles, A. (2015). A Mother's Desperation. Retrieved October 12,
2015.
Krull, E. (2009, September 23). Addiction and Family Roles. Retrieved October 9,
2015.
Mettler, S. (Writer). (2005, March 6). Alyson and Tommy [Television series episode]. In
Intervention. A & E.
Sheff, D. (2008). Beautiful boy: A father's journey through his son's addiction (pp. 1 -
340). New York, New York: Houghton Mifflin.
Volkow, N. (2015). What Is Addiction? Retrieved October 3, 2015.
Volkow, N. (2015). Addiction and the Brain's Pleasure Pathway: Beyond Willpower.
Retrieved October 8, 2015.
What Is A.A.? (2015). Retrieved October 12, 2015, from
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/what-is-aa
