Sexual Fantasy

3. Men have about twice
as many sexual
fantasies overall as
women. This is
because sex drive
relates to testosterone.
Testosterone
supplements increase
libido and fantasies in
women and anti-
androgens decrease
them in men

4. FAVOURITE THEMES
Men are inclined to fantasise
about young, anonymous,
multiple partners.
Women prefer sex with
identified (often famous)
individuals.
Men’s fantasies feature
anatomical details; women
focus more on emotional
context and romantic
surroundings.
These differences fit with
evolutionary expectations
based on parental
investment theory.

5. THEMES IN FREE NARRATIVE FANTASIES
Men Women
Group sex 31% 15%
Voyeuristic/fetishistic 18% 7%
Steady partner included 14% 21%
Romantic setting 4% 15 %
Rape/force 4% 13%
No fantasies 5% 12%
(Wilson, 1987)

6. History
• Cross-cultural
• Cross-time
• Cross-space
• Involves play with power, trust, mind
• 36% of adults in the United States (20% worldwide) use
masks, blindfolds and bondage tools during sex.
• A US study in 1953 found that 55 percent of women
and 50 percent of men liked being bitten.
• In 1999, a study of us college students found that 65%
university students dream about being tied up.

8. BDSM: Stigmas
• BDSM practices remain taboo & stigmatized
• Within the BDSM/Fetish community certain
practices may be stigmatized (e.g., erotic
asphyxiation, somnophilia)
• Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders continues to house Sexual Sadism,
Sexual Masochism, & other practices as
Paraphilias, or sexual disorders

9. BDSM
B---Bondage
D---discipline/ Dominance
S--- Submission/ Sadism
M---Masochism

10. BDSM: Community Principles of
Play/Rules of Engagement
• SSC = safe, sane, consensual
• RACK = risk, awareness, consensual, kink
• CCCC = caring, communication, consent,
caution

11. • 1. The unholy cross:
• "Having my significant other bound to
something like a kneeling St. Andrew's
Cross and bukakked by about 50 guys while
one of our female play partners cleans her up
with her tongue."

14. 2. The ball gag:
• A ball gag is a simple
sex toy commonly
used in BDSM play
that renders the
wearer unable to
speak, increasing the
feeling of submission.

15. • The human toilet:
• “ girl wants to be tied up in a frat house or a
very dominant man's house during a party,
and used as the only toilet. Any man that
wants to can use her to relieve himself,
whether it be sexually or to go number one or
number two. She wants a whole weekend of
being used as a toilet by as many men as
possible.

16. FEMALE RAPE FANTASIES
Rape/force is one of the most
popular female fantasies.
Reported by 50% of women; top-
ranked by 13%
Does not mean women
subconsciously want to be raped -
more that they want to feel
irresistibly attractive.
Important that rapist is attractive
to them (e.g. Valentino’s Sheikh,
Christopher Lee’s Dracula)

17. CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE
Some researchers find that
force fantasies are more
common in women who
were sexually abused in
childhood.
Effects may depend on
whether it was experienced
as arousing or distressing at
the time (c.f., A Dangerous
Method).
Overall, force fantasies in
women are associated with
higher sexual satisfaction,
hence not necessarily
unhealthy.

18. MALE MASOCHISM
Submission fantasies are
surprisingly common among
men, especially those who
occupy powerful positions in
daily life (c.f., Max Mosley).
These may derive from
experiences of motherly
discipline in early childhood
that have become imprinted in
connection with first sexual
stirrings.

19. Bukkake
• Bukkake is a sex
act in which one
participant
is ejaculated on
by multiple
participants. It is
often portrayed
in pornographic
films.

20. cuckolding
• A cuckold is someone who takes pleasure in watching their
partner have sex with someone else. Traditionally, it's a man
whose wife or girlfriend is having sex with other people, and
there's an element of the man being mocked for his wife's lack
of sexual interest in him. But of course, cuckolding can be
enjoyed by couples of any sexual orientation, genders, and
roles, and there's a wide spectrum of ways that the couple
views the affairs with the third party. In some instances, it's
more like an open relationship where only one partner has
other lovers.
• "For most couples who incorporate elements of cuckolding, it
looks a bit more like swinging where the primary focus is all on
the wife's sexual engagements," clinical psychologist and author
of Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love
Them, tells mbg. "While many cuckolding fantasies involve fairly
extreme elements of infidelity, sexual behaviors, humiliation,
and submission, these appear to mostly be fantasy in most
couples."
• In many cuckolding cases, the cuck desires to actually watch the
sex take place between their partner and the outsider (often
referred to as the "bull"), but sometimes the cuck may just want
to hear the details afterward—or even help their partner pick
out their outfit beforehand.

21. Role play
• Role-playing is a fun and kinky way to liven up
your sex life and act out your fantasies
• Sexual role play is an activity in which consenting
partners assume the roles of different characters
in an imaginary scenario during sex. Partners
typically discuss fantasy role-playing ideas ahead
of time to ensure consent. A role-playing scene
can be simple or complex and may involve dress-
up, a fantasy location, a background story from
your favorite movie or TV show, and more.

22. 1. Delivery person: Many
role-play scenarios involve
partners acting as if they’ve
just met. For example, you
can pretend to be a pizza
delivery person bringing food
to your partner’s home. A
similar scenario may involve
one of you acting like a repair
person sent to fix something
at the other’s home.

23. • 3. First time: Pretend like one of you (or both)
is having sex for the first time. This scenario is
a fun way to feel like you’re reliving your first
time with your current partner, renewing your
passion and desire for one another.

24. • 4. Flight attendant: Another
real-life fantasy relying on
varying power dynamics
might involve one partner
playing a flight attendant
and the other acting like a
passenger or a pilot. Use
home surfaces—like the
kitchen counter—to
simulate an in-flight kitchen
or pretend you’re in the
plane’s restroom joining the
mile-high club.

25. • 5. Massage
therapist: If you
enjoy massages,
try a scenario in
which you or
your partner
acts like a
masseuse. This
scene allows
you to be
physically close
while giving an
erotic massage.

26. • How to Role Play With Your Partner
• Before engaging in a steamy scenario with your partner, review these tips
and guidelines:
• 1. Brainstorm sexual fantasies. Before trying out a scene with your
partner, discuss different scenarios and roles you’d both like to try. Figure
out the best sex scene simulating an erotic and fun dynamic for both of
you.
• 2. Discuss consent. After your brainstorming session, work with your
partner to set ground rules for the agreed-upon scenario and clarify which
acts you each consent to. Avoid leaning so far into your character that you
violate your partner’s boundaries.
• 3. Select a safe word. Choose a safe word that either of you can say to end
the role-play experience or indicate that you are not comfortable.
• 4. Communicate during the scenario. Tell your partner when you are
enjoying (or not enjoying) the role-play scenario. Since you aren’t acting
like yourself, it may be difficult for your partner to tell when you’re having
fun, so be open and communicate throughout the scene.
• 5. Spend time together afterward. After the role-play scenario ends,
discuss the experience with your partner during some postcoital cuddling.
Share what you liked and disliked about the experience and what you’d
like to do next time.