Philomena Mistrulli seeks recognition for her husband Joseph, a carpenter who died in the September 11 attacks. Throughout a week of memorial services, she emphasizes that all those who perished, including her husband, should be acknowledged as heroes, not just first responders. Mistrulli's journey involves both honoring her husband's memory and advocating for a broader understanding of heroism beyond traditional categories.

1. 'My Husband Was a Hero'
Widow seeks
recognition for
carpenter at WTC
Photoby Thom ... It.. Yenlu'll
Philomena Mlstrulli 01 Wanlagh hotds a photo of her husband, Joseph Mlslrulli, who was fost In the Sept. 11 attack.
Mistrulli views a
memorial quill
dedicated 10 some of
Ihe victims at a
ceremony held by the
Bellmore and Merrick
Interfaith Cfergy
Association at W.C.
Mepham High School In
Bellmore Wednesday.
She found a quill
square, lop righI, tnat
was dedicaled to her
husband. Mlstrulli's
week ended wllh a
serviceyesterday for
loved ones al Cemetery
of The Holy Rood In
Weslbury, right.
By Pat Burson
Sl';n'wnrnm
A
s she waited for her son to get ready,
Philomena Mistrulli was searching
downstairs forinvitationsand a packof
smokes when she noticed it.
Somethingwas missingfromher hus-
band's carpenter'sbelt.
The belt, holding assorted tools and a pack of
Marlboro Menthol Lights in one of the pockets, is
fastenedto a shrine in memory ofherhusband,Jo-
seph, 47, a union carpenter who was working in
the north toweron Sept. 11whenterrorists plowed
hijacked planes into the WorldTrade Center.
"The measuring tape is gone," said Mistrulli,
43, staring at. the shrine topped with her hus-
band's portrait in a comer of the livingroom in
the family's Want-aghhome. "I have to find it and
put it back,"
Bub that would have to wait. Mother and son
were going to EisenhowerPark in East Meadow
Monday night for the first of almost half a dozen
memorial services and communityremembrances
in NassauCounty - over three consecutive days
- markingthe first year since the attacks. Her
week would end with an intimateserviceforloved
ones at Cemetery of the Holy Rood in Westbury,
where they grieved their personal loss - made
morepainfulbecause MistruJli'sremainshavenot
been found.
On the first day ofherjourney, Mistrullidonned
her uniformfor the week - denim shorts and a
gray T-shirt with the emblem of the carpenters
union and the namesof18 membersit lost onSept.
11on the back.
It was an odysseythat would ifl;her spirits. fuel
her anger and, at times, compoundber grief. The
most hurtfultimes. she said, have come whenever
anyone made the distinction betweenheroes and
victims.
As notices and invitations for the different pub-
lic observances began to arrive in her mailboxa
fewweeks ago, Mistrullisaidshevowedtogo to as
many as possible to honor those who died and
thank the community for supportingher family
through their year of mourning.
Most ofall, she went for "Joe,"the man who for
20 years wore the carpenter's belt; the man she
met in a Brooklyn toy store in 1977, married a
year later and raisedthreechildrenwith; the man
she called her hero nnd life's love.
"I feellike I have to go," she said. ~I want my
husband to be given the proper respect, ... that
he is not forgotten."
On Monday, she and her son, Joseph, 23,joined
about 1,000 others for Nassau County's candle-
light ceremony at Harry Chapin Lakeside The-
atre in Eisenhower Park, Before it began, they
searched for Joseph Mistrulli'sname among the
red-and-white squares that formed the bars and
stripes. of a giant American nag quilt hanging
next to the stage. Eight squares infrom the left,
beneath the last row of stars, they found it.
In thesection reserved for the victims' families,
she made a bee-line for Janet Wexler-Magee and
Diane Antolos. The three women had become
close attendinga support group Mistrullihelped
start in January at Bellmore Presbyterian
Church.Wexler-Magee lost her husband, Charles,
chiefengineer at the WorldTrade Center; and An-
telos lost her brother, Frank Vignola Jr., n senior
vice presidentat Cantor Fitzgerald. .
They sat in the somber assembly,listening to
the songs, prayers and speeches. Suddenly, her
son stormed of!' as Gov. George Pataki spoke of
Sept. II's "heroes; leavingout anyonewho wasn't
a firefighter, police or Port Authority officer or
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2. Widow: Carpenter at WTC Also a Hero
A52
MlSTRULLI from A7
emergency medical worker. That's
been a sore point the past year for the
it Mistrulli family.
"The rest of what he said kind of
made up for it, so I mighthaveacted too
abruptly," Joseph Mistru.1li said later.
"But why not say everybody up there
was a hero, say that everybody was
workingtogether in there toget out?"
Mistrulli said he believes his father
was doing everything he could to get
himselfand others out alive. "Hewould
have figured out how to get out of
there,"he said. "I could see him trying
to get the doors open using whatever
toolshe could."
MistruJli went after her son, and
both returned in time to hear Wex-
ler-Magee, who spoke on behalfof the
families, paying homage to the engi-
neers, waiters, carpentersand individu-
als ofotheroccupations also los.t.
Exhausted and against her doctor's
orders, on Tuesday night Mistrulli
readied herself for a Mass of Remem-
brance at S~. Barnabas Church of the
Apostlein Bellmore,where a commem-
orative plaque was dedicated in a Gar-
den of Remembrance.Joseph Mistrulli
was one of nine church parishioners
lost on Sept. 11.
Earlier in the day while visitingber
husband'sgrave, she said she had be-
come disoriented, broke down sobbing
and then drove herselfto the hospital.
"My doctor said, '1 don't understand
whyyou have togoto all oftheseservic-
es.'I said, '1 have to. r have to.' "
She was still heavily sedated when
she was driven to the service. She sat
on a pew near the front with her 500;
youngest daughter, Angela, 18, sister,
MaryAnn Pino, and her family.
At 9:30 a.m, Wednesday, Mistrulli
and Pino Bat inside the chapel at Holy
Rood Cemetery. They weren't there
long. however. Upset by a priest's
hero-victim distinction, they walked
out. "Everybody'sequal. No life is any
less valuable." MistTUllisaid. "That's
why you will sec me bolt out of SOme-
NC'W'Iday Photo I K.a:ro.n Wlles St:lbUe
Diane Anlolos, Ihlrd Irom righi, hugs Philomena Mlslrulll at a ceremony lor Joseph
Mlslrulli yeslenlay. Also allendlng, Irom lett, children Maryann, Angela and Joseph.
thing like this and so will my chil-
dren." Whatever the count, all are he-
roes, she explained.
The sisters drove from the chapel to
Joseph Mistrulli's grave, which is
among others who died in the towers.
They placed a bouquetofred, white and
bluecarnations in a vase on the side of
the granite stone. Mistru1lirearranged
the mementos her family had placed
there: A baby photo of her daughter
Maryann Rosser's son, Joseph, now 4
monthsold; her daughterAngela's 2002
graduation cap from Harriet Eisman
Community Schoolin LongBeach; sea-
shells sheand her husband had collect-
ed during-their walks at Jones Beach,
and a small pieta of the Virgin Mary
holding Jesus.
Her son and youngest daughter
joined them in the cemetery, each tak-
mg turns sittingin his car to listen for
Joseph MistrulJi's name to be read
fromthe list oflhe lost over the radio.
After leaving the cemetery, Uley
drove to catch the remainderofa cere-
mony at Wantagh American Legion
Post No. 1273, wherea monumentwas
erectedto the Sept. 11victims. "It made
me feel honored that they recognized
[my father] as a special person of our
community," said Rosser, who repre-
sented the family in her mother's ab-
sence.
Back at home that afternoon, Mis-
trulli watched television coverage that
replayed the attack for hours, despite
protests from her sister and children.
"I watch what he lived." she shot
back, staringat the set and lightingan-
other cigarette. 'When, those towers
came down, so did my world.... I
went right down with them."
Her mourningcontinued on Wednes-
day night, when her family attendeda
"ga~hering of remembrance and hope'
hostedbythe Bellmoreand Merrick In-
terfaithClergy Associationat W.C. Me-
pham High Scheol.Tributes to Joseph
Mistrulli and 18others fromthosecom-
munities who died in the auacks were
part ofthe program.
Mistrulli was described as a loving,
caring and devoted family man who
took pride in his work; a talented car-
penter for Island Acoustics in Haup-
pauge who was working in the north
tower when the first plane hit.
Reflecting on all the remembrances
and services she attended, Mistrulli
said she appreciatedsomething about
each one but none fully gave her the
comfort and recognitionshe sought.
"The only thing I got somethingout
of was being at the cemetery(on Sept.
11]; she said. "I'm not surroundedby
politicians.... I'msurrounded by fam-
ilies. We all share the grief. the anger.
It feltcomfortingtobe amongjust us, a
family borne out oftragedy."
Mistrulli said she and her husband
would have le~ yesterdayfor a lO-day
vacation in the Bahamas they had
planneda year ago, theirfirst alone to-
gether in 25 years. Instead, she stood
with family members and wept as a
priest prayedat his empty grave.
"Even though Joe is at .rest . . . I
want him to nave a hero's burial be-
cause that's what he was to us," she
said. "My husband was a hero. Iwant
peopleto rememberhim that way."
View a slide show ollhe Mlslruill Gfamily as II observed the Sepl. 11
anniversary by logging on 10
www.newsday.com.
Donations to Sept. 11 Charities Still FlowingCHARITIES from A6
$3.2 millionin federalcompensation,citypensionbene-
fits that equal hislifetimesalary andothercitybenefits,
accordingto ananalysisby KennethFeinberg,the spe-
cial masterofthe federalcompensationfund.
The gulf separating the firefighters and other
workers has engendered a certain resentment,even
though the firefighterswere killed trying to save the
lives of others.
"1 know they ran into the buildings to rescue,peo-
ple, but my husband was there, also. He died the
same way they did, except that it wasn't my hus-
band's job to rescue people; said Cella Yuen, 34, of
Flushing, whosehusband, Carr Futurestrader Elkin
Yuen, died Sept. 11. He was 32. "Then you hear the
fact that they'll get their husband's salary for life,
~ and I only get a one-time payment."
'" Yuen, who has a daughter, Nicole, 4, said that
'!f in addition to dealing with the emotional pain of
cr losing her husband, she has struggled to adjust to
:ll the loss of her husband's income. Payments from
::: charity have "been a tremendous help," said Yuen,
Ii: who declinedto reveal how much she has received."I
~ don't have to worry constantly - am Igoing to have
,: enough moneythis month?"she said.
i3 With such large amounts going to the families of
5 lost rescue workers,theexecutive director ofa Chica-
</) go-basedcharity watchdoggroup, the American Insei-
,: tute of Philanthropy, fears other needy people may
i3 suffer.
~ "1 know people don't want to think about this, but
z there's going tobesomehomelesspeopleandpeopleon
thelower strataofsocietywhoare not goingtoget some
money because peoplechose to shower widowsoffire-
fighters with money,"said the AIP'sDanierBorochoff.
The gifts have been so extraordinarythat theInter-
nalRevenue Service had to loosen its rules, virtually
changing the definition of charity to allowgroups to
distribute it to go to those who aren't technically
needy, without losing their tax-exemptstatus. The
Red Cross, the disaster organization that collected
themost funds forSept. 11 relief, also allowedlarger
cosh gifts than it had evergiven before.
Through the Red Cress program,the averagefamily
ultimately will receive four gifts totalling$115,000 in
cashassistance,the organizationsaidlastweek.Nearly
400of'the roughly3,000fruniliesofthedeceasedand se-
riously injured, however,have declinedcharity assis-
tance,sayingtheydon'tneed the money.
The largegifts by theRed Cross and other organi-
zations were demanded by the donating public, ac-
cording to the Red Cross' chief executive in New
York, RobertBender.
Demotion to JV Sparks BattleSOCCER from A8
say, 'You're on the team: and then takeit awayfrom
the kid."
Granger saidhe mnde the decisionafter askingthe
school board to clarifythe policy, which states:"I'he
purpose of the High School Interscholastic Athletic
Program is tosupportthe educational needs and ath-
letic interests primarilyof high schoolstudents."
Because an unusually large numberofhigh school
players came out for the varsity girls soccer team,
Granger reasoned the presence of eighth-graders
would take away attention and playing time from
the others.
The school board amended its Sports and Athletic
Program policy at its monthly meeting last Monday
to make it more restrictive for middle school stu-
dents to play at the high school level and backed
Granger'sstance.
"He made the decision because it is in the best in-
terest of high school students," Brande told the
crowd.
Thanksto a decades-oldprogram,the state educa-
tion department permits seventh-and eighth-grade
athletes to compete at thejunior varsityand varsity
level irthey satisfy an established standard.Saman-
tha met the selective classificationprogram require-
ments for varsity participation.passing Q battery of
physical and psychological exams. Grangerinitially
cleared her to play, based on recommendationsmade
by a physician and by coach Butzke.
"I think the district didn't follow its own policy,"
Butzke familyattorney Kevin Seaman said. "Their
policy indicates that so long as seventh- and
eighth-graders pass the selective classification pro-
cess - which she did - theyare allowed to ploy."