What I have learnt as I journey into the overlap between trauma responses, our own inner child patterns and emotional health, is that nothing is as black and white as we think. Traditionally we're taught about 4 trauma response, but learning about the 5th - as a hybrid response has drastically shifted how I view working on healing them. Firstly is actually recognising them, acknowledging that there is nothing wrong with you.
Sometimes when we have unresolved trauma we start believing that we are responsible for things that we were never responsible for in the first place.
The exhaustion of managing yourself and others to receive love and channelling your wanting to not inflict the same wounds you had by swallowing your pain, only fills up that resentment and ultimately leads to abandoning yourself.
Look at how much of your energy is going to these responses.
2. Fight
Fight response is self-preservation and protection
from pain. A rush of adrenalin and this intense
drive to protect yourself no matter what. It can
involve you picking fights, attempting to control
others. Have learned to respond to their feelings of
abandonment with anger, and subsequently use
contempt, a toxic amalgam of narcissistic rage and
disgust, to intimidate and shame others into
mirroring them and into acting as extensions of
themselves. To an observer, it may look as if the
person has an explosive temper is extremely
angry and aggressive.
- Anger, Rage,
- Aggression when
overwhelmed
- Need for Control
-Resorts to threats
1.
3. Flight
2.
The flight response intends to protect us from pain
through escape. The flight response can make it
challenging to slow down and rest; it might feel like
you’re constantly rushing, worrying, or panicking.
When the obsessive/compulsive flight type is not
doing, she is worrying and planning about doing.
Many flight types are so busy trying to stay one
step ahead of their pain. You may feel like you have
to micromanage everything to maintain control.
They might look like a workaholic, an overachiever,
or a perfectionist. They may take on a physical
aspect by creating physical space when they feel
threatened by leaving social situations or avoiding
difficult conversations.
- Constant
busyness
- Micromanage
everything to
maintain control
- Workoholic
4. -Disassociation
-Disconnected
- Feels very alone
- Overwhelmed by
others needs
Freeze
3.
An attempt to protect ourselves through dissociation,
meaning we tend to dissociate or separate our mind &
body by spacing out or feeling detached from the
world around us or from ourselves. A freeze response
can be characterized by feeling immobilized by stress,
struggling to act on decisions, feeling passive, or
constantly feeling stuck in a routine out of fear.
Unconsciously believe that safety lies in solitude. This
means a person might isolate, hide, or retreat internally
when they feel their environment is distressing. Freeze
is also being easily overwhelmed by others' needs.
Feels invaded and often isolates when overwhelmed.
Fantasy life, hiding from social interactions. Doesn't
respond in difficult situations, only thinks of response
after
5. - People-pleasing
Avoiding conflict
- Having had difficulty
saying no.
- Feeling burnt out
- Issues with boundaries
Fawn
4.
Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes,
needs, and demands of others. They act as if they
unconsciously believe that the price of admission to
any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs,
rights, preferences, and boundaries. The intent of
fawning is self-preservation and safety through the act
of appeasing others. To an observer, this could look like
people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, having had difficulty
saying no. These individuals are concerned with how
others perceive them, so they study their interests or
patterns and fit in to be useful to them.
6. Trauma Hybrids
5.
Most trauma survivors are hybrids of the 4F's, here are
combinations and how they are manifested.
The Fight/Fawn, perhaps the most relational hybrid
and most susceptible to love addiction narcissism, and
codependence - Often misdiagnosed as borderline
personality disorder
The Flight/Freeze type is the least relational and most
schizoid hybrid. This type avoids his feelings and
potential relationship retraumatization with an
obsessive-compulsive/ dissociative "two-step" that
severely narrows his existence. The flight/freeze cul-de-
sac is more common among men, especially those
traumatized for being vulnerable in childhood, and
those who subsequently learned to seek safety in
isolation or "intimacy-lite" relationships
7. Trauma Hybrids
5.
The fawn-fight (the smothering-mother type) who
coercively or manipulatively takes care of others, who
smother loves them into conforming with her view of
who they should be; the fawn-flight type who
workaholically makes herself useful to others
Fawn-freeze type: Mother Theresa; who numbingly
surrenders herself to scapegoating or to a narcissist's
need to have a target for his rageaholic releases (the
"classic" domestic violence victim)
8. Trauma
R E S P O N S E S
5
FIGHT
1. 2. FLIGHT
3. FREEZE
4. FAWN
@
k
a
r
i
s
t
o
p
k
i
n
-Unsure, worried, anxious,
scared, frightened, or terrified.
-Rush of adrenaline
-picking fights, yelling or
trying to control others.
-Easily overwhelmed by
others needs
- Micromanage
everything to maintain
control.
-Leaving a difficult
situation, only knowing
what to say/ do respond
once it has passed.
People-pleasing,
Avoiding conflict, -
Having had
difficulty saying no.
- Protect self through dissociation, meaning we
tend to dissociate or separate our mind & body by
spacing out or feeling detach from the world
around us or from ourselves.
- Feeling immobilized by stress, struggling to act
on decisions, feeling passive, or constantly feeling
stuck in a routine out of fear
5. TRAUMA
HYBRIDS
Most trauma
survivors are
hybrids of the 4F's,