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www.managementstudyguide.com
Assertiveness Skills
Copyright © 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. All
www.managementstudyguide.com
Learning Objectives
What is
Assertiveness
The Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior P...
www.managementstudyguide.com
You can not fix the whole
world but you can help a
small part of it
You can assert yourself
i...
www.managementstudyguide.com
What is Assertiveness ?
Confirming confidently, positively.
To defend one’s rights or opinion...
www.managementstudyguide.com
What is Assertiveness ?
An honest, direct, and
appropriate expression of
one's feelings, thou...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Assertiveness is NOT…
A guaranteed way to
win every argument
A guaranteed
Way to get
what you...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Assertiveness involves
Saying "yes" when you want
to, and saying "no“ when you
mean "no“
(rat...
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Assertiveness involves
Understanding how to negotiate if two people want different
outcomes
U...
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What Assertiveness does not
Involve
Assertiveness is
not aggressiveness
or selfishness
Being ...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Learning Objectives
What is
Assertiveness
The Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior P...
www.managementstudyguide.com
The Need for Assertiveness
The way we
communicate with
others and with
ourselves
ultimately
d...
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Need for Assertiveness
Lack of assertiveness leads to
Depression:
feeling helpless
with no co...
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Benefits of Being Assertive
Propels your career
Helps have better
relations with others
Reduc...
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Learning Objectives
What is
Assertiveness
The Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior P...
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Understanding Behavior Patterns
Passive/
Submissive
Aggressive Assertive
3 Basic Types
Copyri...
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Passive Behavior Symptoms
Passive
Reluctant to express own opinions,
and feelings
Often feels...
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Passive Behavior Reasons
Fear of rejection
Fear of upsetting others
Feeling responsible
Inapp...
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Aggressive Behavior
Symptoms
Aggressive
Frequently argues with others
Frequently gets angry
E...
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Aggressive Behavior
Reasons
Disregard the needs
of others
Think as superior beings
Childhood ...
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assertive
Able to express desires and
feelings
Able to converse and work well
with people
Abl...
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Comparison
Passive Assertive Aggressive
Style Not expressing needs
Self-devaluing
Waiting to ...
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Transactional Analysis
I am
OK
You’re
OK
I am
Not OK
You’re
Not OK
Assertive
PassivePassive/
...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Learning Objectives
What is
Assertiveness
The Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior P...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Evaluating Yourself
Assertiveness Test
.
1. Can you express negative feelings about other peo...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Evaluating Yourself
Assertiveness Test
.
5. Can you accept criticism without being defensive?...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Evaluating Yourself
Assertiveness Test
.
9. Can you comfortably start and carry on a conversa...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Evaluating Yourself
Non Assertiveness Test
.
1. Do you buy things you do not want because you...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Evaluating Yourself
Non Assertiveness Test
.
5. Do you often text or email someone about a co...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Evaluating Yourself
Assertiveness Test
.
9. Do you feel dependant when asking for help from
o...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Know Your Basic Rights
To Assert
Copyright © 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. All
www.managementstudyguide.com
Learning Objectives
What is
Assertiveness
The Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior P...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Skills for Assertiveness
Affirmations Techniques
Copyright © 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Liberation Cycle of
Assertiveness
Assertiveness
Cycle
POSITIVE AFFIRMATION
'I am assertive’
P...
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Positive
affirmations
give hope
Gain self-
confidence
Become your
own person
Cast off the
lim...
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Affirmations for Work
I am a competent and confident person
I am an attractive and interestin...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Affirmations for Life
I am what I am
I am at one with myself and my world
I respect myself an...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Skills for Assertiveness
1Driving Force 1
DESC (Describe, Express,
Specify, Clarify)
Broken r...
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S
DESC
Describe the actions
or behaviour that you
see as taking place
Express why that
behavi...
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Broken Record
Broken Record
1. Repeat yourself again and
again and again, until the person
gi...
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Broken record
EXAMPLE
You: ‘The program was not up to standard,
and we did not cover all the ...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Fogging
Fogging
1. Fogging is useful when
someone is putting pressure
on you to do something
...
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Negative Enquiry
Negative
Enquiry
Enquiry is real fun.
You invite extra criticism and/or
exam...
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Negative Assertion
Negative
Assertion
1. When people call us names,
or give us negative label...
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I Statements
I Statements 1. ‘I’ statements are among
the most powerful you can
make, both fo...
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● ‘I get the impression you are not
interested’
● ‘I have the feeling you don’t want my
ideas...
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Interpretation:
‘I think you are
trying to do as
little as possible
without me’
Future
Action...
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Disagreeing Gracefully
Disagreeing
Gracefully
1. Occasionally there will
be disagreements
2. ...
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•This is simply saying ‘YES’. It might
sound strange saying this when you
are
•disagreeing. B...
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Disagreeing Gracefully
Disagreeing
Gracefully
Affirmative 1. ‘Yes’
Softening 2. ‘I can quite ...
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Learning Objectives
What is
Assertiveness
The Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior P...
www.managementstudyguide.com
The Art of Saying “ NO”
Say
”NO”
Passive NO – accompanied by
weak excuses and
rationalization...
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“Neither Nice Nor Nasty”
Do I really want this or am I pleasing someone else?
What is the ben...
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Four Steps To Saying “No”
.
Listen to the request - Make sure you understand the request
comp...
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Do Not Feel
shy. Most
people hesitate
to say NO.
Start your
sentence with
a NO
Use an
empathe...
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Body language while saying NO
Shake your
head “no”
when you
say NO.
Never smile
when saying
N...
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Other Assertive Words
“Thank You” ‘Thank you’ is an interesting
phrase. We are brought up
to ...
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Other Assertive Words
“If”
The conjunction ‘if’ is exceptionally
powerful when you want to ma...
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Other Assertive Words
”When”
This is another conjunction which is the
same as `if’ when you m...
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Learning Objectives
What is
Assertiveness
The Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior P...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Genuine
Assertive,
Non
Aggressiv
e
Well
Thought
out
Fact
based
Respectful
Assertiveness Skill...
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Non Verbal Aspects of
Assertiveness
Eye Contact
-Passive uses
very little
-Aggressive
never d...
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Non Verbal Assertiveness
Gestures:
Notice these Gestures while interacting
Hands on hips: Agg...
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Verbal Assertive
Communication
Restatement:
Say back to the pother
person what you have
heard...
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Elements of Assertive
Communication
Soft
Assertion
This is a kind of
statement that does
not ...
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Accepting responsibility by
Negative Assertion
A negative assertion is essentially accepting ...
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Learning Objectives
What is
Assertiveness
The Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior P...
www.managementstudyguide.com
Step 1: Maintain Record
•Maintain a log of all your
affirmations, goals,
ambitions, rights,
a...
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Be
Assertive
Copyright © 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. All
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Assertiveness skills

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Assertiveness skills

  1. 1. www.managementstudyguide.com Assertiveness Skills Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  2. 2. www.managementstudyguide.com Learning Objectives What is Assertiveness The Need for Assertiveness Understanding Behavior Patterns Self Evaluation Skills for Assertiveness Art of Saying “NO” Assertiveness for Effective Communication Action Plan for a New Assertive You Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  3. 3. www.managementstudyguide.com You can not fix the whole world but you can help a small part of it You can assert yourself in an area worthwhile to you Assertiveness - The Middle Ground between being a Bully and a Doormat Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  4. 4. www.managementstudyguide.com What is Assertiveness ? Confirming confidently, positively. To defend one’s rights or opinions, sometimes with unnecessary zeal….. Chambers Dictionary Expressing opinions or desires strongly and with confidence so that people take notice..…. Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  5. 5. www.managementstudyguide.com What is Assertiveness ? An honest, direct, and appropriate expression of one's feelings, thoughts, and beliefs Assertiveness is the ability to communicate your needs, feelings, opinions, and beliefs in an open and honest manner without violating the rights of others Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  6. 6. www.managementstudyguide.com Assertiveness is NOT… A guaranteed way to win every argument A guaranteed Way to get what you want A way to get others to feel like you feel or think like you think Telling everyone everything all the time Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  7. 7. www.managementstudyguide.com Assertiveness involves Saying "yes" when you want to, and saying "no“ when you mean "no“ (rather than agreeing to do something just to please someone else) Deciding on, and sticking to, clear boundaries – being happy to defend your position, even if it provokes conflict and being confident about handling conflict if it occurs Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  8. 8. www.managementstudyguide.com Assertiveness involves Understanding how to negotiate if two people want different outcomes Understanding how to negotiate if two people want different outcomes Understanding how to negotiate if two people want different outcomes Having a positive, optimistic outlook Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  9. 9. www.managementstudyguide.com What Assertiveness does not Involve Assertiveness is not aggressiveness or selfishness Being assertive does not involve humiliating or abusing other people Being assertive does not mean violating the Rights of others Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  10. 10. www.managementstudyguide.com Learning Objectives What is Assertiveness The Need for Assertiveness Understanding Behavior Patterns Self Evaluation Skills for Assertiveness Art of Saying “NO” Assertiveness for Effective Communication Action Plan for a New Assertive You Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  11. 11. www.managementstudyguide.com The Need for Assertiveness The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” ~Anthony Robbins Relationships slowly disintegrate, one failed or missing conversation at a time.” ~Susan Scott …the meek do not inherit the Earth, they serve those who are self-confident and self-assertive. ~Dean Koontz Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  12. 12. www.managementstudyguide.com Need for Assertiveness Lack of assertiveness leads to Depression: feeling helpless with no control over your life Resentment: anger at others for taking advantage of you Frustration: why did I let that happen Temper: if you can't express anger appropriately it can build up to temper outbursts Anxiety: you may avoid certain situations which make you feel uncomfortable Relationships: when individuals can't tell each other what they want Stress: stress can have a negative impact on the body Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  13. 13. www.managementstudyguide.com Benefits of Being Assertive Propels your career Helps have better relations with others Reduces stress Minimizes any unpleasantness Makes you feel better about yourself Vaults you into leadership position Able to adapt to changing social and professional environments Freedom from guilt conscience as you know that you are right Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  14. 14. www.managementstudyguide.com Learning Objectives What is Assertiveness The Need for Assertiveness Understanding Behavior Patterns Self Evaluation Skills for Assertiveness Art of Saying “NO” Assertiveness for Effective Communication Action Plan for a New Assertive You Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  15. 15. www.managementstudyguide.com Understanding Behavior Patterns Passive/ Submissive Aggressive Assertive 3 Basic Types Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  16. 16. www.managementstudyguide.com Passive Behavior Symptoms Passive Reluctant to express own opinions, and feelings Often feels used by others Refrains from complaining Finds it difficult to refuse the requests of others Acquiesces in the views and desires of the majority Is submissive in the presence of aggressive behavior Frequently makes compromises for harmony Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  17. 17. www.managementstudyguide.com Passive Behavior Reasons Fear of rejection Fear of upsetting others Feeling responsible Inappropriate inner voices Passive Reasons Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  18. 18. www.managementstudyguide.com Aggressive Behavior Symptoms Aggressive Frequently argues with others Frequently gets angry Easily and frequently finds fault with others No difficulty in complaining when receiving poor quality Expects others to accommodate own schedules Continually works to personal agendas at others expense Rarely feels aware of the needs or feelings of others Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  19. 19. www.managementstudyguide.com Aggressive Behavior Reasons Disregard the needs of others Think as superior beings Childhood emotional trauma Over-correction of being too passive Aggressive Reasons Satisfying their own needs Inappropriate dealing with anger Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  20. 20. www.managementstudyguide.com assertive Able to express desires and feelings Able to converse and work well with people Able to disagree with others respectfully Aware of the needs and desires of others Able to make concessions to others Able to express a concern or a need Able to refuse a request without feeling guilty Assertive Behavior Symptoms Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  21. 21. www.managementstudyguide.com Comparison Passive Assertive Aggressive Style Not expressing needs Self-devaluing Waiting to be led Honest, open, direct Recognises own rights Listens to others’ needs Domineering, insisting Win / lose Not listening Non-verbal behaviour Small posture Quiet, hesitant voice Little eye contact Upright, balanced pose Firm, clear voice Steady eye contact Interrupting Loud Staring, pointing Language Sorry to bother you … I can’t seem to … It’s only my opinion I believe/need/I’d like No (when appropriate) Open questions That won’t work You can’t be serious Your problem / fault Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  22. 22. www.managementstudyguide.com Transactional Analysis I am OK You’re OK I am Not OK You’re Not OK Assertive PassivePassive/ Aggressive Aggressive Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  23. 23. www.managementstudyguide.com Learning Objectives What is Assertiveness The Need for Assertiveness Understanding Behavior Patterns Self Evaluation Skills for Assertiveness Art of Saying “NO” Assertiveness for Effective Communication Action Plan for a New Assertive You Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  24. 24. www.managementstudyguide.com Evaluating Yourself Assertiveness Test . 1. Can you express negative feelings about other people and their behaviors without using abusive language? 2. Are you able to exercise and express your strengths? 3. Can you easily recognize and compliment other people’s achievements? 4. Do you have the confidence to ask for what is rightfully yours? Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  25. 25. www.managementstudyguide.com Evaluating Yourself Assertiveness Test . 5. Can you accept criticism without being defensive? 6. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? 7. Are you able to stand up for your rights? 8. Are you able to refuse unreasonable requests from friends, family, or co-workers? Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  26. 26. www.managementstudyguide.com Evaluating Yourself Assertiveness Test . 9. Can you comfortably start and carry on a conversation with others? 10. Do you ask for assistance when you need it ? If your answer is YES to all 10 questions, then You are already practicing Assertiveness Skils. More than 3 NO s for these 10 questions indicates a need to understand and acquire Assertiveness SkillsCopyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  27. 27. www.managementstudyguide.com Evaluating Yourself Non Assertiveness Test . 1. Do you buy things you do not want because you are afraid to say no to the salesperson? 2. When you do not understand the meaning of a word, do you ask about it? 3. Do you feel responsible when things go wrong, even if it is not your fault? 4. Do you look directly at others when you talk to them? Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  28. 28. www.managementstudyguide.com Evaluating Yourself Non Assertiveness Test . 5. Do you often text or email someone about a conflict instead of talking to them face to face? 6. Do you feel intimidated by people in authority? 7. Do you generally have a poor and clumsy posture? 8. Do you often feel so angry you could scream? Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  29. 29. www.managementstudyguide.com Evaluating Yourself Assertiveness Test . 9. Do you feel dependant when asking for help from others? 10. If someone cuts in front of you in line, do you usually tell them off? If your answer is YES to more than 5 of these questions, then your Assertiveness quotient is low. Your behavior pattern may be tending towards passive/ submissive or purely Aggressive.Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  30. 30. www.managementstudyguide.com Know Your Basic Rights To Assert Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  31. 31. www.managementstudyguide.com Learning Objectives What is Assertiveness The Need for Assertiveness Understanding Behavior Patterns Self Evaluation Skills for Assertiveness Art of Saying “NO” Assertiveness for Effective Communication Action Plan for a New Assertive You Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  32. 32. www.managementstudyguide.com Skills for Assertiveness Affirmations Techniques Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  33. 33. www.managementstudyguide.com Liberation Cycle of Assertiveness Assertiveness Cycle POSITIVE AFFIRMATION 'I am assertive’ POSITIVE EXPECTATIONS 'I am persuasive when necessary' ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR 'I can understand your view but my position is .....' POSITIVE RESULTS 'I have been assertive' Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  34. 34. www.managementstudyguide.com Positive affirmations give hope Gain self- confidence Become your own person Cast off the limitations Better for our mental well-being Power of Affirmations Improve our inner voices Use Positive Affirmations Regularly Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  35. 35. www.managementstudyguide.com Affirmations for Work I am a competent and confident person I am an attractive and interesting person People listen to what I have to say At meetings I make a significant contribution I am independent of the approval of others I can always find opportunities in situations of change I am creating my desired future Some of these affirmations may appeal, others may not. Develop a set for yourself Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  36. 36. www.managementstudyguide.com Affirmations for Life I am what I am I am at one with myself and my world I respect myself and all living things In loving myself I love others I am continually developing towards my inner self In giving I achieve more I am open to the opportunities this day brings Some of these affirmations may appeal, others may not. Develop a set for yourself Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  37. 37. www.managementstudyguide.com Skills for Assertiveness 1Driving Force 1 DESC (Describe, Express, Specify, Clarify) Broken record Fogging Negative inquiry Negative assertion I statements Disagreeing gracefully Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  38. 38. www.managementstudyguide.com S DESC Describe the actions or behaviour that you see as taking place Express why that behaviour is an issue Specify the resulting actions or change of behaviour you would like to effect Clarify the consequences for failing to change behaviour or meet demands E D C C Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  39. 39. www.managementstudyguide.com Broken Record Broken Record 1. Repeat yourself again and again and again, until the person gives in or concedes to your demands. 2. Most people capitulate after you repeat yourself three times. Broken record is particularly useful when: •Dealing with those in authority •You are not getting what you are entitled to •Dealing with people brighter or more fluent than you •The other person is likely to use put-downs Because you just have to repeat yourself, broken record is really easy to use. Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  40. 40. www.managementstudyguide.com Broken record EXAMPLE You: ‘The program was not up to standard, and we did not cover all the elements said in the brochure so I want a refund.’ Reply: ‘Other people have not complained, in fact some of the evaluations are excellent.’ You: ‘They might be, but I want a refund because the work was not up to standard.’ Reply: ‘In my opinion as a course tutor the course was up to standard.’ You: ‘I can appreciate that is your opinion but I want a refund.’ Reply: ‘It is not our policy to give refunds.’ You: ‘That may be your policy but I want a refund.’ Broken Record Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  41. 41. www.managementstudyguide.com Fogging Fogging 1. Fogging is useful when someone is putting pressure on you to do something 2. Thus your response to the request is to put up a fog Listen to what the person says, and decide whether or not you wish to comply. If not, then using their words, or similar, acknowledge their need but state your case. This method is a very polite method of saying ‘No’. Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  42. 42. www.managementstudyguide.com Negative Enquiry Negative Enquiry Enquiry is real fun. You invite extra criticism and/or examples so that you have the benefit of additional feedback. ACCUSATION • ‘You’re lazy’ • ‘You’re always late’ • ‘You’re stupid’ • ‘You’re selfish’ REPLY • ‘Oh really, in what way?’ • ‘Always? How do you know that for a fact?’ • ‘My understanding may be different from yours, what exactly do you mean by that?’ • ‘Can you explain why this particular instance has caused you to brand me with such a label?’ Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  43. 43. www.managementstudyguide.com Negative Assertion Negative Assertion 1. When people call us names, or give us negative labels, we usually wish to defend ourselves 2. Aggressive or manipulative people who do this to us soon find our weak spots. 3. Negative assertion is like jujitsu where you use the power of your protagonist to turn the situation to your advantage 4. No one is perfect, so in negative assertion All you do is accept the part of the that is true, in a matter of fact way Look at the examples: ‘If you think that, you must be stupid’ You: ‘I admit I’m not the brightest person around’ ‘And you are always making mistakes’ You: ‘Yes, I do make mistakes occasionally’ Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  44. 44. www.managementstudyguide.com I Statements I Statements 1. ‘I’ statements are among the most powerful you can make, both for yourself and others 2. In ‘I’ statements you are affirming who you are and what you want. ‘I’ statements can be used in a variety of ways: ● Situation ● Interpretation and understanding ● Feelings and emotions ● Wants and needs ● Future actions Using them is the hallmark of assertivenessCopyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  45. 45. www.managementstudyguide.com ● ‘I get the impression you are not interested’ ● ‘I have the feeling you don’t want my ideas’ ● ‘I think you are ignoring me’ These statements are powerful because you’re describing your interpretation of a situation, not just the situation itself. •‘I have been asked to work late three times this week’ ● ‘I see that I have been passed over for promotion again’ ● ‘I notice that you have not spoken to me for three days’ Situation statements are powerful because they are factual and, as an observation on your part, they are non-negotiable. ● ‘I want you to pay attention’ ● ‘I want your full co-operation’ ● ‘I want you to be on time’ The strength of these statements is that they let the other person know your exact position and what you expect. ● ‘I feel betrayed’ ● ‘I feel taken advantage of’ ● ‘I feel angry, disappointed, cross, annoyed’ This is not about feelings, but really a way to express your opinion more strongly. Again, these statements are powerful because they are non- negotiable or irrefutable. ● ‘I want you to pay attention’ ● ‘I want your full co-operation’ ● ‘I want you to be on time’ The strength of these statements is that they let the other person know your exact position and what you expect. I Statements Interpretation and understanding Situation Feelings and emotions Wants and needs I Future Actions Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  46. 46. www.managementstudyguide.com Interpretation: ‘I think you are trying to do as little as possible without me’ Future Action: ‘I am going to report you if you do this again’ Want: ‘So I want you to do what I ask even if I’m not there to supervise you’ Feelings: ‘I feel disappointed and annoyed that I have to repeat myself’ I statements Situation: ‘I see that this is the third time you have not done as I requested’ Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  47. 47. www.managementstudyguide.com Disagreeing Gracefully Disagreeing Gracefully 1. Occasionally there will be disagreements 2. Acquiescing or, the opposite, attacking, are not constructive responses. Following a simple step-by-step process will help you put your case without getting emotional, losing your integrity or losing your respect for the other person. The Process 1. Affirmative Statement 2. Softening Statement 3. Indicate Process 4. State Reasons 5. Disagree 6. Offer a compromise* •The compromise is optional and it is for you to decide whether or not to make a concession.Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  48. 48. www.managementstudyguide.com •This is simply saying ‘YES’. It might sound strange saying this when you are •disagreeing. But if you say ‘NO’ the other person immediately goes into argument mode •and is less likely to listen. You are using ‘yes’ to prepare them for what you are going to •say, not to indicate that you agree with them. Most people’s views are influenced by their background, experience or profession. You can show that you recognize this within the context of a softening statement. Here are some examples:- ● ‘As an engineer I can understand why you take such a position’ ● ‘As someone much older than myself, with different values, I can understand where you come from’ This explains to the person the process you will use to outline your position or your reasons for the stance that you have taken. Here are some examples: ● ‘If I may, I would like to say something about that ...’ ● ‘Let me give you my reasons’ Here you simply give the reasons or justification for your position. This can either be done in a straightforward way, or you can give a balanced view of pros and cons, explaining why you have come down on the side that you have. Do not apologize or use tentative language here. Use the strongest language that you can, remembering to accompany what you have said with appropriate body language. Here are some examples: ● ‘So I cannot agree with you’ ● ‘So I must disagree’ ● ‘So I think you are mistaken’ The two letters of the adverb Disagreeing Gracefully The Softening Statement Affirmative Statement Indicate Process State Reasons Disagree Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  49. 49. www.managementstudyguide.com Disagreeing Gracefully Disagreeing Gracefully Affirmative 1. ‘Yes’ Softening 2. ‘I can quite understand why you would like me to stay in and keep you company as I have done the last three Saturdays’ Indicate 3. ‘Let me explain why tonight is so important to me’ State 4. ‘I particularly want to see this production of Macbeth because it has had excellent reviews and if I don’t see it tonight I will miss it’ Disagree 5. ‘So I have decided that I am going to go out’ Compromise 6. ‘But I am more than happy to keep you company tomorrow.’ EXAMPLES Position: ‘I don’t think you should go out tonight’ Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  50. 50. www.managementstudyguide.com Learning Objectives What is Assertiveness The Need for Assertiveness Understanding Behavior Patterns Self Evaluation Skills for Assertiveness Art of Saying “NO” Assertiveness for Effective Communication Action Plan for a New Assertive You Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  51. 51. www.managementstudyguide.com The Art of Saying “ NO” Say ”NO” Passive NO – accompanied by weak excuses and rationalizations. Aggressive NO - Done with contempt Assertive NO - is simple and direct Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  52. 52. www.managementstudyguide.com “Neither Nice Nor Nasty” Do I really want this or am I pleasing someone else? What is the benefit to me of saying ‘yes’? If I do it will I enjoy it? Do I have to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ right now? Do I need more information before I make my decision? Do I want an alternative? What is the cost of saying ‘no’? Checklist for when you want to say `NO’: Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  53. 53. www.managementstudyguide.com Four Steps To Saying “No” . Listen to the request - Make sure you understand the request completely before coming to a hasty conclusion. Clarify if needed. Say no immediately - You do not need to justify your decision. If you start doing so, you will prolong the conversation unnecessarily. Give a reason for your refusal – Without giving a reason, you may come off as uncooperative or hostile. A clear and honest reason. Offer to find an alternative – Let the other party know that you will try to help them but you are unable to perform the entire request.Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  54. 54. www.managementstudyguide.com Do Not Feel shy. Most people hesitate to say NO. Start your sentence with a NO Use an empathetic response. Ask time to “ Think it over” Stay resolved not let being pushed over. Practical Tips for Saying “ NO” Never say Yes when you want to say else you will resent and repent what you agreed to do. Just Say NO When You Want TO… Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  55. 55. www.managementstudyguide.com Body language while saying NO Shake your head “no” when you say NO. Never smile when saying NO, it weakens the message. Avoid nods and Aha s when about to say NO. Stand up if other person is up to make level eye contact while saying NO. Preempt your NO when you sense unjustified burden is heading your way. Practical Tips for everyone Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  56. 56. www.managementstudyguide.com Other Assertive Words “Thank You” ‘Thank you’ is an interesting phrase. We are brought up to say ‘please’ when we want something. But, if we say ‘please’ we are asking the person for something. .The ‘thank you’ becomes assumptive. In other words you assume that what you ask for will be done or given. Judicial use of ‘thank you’ can be exceptionally powerful. • ‘I would like to be quiet now. Thank you.’ • ‘I would like you to help me. Thank you.’ • ‘I want you to pay attention. Thank you.’ Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  57. 57. www.managementstudyguide.com Other Assertive Words “If” The conjunction ‘if’ is exceptionally powerful when you want to make a concession or give something away. The ‘if’ acts as a piece of elastic with which you can pull back the concession, if you don’t get what you want. In life most of us let people have the ‘pudding’ first, hoping that they will do the decent thing and give us what we want. If only life was that simple! ● ‘If you do this then I will ...’ ● ‘If you work harder I will ...’ ● ‘If you co-operate you can have ...’ Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  58. 58. www.managementstudyguide.com Other Assertive Words ”When” This is another conjunction which is the same as `if’ when you make it conditional. It has the same power: ● ‘When you ...’ ● ‘When the work has been completed ...’ ● ‘When you stop making accusations ...’ Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  59. 59. www.managementstudyguide.com Learning Objectives What is Assertiveness The Need for Assertiveness Understanding Behavior Patterns Self Evaluation Skills for Assertiveness Art of Saying “NO” Assertiveness for Effective Communication Action Plan for a New Assertive You Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  60. 60. www.managementstudyguide.com Genuine Assertive, Non Aggressiv e Well Thought out Fact based Respectful Assertiveness Skills for Better Communication Elements of Effective Communication Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  61. 61. www.managementstudyguide.com Non Verbal Aspects of Assertiveness Eye Contact -Passive uses very little -Aggressive never drops eye contact -Assertive person uses about 50 % of the time Voice Tone -Non Assertive : Too Soft, Hard to hear -Aggressive: Too Loud -Assertive: effective tone modulation Posture -Passive: Fold in themselves and make small fidgets. -Aggressive: Confront and stand up. Assertive: Stand up tall straight. Position and Space -Respect keeping on the same level. -Sit down if the other is. -Stand up when the other is. -keep arms distance Facial Expression -Face should reflect the emotion being expressed. -“I am Angry” needs serious expression. “Delighted” needs a happy expression Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  62. 62. www.managementstudyguide.com Non Verbal Assertiveness Gestures: Notice these Gestures while interacting Hands on hips: Aggressive Nodding head : Yes Pointing with a pen in a aggressive gesture Pointing with a pen in a aggressive gesture Clinching fist Shaking Head : NO Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  63. 63. www.managementstudyguide.com Verbal Assertive Communication Restatement: Say back to the pother person what you have heard him or her say. Reflection: Indicate what you both saw, heard and interpreted when the other person spoke. Clarification: Ask the speaker to be more definitive about a point or to clear up an assumption that you are making or a conclusion that you are drawing. Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  64. 64. www.managementstudyguide.com Elements of Assertive Communication Soft Assertion This is a kind of statement that does not require anything of the listener. - A T-Shirt with “Save Whales” written on it does not demand any action from you but lets you know the stand of the person wearing it. Basic Assertion This is more of a simple statement conveying what you want out of a situation. Simplicity remains the key to this kind of assertion. -“ I don’t want to go to the movie this weekend” Empathetic Assertion This is the most effective type of assertion one can make. It tries to imagine how the other person may feel. - “I Know that you may be feeling frustrated with so many attempts, but I just don’t want to leave any stone unturned.” Escalating Assertion This kind of assertion has a specific consequence attached to it. - “If you get this proposal accepted I’ll see to it that you get a hike in the forthcoming review.” Confrontive Assertion This is a type of statement which is made when a mutual agreement has been violated. -“We had decided to complete the quarterly reports by Friday cease work. Since that has not happened so far we will have to work over the weekend” Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  65. 65. www.managementstudyguide.com Accepting responsibility by Negative Assertion A negative assertion is essentially accepting the responsibility of a mistake that has been committed. When George Washington said “I’m sorry Dad, I chopped down the cherry tree.” it was a case of negative assertion. When it is difficult For people to say ”I’m Sorry” they avoid negative assertion in a manner that hurts others feelings. -“I’m Sorry you felt that way but I had to…..” Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  66. 66. www.managementstudyguide.com Learning Objectives What is Assertiveness The Need for Assertiveness Understanding Behavior Patterns Self Evaluation Skills for Assertiveness Art of Saying “NO” Assertiveness for Effective Communication Action Plan for a New Assertive You Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  67. 67. www.managementstudyguide.com Step 1: Maintain Record •Maintain a log of all your affirmations, goals, ambitions, rights, achievements etc •Read and update this record regularly. Step 2 : Inspiration form Idols •Read up on all your heroes & idols. •Make a list of values, affirmations and attitudes to inspire you to follow. Step 4: Look back •At the end of each day look back. •Analyze the various aspects. •Practice and rehearse on the new responses. Step 5: Meet Problems Upfront •Confront particular situations, persons whenever possible. •You will sharpen your assertiveness skills and in turn build up confidence. Step 6: Compliment often •List people who matter and think 3 good things for each. -Compliment at least 3 people everyday.. -Make use of ‘I’ statements Step 7: Get a Guru •Find out one person whom you really admire and request his mentorship. •Discuss your goals, ambitions, objectives and problems with your Guru. Step 8 : Gather Feedback •Make a list of people whom you trust and ask their frank and correct feedback. •Ask about your strengths, confidence, assertiveness. •Work on them seriously. Step 10 : Be at It •Remember to practice your assertiveness skills on all occasions. •Continual practice will help gain confidence faster. Step 3: Note to Analyze •Think what you want. •Script out what to say. •Learn your script. •Practice your script verbally. •Practice your script with appropriate body language. 10 Step Action Plan Step 9 : Boost Confidence •Make efforts to boost self esteem by adopting image enhancement measures. •Work out to get in shape, take care in your dressings and personality traits. Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All
  68. 68. www.managementstudyguide.com Be Assertive Copyright © 2008 - 2012 managementstudyguide.com. All

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